Sign up to save your podcasts
Or
Share Episode 119: Reminding Your Parents That Attendance Is A Privilege And Not A Right
Share to email
Share to Facebook
Share to X
Share to email
Share to Facebook
Share to X
Or
Episode 119: Reminding Your Parents That Attendance Is A Privilege And Not A Right
We’ve all been there.
A parent is in your office and they are complaining about the school’s policies for detention or dress code or sports eligibility or the grading scale, etc, etc……..
It can get really frustrating when the school policy is in black and white in your handbook and the parent doesn’t think that these rules should apply to their child. It gets even worse when you are discussing a suspension from school or from the basketball team.
I think that part of the reason that they act this way is because they are confused.
They think that attendance at your school is a right. But attendance at your school is not a right. It’s a privilege.
Are we just going to throw up our hands in frustration and give up? Of course not. We are going to take action On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to talk about Reminding Your Parents That Attendance Is A Privilege And Not A Right.
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do,
Mark Minkus
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode119
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, • where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So we've all been there, • • and we've all had that moment when a parent walks into your office • and they're upset about their child, and • they're upset about the way that the school is trying to enforce clearly stated policies, • • • and they're just acting like none of the rules apply to their kid • • and that their child is entitled to • • • attend your school no matter what. • • • • And • • I think that part of the reason that they act this way is because they're confused. • • • • And they're confused because they think that attending your school is a right. • • • • • • Well, it's not a right. Attending your school is a privilege. • • • So then are we just going to throw up our hands and say, well, that's just how that parent is. And, uh, then we cave into their • demands, and then we're just frustrated and then complain about them to our • • family when we get home? Is that what we're going to do? • • • • No, • • • we're going to • take action. • • And on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, • • we are going to talk about reminding your parents • • that attendance is a privilege • and not a right. • • • • But before we jump into that, I want to just • • pause and tell you that • I've been where you are right now. • • • And • • • • I used to have parents at my school • • that lived rent free in my head 24 7. And when I was trying to fall asleep or at the dinner table or driving to work or in the shower, and parents are just in my head. And I used to get super anxious and even, you know, sick to my stomach just even thinking about talking to certain parents. • • And honestly, parent issues just dominated every aspect of my work as a private school leader. And I was stressed out most of the time. • • • Uh, and I didn't know what to do, and I didn't have a plan. • • • But what I did have was anxiety and fear and insecurity. • • • • • Well, that's why I created Parent Academy, because I want you to have a plan. • And with Parent Academy, you will go from feeling anxious and stressed • • about working with parents to feeling confident, calm, • and relaxed. • • • • I want to say that one more time with Parent Academy, you will go from feeling anxious and stressed • • about working with parents to feeling confident, calm and relaxed. • • • And Parent Academy is an online digital course • that is your step by step framework for building effective partnerships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. • • And after I teach you these strategies, then I'm going to teach your teachers because there's two 45 minute webinars with guided notes that you can use at a PD with your teachers at your school. • • • • And so I want you to check this out and you can go over to the privatescger.com parentacademy to learn more • about this new course and how it can help the parents that are living rent free in your head • • move out. It's time for them to move out.
7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers is a free PDF
So • • privatehoolader.com parent parentacademy and then I want to give you a free gift just to say thank you for listening to the podcast. And this One is a PDF called 7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers. • You know, and sometimes we need some courage and some confidence to deal with difficult teachers. • And, you know, we need a plan. I think that all good teachers have a lesson plan. All good coaching coaches have a game plan. • • And I want to give you a plan when it comes to working • with your. • • • • Maybe it's only a couple teachers or one teacher that's difficult, but I want you to have a step by step plan that you can use • • to help them improve their, uh, performance and improve their attitude. And so if you go to the privatescgaler.com difficult, you can grab this free guide. And again, it's called seven Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers. And it's just one small way that I can say thank you for taking • time out of your busy schedule to listen to the podcast. • • •
Attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right
So at the top of the episode, I said that I want to talk about how we're going to remind our parents that attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right. • • And so the first thing that we're going to do is to compare and contrast • • rights and privileges. Just get a couple definitions out of the way • • and then talk and give a few examples about how attendance at your school is a privilege. And then I'm going to give you seven strategies that will help you remind your parents • that attendance is a privilege and not a right. • • • • So first of all, let's talk about rights and privileges. So just by definition, a right is something that is legally guaranteed. • • • • • And you know, in most cases, • • a right is something that society as a whole • • • agrees upon. • • • And it's also something that cannot easily be taken away. So for example, • • in the United States, there's a right to free public education. And that's guaranteed for all children under the age of 18 years old, regardless of their, • uh, their behavior, their academic performance or anything. Kids in America have a right to free public education. That's a right that cannot be easily taken away. And • • we agree as a society that that's important, and it's a right that is legally guaranteed. • • • But on the other hand, a privilege • • • • • • is a special benefit • • or advantage • • that's granted under certain conditions and can be revoked. So again, I'm just trying to change your mindset, because I think that sometimes we think that once a kid is in our school, that they're just there forever, and we just have to put up with whatever the kid does and with whatever the parent does. • • And I know I'm speaking in extremes right now, but sometimes that's how we think. • • And so a student being at your school is a privilege. It's not a right. • • • And privileges are not guaranteed by law. And • • they can be removed based on. Based on our actions • • • or our performance or special circumstances. And so let me give you an example. • So let's say that I'm driving my car • • through a neighborhood where the speed limit is 25 miles per hour, and I'm going 55. And so I get a ticket. And then a week later, I'm doing the same thing, and I'm driving 55, and I get another ticket. • Well, sooner or later, if I get enough tickets, they're gonna revoke my. • • • Excuse me, They'renna Revoke my license. • • • And • • • • having a driver's license • is a privilege. • • It's not a right. It is a privilege • • that's a special benefit that's granted under certain conditions and can be revoked. So I passed my driver's test when I was 16. • • I got a driver's license. You know, every four years I have to renew it, um, so on and so forth. But • • it is a privilege • • that could be taken away • • based on my behavior. • • • • And even though kids in the United States are guaranteed access to public education, • • • they are not guaranteed • • • • to an education at your private school. That is not a legal right. That is a privilege. • • And it's an opportunity. And it's wonderful, and it's amazing. And again, I, uh, want to acknowledge that not many people in America on a percentage basis can afford that. • • But • we have to get clear on this. • • • • It's an opportunity that you're providing as a school, and it can be taken away • • if certain conditions aren't met or because of behavior or something like that.
Attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right
And so I want to talk for another minute now about how • • attendance at your school is a privilege. • • • So, you know, we talk about • • • • • privilege, um, • • and responsibility • • • and how as long as you fulfill your responsibility, you get to keep the privilege. You know, that's something that you learned when you were a kid at your house, you know, if you had chores • • and um, um, you • • had, you know, some sort of privilege like watching TV or • • • • • going, um, • out with your friends or riding your bike or something that mattered to you, • • • that as long as you fulfilled your responsibilities in the home, then you got to keep those privileges. • • • • And once you started • • to, • • you know, mess up or not do the thing or to get into trouble at school or get in trouble with the, that police or whatever the case might have been when you were a kid, • • then those privileges were taken away. And so at our school, • • • you know, think about behavior. • • Student, uh, • • behavior and student discipline. • • • • • • • It happens in our schools, and so it usually escalates it as far as the consequences. It starts out with something small like a lunch detention or a, uh, phone call home or a walking recess or whatever it might be. • • • • • • • • But if it continues, • • even if it's low level, chronic misbehavior, if it continues and it never stops, • then the consequences are going to escalate all the way to • a suspension, which is a temporary • • • revocation of a privilege of attendance, or all the way to expulsion, which is the ultimate revocation of that privilege. • • So behavior, student discipline could lead to the privilege being taken away. • • • Academic performance. You know, we have standards, • • and of course, sometimes a, uh, student's academic performance • is not related to their effort, but it's related to some sort of learning difference or exceptionality that they have. And so we're going to provide all the support that they can. But if we have a capable student that's just not doing the work and is pulling down D's and F's, we're going to figure something out. We're going to put them on academic probation • • and possibly eventually • • • • remove them from our school if they're just not • fulfilling their responsibilities as a student. • • • • • And what about financial responsibility of the family? You know, families have to pay tuition, • • and so they have a responsibility to pay tuition. And if they just don't, if they just stop doing it, then they're no longer fulfilling their responsibility, • and then that privilege is going to be taken away. • • • And one last example is attendance. You know, you have an attendance policy. • Students can only miss a certain number of days. They can only be tardy a certain number of times. • And if a family, if a student is just blowing off school • • • • day after day, week after week. Then sooner or later you're going to take away the privilege of them attending your school. • And there are many, many more examples. So I'm just trying to frame, set the frame that work the mindset for you to start looking at, uh, students in your school and families in your school through the lens of • • the Attendance • is a privilege and not a right. Because I know that you're pretty clear on that. • But sometimes parents, • • • if they were once clear on that, they sure don't act like they're clear on it now in the moment, in the emotion, in the heat of the moment. • • •
Seven strategies to remind parents that attendance is a privilege and not a right
And so now we're going to talk about seven strategies to remind parents • that attendance is a privilege • • and not a right. • • Okay, I'm going toa give you all seven • • • and then we'll break them down one at a time. • • And seven is a lot. And as usual, I'll take good care of you in the show notes@the privateschoolader.com Episode 119. • • • And you can just listen and then if this is something that you feel like needs a little attention at your school, • • then you can check things out in the show notes. • • So the seven strategies. Number one, clear language and enrollment contracts. • • Number two, clear language in the family handbook. • • Number three, teach the kids. • • Number four, use common language. Number five, give honest feedback. • • • Number six, positive reinforcement. • • And number seven, follow through consistently with courage and integrity. • • • • • • So number one is clear language and enrollment contracts. • • • • And so • • • if, if the language is not clear • • • • and maybe 95% or 99% of your enrollment contract is clear. • • But our enrollment contracts need to have a sentence or two that make it very clear • • • • • that attending the school is a privilege and not a right. • • And also typically to outline in general language • the circumstances under which that privilege could be revoked. And so just even a sentence about academic performance, behavior, • • um, failing to fulfill financial responsibility, • • • • so on and so forth, that you know, again, a statement in the enrollment contract that attending your school is a privilege, not a right. And what are the things that would trigger that privilege being taken away? • • • • Now here's the thing. • • • • • • • • • The enrollment contract • • • • is a thing that a parent looks at once a year, • • • and a lot of it is digital now. And they're going to check a little box on a Google form or something like that, • • • • and they'renna • go in for • • the biggest lie in the world. • • • So what's the biggest lie in the world? • • • • • Well, you've, you've done it and I've done it probably in the last week or Two, • • and it's, I have read the terms and conditions. Check, okay? The biggest lie in the world is I've read the terms and conditions. So if, if we want to be real, • we have to be real about the fact that not very many parents read the clear language in the enrollment contracts. And then also the challenge with that is that that was one moment in time during the entire school year. • • And so that's why number two is so important. And that's clear language in the family handbook. • Because if the enrollment contract is once a year, at least the family handbook is more accessible. • • • And I'm not trying to pretend that some parent is sitting around reading the family handbook for enjoyment by the fireside, you know, um, on a Tuesday night. • • That's not what we do. That's not what they do. • • • • But it is more accessible. • Sometimes it lives on your website. Um, it's something that many schools, • • um, • • not only do they have a parent sign • • • the enrollment contract, but they also have them click a box or sign something to say, yes, I've read the handbook. • And honestly, if you don't do that, I would encourage that you start that, uh, perhaps next school year where there's some, um, acknowledgement that the parent has read. Um, • • we're not saying they agree with everything in the handbook, but just acknowledgement that they'received and read • the family handbook. And so, • • um, you know, and also I think family handbooks are just perceived as more relevant and more present, • • um, • more day to day because they talk about things that are happening daily day to day in our schools as opposed to kind of this one time thing in our • family handbook. And I'm going to give some examples of some clear language • • in the show notes. • • Um, um, and I use chat GPT to generate, I think it's 10, • um, • statements • and they're all fairly similar. But it could give you some ideas because I know some of you are thinking, okay, number one, number two, clear language and enrollment contracts and clear language in the family handbook. Well, what, what does that even look like? • • Well, like I said, I use CHAT GPT and I came up with examples and put them in a Google Doc. And I've linked that for you in the show notes@the privategider.com episode 119. And so you can check that out and just, you know, see, is this something that needs to be added or needs to be revised • • in our • • family handbook or in our enrollment contract? • •
Teaching kids about privilege and responsibility is part of being a good leader
Okay, so that brings us to number three, which is teach the kids. • • • So over my 33 years as a private school Leader. I've had hundreds, maybe even thousands of conversations with students, • • and many of those conversations • • have to do with • • something that the kid did • • and talking about the consequence and why did you do that? And how can we repair this relationship? And things like that. • • • But one of the conversations that is probably one that I've had the most often • • is even if I'm being proactive and it's a kid that I see that's kind of going down the wrong path and • • • • • starting to get in trouble, or if it's a kid that's been in trouble, and I'm really trying to put a stop to that, is I talk about the two sides of the same coin, and I'll literally pull out a coin, and I'll be like, okay, • • this side of the coin is • • • a privilege. • So. And then I'll say, well, tell me what are some privileges? And they'll be like, well, • • um, • • • • • you know, playing on the basketball team or • • • being in the spring musical. They usually don't say going to school here, you know, because that doesn't cross their mind. And that's part of the reason that we're teaching the kids. But they'll name some privileges or. And I'll say, well, name a privilege outside of school, you know, and they'll be like, okay, • um, playing my Xbox or something like that. Okay. And then I'll say, okay, so on one side of the coin is privilege, and on the other side of the coin is responsibility. • • • And then I'll usually use that example that I used about, um, • • • • • • • • • the car and the police and the speeding tickets. And I'll be like, you know, as long as I fulfill my responsibility, • • I get to keep the privilege of having a driver's license. • • And then I apply it to them. And I'm like, look, • • you • • • • • have • • • privileges and responsibilities at this school, and I'll name some of the privileges for that kid in particular. • • And I'll say, but I want you to know those privileges can be taken away if you don't fulfill your responsibility. And then I'll mention a couple responsibilities. And sometimes it's