Doing Divorce Different with Lesa Koski

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Our guest Linda Lingo wanted listeners to remember to assemble a fantastic support team behind them while going through a divorce. This can include a therapist, financial coach, and trusted mediator so you don’t feel like you are navigating the divorce on your own. When you have people behind you who are experts in their field, you’ll feel supported to make the right decisions. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes; new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Linda Lingo’s Website

Your Gray Divorce, 6 Critical Financial Steps to Go from Surviving Your Divorce to Thriving in Your New Life.

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Mentioned in this episode:

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Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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Today we are joined for a second time by financial coach and CPA Linda Lingo. Linda is here to talk about grey divorce. She provides some wonderful tips about navigating grey divorce, things to consider with retirement, pension, and spousal maintenance, as well as the importance of having a solid team behind you. We also touch on the increase in the grey divorce age range and why that may be. Tune in today to gather some great insight about managing a grey divorce. 

In this episode:

[00:50] Linda provides an overview of her background. [6:13] What is a grey divorce? [7:57] What is causing a higher divorce rate with 65+? [9:01] Why are women 2x more likely to file for divorce than men? [12:07] Linda gives advice about going through a grey divorce from her personal experience as well as working with clients. [13:50] How does spousal maintenance work post-retirement? [20:36] How does someone approach pension in divorce? [22:13] If there is alimony or spousal support for a set number of years, why should you get a life insurance policy?

Key Takeaways: 

1 in 10 people getting divorced now are 65 and over. When dividing the assets up, it’s important to remember that retirement/401K are pre-tax; if you are balancing it with something that is post-tax, they are not equal. If you are getting spousal support or alimony, the person paying the support should get a life insurance policy for that set amount of time so that should anything happen, they still get their money. The person who receives the support needs to be listed as the beneficiary/owner of the policy.  

Quotes: 

“It's a term that refers to adults 50 and older going through a divorce. Typically it's a longer-lasting marriage that they are now getting divorced.” - Linda Lingo 

“I think women are now realizing that there is life after marriage.” - Linda Lingo

“The number one mistake I see women making is wanting to keep the family home, and it's usually for sentimental reasons. You have to take out a pretty large home equity line of credit or loan against the property in order to pay him for his half of the house, and then all the sudden you have a mortgage. And then the question is, do you need this big house? I mean, who needs a four-bedroom house if it's just you?” - Linda Lingo

Guest Bio: 

I started this business to provide tools and resources that help women gain clarity and confidence in their finances so they can move forward with their lives.

I want to empower women with smart money strategies so they can create a stress-free approach to money.

With over 30 years of experience in the financial industry, I have accumulated the knowledge and skill to understand your financial needs. More importantly, I have experienced most of these life events, thus giving me a first-hand understanding of what you are going through.

With my compassion and guidance, I will provide the right tools needed to make wealth a part of your everyday vocabulary.

Resources: 

Linda Lingo’s Website

Your Gray Divorce, 6 Critical Financial Steps to Go from Surviving Your Divorce to Thriving in Your New Life.

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Meghan shares how vital it is to have an accurate assessment of the reality of your goals. Knowing the truth of your reality also gives you a way to move closer to your vision even though you can’t have the full expression of it. Talk about your realistic goals in a way that isn't depriving you of your vision. Also, ensure that you are working with someone who can share legal information about what is possible. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources:

Freed Marcroft Website

Lesa Koski Online Courses

Lesa Koski Resources

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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I am joined by Meghan Freed, Managing Co-Partner of Freed Marcroft, a law firm in CT. Meghan shares her experience with the different types of legal support available to couples seeking divorce. She discusses the many benefits of mediation and the opportunities that come along with pursuing a partnership through a divorce. Meghan gives some wonderful mindset shifts during this episode, so tune in or share the episode with someone who could benefit from viewing divorce in a more empowering way. 

