Drag Them, Queen

Happy Pride! Wontonya discusses her recent rise as a drag queen and her need to go with the flow. Sarah digs for dirt amongst the queens. Is there a rift between the young Marigny Queens and the older French Quarter Queens? It’s like the Sharks vs the Jets. Wontonya chats about her shtick and gyrating on the floor to Mariah Carey songs. Sarah gets Wontonya to admit she used to ghost men, and she has issues staying in long-term relationships. They discuss pet peeves, smells that trigger them, and trends that need to stop. Wontonya wants everyone to know, just because she sucks dick in public once, doesn’t mean she does it all the time. LAMB for lyfe! 

Sarah sits down with the fabulous Ellyn Marsh from Obsessed with Disappeared Podcast. Ellyn discusses her career on Broadway, becoming an actress/comedian, and dealing with other people’s bullshit. Sarah and Ellyn bond over being very straightforward Italian ladies and the type of men that they attract. Ellyn chats about her divorce and the narcissist she dated after her husband. Spoiler alert – he’s garbage! On a funnier note, Sarah asks Ellyn to dish on dating Robbie “Rob” Williams and how he thought she was poor. Ellyn talks about her love language and the worst gift she’s ever received. Trust, she’s one “hot mama.” 

Sarah and Lo discuss their past anxious weeks, including being scared by the pest control guy, surgically removing a mole after eating gummies, and accidentally peeing themselves. Lo decides she needs a life chaperone after an out-of-town wedding leads her down a random path. Also, 911 texts are not necessary if you can’t get out of your dress. Sarah recounts the “Oh my goodness” guy who wouldn’t look at her during sexy times and the shit the ladies had to deal with in their 20s. What do you do when you have a friend that disappears when she has a boyfriend? Find a girl that is DTC (Down to Clown). “Is that bitch’s name Wells Fargo? Because you don’t owe her shit!”- Lo

Sarah sits down with Josh (they’re both sober this time), and he recounts his vacation to Cancun. Josh and his friends almost get kicked out of the resort, and el policia wanted that ass. Sarah and Josh talk about women who are having kids that shouldn’t. They also discuss couples who fake their happiness on social media for likes. Josh begs the questions, “Which one the hoe?” Josh wants to start a GoFundMe for someone’s ugly kid, and he speaks about trolling an IG model who had a booger in his nose. The mood shifts to haunted houses, aliens, and Miley Cyrus, but they want you to know that just because you are southern, does not mean you owe everyone a curtsy. 

Sarah and Money address the topic of what to do when your friend is a hoe. Golden Rule: never sleep with your best friend’s ex-boyfriend. On the flip side, said girl is always down to be the wing man and take one for the team! Money talks about being a psycho and causing a girl fight for no reason. Sarah remembers a crazy ex-girlfriend that posted a Craigslist add on her ass. Even after dating several jerks, there were decent men in Sarah’s life whom she blew off for shallow reasons (i.e., farting during sex). Although, Money has let some men go for “smaller” reasons. Who is the biggest dick between these two?  

Sarah and Lo join Farmer’s Only for shits and giggles, and Lo receives a love note from an incarcerated man 175 miles away. Can prisoners obtain burner phones? Lo gets back on Hinge and examines the 4 men she considered dating: Retail Potbelly Guy, Cryptocurrency Nerd, Country Fighter, and the Passed-Out Bro. Sarah considers the question, “Are we too old to party on Cinco de Mayo?” They discuss chips, dips, and snap judgements made on potential suitors. Sarah and Lo reminisce on New Year’s Day when Lo posted up on a corner on Canal Street and almost got robbed. Who would’ve thought a Popeyes spork could be mistaken for a weapon?! 

Sarah closes in on the women putting their stimmy checks in their faces. Do men enjoy waking up to their ladies looking like Aubrey O’Day or Big Ang? Sarah disses the women at her office who blow up the bathroom, and Money describes her Code Bravo where she lost control of her stomach at Wal-Mart. Sarah sits down with “Johnny Utah,” and he breaks down his two major points that need to be discussed before a second date: 50% ownership of a tiny human and being in the FBI. He tells the story of the woman he scared away with a car seat. Sarah mixes up Emrata with Emirates, and they can’t stop talking about Stormy. WWSD? 

Sarah sits down with Stormy Daniels, and she reads her oracle cards. Sarah is basically told she’s a Phoenix and gives off major bird vibes. Stormy and Sarah are Pisces and discover they have similar energy. They both communicate with paranormal through music and electricity, which is pretty badass. They consider getting bunk beds to have room for activities. Stormy discusses the haunted house that almost killed her and her new show, Spooky Babes. She and her team travel across the globe to chat with the paranormal, and she picked up a haunted doll, Susan, along the way (listen for when she yells at her down the hall). With all the attention on her the last few years, Stormy gives insight on how to be the Queen of Clapback and answers the question, “Sparkling or flat-water post-sex?” Let’s get witchy, you goons! 

Sarah jumps off the episode with a flashback from the Fall, October to be exact. She recalls the man who exposed himself to her on the street and going downtown to look at a lineup. The movie Porky’s comes to mind. Sarah discusses a terrible date with a man who showed up with a hickey on his neck, and there’s a plot twist. Money begs the question, “Is he a serial killer, or is it a fetish?” She recollects a visit to Big Lots where a man asked to take feet pics of her, and rubber bands are involved. Money and Sarah weigh in on the word “mommy,” and shit gets weird. 

It’s the 4/20 episode, and Hot Girl Summer 2021 is right around the corner! The conversation turns sexy, and Sarah and Lo discuss their virginity stories, along with the type of men they were dating back in the day. They break down the sketchiest places they’ve had sex, including the car, Tiger Stadium, Brother Jimmy’s, and I-10…oops! Where is the public sex line drawn? Colette’s is an option but for voyeurism only. Sarah calls out Demi Lovato for trying to cancel a froyo shop in L.A., and Lo is not here for Demi’s shit. Sarah and Lo talk about OnlyFans, and Sarah highly considers starting a foot fetish account. Lo drags her ex who keeps texting her, asking her to start an OnlyFans, and he’s MARRIED with a kid. Shocker!