a pep talk about academic performance. Usually it's a pep talk about behavior. And I'll just say, look, if you keep going down this path, um, • • you're not fulfilling your responsibility as a student, a good citizen in this school community. And then we're going to take away. We're going to start taking away privileges. • • And then depending on how far down the road we are, it might even be me talking about taking away the privilege of them being a Student in our school. I remember just in the past year I was, our school goes up to eighth grade and I was asking a seventh grader, do you want to be an eighth grader at our school? Because that is a privilege that could be taken away, that opportunity for you to be back next year. • • And so • • • • • I'm talking about something that I talk to kids about in my office. But this is something that we could talk about in advisory. • • We could talk about it during class. • • • Um, we certainly can remind kids in those one on one conversations • • where your teachers are reminding them about, you know, sports eligibility. Like you're on the soccer team, but do you want to, • • do you want to stay on the soccer team? Like this math grade, like we've got to get it together here. You've got to start turning in your homework. • • And most of the time what I've found is, is that when it comes to me feeling comfortable giving this conversation, having this conversation, • • it's usually something that's in the kids control, • • you know, and my point is, is that it's an effort issue with the academics or it's a, the choice issue when it comes to the behavior. Um, there are always outliers where the kid just needs support, whether it's an IEP or um, a behavior plan or whatever. But you know, most of the time when I think that this • • • conversation about privilege and responsibility • • is applicable and appropriate is when it's within the child's ability level, • • • • it's within the child's control to make things better. Okay? So of course we have to support our students who are unable to do that. And so we know that like poor behavior and poor grades mean that privileges are taken away. And I'm not saying that we harp on that all the time, but that should be something that is known in our school, that's known by our students and that is clear and that the connection is clear. • • • And the reason that I'm kind of harping on this is because there are more and more kids now where this is not something that's taught at their home. • • • Um, they don't know that because maybe they can do whatever and their privileges aren't taken away. And so we have a responsibility, regardless of the parenting that's happening at home, is to teach the kids • • • • • • • this truth, this concept, because it's. And so those teachable moments. And then one last thing on teaching the kids, • • • • it could be in your social studies or civics or government class • • that you know rights, as far as, you know the Constitution • • and the difference between rights and privileges • and then, you know, applying that to school. So hopefully you get what I'm going for here is that, you know, I know the title of this episode is Reminding the parents • • that attendance at school is a privilege and not a right. • But we can also remind the kids of this and teach the kids. And I've seen this to be something that in many cases has, uh, • been a game changer, these kinds of conversations. • • •
Number four is common language among the faculty and the administrators
Okay, that brings us to number four. And number four is common language among the faculty and the administrators. So we're going to use common language. And so, for example, • • • at our school, we used. • • • We continue to use, • • um, growth mindset, common language. So, for instance, putting the word yet at the end of a sentence. I don't know, I'm not good at math, comma, yet. I have no idea how to play soccer yet. • • Um, so the power of yet, um. We don't praise intelligence. We praise effort and stamina. We celebrate mistakes. We say things like, failure is not a permanent condition. So there's a lot of common language around growth mindset • at the school, • • • • • • • • but we can also have • common language • • when it comes to some of the things that we say • • • • • and some of the things that are part of our • • vocabulary, just part of the circulatory system of our school. • • And I'm going to give you a couple of examples. • • • • And again, I've linked these in the show notes. Uh, assist. An assist from ChatGPT here as well. • • And this language is going to sound a little stiff, • • but I want you to more or less just get the idea that, you know, just like with growth mindset, if you have shared language, • if there are some things • • that are shared language among your faculty and your administrators, it can become very powerful because it's like a broken record. And. And that broken record then just starts to really sink in to the • • minds and hearts of the kids. But you're also going to use this common language when you're communicating with parents. So let me just give you a couple here. • • • Um, again, it's going to sound stiff, but you'll get the idea. So, quote, we are honored to have you here, • but it's important to remember that being part of the school community is a privilege that you earn every day. • Okay. Earn it every day. • • • So another one is, attendance at our school is a privilege given to students who uphold our values, meet our academic standards, and contribute positively to our community. • • • Not a big fan of that one, but then there's this one. This school provides you with opportunities to grow and succeed, but it's important to Remember that maintaining your place here is contingent on your actions and your commitment. And so, again, I'm not a fan of that one • • tremendously either. I kind of like the first one more. • But what I'm going for here is that just to get you thinking, • • um, and again, I've got 10 of those in the show notes • • just to stimulate your thinking about, well, what would be something that could be on a poster? What could be something that could just be. • That is like our go to phrase, • • um, earn it every day, you know, whatever the case might be. • • We're trying to do that broken record that's going to get them, • • the students and the parents • remembering • • • that attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right. • •
Number five is giving honest feedback. And number six is positive reinforcement for good behavior
And then that brings us to number five, which is honest feedback. And I really believe that students and parents should always know where they stand, that we should hold them accountable. • • And • • that's it. You know, that's teachers at parent teacher conferences because we know that sometimes • they pull their punches because they're worried that you're not going to have your back or they're afraid of the parents. • • But • • • • • if we just give them • • positive feedback all the time to the kids and to the parents, everything's great, everything's wonderful, there's no problem, blah, blah, blah, then it'snna be impossible for us to hold them accountable. • And it almost becomes that if we don't give honest feedback, it almost becomes a right for them to be in the school because it's not something that we're ever going to take away. • • And so my point is, is that I'm not saying that's easy to give honest feedback to an upset parent, but I'm saying it's necessary and it's actually our responsibility to do right by the child to give accurate • feedback. • • • And we need to remind our teachers two things. • And the first and most important thing is, is that you actually have their backs. And then to actually do that, • • because if you have their backs • • • and there's, there's, um, evidence of that, then they're going to have more confidence to give accurate feedback to the parents. • • And, you know, this, this. And then also. So first is to actually have their backs, and then the second thing is to remind teachers that accurate feedback • • really benefits the child. • • • And that's the most important thing. And so • • • if we want • • • to be able to, • • quote, unquote, enforce this idea of • • the privilege of attendance, that it's, you know, fulfill your responsibility • • and you get to keep the privilege, well, then we need to give honest feedback about how well, they're doing with keeping the responsibilities academically and behaviorally and social, um, • • social and emotionally. And if we're not doing that, then we're going toa be stuck. • • • • It's just like never giving feedback to a teacher, • • • never observing them, never, you know, documenting everything. And then you're like, ugh, you know, this teacher doesn't belong here. I really need to coach them out or counsel them out or terminate them. But then you, we don't do it because we didn't, um, • give them the honest feedback. • So • • number five, honest feedback. And number six is positive reinforcement for the good behavior. So we want to shine a spotlight • on the good, um, on the people who are fulfilling their responsibilities in a great way. And so, • • • • • you know, the, that could be, you know, quote unquote, catching them being good in second grade. It could be, you know, • • • • a certificate given in front of the whole school assembly. • • Um, it could be your weekly parent memo that there's a little, • • occasionally there's, there's a spotlight that's being shown on the kids who are really crushing it, • um, and whatever the case might be. • • But if we want to, • • • • • • • if we want to encourage all students to fulfill their responsibility, • • then we need to make it desirable and cool and awesome • • • • • for the kids who are fulfilling their responsibility. • • • • Because you and I both know that sometimes in schools like the ones who are crushing it behaviorally and academically, they're looked at as the outliers or the non cool kids or the whatever. And there's always going to be a component of that. But I think that we have a responsibility • • to give these kids • • the props that they deserve. And so that could also be in one on one conversations. And I'm sure your teachers do that a lot. I'm sure you as a leader even do that sometimes. By the way, it means more coming from you as a leader than it does coming from a teacher.
