Dr. Nicolya Show

In the personal development world a phrase gentle observer is referenced quite a bit.

Simply put a gentle observer is someone who looks at what has happened from a grace perspective . Meaning instead of beating yourself up about what you coulda should woulda done you allow yourself to reflect and learn from the experience.

A perfect example of this is Thomas Edison. He made the lightbulb but his invention journey was far from easy. Every time he tried he had a setback. Instead of giving up and calling it a failure he committed to continuing to keep pushing. He finally invented the light bulb (thank God). And his famous words were “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work”.

He literally reframed failure and used it to be more informed each subsequent time he tried.

I am a firm believer that if we give ourselves permission to learn from our perceived failures we can move forward more intentionally and successfully.

Here is how you can become a gentle observer:

Remember the "why"

reflect regularly

take the information and move forward more informed

Get accountability

Prioritize forgiveness

Your setbacks truly can become stepping stones for your success if you give yourself well deserved grace.

Get a free call here:https://calendly.com/nicolyawilliams

to see how I can hold you accountable to showing up for your goals.

For my dissertation research I interviewed 23 different women and found that not one woman had the same view of success at the core. Sure they were attaching some relationship or financial metrics to their view of success originally but when I dug deep I came to see that success was more than just a relationship, money or achievement.

This inspired me to dig deeper and better understand why that is. As you know we as women have a strong desire to feel a certain way. So we attach feelings to specific objects, situations or people and then feel led to believe that the thing is what we want when in reality it’s the feeling we truly desire.

In our day to day life society conditions us to believe that success must look a certain way- 2.5 kids, white picket fence, doting spouse, and a career we keep for 35 years etc.

While many of us buy into that, because we normalize it, we don’t really relate, resonate or agree with it.

We end up staying in unfulfilling careers and chasing dreams we don’t really care about all to please and impress people who could care less about us.

It’s time to change the way we think about success. Because the reality is success is relative.

Relative to your desires

Relative to your experience

You get to create success on your own terms and more importantly you get to live your life according to it. And when you do it will be soooo freeing

So many people ask how can you do this....let’s talk about it

Consider someone who has defied success but still reached it. Identifying a tangible example helps you to see that this is very real and available for you!

Determine what success is on your terms (what does it look like, how would you measure it). This is your chance to remove all of the societal programming and things you have adopted as normal and identify what YOU believe success is.

Determine WHY you want it. Having a strong why will give you the momentum to keep going after it and it will hold you accountable to following through.

Know that your success is Inevitable and step into your power and create it. It’s great to know what you want as it relates to success, but after identifying it you need to take action to achieve it.

If you have been struggling this season with comparing your journey, your goals and your success to other people this is your call to redefine success and create it in a way that aligns with the live you desire and deserve to live .....are you ready ?

If you’re looking for more tools and supports on the journey to living your life in alignment with who you are and where you want to be get access to my FREE live your best life guide where I help you identify what’s working and how to do more of it and what’s not working and how to do less of it and in turn align your life with your greatest desires! Get access here: https://www.nicolyawilliams.com/live-your-best-life

Are you struggling to make your coaching business stand out?

Are you questioning if you will ever be noticed?

Do you find yourself matching the energy of every other coach you admire online?

You are in the right place, because I’ve got 6 strategies you can use to make your coaching business stand out !

The coaching and consulting industry is booming. In fact it’s one of the fastest growing industries! The problem is if you’re not intentional you can blend in and lose the attention of your audience. So let’s talk about how to stand out !

1. Bring your growth mindset

2. Embrace your authenticity

3. Create a signature methodology

4. Share testimonials

5. Validate your commitment to your business

My certification program is currently on waitlist but if you’re interested in becoming certified in the five different modalities that will not only transform your life but also transform in the lives of every person you interact with join the waitlist here: https://www.nicolyawilliams.com/elevate-method

There is often a negative connotation with coaching, but it has literally been the very thing that has changed my life. I want to share the top three benefits of hiring a coach to support you on the journey we call life.

1. Accountability- have you ever set a goal and then fallen off the next day? Yup we all have. Even though we may include friends and family there is nothing like having additional support from someone who can push you past your comfort zone. 2. Direction- Everyone tries to jump on the DIY bandwagon it can be tempting to think that you reach all your goals alone. Do not get yourself caught up in the cycle.

3. They keep you relevant by reminding you what your goals are, why they matter and how to accomplish them. If you are looking for fool proof strategy and support sign up for a FREE strategy call https://calendly.com/nicolyawilliams

A trigger is an unhealed emotional wound. The reality is triggers happen to us all. It’s tempting to want to run from them and hide because addressing them hurts and it’s hard work.

But if you avoid working through your triggers they will haunt you. It will impact you at work, at home and personally.

I am a firm believer that triggers serve as a teacher for the areas in our life that we need healing .Triggers are not bad, they actually give us an opportunity to observe and reflect which enables us to heal.

In this episode I talk to you about how to identify and heal from your triggers

If you’re looking for support on the healing journey schedule a FREE call with me here: https://calendly.com/nicolyawilliams/15min

Do you ever wonder if the people you are around have an impact on your life?

Jim Rohn says “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

While I never really bought into this thought, I decided a few years ago to check it out.

