Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

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Dealing ...

Technological devices are a part of our lives. Most of us have smartphones and use them consistently throughout the day. They are impacting the quality of our relationships, our attention, and ability to be present.

Wedding Ceremony

In this episode, you will hear my husband, Reid Peterson, and I share a little bit about our journey and some of what has been significant to us over the last several years.

Recording this ...

In this episode, I share my personal story of falling in love and having relationship challenges. Hear how I dealt with it, what I learned, and what ultimately ended up happening for me.

Here are the ...

All too often, we avoid challenges in our relationship. Either we don't know how to address our concerns skillfully or we are afraid of creating tension and upset. While we want to increase the likelihood ...

The Relational Approach emphasizes the priority of the relationship. It puts the focus on the quality of connection and bond, rather than any task or agenda at hand.

Here are 4 C's to help you practice ...

Agreements help foster clarity, confidence, progress, and trust.

Setting up a conversation for success can be the most important part of being effective.

1. STATING & ASKING

• Men will often use the language, "We should ________."
• Women will often use the language, "Do you want to _______."
• Goal is to use transparent and clear language, like, "I would like _______. What do you want?

1. CHECKING IT OUT & CLARIFYING

• Getting clear personally
• Being true and honest (not falling into the pattern of feeling obligated)
• Giving only what you have and being willing to say no.
• Getting to a win/win
• Using reflective listening. Here is an article that offers step-by-step guidance.

1. BEING EXPLICIT ABOUT THE AGREEMENT

• Listening is not a form of an agreement
• Anchoring the agreement in time. For example, "Friday at 3pm let's check-in. I will plan on doing ________."
• This can be helpful because it is easy to get distracted, busy, and get into avoidance patterns.

1. RENEGOTIATING, IF NEEDED

• You make the best agreement you can, and if something changes, you always have the opportunity to renegotiate.
• If you realize that you need to change some aspect of the agreement, give your partner a heads up and ask for a renewed agreement.

1. HONOR YOUR PART

• If you take the time to be clear about what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do, then it will be much more likely that you can follow through and honor your word.
• This can increase positive feelings in the relationship as well as within yourself.

Thank you so much for investing in the process of improving your relationship skills. If you have a question that you would like me to answer, please leave me a voice message, by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review, if you would be willing to click here.

Thank you!

Our expectations inform how we relate and react to others. Usually, we don't stop to look at why we have certain expectations and whether or not they serve our relationships. Even when our expectations go ...

Expectations can fuel and motivate how we relate and react to our partners. Commonly, we expect our partners to treat us in a particular way and love us in the way that we want to ...

What are the ways you offer support when your partner is having a difficult time? While most of us will have a few answers to this question, it may be another story in the heat of the moment. Picture your partner being very upset, see what happens for you internally when you imagine this scenario. It is common to feel a sense of tightening in your body or have some type of reaction or concern. You don't want you partner to feel bad - you want to help, but you might not know how. What do you do?

In this episode, I discuss six ways to offer support. These can be options for you to consider the next time, your partner is having a difficult time and is wanting your support. Throughout this episode, I offer suggestions, examples, and tips. At the end of the day, I want to encourage you to ask your partner what would feel most helpful.

1. Listening: Offering your undivided attention and focus.

2. Emotional Attunement: Verbally or nonverbally staying connected with what your partner is expressing. Staying present.

Short animated video about empathy (with Brene Brown) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw Reflective listening practice/article http://drjessicahiggins.com/effective-communication-tool/

3. Offering Feedback: If your partner is interested in your feedback, offering your ideas, insight, or suggestions, with the intention to help.

Video mentioned https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg John Gray's book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Platinum Rule article http://drjessicahiggins.com/new-ways-loving/

4. Challenge: Offering a different perspective or different way of looking at the situation that relates to your partner's bigger vision or value. Being curious and wondering (with love).

5. Encouragement: Offering reassurance and affirmation to your partner. Letting your partner know they can do it. Believing in your partner, and seeing the strength in them.

Dr. Peter Pearson & Dr. Ellyn Bader.

6. Physical Presence: Offering physical affection and comfort (i.e. high-five, hug, pat on the back).

I hope you are able to give some of these suggestions a try, and I would love to hear your thoughts.

If you have a question that you would like me to answer, please leave me a voice message, by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review, if you would be willing to click here.

Thank you! ❤