It's time once again for our semi-regular dip into the obscene stream of consciousness that is Douglas's notebook. Marvel at such concepts as a door-to-door door salesman, secret nostrils and cheese magic, and wonder how Douglas came to write them down. Douglas wonders too...

In an incendiary eighty-fifth episode, omni-critic Horace Perrault joins us in our high-tech temporary recording studio/pillow fort in Shepparton to bring his unique brand of critique to a seemingly innocuous toiletry item. Please do not try to make your own post-modern statement of critical analysis through the medium of fire - Mr Perrault is a highly trained professional and knows what he is doing (probably).

In a (slightly late) International Men's Day episode, Douglas speaks to country music star Bruce Plank about how to be a good bloke. How do reforesting Tasmania, koala cuddles and exploding eagles relate to positive masculinity? Listen and find out.

As the news this week is likely to have caused considerable stress and tension, this week Earwash presents a soothing audio balm of Douglas's notebook nonsense. Pour yourself a glass of human juice, find somewhere confortable to lie down, press play on this episode, and let your sphincters unclench. All your sphincters.

Just when you thought the American elections couldn't throw up any more weirdness, out comes this week's episode of Earwash, contains an excerpt from eroticist Jonathan Crepuscular's new novel, Trumpy Pumpy. In an election season that's been full of outrageous soundbites, I can guarantee that there's some new and outrageous ones in this episode

What to say about this episode? "Enjoy" seems too much, "I'm sorry" not enough. So, something between the two is what i want to say about this episode, which contains the distilled essence of my notebook.

By way of apology for the recent disruptions to the release schedule, Earwash presents a soothing ear balm of turning pages, the clink of glasses and the sound of a ukelele impeding progress. Earwash will not, however, be apologising to anyone who feels that this is an inadequate apology for the disrupted release schedule.

This week, country singer Bruce Plank drops by to tell us about his travels and collect the dog with no name. Some listeners have reported hearing a strange whistling noise every time the phrase "the dog with no name" is spoken; I can guarantee that there is no such sound in this episode, and anyone who can hear it should get themselves checked for tinnitus.

I'd like to say Douglas has a good excuse for the late release of this episode, but he does not - He did however have a delightful weekend. But I digress. This week we dip into the contents of Douglas's notebooks, which feature a preponderance of lesbians, centipedes and semen. So, business as usual.