Fariaz's Facebook post hit a nerve with many and drew me in to request a therapy session with actor and comedian Fariaz Rabbani. This session with him helped me understand the emotional trauma of being an undocumented immigrant. It also made me realize how there are people around me that i know that can be in this situation and I might not even realize it.
FARIAZ RABBANI writes: Being undocumented - especially while growing up here, is not something I'd wish on my enemy. It's psychological torture. I can't express it in words. It's been a never-ending self quarantine from society. COVID is the closest example I can give. You look out and see all the things you could do, all the ways you're wasting your time on this earth, but you're stuck in a space. But before DACA it was worse - can't travel, constant paranoia about where you are and what could go wrong, because bad luck doesn't mean just going to jail - but possibly having to leave the country and go to a place that you hardly know. All the while life is passing you by with no end in sight.
I graduated from college in 2006 (with zero financial aid) and then 2006 ended, 2007 ended, 2008 ended, 2009, ended, 2010 ended, 2011 ended - all these years I couldn't work a job on the books, or a even apply to a job I wanted to do, or drive, or travel - I didn't even have an ID card (I cried the day I got my first ID in the mail).
Even getting on a Greyhound was out of the question because there were news reports about ICE checking documents at random stops. In all this I tried to stay positive but eventually I grew angry and bitter. Even my stand up got very angry and not very funny. I would just go on stage and say the most horrible thing I could think of - because I stopped caring. I had no future, no agent, manager would be interested in me, it was my way of self-sabotaging. When I started stand up people would say you're very likable - but by 2011 the common feedback was "you need to be more likable on stage". I just had no outlet for any of the frustration, I was experiencing.
I still remember when I read in June 2012 that Obama was signing an executive order creating the DACA program. I think I read it 4-5x just to make sure what I was reading made sense and I wasn't dreaming. It really opened up my life - but like COVID - it was like a phase 3 opening. You can now do a lot of things you couldn't before but you know you're still not living a normal life.
I still worry every time I go to an audition when they ask for citizenship status. I know I can't audition for jobs outside the US. I worry if my rep will drop me b/c my opportunities are so limited.
The cruelty of keeping so many people in limbo by the government is hard to justify. Due to DACA I am able drive, work, travel in the US - but I can't leave the US, and visit my parents in Bangladesh. Why? I don't know. What does US gain by keeping 700k ppl trapped? Not to mention the cruelty of using this population as political pawns. Let's hope Nov brings about a change, and 2021 is a good year.
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