This week it was the turn of the immigration service and the justice inspectorate to take Marjolein Faber to task over her unravelling immigration plans. Amsterdam is shocked as five people are stabbed in an apparently random attack near Dam Square. Travellers to the United States are warned about Donald Trump's backward shift on LBGT rights. PSV have to quarantine their new Spanish striker after the player is diagnosed with tuberculosis. And wolves, badgers and house cats are all blamed for wrecking the Netherlands' natural order.

Dick Schoof heads to Brussels for a defence spending summit with orders to pull the emergency brake on the Eurobonds train. Back in The Hague, the PVV holds its own prisons minister hostage over her plans to solve the overcrowding problem in jails. And the education minister wants to attract foreign talent to universities that are cutting down on international students and English-language classes. Intelligence agencies are pushing the boundaries by gathering information in secret for law enforcement agencies, watchdogs warn. The construction sector warns that housebuilding plans are being hamstrung by the nitrogen crisis. The skating season ends with a Dutch gold rush in Norway and Max Verstappen makes a splash as he starts his bid for a fifth Formula One world title in Melbourne.

The latest crisis to engulf Dick Schoof's cabinet sees three coalition parties vote against the prime minister on Europe's rearmament plan to support Ukraine. GroenLinks-PvdA speed up plans for a merger, almost as if they expect an early election. JA21 MP Joost Eerdmans, a PVV councillor and Groningen's former mayor all get into difficulty in their cars. The government wants to tighten up regulations on vaping while Amsterdam steps up restrictions on Airbnb. And while Dutch athletes sweep the board at the European Indoor Championships, one speed skater shoots himself in the foot ahead of the season finale.

There's no such thing as an unqualified success in Dick Schoof's coalition of the unwilling. The prime minister steers a €3.5bn aid package to Ukraine through parliament, but faces accusations of a stitch-up from Geert Wilders. Marjolein Faber's asylum plans are finally signed off in cabinet but are likely to meet stiff resistance in the Senate. Police investigate whether a devastating fire that destroyed some of the few historic buildings in Arnhem that survived the war was started deliberately. PSV suffer a historic drubbing in the Champions League in a bad werk for Dutch clubs, with the noble exception of AZ Alkmaar. And Utrecht's best known underwater doorbell goes online again for the breeding season.

Fish doorbell: www.visdeurbel.nl

An €8 billion windfall turns out to be a poisoned chalice for the cabinet as the coalition parties start scrambling for a piece of the pie. The four parties can't agree on how to mark the third anniversary of the Russian invasion of Ukraine, which is also the subject of Marjolein Faber's latest faux pas. More freelancers are going out of business and more couples are working part-time as changes to the tax system take effect. Schiedam is in shock as a 13-year-old boy is charged with stabbing another teenager to death. Go Ahead Eagles celebrate a historic win in the cup. And Dutch scientists fight back against a crayfish invasion by making the country even flatter.

The mission to realise the "strictest asylum policy ever" takes another twist as housing minister Mona Keijzer bans local councils from giving refugees priority housing while Marjolein Faber gives them a €30,000 incentive to do exactly that. Women's rights, higher education and Unicef are no longer relevant to the Dutch national interest, Reinette Klever declares as she slashes development aid funding. A cabinet crisis on Ukraine is averted when Geert Wilders waters down his opposition to sending more military aid. Two Dutch clubs claim big Italian scalps in the Champions League. And to the chagrin of the king, long queues are expected when 18 works by Rembrandt go on show as part of Amsterdam's 750th birthday celebrations.

As Karl Marx once observed, history repeats itself: the first time as tragedy, the second as farce, the third as Marjolein Faber's asylum policy. The cabinet is on the brink of collapse for the umpteenth time as Geert Wilders blames NSC for his favourite minister's failure to cut any ice with the Council of State. Gelderland province also hits a legal wall in its efforts to fire paintball pellets at wolves. The United Nations special rapporteur on Gaza is cancelled by self-proclaimed advocates of free speech for saying the wrong things about Israel. A new scheme allowing descendants of slavery to let go of their colonial family names without consulting a psychologist. And Feyenoord overcome the loss of their manager and their top goalscorer to notch up another famous win the Champions League.

The BBB is the latest coalition party to be plunged into crisis as an MP quits and the local party in its Overijssel heartland splits over "irreconcilable differences". The three face mask millionaires are told to pay back their ill-gotten gains in a judgment that is scathing of the health ministry's carefree attitude to spending public money. Brussels condemns the Dutch government's failure to tackle nitrogen pollution yet again, this time in the water supply. Marjolein Faber finally finds time to visit Ter Apel just as latest figures show asylum applications are coming down. And is the traditional Dutch dinner of meat, vegetables and potatoes being pushed to the back burner by spicy foreign dishes?

Another week, another round of infighting and backtracking in the coalition, this time over an eye-watering 0.4% increase in the rate of VAT. The Drents Museum is the reluctant star of an international heist drama stretching from Bucharest to Heerhugowaard. Calls for a fireworks ban grow louder following another rise in injuries and attacks on emergency service workers at New Year. Feyenoord fans are banned from Lille and spared the humiliation of watching their team go down 6-1. And we probe the mystery of the missing wolves.

A hazy cloud hangs over the cabinet after it loses another court case against its nitrogen reduction policy. Marjolein Faber's latest wheeze to send asylum seekers home is a one-way trip to Damascus, with compensation for going via Brussels. Shoplifters are getting away with theft and it's down to privacy laws, says a debt collection firm that was implicated in dodgy dealings with the police. More migration woes as muskrats and wolves are invade our borders and sheds. And Brian Priske oversees a Danish pasting for Bayern, but is it enough to save his job at Feyenoord?