In this episode:

[1:50] What brought Meghan to family law? [7:05] Meghan describes her law firm and the services she provides in CT? [10:57] What are the benefits of mediation? [14:04] Different definitions of divorce - it’s not always bad. [19:45] What is it like to be in divorce practice with her spouse?

Key Takeaways: 

Benefits of mediation: privacy, flexibility around unpredictable schedules, beneficial for children if both parents can agree, powerful to look back on the divorce in the future and see positives, can be cost-effective, you can be creative in designing things how you want them. Mediation is about acknowledging the situation around us. We control how we handle the circumstance, which is where you take back the power of the situation. Focus on how you can respond but not react to circumstances.

Quotes: 

“A mediation takes both people agreeing to opt into it. Even though we often have clients who are interested in it themselves, if their spouse doesn't come around to it, we just give them the best litigative support we can.” - Meghan Freed 

“The life change can be incredibly transformative. It is an opportunity for both the leaning-in spouse, the person who wants to stay in the relationship, and the leaning-out space. It's not just transformative for the person who wants to leave the marriage; it can be really transformative for the person who doesn’t want it.” - Meghan Freed

Bio:

Meghan is Managing Co-Partner of Freed Marcroft, a Connecticut law firm that devotes its practice exclusively to divorce and family law.

Meghan is experienced with alternative dispute resolution, including arbitration and mediation; she is a graduate of Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation and has supplemented her formal legal education with advanced training in mediation. She is a member of the Connecticut Council for Non-Adversarial Divorce.

Meghan is particularly proud of her practice within the LGBT community. Her name appears in the Connecticut Supreme Court’s groundbreaking decision on marriage equality, Kerrigan v. Commissioner of Public Health, for which she co-authored an amicus curiae brief on behalf of the Human Rights Campaign. She has appeared on WNPR’s Colin McEnroe Show speaking about the state of divorce – same sex or otherwise, WNPR’s Where We Live, discussing the impact of the United States Supreme Court’s decisions in the same sex marriage cases, United States v. Windsor and Hollingsworth v. Perry, and on Lite 100.5 FM WRCH discussing the impact of divorce on clients’ emotional health. She is a founding executive board member of the Connecticut Bar Association’s LGBT Section and previously served as its Chair. In 2015 she was named one of the National LGBT Bar Association‘s Best LGBT Lawyers Under 40.

Resources: 

Freed Marcroft Website

Lesa Koski Website  

Lesa’s Online Courses 

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. During this week's episode, Tami reminded those going through a divorce to stop and breathe, gather the information, and not rush to get to the settlement. This is the rest of your life that we’re talking about, your next chapter. Surround yourself with professionals, and that’ll help you get through it. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Book a Meeting with Tami

Take or Leave The House Website

Tami Wollensak Facebook 

Tami Wollensak LinkedIn

Tami Wollensak Instagram

Lesa Koski Website  

Lesa’s Online Courses 

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses.Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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In today’s episode, Certified Divorce Lending Professional Tami Wollensak joins us to discuss how to handle the family home during a divorce. Tami talks about the difference between a certified divorce lending professional and a typical mortgage lender. She gives some excellent tips about budgeting and details to look at if you want to keep the family home after a divorce. There are several things that we don’t think of when looking at affordability, which she ran into during her divorce. Tune in today to gather information to help the mortgage division go smoother during your divorce.

In this episode:

[1:10] Tami's story. [3:50] Would Tami have done anything different with her home when she got divorced? [5:15] What planning tips does Tami have for people going through a divorce regarding their home and budgeting? [8:47] Can a stay-at-home parent still qualify to keep their family home? [9:30] What is the 6-36 Rule? [12:28] Should someone reach out to a mortgage lender like Tami at the start of a divorce? [14:15] What loan options do people have when buying out an ex-spouse? [17:55] How is a certified divorce lending professional different from a typical mortgage lender? 