Number seven is to follow through consistently with courage and integrity on school discipline
And that brings us to number seven • • on our list of how • • these strategies of how we're going to help our remind our teachers • • that • attendance at our school is a privilege and not a right. Number seven is to follow through consistently • with courage and integrity. • And I would say that this is the hardest thing to do on this list. • • We have to hold the students accountable. We have to communicate this consistently with courage and integrity to the parents. • • And when it comes to suspending a kid, • • man, sometimes • • it's just that that good kid who never does anything, but then they made that poor choice. • • And it's very clear in the handbook that the thing that they did that they need to be suspended for a couple of days. • • And, um, I can remember years ago, • • • • • • one of the hardest things I had to do was I had a board member. • • • • • Um, his son was a captain of the basketball team. He was a senior, and it was senior recognition night, • • and I had to suspend him. And not only from school, but also to not be at that game, to be recognized as a senior captain of the basketball team. • • • • • But because it was so clear what had happened. If I hadn't done that, then • • • • my integrity would have been damaged. And so I'm not saying it's easy, especially when we're talking to • • a big donor or an influential family or the family with five kids that's been in the school forever, or the parent of, um, the parent is a teacher and they have a kid at your school. Like, sometimes it's really, really hard to be consistent and to use courage and to use integrity and to follow through. But if we really want to be consistent about this idea of attendance as a privilege, • • not a right, • • we have to hold them accountable. • • And our integrity, of course, is just asking ourselves, what is the right thing to do in this situation. • • • And I would also encourage you, because I learned this the hard way is don't overcomplicate it. • • You know, the more you think about it, the more you take your time, the more you pray about it, the more that you delay, the harder it is. • • If the kid did the thing, the thing is clear in the handbook, then the consequence needs to take place. • • And, um, I'm telling you, I know that's easier said than done. Um, • I've been there. I understand that. But if we really want kids and parents to realize • • that • • accountability, • • • • • • we, uh, want to hold them accountable, and we want to remind them that • it's a privilege to be here, and you can keep the privilege as long as you fulfill your responsibilities. • • When they're not fulfilling the responsibilities, then we need to do the thing. We need to enforce the consequence. We need to take away that privilege, even if it's temporarily. And that could be • • • • • • • on a big Friday night football game when the star of the team isn't playing because of the D in science class. You know, it could be • • that, you know, we're in tech week for the spring musical, and the lead, um, isn't at rehearsal. • • • • • • • Those make me cringe just thinking about it. But, • • • you know, integrity is not circumstantial. Integrity is something that we are trying to do the right thing in every situation. • • • • And so we just need to, as hard as it is to follow through consistently with courage and integrity.
Mark Menkus shares seven strategies to remind parents that attendance is a privilege
And so our big takeaways, • • • we're talking about the seven strategies to remind parents that attendance is a privilege and not a right. Number one, clear language and enrollment contracts. Number two, • • clear language in the family handbook. Number three, teach the kids. • Number four, use common language. Number five, give honest feedback. • Six, positive reinforcement for those, um, fulfilling • • • • their responsibilities. And then number seven, follow through consistently with courage and integrity. And I like to end every episode with, uh, a call to action and just ask you to take a look at your family handbook and decide if it needs some attention with regards to a privilege of attendance type statement. • And remember that I've got examples for you in the show notes at the privateg leader.com • • • episode 119. • • And then just a quick reminder, um, • • about Parent Academy. It's an online digital course. It's your step by step framework for building effective partnerships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. • And the best part is, is that after I teach you the step by step framework, I will then teach your teachers. • • Because Parent Academy also comes with two 45 minute webinar trainings that are plug and play PDs. • • There's a 27 page printable workbook for your teachers with guided notes and discussion questions and additional teacher resources. And again, you can check that out@the privatescluter.com ParentAcademy and then one last free resource for you. Again, another way of saying thank you for listening. And that is a PDF called the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. • • And we know that litigation is expensive and time consuming and extremely stressful. • • • And this is a common sense guide that will help you be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. And so you can grab this at the privatechool leader.com lawsuit. That's the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. Just head over to the privatehoolleader.com lawsuit to download that. • And then just one, • • uh, • • one quick request, a favor that I would ask of you. And that is if you've ever gotten value from any • • nugget strategy, anything from any episode. • • • I'd love for you right now to think about another leader in your life • • • and to, uh, send them the link to this podcast • • • and then also to think about someone at your school that just is showing potential as a rising leader, perhaps a future leader in private school education • • • • and send them the link to the podcast. • • • • If you would do that, I would be so appreciative and I just want to thank you so much for being here. I've been your host. Mark Menkus. I appreciate you. I appreciate all the hard work that you're doing at your school, and thank you for taking some, uh, time out of your week to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private Schoolal Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
View all episodes
By Mark Minkus
4.9
6161 ratings
We’ve all been there.
A parent is in your office and they are complaining about the school’s policies for detention or dress code or sports eligibility or the grading scale, etc, etc……..
