Dubland

PJ has lost the plot altogether. Here's what happen, for those of you really paying attention, you'll remember that last week Suzanne called PJ skinny. Well, that ignorant attempt at a compliment has thrown him completely off the rails. So inflated was PJ's ego in regards to his invincible body that he lost himself in cheesecake, alcohol and Haribo jellies. The episode starts with a fatty breakdown of PJ's sugar intake. The perennial question of "which crisp is best for a crisp sandwich?" is well and truly answered. The lockdown is easing, so there are pubs, hairdressers... excitement ensues. 

We've been talking about this for months now, but plans for Suzanne's big birthday are evolving. There's talk about Zoom-calling in to restaurants for parties, and people calling to your house without forewarning you - are these the world's worst people? You'll be happy to know there are tips to dispose of them in this sage episode. Young PJ thought he was He-Man, and in a lucky incident in which he didn't die, he relates a story about the parenting and the DIY homecare of his childhood years. There's mass at home, Camp Jesus, magic carpets, there's a Hero of the Week, Highlight of the Week, and we've reached peak Cancel Culture. PJ almost has a heart attack live on air. It's an electric episode of Dubland, you're going to love it. Let us know on the social medias if you do. Good luck to ya!

This episode is sponsored by The UX Design Institute. 

Dubland are back in the studio for the first time in months, and Suzanne marks the occasion by instantly calling PJ skinny. He doesn't take kindly, so that's where we begin. Then there's PJ and Stefanie Preissner having coffee and his mad, intense fears about mundane things, which inspires great creativity in him. The world has gone mad, there's a quick rundown of the madness of 2020. The sexual abuse in the Irish comedy scene. Animals are now attacking people all over the world, probably because humanity seems vulnerable - maybe this is their moment? We go deep into the occult and the men with the skinny fingers... I'll let Suzanne explain. PJ can explain the farty hero of the week. Suzanne's kids have gone violent with the lockdown. Are we happy about things returning to normal? 50%... I'll let you guess which 50%. Putting vegetables into cakes. No, stop it. Joe Duffy makes an appearance and gets a great review from the gang. Gwenyth Paltrow has a new candle. Would PJ eat a sandwich in a cafe or go to a wedding? The podcast ends on a miserable note... it's Dubland, enjoy it!

Fat and brown, or skinny and white... which is more desirable? Once again, Dubland demolishing the big questions. It doesn't stop there, of course, we move on to 'poo anxiety', and how much should we be farting? An update on PJ's dizziness and some potential solutions from the Dubland listeners hive mind. Suzanne and PJ then attempt to sort out Irish politics, but basically, they don't. So they move on to "Selling Sunset". Iconic sports stars who were absolute screwballs. PJ is still conflicted about his on again off again relationship with vegetarianism. Suzanne is conflicted about whether she should buy a face mask or riot gear. There are mountain bikes, queues, football and all sorts of stuff, look it's Dubland, just get it #InUrEars

Suzanne has watched the Jeffrey Epstein documentary which was just fuel to the fire. The lifting of some restrictions was good, but everything else is terrible. All that is to say that she's as bad as PJ in this episode. Hence the title. Having said that, PJ won't give up his title easily - something he wished for in last week's episode comes true this week... and he gives out about that. No stopping him. The leader of Ireland speaks mostly in movie quotes, and we're ok with that. Suzanne flip-flops and starts trying to plan holidays. There's Covid talk, protests in Dublin, Black Lives Matter, abuse and a lot of emotion. It's more a therapy session for Suzanne and PJ than a comedy episode for the listeners. 

The sun is out! Does that make the pandemic ok? Not really, but it applies a filter to life, which is nice. Turns out the whole thing is Liverpool Football Club's fault anyway. The sun brings the people out, and with that the hugs and the licking of each other. It's very deflating these inflated groups of people. Suzanne's daughter knows, and most people, according to her Instagram poll - anyway, PJ has a lot to say about the people who will "lose their minds if they don't see their friends". Ryanair flights to Italy and Spain are starting soon, and PJ deconstructs the fantasy of booking toilet times on the plane. Should we just keep the 2 metre distance from other people thing? Even without the pandemic, maybe it's new etiquette, just give everyone 2 metres of space? 

They discuss Normal People, what teenagers are really like, romantic connections and relationship politics. The O'Neills shorts brings them onto fashion from their own childhoods - towelling socks, anyone?

The Dublanders then tackle the horrific murder of George Floyd and the protests and riots in the States. The racial divide in America and the long gone promise of the greatness of the USA as seen from the perspective of 1980s Ireland.

Chef PJ gets us started this week with his patented new and improved cooking techniques, with a fresh new take on what constitutes fresh food. An immediate about-turn leads us down the path of the exact opposite point. Then there's an uncompromising takedown of soda bread (cue comparison to a sandal).  There's a new law in Ireland, you can deliver pints, as long as you're a certain distance from the pub. You can get an Irish person to forget anything if you have a pool. There's a birthday message from the Varadkars to the Kanes. Suzanne steps into the glasshouse of pandemic breakdowns and starts flinging stones every which way. There's more Covid convo, PJ is still a neg, but he's happy enough, pubs will never be the same, anti-craic. He does, in fairness to him, have a very heartfelt moment where he talks about his friends. Look folks, it's Dubland, dive in and enjoy it.

After some technical difficulties (PJ closes his laptop), the Dublanders dive into chat about heroes, shopping, and how some people have just given up. They talk about the government and people giving out about supporting charities, or the wrong charities, or some other nonsense. Where did the Coronvirus start? - Suzanne is unsure. PJ has a healthy little rant about Trump. Suzanne has a healthy little rant about her kids. PJ basically turns into a supervillain of negativity. But there is the birth of the new PJ, Boring PJ. He's basically just vegetables. There's a proper grown-up conversation about household budgets.

Suzanne realises she's basically a 1970s housewife, which moves on to 1980s holidays. Then there's the flute in the canoe. It's all go folks, enjoy Dubland!

In this episode PJ informs Suzanne that she will die of a broken heart. She doesn't seem to mind as long as her hair is nice. The easing of restrictions, what does it all mean? How are the mammies dealing with being locked in? What is the best stuff to have in your cycling shorts? Gemma O'Doherty pretending we're in a police state. Suzanne is hopeful, PJ is pessimistic. We need people to be sounder. People slagging off Leo. PJ goes deep into the Stockdale Complex. Hope is a good thing, but hope hope will starve your emotions to death if you use a timeline. We're going to have the biggest baby boom since the Pope popped over and told us to ride. There's a history lesson on the Pope's Children.

Suzanne then expands on her deep knowledge of the Northern Irish situation, it's all about currency and spice burgers. Enjoy Dubland!

Dubland Lockdown Two - the differences between northside and southside lockdowns, the supportive clapping for HSE and NHS workers. More hair cutting analysis. Suzanne has reached Acceptance... PJ not so much. He has wrath to dish out - Cyclists get it. 5k Liars get it. PJ's friends get it. Humans in general get it. New technology gets it. Whatsapp gets it. And, obviously, Trump gets it. Don't drink disinfectant, people.

Dubland meets... absolutely no one because they are living in lockdown! They have figured out how to make chat over the internet and here we are. They talk about everything quarantine related, from home haircuts to Tiger King, from politics to a walk in the park, and from we’ll be out and about next week, to we’ll never be let out again, this is our new forever. All that and everything in between. It’s the isolation consolation we all need right now. Who better than Suzanne and PJ to hunker down in their bunkers and make us feel better about all the junkers, hoarders and plonkers?