Key Takeaways: 

If you are happy, your kids will be happy too. If you are less stressed, it’ll reflect on your parenting and the energy in the household. Get honest with yourself about what budgeting will look like post-divorce. Not just if the mortgage will be affordable, but think about your lifestyle, what you are willing to adjust for yourself and your children, and plan using a realistic budget. You’ll likely have to take a higher interest rate when taking over the mortgage, but remember that you will not be stuck with that mortgage forever. If rates drop in the future, you can refinance. 

Quotes: 

“So many of my clients and listeners want to keep the house because they think it's so important for their kids. It's so important for my kids that they stay in their home. Yes, it's nice, but if it's something you aren't going to be able to afford and you want to keep them doing the things they love to do, it's something to consider.” - Lesa Koski

“Take into consideration all the things, not just the month-to-month bills, but all the other things that are going to come into play with your lifestyle.” - Tami Wollensak

Guest Bio: 

Tami Wollensak is a licensed mortgage loan originator and a 25+ year veteran of the industry; she has experience working in multiple roles and facets of the industry. She has discovered her true passion in helping divorcing individuals navigate their home equity solutions while going through the most challenging time of their life. Tami has earned the certification as a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®). This specialization provides the ability to identify potential gaps in the agreement that cannot be met during the mortgage process. Tami works with her client’s attorney, mediator, or financial advisor to help guide them through all the options available to ensure a successful outcome regarding the divorcing couple’s real estate. As a Mortgage Loan Originator, Tami’s goal is to educate her clients, take the mystery and anxiety out of the mortgage process, and provide a sense of security and peace to each of them. (NMLS #1963450)

Resources: 

Tami Wollensak, CDLP®

Sr. Mortgage Loan Originator

Certified Divorce Lending Professional

NMLS #1963450

Oak Leaf Community Mortgage is a division of Mutual Federal Bank, Equal Housing Lender, and FDIC insured.

Book a Meeting with Tami

Take or Leave The House Website

Tami Wollensak Facebook 

Tami Wollensak LinkedIn

Tami Wollensak Instagram

Lesa Koski Website  

Lesa’s Online Courses 

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses.Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. If you expect that you’re never going to feel bad and that life will be amazing once you change your mindset, you will be disappointed. These feelings are opportunities; they teach us what we like and don’t like. Learn to use your feelings to change your mindset, and keep practicing! Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources:

Self-Made Mind Over Matter (self-madeu.com) - Coupon Code for 50% off - LESA

Tracy Pleschourt Instagram

Tracy Pleschourt Website

Tracy Pleschourt Facebook

Tracy Pleschourt LinkedIn

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa Koski Online Courses

Lesa Koski Resources

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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Today is our monthly episode with Tracy Pleschourt, founder of Self-Made U. This week; we discuss feelings of shame, blame, guilt, and any other negative feelings we may experience through divorce. Tracy talks with us about the fact that there is no right amount of time to sit with those feelings, but there will come a point when you are ready to move on. She gives a great reminder that we must sit with uncomfortable feelings so then we know what it’s like to feel joy. Tune in today for some great strategies for facing your difficult emotions. 

In this episode:

[5:00] How can we work through difficult feelings like blame, shame, and guilt? [10:25] Can you make the feeling of suffering go away permanently? 

[12:27] What is Tracy’s Mind Over Matter course (coupon code below)? [14:26] How long should you sit with your feelings?

Key Takeaways: 

Without feeling icky, you’ll never know what joy feels like. Let yourself feel those unwanted feelings so that you can prove to yourself that you have the capacity to sit in the negative emotions until you are ready not to anymore. Feelings of suffering will never 100% be eliminated from your life; however, as you learn to work through suffering and the tools to teach you how to look for the opportunities in suffering, you won’t stay in the suffering as long. 

Quotes: 

“I want you to recognize that anything you are feeling is coming from a thought. If you are in pain, the reason why you’re in pain is because you are thinking about something; therefore, the solution lies within you. If what is the matter is a feeling, and your feelings are caused by what it is you are thinking, the solution lies within you.” - Tracy Pleschourt 

“Sometimes you do just need to sit in the feeling.” - Lesa Koski 

Guest Bio: 

Tracy Pleschourt, the Founder of Self-Made U, helps men and women create Self-Made wealth and wellness through life coaching. Tracy has mastered and now teaches the critical skills necessary to manage your mind and overcome any obstacle, including overeating, overdrinking, time management, and career & relationship changes.