It can get really frustrating when the school policy is in black and white in your handbook and the parent doesn’t think that these rules should apply to their child. It gets even worse when you are discussing a suspension from school or from the basketball team.
I think that part of the reason that they act this way is because they are confused.
They think that attendance at your school is a right. But attendance at your school is not a right. It’s a privilege.
Are we just going to throw up our hands in frustration and give up? Of course not. We are going to take action On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to talk about Reminding Your Parents That Attendance Is A Privilege And Not A Right.
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do,
Mark Minkus
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode119
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, • where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So we've all been there, • • and we've all had that moment when a parent walks into your office • and they're upset about their child, and • they're upset about the way that the school is trying to enforce clearly stated policies, • • • and they're just acting like none of the rules apply to their kid • • and that their child is entitled to • • • attend your school no matter what. • • • • And • • I think that part of the reason that they act this way is because they're confused. • • • • And they're confused because they think that attending your school is a right. • • • • • • Well, it's not a right. Attending your school is a privilege. • • • So then are we just going to throw up our hands and say, well, that's just how that parent is. And, uh, then we cave into their • demands, and then we're just frustrated and then complain about them to our • • family when we get home? Is that what we're going to do? • • • • No, • • • we're going to • take action. • • And on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, • • we are going to talk about reminding your parents • • that attendance is a privilege • and not a right. • • • • But before we jump into that, I want to just • • pause and tell you that • I've been where you are right now. • • • And • • • • I used to have parents at my school • • that lived rent free in my head 24 7. And when I was trying to fall asleep or at the dinner table or driving to work or in the shower, and parents are just in my head. And I used to get super anxious and even, you know, sick to my stomach just even thinking about talking to certain parents. • • And honestly, parent issues just dominated every aspect of my work as a private school leader. And I was stressed out most of the time. • • • Uh, and I didn't know what to do, and I didn't have a plan. • • • But what I did have was anxiety and fear and insecurity. • • • • • Well, that's why I created Parent Academy, because I want you to have a plan. • And with Parent Academy, you will go from feeling anxious and stressed • • about working with parents to feeling confident, calm, • and relaxed. • • • • I want to say that one more time with Parent Academy, you will go from feeling anxious and stressed • • about working with parents to feeling confident, calm and relaxed. • • • And Parent Academy is an online digital course • that is your step by step framework for building effective partnerships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. • • And after I teach you these strategies, then I'm going to teach your teachers because there's two 45 minute webinars with guided notes that you can use at a PD with your teachers at your school. • • • • And so I want you to check this out and you can go over to the privatescger.com parentacademy to learn more • about this new course and how it can help the parents that are living rent free in your head • • move out. It's time for them to move out.
7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers is a free PDF
So • • privatehoolader.com parent parentacademy and then I want to give you a free gift just to say thank you for listening to the podcast. And this One is a PDF called 7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers. • You know, and sometimes we need some courage and some confidence to deal with difficult teachers. • And, you know, we need a plan. I think that all good teachers have a lesson plan. All good coaching coaches have a game plan. • • And I want to give you a plan when it comes to working • with your. • • • • Maybe it's only a couple teachers or one teacher that's difficult, but I want you to have a step by step plan that you can use • • to help them improve their, uh, performance and improve their attitude. And so if you go to the privatescgaler.com difficult, you can grab this free guide. And again, it's called seven Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers. And it's just one small way that I can say thank you for taking • time out of your busy schedule to listen to the podcast. • • •
Attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right
So at the top of the episode, I said that I want to talk about how we're going to remind our parents that attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right. • • And so the first thing that we're going to do is to compare and contrast • • rights and privileges. Just get a couple definitions out of the way • • and then talk and give a few examples about how attendance at your school is a privilege. And then I'm going to give you seven strategies that will help you remind your parents • that attendance is a privilege and not a right. • • • • So first of all, let's talk about rights and privileges. So just by definition, a right is something that is legally guaranteed. • • • • • And you know, in most cases, • • a right is something that society as a whole • • • agrees upon. • • • And it's also something that cannot easily be taken away. So for example, • • in the United States, there's a right to free public education. And that's guaranteed for all children under the age of 18 years old, regardless of their, • uh, their behavior, their academic performance or anything. Kids in America have a right to free public education. That's a right that cannot be easily taken away. And • • we agree as a society that that's important, and it's a right that is legally guaranteed. • • • But on the other hand, a privilege • • • • • • is a special benefit • • or advantage • • that's granted under certain conditions and can be revoked. So again, I'm just trying to change your mindset, because I think that sometimes we think that once a kid is in our school, that they're just there forever, and we just have to put up with whatever the kid does and with whatever the parent does. • • And I know I'm speaking in extremes right now, but sometimes that's how we think. • • And so a student being at your school is a privilege. It's not a right. • • • And privileges are not guaranteed by law. And • • they can be removed based on. Based on our actions • • • or our performance or special circumstances. And so let me give you an example. • So let's say that I'm driving my car • • through a neighborhood where the speed limit is 25 miles per hour, and I'm going 55. And so I get a ticket. And then a week later, I'm doing the same thing, and I'm driving 55, and I get another ticket. • Well, sooner or later, if I get enough tickets, they're gonna revoke my. • • • Excuse me, They'renna Revoke my license. • • • And • • • • having a driver's license • is a privilege. • • It's not a right. It is a privilege • • that's a special benefit that's granted under certain conditions and can be revoked. So I passed my driver's test when I was 16. • • I got a driver's license. You know, every four years I have to renew it, um, so on and so forth. But • • it is a privilege • • that could be taken away • • based on my behavior. • • • • And even though kids in the United States are guaranteed access to public education, • • • they are not guaranteed • • • • to an education at your private school. That is not a legal right. That is a privilege. • • And it's an opportunity. And it's wonderful, and it's amazing. And again, I, uh, want to acknowledge that not many people in America on a percentage basis can afford that. • • But • we have to get clear on this. • • • • It's an opportunity that you're providing as a school, and it can be taken away • • if certain conditions aren't met or because of behavior or something like that.
Attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right
And so I want to talk for another minute now about how • • attendance at your school is a privilege. • • • So, you know, we talk about • • • • • privilege, um, • • and responsibility • • • and how as long as you fulfill your responsibility, you get to keep the privilege. You know, that's something that you learned when you were a kid at your house, you know, if you had chores • • and um, um, you • • had, you know, some sort of privilege like watching TV or • • • • • going, um, • out with your friends or riding your bike or something that mattered to you, • • • that as long as you fulfilled your responsibilities in the home, then you got to keep those privileges. • • • • And once you started • • to, • • you know, mess up or not do the thing or to get into trouble at school or get in trouble with the, that police or whatever the case might have been when you were a kid, • • then those privileges were taken away. And so at our school, • • • you know, think about behavior. • • Student, uh, • • behavior and student discipline. • • • • • • • It happens in our schools, and so it usually escalates it as far as the consequences. It starts out with something small like a lunch detention or a, uh, phone call home or a walking recess or whatever it might be. • • • • • • • • But if it continues, • • even if it's low level, chronic misbehavior, if it continues and it never stops, • then the consequences are going to escalate all the way to • a suspension, which is a temporary • • • revocation of a privilege of attendance, or all the way to expulsion, which is the ultimate revocation of that privilege. • • So behavior, student discipline could lead to the privilege being taken away. • • • Academic performance. You know, we have standards, • • and of course, sometimes a, uh, student's academic performance • is not related to their effort, but it's related to some sort of learning difference or exceptionality that they have. And so we're going to provide all the support that they can. But if we have a capable student that's just not doing the work and is pulling down D's and F's, we're going to figure something out. We're going to put them on academic probation • • and possibly eventually • • • • remove them from our school if they're just not • fulfilling their responsibilities as a student. • • • • • And what about financial responsibility of the family? You know, families have to pay tuition, • • and so they have a responsibility to pay tuition. And if they just don't, if they just stop doing it, then they're no longer fulfilling their responsibility, • and then that privilege is going to be taken away. • • • And one last example is attendance. You know, you have an attendance policy. • Students can only miss a certain number of days. They can only be tardy a certain number of times. • And if a family, if a student is just blowing off school • • • • day after day, week after week. Then sooner or later you're going to take away the privilege of them attending your school. • And there are many, many more examples. So I'm just trying to frame, set the frame that work the mindset for you to start looking at, uh, students in your school and families in your school through the lens of • • the Attendance • is a privilege and not a right. Because I know that you're pretty clear on that. • But sometimes parents, • • • if they were once clear on that, they sure don't act like they're clear on it now in the moment, in the emotion, in the heat of the moment. • • •
Seven strategies to remind parents that attendance is a privilege and not a right
And so now we're going to talk about seven strategies to remind parents • that attendance is a privilege • • and not a right. • • Okay, I'm going toa give you all seven • • • and then we'll break them down one at a time. • • And seven is a lot. And as usual, I'll take good care of you in the show notes@the privateschoolader.com Episode 119. • • • And you can just listen and then if this is something that you feel like needs a little attention at your school, • • then you can check things out in the show notes. • • So the seven strategies. Number one, clear language and enrollment contracts. • • Number two, clear language in the family handbook. • • Number three, teach the kids. • • Number four, use common language. Number five, give honest feedback. • • • Number six, positive reinforcement. • • And number seven, follow through consistently with courage and integrity. • • • • • • So number one is clear language and enrollment contracts. • • • • And so • • • if, if the language is not clear • • • • and maybe 95% or 99% of your enrollment contract is clear. • • But our enrollment contracts need to have a sentence or two that make it very clear • • • • • that attending the school is a privilege and not a right. • • And also typically to outline in general language • the circumstances under which that privilege could be revoked. And so just even a sentence about academic performance, behavior, • • um, failing to fulfill financial responsibility, • • • • so on and so forth, that you know, again, a statement in the enrollment contract that attending your school is a privilege, not a right. And what are the things that would trigger that privilege being taken away? • • • • Now here's the thing. • • • • • • • • • The enrollment contract • • • • is a thing that a parent looks at once a year, • • • and a lot of it is digital now. And they're going to check a little box on a Google form or something like that, • • • • and they'renna • go in for • • the biggest lie in the world. • • • So what's the biggest lie in the world? • • • • • Well, you've, you've done it and I've done it probably in the last week or Two, • • and it's, I have read the terms and conditions. Check, okay? The biggest lie in the world is I've read the terms and conditions. So if, if we want to be real, • we have to be real about the fact that not very many parents read the clear language in the enrollment contracts. And then also the challenge with that is that that was one moment in time during the entire school year. • • And so that's why number two is so important. And that's clear language in the family handbook. • Because if the enrollment contract is once a year, at least the family handbook is more accessible. • • • And I'm not trying to pretend that some parent is sitting around reading the family handbook for enjoyment by the fireside, you know, um, on a Tuesday night. • • That's not what we do. That's not what they do. • • • • But it is more accessible. • Sometimes it lives on your website. Um, it's something that many schools, • • um, • • not only do they have a parent sign • • • the enrollment contract, but they also have them click a box or sign something to say, yes, I've read the handbook. • And honestly, if you don't do that, I would encourage that you start that, uh, perhaps next school year where there's some, um, acknowledgement that the parent has read. Um, • • we're not saying they agree with everything in the handbook, but just acknowledgement that they'received and read • the family handbook. And so, • • um, you know, and also I think family handbooks are just perceived as more relevant and more present, • • um, • more day to day because they talk about things that are happening daily day to day in our schools as opposed to kind of this one time thing in our • family handbook. And I'm going to give some examples of some clear language • • in the show notes. • • Um, um, and I use chat GPT to generate, I think it's 10, • um, • statements • and they're all fairly similar. But it could give you some ideas because I know some of you are thinking, okay, number one, number two, clear language and enrollment contracts and clear language in the family handbook. Well, what, what does that even look like? • • Well, like I said, I use CHAT GPT and I came up with examples and put them in a Google Doc. And I've linked that for you in the show notes@the privategider.com episode 119. And so you can check that out and just, you know, see, is this something that needs to be added or needs to be revised • • in our • • family handbook or in our enrollment contract? • •
Teaching kids about privilege and responsibility is part of being a good leader
Okay, so that brings us to number three, which is teach the kids. • • • So over my 33 years as a private school Leader. I've had hundreds, maybe even thousands of conversations with students, • • and many of those conversations • • have to do with • • something that the kid did • • and talking about the consequence and why did you do that? And how can we repair this relationship? And things like that. • • • But one of the conversations that is probably one that I've had the most often • • is even if I'm being proactive and it's a kid that I see that's kind of going down the wrong path and • • • • • starting to get in trouble, or if it's a kid that's been in trouble, and I'm really trying to put a stop to that, is I talk about the two sides of the same coin, and I'll literally pull out a coin, and I'll be like, okay, • • this side of the coin is • • • a privilege. • So. And then I'll say, well, tell me what are some privileges? And they'll be like, well, • • um, • • • • • you know, playing on the basketball team or • • • being in the spring musical. They usually don't say going to school here, you know, because that doesn't cross their mind. And that's part of the reason that we're teaching the kids. But they'll name some privileges or. And I'll say, well, name a privilege outside of school, you know, and they'll be like, okay, • um, playing my Xbox or something like that. Okay. And then I'll say, okay, so on one side of the coin is privilege, and on the other side of the coin is responsibility. • • • And then I'll usually use that example that I used about, um, • • • • • • • • • the car and the police and the speeding tickets. And I'll be like, you know, as long as I fulfill my responsibility, • • I get to keep the privilege of having a driver's license. • • And then I apply it to them. And I'm like, look, • • you • • • • • have • • • privileges and responsibilities at this school, and I'll name some of the privileges for that kid in particular. • • And I'll say, but I want you to know those privileges can be taken away if you don't fulfill your responsibility. And then I'll mention a couple responsibilities. And sometimes it's