Crisis club Ajax plumb new depths of hubris as their ramshackle defending on the pitch is eclipsed by a flurry of own goals in the boardroom. Down the road in The Hague, the manure hits the fan in the coalition talks as the negotiators try to put together the puzzle pieces. A group of pensioners go on trial accused of forming a criminal organisation to distribute suicide powders. Cyclists now account for two in five road deaths, but most would still rather be seen dead than in a safety helmet. And campaigners score a major victory in their efforts to clean up 800 tonnes of debris from the bottom of the Waddenzee.

Groningen is up in arms over the senate's decision to pause the great gas switch-off, in a week when several government plans perish in the upper house. Czech claims that Russia has infiltrated the Dutch parliament leave MPs with an intriguing missed Thierry to solve. Ajax's new chief executive scores a devastating own goal as the club's season of misery continues. The government's efforts to remove non-Ukrainans who fled the war turns into a legal minefield, while oil giant Shell appeals against a court order to clean up after its customers.

After agreeing on a form of government that keeps Pieter Omtzigt on board and Geert Wilders muzzled, the four right-wing parties finally get down to business. Two new negotiators are given the task of producing a programme for government within eight weeks, but the only thing the leaders agree on is that the discussions will be "tough". The PVV scuppers a bill on animal welfare, sweeping changes are made to the law on sex offences and Dilan Yesilgöz is told to switch the air-raid sirens back on. Schiphol airport and KLM are rapped over the knuckles by the courts. And sad news in sport as Emmen withdraw from the shirt sponsorship deal that set the hunebeds buzzing.

A breakthrough of sorts in the coalition talks as the four parties agree to form a "programme cabinet", which sounds like a piece of charity shop furniture. Protests against the visit of Israel's president sparks cast a shadow over the long-awaited opening of Amsterdam's Holocaust Museum. The SGP starts a crusade after learning that the government has ordered four new submarines to be built in France. And drug-running winger Quincy Promes's flight from justice appears to have come crashing down to earth on the streets of Dubai.

More than 100 days after the election, there are cautious signs that the four parties who have been bickering since December might be ready to start talking about forming a government. Meanwhile, the outgoing government is battling to keep international employers like ASML and Boskalis in the country. Venlo is hiring Croatians who don't speak Dutch to drive its buses to solve a shortage of personnel. We explain how Amsterdam's tram operator tried to invoice Germany after the Second World War for transporting Jews to the death camps. And in sport, Quincy Promes is involved in a high-speed dash from justice in Dubai, while Femke Bol and Max Verstappen are unstoppable on their respective tracks.

Kim Putters begins his efforts to complete a coalition puzzle that looks increasingly like a charity shop jigsaw with two pieces missing. The mindbending 3D maze that is the Marengo trial ends with life sentences for ruthless gangland boss Ridouan Taghi and two of his henchmen. The PVV gets itself in a tangle over support for Ukraine as the caretaker government agrees a 10-year military support package. In sport, the Leeuwinnen miss out on a ticket to the Olympic Games, while Femke Bol is hoping to cash in her golden ticket in Glasgow this weekend. And Dutch News stirs up some controversy of its own as we investigate the origins of the Groningen eierbal, a hard-boiled egg deep fried in breadcrumbs that looks strangely familiar to Scottish readers.

Kim Putters begins his quest to form a new cabinet by wargaming the 501 permutations put forward by Pieter Omtzigt. The mayor of The Hague asks if the city "missed signals" about the riots that engulfed an Eritrean community event at the weekend. Scientists in Delft make a breakthrough in battery technology that shouldn't be taken with a pinch of salt. In sport, Irene Schouten shocks the world of speed skating by announcing her retirement while Femke Bol continues to set new standards on the athletics track. And we pay our last respects to a guru of the Elfstedentocht and the seldom seen grootkopboloogwants.

The talks to form a right-wing coalition fall apart like a Babboe cargo bike after Pieter Omtzigt makes a smart getaway in lead negotiator Ronald Plasterk's car. After a debate that sets new standards for passive aggression, Geert Wilders asks another Labour-leaning chauffeur to try to get the show back on the road. Mark Rutte could be checking out early on the old coalition after Nato says it wants to appoint a new chief by Easter. Amsterdam city council's debate on its new erotic palace is disturbed (or perhaps enhanced) by some ghostly grunting. The Netherlands officially emerges from recession but still faces a shortage of skilled workers. Quincy Promes looks forward to an extended stay in Russia after being convicted of drug smuggling, a rescue plan for cursed club Vitesse Arnhem falls through and the cricket team fly in to Kathmandu for their first post-World Cup tour.

We ask where the talks to form a coalition government go next after Pieter Omtzigt pulls out of the negotiations, sending the other three party leaders into a state of synchronised shock. Meanwhile, the farmers' protests heat up again, sending thick black clouds of asbestos-filled smoke billowing across motorways and adding to the pressure on justice minister Dilan Yesilgöz. China denies hacking into a top secret computer system which the Dutch insist didn't contain anything significant anyway. Universities come up with a plan to limit the numbers of foreign students. And a statue of the Butcher of Banda continues to divide opinion in the historic trading port of Hoorn.

The coalition negotiations show signs of grinding to a halt as Geert Wilders's cold storage freezer fills up and relations between the parties become increasingly frosty. The economic picture isn't helping, as inflation remains stubbornly high and housebuilders are unable to keep up with demand. Russia's invasion of Ukraine dominates proceedings at the International Criminal Court. Conspiracy theorists get their teeth into allegations of censorship at "alternative broadcaster" Ongehoord Nederland. And Ajax's women's team continue to make waves in the Champions League.