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If you’ve ever wished to change things in life, in a relationship, or at work, chances are that you've needed to notice your thoughts and slow down. Noticing our own thoughts is the first and most important skill to learn when trying to make a change. Once you're aware of your own thoughts it's natural to realize that others may think differently--and now we have somewhere to begin.

This is episode number 129. Welcome to the Mindset for life Podcast; this podcast is for you, if you love, serve, teach and lead others, you want things to keep getting better, you want encouragement. And just one little idea today to get stronger in your life, your relationships or your work. I’m Bethanie Hansen, and I help people everywhere take control of their current situations, and have power to do what they need to do in the future as well.

Today's episode is about noticing your thoughts. That's right, becoming aware of subconscious thoughts, and those more intentional.

This is Bethanie Hansen, your coach, and I am so excited to be with you today. You know, I love giving this podcast because I can't imagine not sharing with you all of the things that have made my life amazing in the last few years. Some of those things are ideas I learned long ago, perhaps as a child or a college student, or something like that. But only when I started coach training did they become obvious to me.

Some of those things really are basic to the way I think all the time now. And I want to help you by sharing them with you a little bit every week.

This first idea today is all about noticing, controlling and getting on top of your thoughts. When I say that, what I'm saying is you have these thoughts that are happening all the time. We're not always conscious of those. In fact, some philosophers and existentialists would call this consciousness, something deep that we could stop and study.

Observe Your Own Thoughts.

But let's just take this on the smallest level we could talk about, think about observing and noticing your own thoughts. How often do you do that? While you're just in the middle of your day, at one point, I want you to have that experience of pausing, noticing what your brain is doing.

What are you thinking? Are you just thinking about getting something done? Is it task focused? Is it judgment oriented? Is it about some future possibility? Is it a regret from the past? Is it a worry or an anxiety?

Your brain is doing this 100% of the time, I guarantee it's nearly impossible to quiet one's brain so no thought is happening.

As you're having those thoughts, I wonder what some of the most common thoughts are that you have?

I remember from long ago, sitting in a church meeting as a young person. As I sat there, I thought about a lot of things. And I noticed that the people around me had no idea what I was thinking about. Maybe this was one of those early moments where I started to notice my thoughts were private. Did you ever notice that to yourself? How old were you when that happened?

Well, as we get older and older, we take that for granted. And we stop thinking about it so much. One of the things that is most powerful to me is noticing the kind of thoughts I have, as I think about my thoughts on a regular basis, I can catch faulty thinking.

Identify Faulty Thinking.

And when I say faulty thinking, I'm talking all about those thoughts that don't help very much. Faulty thinking can be things like all-or-nothing thinking. Like I can be preparing for something at work and think it has to go 100% right.

Or it has to go, in my opinion, 100% right.

It doesn't mean that other people are going to think it went right. In fact, one's definition of right is going to vary from person to person.

The more I noticed and observed my thoughts,

If you've experienced overwhelm, you know how urgent it feels to learn how to reduce overwhelm! I've been there, living in my share of commitments, priorities, and endless tasks. And I know firsthand that it isn't a great place to be. In today's podcast episode, join me for some quick tips to work through that feeling of overwhelm and bring things back into focus.

This is episode number 128. Welcome to the Mindset for life Podcast; this podcast is for you, if you love, serve, teach and lead others, you want things to keep getting better, you want encouragement. And just one little idea today to get stronger in your life, your relationships or your work. I'm Bethanie Hansen, and I help people everywhere take control of their current situations, and have power to do what they need to do in the future as well.

I'm here with you today to talk about how to reduce overwhelm.

Overwhelm is a feeling where we don't know how to get started, like there's so much going on, it's just very difficult to get a handle on it and feel like things could ever be better in the future. In fact, when we're experiencing overwhelm, our thoughts are usually muddled a little bit, and it's hard to even gain clarity.