a pep talk about academic performance. Usually it's a pep talk about behavior. And I'll just say, look, if you keep going down this path, um, • • you're not fulfilling your responsibility as a student, a good citizen in this school community. And then we're going to take away. We're going to start taking away privileges. • • And then depending on how far down the road we are, it might even be me talking about taking away the privilege of them being a Student in our school. I remember just in the past year I was, our school goes up to eighth grade and I was asking a seventh grader, do you want to be an eighth grader at our school? Because that is a privilege that could be taken away, that opportunity for you to be back next year. • • And so • • • • • I'm talking about something that I talk to kids about in my office. But this is something that we could talk about in advisory. • • We could talk about it during class. • • • Um, we certainly can remind kids in those one on one conversations • • where your teachers are reminding them about, you know, sports eligibility. Like you're on the soccer team, but do you want to, • • do you want to stay on the soccer team? Like this math grade, like we've got to get it together here. You've got to start turning in your homework. • • And most of the time what I've found is, is that when it comes to me feeling comfortable giving this conversation, having this conversation, • • it's usually something that's in the kids control, • • you know, and my point is, is that it's an effort issue with the academics or it's a, the choice issue when it comes to the behavior. Um, there are always outliers where the kid just needs support, whether it's an IEP or um, a behavior plan or whatever. But you know, most of the time when I think that this • • • conversation about privilege and responsibility • • is applicable and appropriate is when it's within the child's ability level, • • • • it's within the child's control to make things better. Okay? So of course we have to support our students who are unable to do that. And so we know that like poor behavior and poor grades mean that privileges are taken away. And I'm not saying that we harp on that all the time, but that should be something that is known in our school, that's known by our students and that is clear and that the connection is clear. • • • And the reason that I'm kind of harping on this is because there are more and more kids now where this is not something that's taught at their home. • • • Um, they don't know that because maybe they can do whatever and their privileges aren't taken away. And so we have a responsibility, regardless of the parenting that's happening at home, is to teach the kids • • • • • • • this truth, this concept, because it's. And so those teachable moments. And then one last thing on teaching the kids, • • • • it could be in your social studies or civics or government class • • that you know rights, as far as, you know the Constitution • • and the difference between rights and privileges • and then, you know, applying that to school. So hopefully you get what I'm going for here is that, you know, I know the title of this episode is Reminding the parents • • that attendance at school is a privilege and not a right. • But we can also remind the kids of this and teach the kids. And I've seen this to be something that in many cases has, uh, • been a game changer, these kinds of conversations. • • •
Number four is common language among the faculty and the administrators
Okay, that brings us to number four. And number four is common language among the faculty and the administrators. So we're going to use common language. And so, for example, • • • at our school, we used. • • • We continue to use, • • um, growth mindset, common language. So, for instance, putting the word yet at the end of a sentence. I don't know, I'm not good at math, comma, yet. I have no idea how to play soccer yet. • • Um, so the power of yet, um. We don't praise intelligence. We praise effort and stamina. We celebrate mistakes. We say things like, failure is not a permanent condition. So there's a lot of common language around growth mindset • at the school, • • • • • • • • but we can also have • common language • • when it comes to some of the things that we say • • • • • and some of the things that are part of our • • vocabulary, just part of the circulatory system of our school. • • And I'm going to give you a couple of examples. • • • • And again, I've linked these in the show notes. Uh, assist. An assist from ChatGPT here as well. • • And this language is going to sound a little stiff, • • but I want you to more or less just get the idea that, you know, just like with growth mindset, if you have shared language, • if there are some things • • that are shared language among your faculty and your administrators, it can become very powerful because it's like a broken record. And. And that broken record then just starts to really sink in to the • • minds and hearts of the kids. But you're also going to use this common language when you're communicating with parents. So let me just give you a couple here. • • • Um, again, it's going to sound stiff, but you'll get the idea. So, quote, we are honored to have you here, • but it's important to remember that being part of the school community is a privilege that you earn every day. • Okay. Earn it every day. • • • So another one is, attendance at our school is a privilege given to students who uphold our values, meet our academic standards, and contribute positively to our community. • • • Not a big fan of that one, but then there's this one. This school provides you with opportunities to grow and succeed, but it's important to Remember that maintaining your place here is contingent on your actions and your commitment. And so, again, I'm not a fan of that one • • tremendously either. I kind of like the first one more. • But what I'm going for here is that just to get you thinking, • • um, and again, I've got 10 of those in the show notes • • just to stimulate your thinking about, well, what would be something that could be on a poster? What could be something that could just be. • That is like our go to phrase, • • um, earn it every day, you know, whatever the case might be. • • We're trying to do that broken record that's going to get them, • • the students and the parents • remembering • • • that attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right. • •
Number five is giving honest feedback. And number six is positive reinforcement for good behavior
And then that brings us to number five, which is honest feedback. And I really believe that students and parents should always know where they stand, that we should hold them accountable. • • And • • that's it. You know, that's teachers at parent teacher conferences because we know that sometimes • they pull their punches because they're worried that you're not going to have your back or they're afraid of the parents. • • But • • • • • if we just give them • • positive feedback all the time to the kids and to the parents, everything's great, everything's wonderful, there's no problem, blah, blah, blah, then it'snna be impossible for us to hold them accountable. • And it almost becomes that if we don't give honest feedback, it almost becomes a right for them to be in the school because it's not something that we're ever going to take away. • • And so my point is, is that I'm not saying that's easy to give honest feedback to an upset parent, but I'm saying it's necessary and it's actually our responsibility to do right by the child to give accurate • feedback. • • • And we need to remind our teachers two things. • And the first and most important thing is, is that you actually have their backs. And then to actually do that, • • because if you have their backs • • • and there's, there's, um, evidence of that, then they're going to have more confidence to give accurate feedback to the parents. • • And, you know, this, this. And then also. So first is to actually have their backs, and then the second thing is to remind teachers that accurate feedback • • really benefits the child. • • • And that's the most important thing. And so • • • if we want • • • to be able to, • • quote, unquote, enforce this idea of • • the privilege of attendance, that it's, you know, fulfill your responsibility • • and you get to keep the privilege, well, then we need to give honest feedback about how well, they're doing with keeping the responsibilities academically and behaviorally and social, um, • • social and emotionally. And if we're not doing that, then we're going toa be stuck. • • • • It's just like never giving feedback to a teacher, • • • never observing them, never, you know, documenting everything. And then you're like, ugh, you know, this teacher doesn't belong here. I really need to coach them out or counsel them out or terminate them. But then you, we don't do it because we didn't, um, • give them the honest feedback. • So • • number five, honest feedback. And number six is positive reinforcement for the good behavior. So we want to shine a spotlight • on the good, um, on the people who are fulfilling their responsibilities in a great way. And so, • • • • • you know, the, that could be, you know, quote unquote, catching them being good in second grade. It could be, you know, • • • • a certificate given in front of the whole school assembly. • • Um, it could be your weekly parent memo that there's a little, • • occasionally there's, there's a spotlight that's being shown on the kids who are really crushing it, • um, and whatever the case might be. • • But if we want to, • • • • • • • if we want to encourage all students to fulfill their responsibility, • • then we need to make it desirable and cool and awesome • • • • • for the kids who are fulfilling their responsibility. • • • • Because you and I both know that sometimes in schools like the ones who are crushing it behaviorally and academically, they're looked at as the outliers or the non cool kids or the whatever. And there's always going to be a component of that. But I think that we have a responsibility • • to give these kids • • the props that they deserve. And so that could also be in one on one conversations. And I'm sure your teachers do that a lot. I'm sure you as a leader even do that sometimes. By the way, it means more coming from you as a leader than it does coming from a teacher.