Resources: 

Mind Over Matter - 50% OFF Coupon Code: LESA

Teenie Weenie Beanies Song YouTube

Tracy Pleschourt Instagram

Tracy Pleschourt Website

Tracy Pleschourt Facebook

Tracy Pleschourt LinkedIn

Lesa Koski Website  

Lesa’s Online Courses 

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. During this week’s episode, Laurel shared the reminder to breathe through the moment and remember that this is just a point in time. She also wanted listeners to acknowledge that they are in a grief process when going through a divorce. Grief is not linear; we don’t check off each stage and move on to the next. This is a grieving process (even if you wanted out). Have the sensitivity that it is a grieving process; there's nothing wrong with that. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes, new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Laurel Sole’s Website

Laurel Sole’s Instagram

Healing Circle Facebook Group

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa Koski’s Online Courses

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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Today I am joined by Clinical Psychotherapist, Laurel Sole. After going through her own traumatic divorce, Laurel decided to help provide others with the tools and support needed to work through and heal from the trauma. Laurel talks about her divorce and the trauma she experienced before getting married. It is possible to heal and to move forward with your life. Tune in today to hear great tips on working through trauma in the moment. 

In this episode:

[3:19] Laurel shares her experience with divorce trauma. [4:50] Laurel talks about her divorce and what led her to Clinical Psychotherapy.  [8:40] We hear about Laurel's life trauma. [10:30] How is Laurel’s therapy practice different from traditional therapy? [13:48] How do people work with Laurel? [16:17] Laurel provides tips on working through trauma at the moment.

Key Takeaways: 

Remember in the difficult moment that this is just a point in time, and it will pass. You don’t know what will come after this point in time, but it is temporary. Look for the gift or opportunity in the situation. Grief through a divorce is OK; whether you want the divorce or not, you will experience grief. It wasn't just the marriage but the idea in your mind, the items being divided up, and even the co-parenting relationship that your mind has to cope with. If you are going to therapy and it isn’t working for you, or you aren’t getting your needs met, find a different therapist. Laurel highlights working with her clients when they are in a difficult moment or facing trauma, which allows people to learn the tools to get through whatever circumstance they are facing at that time. 

Quotes: 

“There’s so much more than just the ending of a marriage that happens in a divorce. There's a plethora of relationships, experiences, and mutual things you’ve acquired along the way as well, and all of that has a compounded traumatic affect.” - Laurel Sole

“For us to work through trauma, we have to look through neurobiology, and we have to look at attachment, and we need to be looking at how we sort of run energy and regulate energy through our nervous system. We really need to be learning these skills.” - Laurel Sole

Guest Bio: 

I began my graduate work in 2002. I imagined a path of International Social Work. I’ve traveled the world and lived everywhere, and my dreams of working globally were big. However, an unintended pregnancy, single parenting, child custody battles, a second marriage, more children, and some family trauma resulting in the tragic death of my brother informed a very different life path for me. This new path involved a deep and still evolving process of working diligently to understand myself and the choices I’ve made in this lifetime. I needed to understand my patterns and belief systems that kept me cycling in and out of trauma. I was tired of relationship struggles and stagnation that felt never-ending.  I had to come to understand how I could make peace with the sudden unexpected changes life delivers and live a life of deep peace, deep knowing, and secure trust in myself, despite tragedy and encountering the unexpected. I came to this place via my own personal growth journey, and that ultimately is what guided me to what I offer my clients now, Therapeutic Life Coaching.

Resources: 

Laurel Sole’s Website

Laurel Sole’s Instagram

Healing Circle Facebook Group

Lesa Koski Website  

Lesa’s Online Courses

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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