We don't know what the first step out of overwhelm is. Well, in my experience, overwhelm is a chronic condition that could just keep coming back again, and again. And again. Part of the reason overwhelm is such an unwelcome but regular visitor is that overwhelm is a space of “status quo.”

Overwhelm is actually a somewhat of an indulgent mindset where, because there's so much going on in our brain, we can feel like, well, it makes sense that I can't take any action, because there's just so much to do, there's just so much going on in my brain, I can't do anything about it.

That might be true. I don't really know what your experience is right now. But I know that when I have experienced overwhelm, it's usually come from not taking a little bit of time to slow down, and really work through what all of my thoughts are.

Write it all down.

The first step I usually recommend to my coaching clients, when I'm working with them on a state of overwhelm, is to just do a dump. Write all those thoughts down on a piece of paper. We're going to put down every little thing that is going on in that brain.

Some of it is a list of things to do. And that's usually the easiest part to get out of the brain. So we're going to write down things like maybe you have a trip coming up. And some of the overwhelm is all the things you need to prepare and pack and have ready for the trip. Or maybe it has to do with what you need to do in the house so that the house is ready for your absence. Maybe you have locks you want to purchase or automatic light timers, or maybe you have someone coming over to your house to watch the house or watch the pets. Maybe have a pet to take to the kennel, there's a lot you can do to prepare your house for a trip.

If you're preparing for a trip, and that's part of your overwhelm, probably there's a whole list of things going on in your brain about just getting ready for that trip, as well as packing for that trip. And planning what you're going to do while you're on the trip. Then outside of that if you have children at home, you might be thinking, if you're leaving the children with someone else, maybe a family member, how are you going to prepare the children for your absence?

How are you going to prepare the family member to watch your kids, then there's work, right? If you work and you're going on a trip, you've also got all the work commitments you need to close out, wrap up and finish before the trip. See how easily that overwhelm can just pile up to thing after thing after thing?

This podcast is for you, if you love, serve and teach and lead others, you want things to keep getting better. You want encouragement. And just one little idea today to get stronger in your life, your relationships or your work. I help people take control of their current situation and have power to do what they need to do in the future as well. This is Bethanie Hansen, and I'm your host on Mindset for Life. Thanks for joining me today.

Today we're going to talk about automatic thoughts.

Automatic thoughts are an interesting thing that can help you or hurt you. The weird thing is they sound like us.

In fact, we have these thoughts come into our mind, and we don't even question them, we just assume that that's how the world works. And we think about them all the time.

Every once in a while, I'll notice a person specifically saying, "Well, that's just how people are," or, "That's just how big organizations are."

Or, "That's what people think these days." Any kind of comment like that reveals some kind of automatic thought or assumption about the way people or the world or organizations work.

Do you have thoughts like that? Do you ever think about your thoughts? You know, if you notice yourself thinking something, and you pause, kind of step aside from yourself a minute and think objectively about what you're thinking, then you're doing this skill that I really love, and I think is super helpful to us all.

And that is thinking about your thinking. Now, some of the thoughts I have, I don't realize I'm having them until I stop and I tell someone else what I'm thinking. And suddenly, it'll be really obvious and really shocking that I've been thinking a certain way. And some of those thoughts that work for me and don't work for me.

I like to write down and keep track of and remember.

We can do things we've never done before.

One thought is that I can learn how to do something difficult that I've never done before. I may not be perfect at it. I may not win prizes for it. But I'm fully capable of learning something new that I haven't done before. I mean, after all, I've been doing that my whole life, haven't you?

When you were a baby, you didn't know how to crawl, and you learned how to do that. And when you were a toddler, you learned how to walk. And you didn't know how to do that before either. Some people, some people even learned how to drive cars and got driver's licenses. And that was something you had never done before. Till you started driving. So there are a lot of things in the past that prove it's true, we can learn something new that we've never done before.

All of us can. I think that way, when I'm presented with something new that I'd like to figure out, or I'd like to become fluent in doing. And like I said, it doesn't mean we're going to be masters of it. But at least we can learn something new we've never done before.