When I did this it changed my life...I realized that if I wanted something different I had to change my circle. In this weeks episode I talk about the value of having a positive inner circle and how you should commit to creating one. Make sure you stay connected with me at www.nicolyawilliams.com or on all social sites @nicolyawilliams

Forgiveness is such a abstract concept. Experts define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. Many of us desire to have forgiveness but don’t even know where to begin. Or maybe we struggle with understanding why forgiveness is important for us. The reality is forgiveness is for our own growth and happiness. When we hold on to hurt, pain, resentment, and anger it harms us for more than we are willing to admit.

In today’s episode I share why we need to forgive not on the others but our self as well. And I get a four simple strategy breakdown of how you can move forward with forgiveness. Check it out

If we are not already connected check me out on all social media platforms @Nicolya Williams all across the board. Or on my website at www.nicolyawilliams.com

If you desire to move into the next chapter of your life making it the best chapter of your life sign up for my course Make Your Next Chapter Your Best Chapter here: http://www.nicolyawilliams.com/next-chapter/

After going through a major life change one of the things that takes the biggest hit is your self-esteem.

Now I’m not sure how many people would agree with this truth because in reality a lot of us put on outer facades and different appearances to let society know that we are “OK”. The trouble is deep down many of us are struggling to really love ourselves. In this episode, I walk through the process of creating more self love. If you desire more support on your self love journey sign up for my FREE self love course here: http://www.nicolyawilliams.com/self-love-strategies/. Also be sure to subscribe so you do not miss a single episode and check me out on social platforms @nicolyawilliams

Motivation is one of the best things you have working for you in order to keep your momentum with goals. The problem is that most people struggle with consistent motivation.

Contrary to popular belief, motivation actually fades because of our habits.

Below are some of the main reasons you may notice your motivation fade

Inconsistency

If you're constantly changing your mind with something your motivation will match that. You can't randomly work on your goals and expect results. Goals require for you to show up when it's easy, when it's tough and all the time in between. The best thing you can do when working on a goal is to do this consistently. Considering how you can commit to your goals regularly will be the best way to get your motivation and momentum going.

Your Mindset

If you are struggling with believing in yourself then you must know that negative thinking will negatively impact your motivation. Our life is a reflection of our thoughts so the best way to stay motivated is to think positively.

When you focus on the good things in life, it develops a lot of positive energy. This can easily be used to keep up your motivation.

Trying to Do Too Much at Once

We all know how busy the world is and how many things we have to give our attention too. Trying to multitask sometimes feels like a great solution, but research says that multitasking actually teaches us to underperform. That is the quickest way to kill your motivation.

It’s much more effective to start off working on one thing at a time and set small goals that you can accomplish. These small steps and commitments add up and give you the big results which actually in turn increase motivation.

Not having a strong "why"

Too many of us set goals without a real reason why we desire to accomplish them. Then because the goal is arbitrary we are not showing up the way we should. When you set a goal that you feel aligned with and have a strong motivating factor why behind it you will notice your motivation and momentum increasing. So insted of setting goals for someone else or because you feel like you have to set goals that relate to your deepest desires and your big vision for your life.

Comparing Yourself to Others

Social media can be great but it can also be a trap. We often get to see everyone's highlight reels and feel less than. It’s common to compare our lives with others, but this is a horrible habit if you want to feel motivated. The best thing you can do is commit to being better than you were yesterday and this will in turn give you a lot of motivation. Think about it...if you get 1% better every day for a year when you look back you will have gotten 365% better than you were before and if that doesn't motivate you...I don't know what will.

It’s important to avoid comparing your progress with other people. Each of us have our own walks. So, focus only on your own progress and stop comparing yourself to others if you want your motivation to last.

Failing to Rest and Recharge

The quickest route to burnout is trying to do and be everything. It will feel good in the beginning but slowly and surely you will run out of energy and in turn be less and less motivated to show up fully for your goals. Choose to instead prioritize self care and rest and you will notice in turn that you feel much more excited about maintaining your motivation.

Motivation is one the best things to have in your repertoire when you need the momentum to show up for your goals. This is why I shared these factors because I do not want anything in the way of you showing up for your success. Choose today to commit to changing one of these and commit to doing this consistently. The thing to remember is that lasting motivation takes work; it doesn’t just automatically appear. Starting off small can create huge results.

No one gets married with the plan to get a divorce. Unfortunately, based on statistics, at least 50% of us will experience a divorce.

When I asked for a divorce I didn’t think it through.

I did not think about the financial impact it would have on me.

I didn’t think about the emotional toll it would have on my overall well being

I didn’t think about how it would hurt my children.

I didn’t think about the generational curse I continued with my family.

I didn’t even think of all of the years and time I had fought for us to be together.

I did not think about the love, time and energy I had invested

I did not think about all the hopes and dreams I had for us

I just wanted the pain to end and getting out seemed to be the only answer.

Looking back I wish I knew what to expect and what I would feel.

I wish I knew that it was okay not to be okay

I wish I knew it was okay to get support

I wish I knew it was helpful to talk to people who have blazed the trail before me

To be honest I was gravely under-prepared for what life had in store me after it was over.

In today’s episode I share the top 5 lessons I learned and what I wish I knew ahead of time. If you’re looking for more support on your divorce journey sign up for my free course here: http://www.nicolyawilliams.com/7stepstosurviveyoursplit-2/