Number seven is to follow through consistently with courage and integrity on school discipline
And that brings us to number seven • • on our list of how • • these strategies of how we're going to help our remind our teachers • • that • attendance at our school is a privilege and not a right. Number seven is to follow through consistently • with courage and integrity. • And I would say that this is the hardest thing to do on this list. • • We have to hold the students accountable. We have to communicate this consistently with courage and integrity to the parents. • • And when it comes to suspending a kid, • • man, sometimes • • it's just that that good kid who never does anything, but then they made that poor choice. • • And it's very clear in the handbook that the thing that they did that they need to be suspended for a couple of days. • • And, um, I can remember years ago, • • • • • • one of the hardest things I had to do was I had a board member. • • • • • Um, his son was a captain of the basketball team. He was a senior, and it was senior recognition night, • • and I had to suspend him. And not only from school, but also to not be at that game, to be recognized as a senior captain of the basketball team. • • • • • But because it was so clear what had happened. If I hadn't done that, then • • • • my integrity would have been damaged. And so I'm not saying it's easy, especially when we're talking to • • a big donor or an influential family or the family with five kids that's been in the school forever, or the parent of, um, the parent is a teacher and they have a kid at your school. Like, sometimes it's really, really hard to be consistent and to use courage and to use integrity and to follow through. But if we really want to be consistent about this idea of attendance as a privilege, • • not a right, • • we have to hold them accountable. • • And our integrity, of course, is just asking ourselves, what is the right thing to do in this situation. • • • And I would also encourage you, because I learned this the hard way is don't overcomplicate it. • • You know, the more you think about it, the more you take your time, the more you pray about it, the more that you delay, the harder it is. • • If the kid did the thing, the thing is clear in the handbook, then the consequence needs to take place. • • And, um, I'm telling you, I know that's easier said than done. Um, • I've been there. I understand that. But if we really want kids and parents to realize • • that • • accountability, • • • • • • we, uh, want to hold them accountable, and we want to remind them that • it's a privilege to be here, and you can keep the privilege as long as you fulfill your responsibilities. • • When they're not fulfilling the responsibilities, then we need to do the thing. We need to enforce the consequence. We need to take away that privilege, even if it's temporarily. And that could be • • • • • • • on a big Friday night football game when the star of the team isn't playing because of the D in science class. You know, it could be • • that, you know, we're in tech week for the spring musical, and the lead, um, isn't at rehearsal. • • • • • • • Those make me cringe just thinking about it. But, • • • you know, integrity is not circumstantial. Integrity is something that we are trying to do the right thing in every situation. • • • • And so we just need to, as hard as it is to follow through consistently with courage and integrity.
Mark Menkus shares seven strategies to remind parents that attendance is a privilege
And so our big takeaways, • • • we're talking about the seven strategies to remind parents that attendance is a privilege and not a right. Number one, clear language and enrollment contracts. Number two, • • clear language in the family handbook. Number three, teach the kids. • Number four, use common language. Number five, give honest feedback. • Six, positive reinforcement for those, um, fulfilling • • • • their responsibilities. And then number seven, follow through consistently with courage and integrity. And I like to end every episode with, uh, a call to action and just ask you to take a look at your family handbook and decide if it needs some attention with regards to a privilege of attendance type statement. • And remember that I've got examples for you in the show notes at the privateg leader.com • • • episode 119. • • And then just a quick reminder, um, • • about Parent Academy. It's an online digital course. It's your step by step framework for building effective partnerships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. • And the best part is, is that after I teach you the step by step framework, I will then teach your teachers. • • Because Parent Academy also comes with two 45 minute webinar trainings that are plug and play PDs. • • There's a 27 page printable workbook for your teachers with guided notes and discussion questions and additional teacher resources. And again, you can check that out@the privatescluter.com ParentAcademy and then one last free resource for you. Again, another way of saying thank you for listening. And that is a PDF called the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. • • And we know that litigation is expensive and time consuming and extremely stressful. • • • And this is a common sense guide that will help you be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. And so you can grab this at the privatechool leader.com lawsuit. That's the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. Just head over to the privatehoolleader.com lawsuit to download that. • And then just one, • • uh, • • one quick request, a favor that I would ask of you. And that is if you've ever gotten value from any • • nugget strategy, anything from any episode. • • • I'd love for you right now to think about another leader in your life • • • and to, uh, send them the link to this podcast • • • and then also to think about someone at your school that just is showing potential as a rising leader, perhaps a future leader in private school education • • • • and send them the link to the podcast. • • • • If you would do that, I would be so appreciative and I just want to thank you so much for being here. I've been your host. Mark Menkus. I appreciate you. I appreciate all the hard work that you're doing at your school, and thank you for taking some, uh, time out of your week to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private Schoolal Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
More shows like The Private School Leader Podcast
View all
Breakpoint
2,953 Listeners
The Briefing with Albert Mohler
8,460 Listeners
The EntreLeadership Podcast
4,299 Listeners
The World and Everything In It
6,897 Listeners
The Popcast With Knox and Jamie
6,947 Listeners
The Cult of Pedagogy Podcast
2,377 Listeners
Happier with Gretchen Rubin
12,922 Listeners
Craig Groeschel Leadership Podcast
10,623 Listeners
Worklife with Adam Grant
9,235 Listeners
Faith Adjacent
5,033 Listeners
The Bible Recap
35,206 Listeners
Teaching to the TOP
644 Listeners
The Bright Morning Podcast with Elena Aguilar
544 Listeners
Financial Feminist
6,163 Listeners
What It's Like To Be...
558 Listeners