Learning to notice and recognize automatic thoughts is that same kind of thing. Now, whatever you're facing in life, whatever challenges you're up against or experiencing, whether it's in your own self or in your relationships with other people, or in your circumstances, chances are you have some thoughts about those things that are very clear to you.

The brain automates some thoughts to help us.

And some that are a little bit hidden. I would call those the automatic thoughts.

There's this thing about the brain that I've learned a lot about in the last few years. Some people call it neuroscience. Some people just call it talking about the brain, whatever you prefer, we're going to talk about your brain for just a minute here.

If you are facing change, whether it’s coming at you, happening within, or something you’re leading, you can successfully navigate change by gaining awareness, gaining skills and knowledge, looking back at your past for insight that will help you to move forward, and take action in areas that are within your control. Listen to today’s podcast for tips and strategies to successfully navigate change.

This is episode number 126. Welcome to the Mindset for Life Podcast. This podcast is for you if you love, serve, teach and lead others. You want things to keep getting better. You want encouragement. And just one little idea today to get stronger in your life, your relationships or your work. I help people take control of their current situation and have power to do what they need to do in the future. Join me in Mindset for Life.

Welcome to mindset for life today, this is Bethanie Hansen. And I am very happy to be with you to talk about change.

We’re either being changed, resisting change, or leading change.

Just as a big broad idea, change is a big scary topic, right? Some people really don't like change. Maybe a little bit of change is good if we think of it ourselves, if we're in charge of the change, right? But if change is just happening all around us, in our workplace, in our life, and our world. And if we're not in control of that change, it can be scary and even incapacitating.

It can cause us to be stuck, paralyzed, unable to move forward. And it can make it very difficult to think clearly and do those things that we care most about.

So in change, there are three roles that happen. And one of those is that we are being changed. This one is somewhat intentional, right?

So if we're being changed in this whole process of change happening, than we're probably learning, growing, adapting, adjusting ourselves in some way, either externally or internally.

When I'm talking about internal change, I'm really talking about self talk, the way we think, the way we conceive of that change and the experience we're having. So it's external or its internal, but somehow we are growing, we are developing in that change.

So maybe we're being changed in the change. Or a second option is we're resisting the change. I think that one is a pretty common experience that I've had, maybe you've had it too--something is changing, and we do not like it. We don't want it to happen.

So maybe we're talking about it a lot. We're stewing about it, we're thinking about how much we longed for the way it used to be.

Maybe we're wishing for the good things of the past, we just don't want this change to be happening. And the truth is, it is happening.

There's nothing we can do about it, the change is happening. And we have to get on board. But we are so stuck, we are resisting that change, we just don't like it.

And the third option is that we are leading the change. Maybe we came up with some new direction our family needs to move in, or where we want to change something in our personal life. Maybe we're going to be changing the business, the classroom, the team we're leading, whatever it is, we are leading that change. And in any kind of change, there are some stages that we all go through. So I want to just share some ideas today, they're going to give you one little insight to help you get through a change you might be experiencing right now. Or a change that might be coming up for you. So whether you're going to be changed by it, because you're resisting it or you're leading it, something's going to happen. And if you'd like more personal power in the journey you’re on, this idea could be very helpful.

You can choose to use change as a growth and learning opportunity.

This idea is the choice between either growing through this change experience,

If you feel like others ask too much of you, take advantage of you, or just don't respond in ways that you expect, today's episode "Don't be a doormat" will help you learn how to say "no."

This is episode 125. Welcome to the Mindset for Life Podcast. This podcast is for you, if you love, serve, teach and lead others. You want things to keep getting better. You want encouragement. And just one little idea today to get stronger in your life, your relationships or your work. I help people take control of their current situation, and have power to do what they need to do in the future as well. Welcome to the Mindset for Life podcast.

This is your host, Dr. Bethanie Hansen. And I'm on this journey with you every step of the way.

Thanks for being with me here today. I'm excited to be with you on the Mindset for Life podcast. I love podcasting, because we're talking about some ideas. And all of these ideas can fuel your life satisfaction and happiness.

