Drag Them, Queen

Money jumps off the episode with a story from when she was rolled over by a Mardi Gras float and brought to the veterinarian. Sarah is hungover and finds her temporary boo on Hinge with very recent photos, and she’s already had a rough week after seeing her ex looking all hot, running through the city. Emily chats about the guy on Hinge who loved Nicholas Sparks movies during sexy time, couldn’t get it up, and screamed at his own penis. Money brings up two-pump chump condoms, and Sarah calls out her ex from NYC who flew in on a red-eye from Israel to give her 30 seconds of nothing. Oh, but he did buy her a blackberry! 

Money is back for the Easter Special, and they reminisce on bringing ex-boyfriends home for the holidays. Sarah describes the night her vagina turned into Venus Fly Trap and wearing panties to bed. The term “love bomb” is explored, and Sarah tells the story of the grenade that was launched her way, along with the dude’s crazy obsession with his penis and bald spot. Money describes the night she was almost arrested and running from the 5-0. Ratchet! 

It’s not always women who have it rough out there! Sarah sits down with Travis, and he shares his horrifying post-divorce dating stories. Vampires, flashers, and criers—oh my! Travis discusses his “move” and how he was warned about potential dates tag-teaming on Seeking Arrangements and Hinge. Is it weird to take women to a sex store for a toy on the first date? Not if they go to the Dungeon first. What do 22-year-olds and 38-year-olds have in common? Not one thing, not even Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. 

Sarah dishes with “Lo,” whom she met in college. Lo reminisces about stalking Britney Spears in a bar and drinking penny pitchers of gin. They throw back to her first real relationship with a much older, married man. Scandal! Lo talks about her most recent break-up and how her ex would clean his dishes but not hers in the apartment they shared. They call out her most recent fling, who didn’t know who he was dealing with – a dickmatized Lo who moonlights as a spy and will drive 30 minutes to catch a man in a lie! To drop a pin or not?  

Sarah sits down with her new bestie, Josh. Once a boat captain and now a househusband, he discusses his childhood as a closeted gay boy. From French kissing his best friend to messing around with straight guys (secretly), Josh has got some hilarious stories. They examine the Kinsey scale, and Sarah talks about trying to have sex with a gay man. How can you tell if someone is circumcised? Josh gives insight, while Sarah calls out the guy who told her he was “life tired.” They dive into listener submissions and drink way too many mimosas. Sorry if they slurred, it was all for a good cause. 

Sarah is joined by her longtime friend, “Money.” They discuss Sarah’s big gap tooth in grade school and her first kiss in the movie theater. Sarah calls out the boy who showed her his penis her freshman year (with a plot twist). They also talk about rolling on a plane to Mexico, blow jobs after a booze cruise, hooking up with younger guys, and being peed on by accident. Sarah calls out her ex who stood her up three times over quarantine and the ex he was probably dating the whole time. (We also got a phone call and chose not to delete it). Enjoy, you fiends!