The talks to form a right-wing coalition fall apart like a Babboe cargo bike after Pieter Omtzigt makes a smart getaway in lead negotiator Ronald Plasterk's car. After a debate that sets new standards for passive aggression, Geert Wilders asks another Labour-leaning chauffeur to try to get the show back on the road. Mark Rutte could be checking out early on the old coalition after Nato says it wants to appoint a new chief by Easter. Amsterdam city council's debate on its new erotic palace is disturbed (or perhaps enhanced) by some ghostly grunting. The Netherlands officially emerges from recession but still faces a shortage of skilled workers. Quincy Promes looks forward to an extended stay in Russia after being convicted of drug smuggling, a rescue plan for cursed club Vitesse Arnhem falls through and the cricket team fly in to Kathmandu for their first post-World Cup tour.

We ask where the talks to form a coalition government go next after Pieter Omtzigt pulls out of the negotiations, sending the other three party leaders into a state of synchronised shock. Meanwhile, the farmers' protests heat up again, sending thick black clouds of asbestos-filled smoke billowing across motorways and adding to the pressure on justice minister Dilan Yesilgöz. China denies hacking into a top secret computer system which the Dutch insist didn't contain anything significant anyway. Universities come up with a plan to limit the numbers of foreign students. And a statue of the Butcher of Banda continues to divide opinion in the historic trading port of Hoorn.

The coalition negotiations show signs of grinding to a halt as Geert Wilders's cold storage freezer fills up and relations between the parties become increasingly frosty. The economic picture isn't helping, as inflation remains stubbornly high and housebuilders are unable to keep up with demand. Russia's invasion of Ukraine dominates proceedings at the International Criminal Court. Conspiracy theorists get their teeth into allegations of censorship at "alternative broadcaster" Ongehoord Nederland. And Ajax's women's team continue to make waves in the Champions League.

Geert Wilders went viral with a serieus probleem this week, and he wasn't alone. Dilan Yesilgöz saw her party cleft in two by the refugee crisis, Amsterdam's lights went out two days in a row and Schiphol airport delayed its plan to make flights less frequent for a third time. PSV Eindhoven's winning streak came to an end, while Ajax's new signing finally overcame the forces of Brexit. Paintballing with wolves was given the go-ahead in Gelderland. And we announce the winner of the highly coveted Ophef of the Year Awards.

While a toilet paper discount caused stampedes in Utrecht, Geert Wilders broke the coalition talks' radio silence for the first time this week. Not to say how happy he is that tart from his home province is now officially on an EU heritage list, but to say that the four parties have "a major problem" following the VVD senate faction's surprising vote in favor of the controversial spreading law, which is opposed by the VVD in the Tweede Kamer, but supported by the VVD in cabinet. The UK government calls on British nationals abroad to register for upcoming elections -- if they haven't been kicked out or forced to move due to ever-increasing rents. An unknown Nijmegen punk band turns out to be one of the biggest Dutch gigs on the international stage, Belgium has won the title of confiscating the most cocaine and the Dutch flower industry is falling victim of inflation and Brexit, just like Ajax that's unable to let their newest acquisition play just yet. One more week to vote for your favorite ophef and to win a special mug! https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSewPb7-Cjv0IhYf0pyCNFeVMnzK0t7x_uskCPg8PKHm-zyFow/viewform

The coalition talks resume with a teambuilding week at a country estate in Hilversum, where the four party leaders try to keep the media and the winter chill from the door. After months of rain, the sub-zero temperatures are welcomed by skaters, but the government's decision to pump extra gas from Groningen gets a frosty response. The International Court of Justice is called on to intervene in Israel's bombardment of Gaza. Marc Overmars's intimate selfies have a long tail as Fifa bans him from working in football around the world. And we bring you a story of nuclear intrigue and espionage involving a Dutch civil engineer in Iran. Vote here for the Ophef of the Year and win a mug: https://forms.gle/KLcZL8eZdv8rhUgo6

It's time again for our annual look back at the microscandals and minor squabbles that enjoyed 15 minutes or less of notoriety on social media. Do you remember the Roman sewage row, the Pokémon stampede, the Anne Frank Borrelplank or the penile solar panels? Almost certainly not, so let us clutter your memory once more.

And don't forget to vote for the most distinguished dollop in the dung heap using our special form. Remember, under our transparently skewed voting system, Patreon supporters have the privilege of an extra vote and Grachtengordel subscribers get three. One "lucky" winner can look forward to receiving a unique DutchNews mug and a Zeesluis IJmuiden coaster.

Vote here: https://forms.gle/R4cUo6oYoYWcfmoU6

The country can and must be governed, coalition scout Ronald Plasterk said after handing in his homework, but who wants to govern the country like this? Pieter Omtzigt still has serious doubts about the PVV's relationship with the constitution, Dilan Yesilgöz doesn't want the VVD to join a coalition and Caroline van der Plas is already fed up with all the bickering. Yesilgöz started a constitutional binfire in parliament when she called on the Senate to drop a migration law drawn up by her VVD colleague, Eric van der Burg, supported by the cabinet, including herself, and passed by the Tweede Kamer. Germany says a man from Rotterdam linked to Hamas was part of a Berlin-based plot to attack Jewish sites in Europe. Rembrandt's smallest portraits go on display in the Rijksmuseum after being authenticated. And we sign off for the holiday season by asking how many people will be getting coronavirus for Christmas, after hospitals report a surge in cases.

As the coalition talks hobble towards the start line, a new parliament of fresh faces is sworn in. But only after the old gang gets together for one last job: solving the mystery of some missing votes in Tilburg. The Brabant city is also the scene of some surreal footballing scenes as the orange Lionesses edge out the white ones in the Nations League. The Dutch government is taken to court over its supply of fighter jet parts to Israel, while the Red Cross is called in again to fix the problems in Ter Apel refugee centre. Reports suggest the Netherlands narrowly avoided being invasion by Boris Johnson, who wanted to get his hands on its vaccine stocks. Plus Amsterdam's plans for the mother of all circle parties, Rotterdam's contribution to world heritage and the contenders for the Dutch word of the year.

The process of forming a new government gets off to an inauspicious start when Geert Wilders's candidate to canvas the 15 parties turns out to have some undisclosed dodgy dealings. Geert can't find a partner, Pieter is bickering about the prenups, Dilan just wants to be friends and Caroline is urging them to give it another try. Away from the negotiations, asylum seekers get the right to work more than half the year and solve the housing crisis, while shopping bills continue to defy inflation. The most famous Dutch women's coach plots the downfall of her former charges with her new team across the North Sea. And we look at whether Amsterdam's campaign to purge British tourists from the red light district is paying off.