Happiness, of course, is not something we can feel 100% of the time. It also depends on how you define your own personal happiness. But it's something most of us think we're pursuing in life, right? It's that state of being in a positive emotional space, being more successful than we have been in the past, continuing to grow, connect with other people. And all of those things.

The topic today is addressing a statement one of my coach clients said to me, and perhaps you've thought this in your own life at a time or another. And it is this statement: “I don't want to be a doormat.”

When my client said this, to me, there was a whole story behind it, which I'm not going to share, because that's the privacy my clients get from me. But that statement, “I don't want to be a doormat,” what does that mean to you?

Have you ever thought something like that? Well, when I think about that statement, I'm noticing a couple of things. First of all, when a person feels like a doormat, it means other people are expecting a lot or getting a lot from that person. Without Limits. It could also be a bit of disrespect or lack of appreciation that the person is getting. And it could be something about boundaries.

So if a person is feeling like a doormat, they're saying yes to a lot of things, and not really happy about that. Not satisfied with that.

If you're saying yes to a lot of things, and you wish you were not saying yes to a lot of things, or you wish you got a better payback when you say yes, like the appreciation and respect that you expect from other people, it's really helpful to be thinking about what you want to do in terms of getting what you want in situations in the circumstances, in the way you think and feel about yourself and in your relationships. So today, we're going to talk about how not to be a doormat.

If you've thought this ever, this episode is going to be for you, it's going to be very helpful to you in thinking differently about situations and in deciding what you're going to do next.

So the first thing I want to just approach is the “Gain” section of the framework I've been using with my coach clients. Gain is all about getting the skills and knowledge you lack. Now, if you feel like you just don't know how to navigate situations where you feel like a doormat, you don't know why it's happening to you, and you want something to change, it's possible that there are some skills and knowledge to be gained. That you can use in the future when these situations come back to you.

Probably, it's something that's repeated in your life or your work or both, if you're experiencing it, and it's so painful, right? When somebody feels like a doormat, we feel like we're being used. We feel like we're just not giving value because...

Got a challenge? In today’s podcast episode, we will explore a simple framework that gives you options to face that challenge. The framework is one that I use all the time with coaching clients, and it is extremely effective. "Gain, Grow, Go."

This season’s theme song is “Training Day,” by Infraction. Used with Permission.

In today’s podcast episode, we will explore why you should learn about and know your weaknesses. I’ll share some ideas around taking the VIA Character Strengths survey to help you learn why you should know about and use your strengths, as well as your "lesser strengths." You can learn more about your strengths and “lesser strengths,” giving yourself permission to be more of who you are and letting go of some things that are not your highest areas for now.

To take the VIA Character Strengths survey, visit http://drbcoach.pro.viasurvey.org/. 

This season’s theme song is “Training Day,” by Infraction. Used with Permission.

In today's podcast episode, I'll share some ideas around taking the VIA Character Strengths survey to help you learn why you should know about and use your strengths. You can learn more about your strengths and "lesser strengths," giving yourself permission to be more of who you are and letting go of some things that are not your highest areas for now.

To take the VIA Character Strengths survey, visit http://drbcoach.pro.viasurvey.org/. 

This season’s theme song is “Training Day,” by Infraction. Used with Permission.

If you want to change yourself, there are many different ways to do it. First, you can change your appearance, making adjustments like dying your hair or gaining/losing weight. Second, you can change your behaviors by adopting new habits. This might be easy steps taken over time, amounting to bigger changes. Third, you can change your mindset.

Your mindset is the way you think. And what you think determines who you are. Your thinking leads to your feelings, actions, and outcomes. What you get out of life starts with  your thoughts and develops almost automatically from there.

In today's podcast, we'll talk about making changes, and some ideas around getting started. Did you know... when you even begin considering changes, you're already becoming a better version of yourself?

This season’s theme song is “Training Day,” by Infraction. Used with Permission.