DOPEamine

"No" is one of the first words we learn when we're child yet it becomes the word that is the most difficult to use when we need to as we get older. "No" is used in service of setting boundaries and calibrating ourselves to what we want. "No" is an opportunity to be authentic and connect based on our daily realities. 
But somehow we struggle with "no." Perhaps its our family training after we've no so much then told not to say no. Perhaps it's an array of people pleasing that leads us to say no when we don't mean it. Or perhaps we overvalue our own experience and assume that the weight of our "no" equals that of a thousand suns. 
So what can we do about that? When saying no, have something you're saying yes to. Re-frame that "no" into a yes by adding a win-win moment of value or adding something you can do for them later. We talk about that on today's episode and also share my personal trick of using "I'm good" to say no without the sting of rejection.
http://www.dopeamine.life

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Storytelling is a powerful tool that allows us to connect with others, play with our imagination and tell cautionary tales. And while I'm no expert, even remotely, when it comes to storytelling, I know how powerful it is. 
How often do we put ourselves in other people's shoes? The beauty of story is the opportunity to experience something we have never or may never be able to experience in our lives. And that perspective can give us insight into how we can navigate our personal future. Sharing our story with others allows us to let others in as well and gleam insights from our journeys.
Without the power of perspective it can be very easy for us to create complex narratives for ourselves that continue to create because it makes sense, or lines up with what has happened to us before. But it's important to remember that the next page doesn't have to look like the one before it. We hold the pen that writes the words on each page. We have the opportunity to change where the story is going.
On this episode we talk about story and how it relates to psychological growth. We also talk a bit about The Legend of Zelda and how the mute hero of time creates the opportunity for us to apply perspective into a brave new world.
http://www.dopeamine.life

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I've been dealing with some challenges with my to-do list lately, largely around the concept of it getting way too out of control for me to handle while simultaneously feeling like my value is measured on the emptiness of that to-do list. It's as if the emptiness of the to-do list means I can sit back and be done forever, when, as a freelancer that's never going and isn't supposed to happen. 
So what's really going on there for me? 
Truth is, I'm not being proactive, I'm being reactive and that's why it feels terrible to have a to-do list at all. My tasks are out of control now that I haven't taken the time to make those items a priority sooner. They've moved from not urgent but important to urgent AND important. The latter illicits stop-the-presses sheer panic in every fiber of my being. So my frustration isn't with everything in my to-do list, it's with things that are:
Urgent and important - client deadlines and panic.
Urgent but not important - my panic around money. 
Not urgent and not important - wasting time.
The stuff that is not urgent but important are the things that lead to proactive opportunities and are often the things that we love to do. I'm happy, the client is happy, money comes in and the cycle of reciprocity is in full swing. 
How do we get there? The core concept is choice. There are typically points in our work and personal relationships in which we have choice though we claim to not have any. There was a situation 10 years ago which I could've made a choice to say no in my past relationship but for fear of losing my partner, a situation exacerbate by my complex feelings about my masculinity and nerdom, I felt I didn't have a choice and went along. Truth is, I had a choice and I made a choice. But instead of recognizing that I decided to build resentment, place blame and carried my perceived lack of choice through the relationship until its end. 
In this episode I talk about Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and the concept of being proactive using his 4 quadrant time management model to better prioritize our lives and save ourselves a whole lot of heartbreak in the process. I share my story of what I'm going through today with my business, my to-do list and how that affected my past relationship. I hope you'll join me as we take the ride into proactive land!
http://www.dopeamine.life

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In the entrepreneurial and freelance world there is endless discussion about morning routines and how to get your day started off on the right foot. What are the shortcuts? What's the magic pill? What's the best bang for your buck? And frankly, I think we're approaching it all wrong.
I just finished reading Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and in that book he talks about private victories. A private victory is a personal sense of accomplish before you have to face the day, face other people and take on other people's problems. A private victory consists of time for spiritual, physical and mental practice. A regular every day practice that is yours to not only appreciate who you are, but to appreciate your body and take time to feed your mind.
Every practice is going to look different and be highly individual but the outcome is the same. You take time to connect with who you are, not just what you've become or who you serve. This episode talks about some of my own personal routines and the principles behind Creating a Private Victory.
http://www.dopeamine.life

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Selling art is always a tricky situation. Over and over again I see very similar logic associated with trying to sell art: "The art should sell itself" or "I don't want to be sleazy" or "I don't think my work is worth the cost." These challenges hold every artist back who is already inherently a salesperson if you are already trying to sell your work. Unless you have a salesperson, you ARE the salesperson. So, in this episode, we're going to be discussing how artists can make simple reframes to let go of some of these mindset issues holding us back.
- Contributing to society through capitalism.
- Removing negative associations with politicians and salesmen
- Understanding that good sales is seamless, so you need to look for good examples of it.
Let's break it down on today's episode of DOPEamine!
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Consider Cosmic Calibration at http://www.bit.ly/cosmicintp

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Since I was a kid I've known that I don't want to work for the rest of my life, while at same time, working on projects is very natural to me. So where is that balance? I think it comes in form of mini-retirements. And we can look at mini-retirements a couple of different ways. One is by taking time to be human and managing external pressure, two is by taming our relationship with our phones, and three comes from giving ourselves room to enjoy being a human being. It's not easy to just exist and be a person, and we often associate being rich with appreciating, but I think after this episode we can at least start to think a little more clearly about the time that currently have instead of post-poning our retirement to 65. 

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We're tackling a couple of different concepts on this episode, one of those is the idea of feeling unsafe socially then tying it into Graves 4 safety then connecting that to the notion of community then the idea of competition.
Recently I've been picking up video games again and game have always been a competition and creative outlet for me. I enjoy the feeling of improving myself and in the process end up finding a sense of community. There are large swaths of online communities focused on improving each other. This only works is everyone is at a similar level, however, that's what keep the community together. 
We relate this to Graves-4 in the search for social safety, and sometimes finding that personal sense of safety means being brave.

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The moment we're able to assess our place in the world or attempt to understand our place in society, we have moments where we feel stupid for doing, saying or thinking what we want. Feeling stupid can keep us from fully embodying who we are and what we want to be. Feeling stupid is akin to feeling shame and shame is a powerful blocker our lives that keeps us from expressing what we need to express. Today on the show we're talking about how this idea of "feeling stupid" really manifests, what it is and what we can do about it. Because we need to do something about it or it's going to take over. 

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The 51/49 rule is a very simple concept shaped around the idea of kindness and simply giving a little more than you get. It's not about expectations, it's about giving a little more than what you happen to receive. The concept applies to business, personal relationships and to yourself. If everyone were to follow 51/49 in all of their relationships we'd be a much happier species.  

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Poker has been a consistent force in my life since I was about 19-years-old. I used to join back alley games, basement games, and even games in mansions let alone the lavish casinos of Atlantic City and Las Vegas. I haven't played as much these days but when I dove in, I dove in hard. I learned all of the ins and outs of the game, which has led to an understanding of poker strategy that has since left the felt and has become an aspect of my freelance life. Poker strategy teaches you how to manage your energy, survey the scene, chip away at big goals, respect your neighbor, and take the luck factor into account. There are loads more to break down but this episode talks specifically about those 5 elements and how you can start utilize those into your freelance career starting today.

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