Everyone Has A Podcast

This week we discover that Bryon used to be a special needs kid named Tobin. Yeah, turns out that one day Tobin was chasing moths he ran into a field of horses and was trampled repeatedly to death. His brains were stepped on by all the horses. So the doctors took Tobin and scooped his brains up and started gluing it together. One day Tobin blinked to life. Only now, he thought his name was Bryon. Everyone just kind of accepts it now.

This week’s episode is just so great, hahaha, wow! Oh, Adam and Bryon talk about Charles Manson…wow. So, edgy. Umm, what else…oh, so cool, they talk about multiple life sentences…amazing. Boy, you’re sure in for a fucking treat, huh? Oh, and it doesn’t stop there, hahahah…fuck…they talk about, hahaha fuck…get this! They talk about words Adam likes. Holy shit! What a fucking joke. You’ve gotta be kidding me. Wow. What a heap of shit on wheels this show has become. Jesus fucking yikes. Why would anyone listen to this absolute dog shit. Fucking brutal. I’m being totally serious right now…what a complete fucking waste of time, recording equipment, of ummm….fucking air! Wow. Just wow.

I started writing a description for this week’s episode and then I got sidetracked thinking about how people get upset about being inconvenienced for 3 entire milliseconds. Like fuck, stop being in such a hurry you dumb twerp. Life is about enjoying the journey you stupid dink. Go listen to a podcast that is fun and informative made by two guys with some big ol’ pp’s. Oh, nvm, you found us! Okay, that was a joke, but we really do care about you. We actually are really happy and somewhat surprised that you’re reading this. We take the time to write this every week and it’s actually kind of dumb when you consider the fact that it could be used to give a handy synopsis of the episode. I mean, that’s what it’s supposed to be for, but we just kind of write a bunch of nonsensical junk instead, just to hope you get a laugh out of your fuck face. So, thanks for reading it. Do you ever read all the other shit below? I doubt it, but if you do, cool.

Adan and Bryof tawk about gettin some of that good head, y’know. I mean that really good good.

Typa head that make a dude keel over like an unplugged robot.

Typa head that makes you see them little stars like u just been punched square in the nose.

Typa head that makes ur toes curl like cooked shrimp.

Typa head that makes u return ur neighbour's power drill.

Typa head that makes ur ears ring.

Typa head that makes u see ghosts for a minute.

Typa head that u don’t even need coffee the next morning.

Typa head that makes you remember your best friend's phone number from 3rd grade.

That’s the typa head they tawkin.

This is a re-upload of the 2018 Hellaween special. I felt as though much of it was not quite right and figured I would correct the things that I did not like about the special in an effort to put forth a better product. The first attempt suffered at the had of time constraints, and I feel worlds better about this version, so I truly hope you enjoy it!

I was imaging a world where a bunch of coffee tables ran shit and used people as furniture. Then I thought what about a coffee table stubbing its toe on a person and yelling “fuck”.

I gotta be honest, these episode descriptions are just wearing me down. You’ve made it this far, obviously you’re listening to the fucking thing, and if this description is changing your mind, well, gee, I’d love to have your free time. Seriously, who’s THAT discerning? You wanna know what happens this week? Here, I’ll tell you. It all kicks off when Bryon announces that he has a bladder infection. Adam doesn’t believe him, so obvs..he’s drinking Bryon’s piss just to make sure. Turns out Bryon wasn’t kidding around, that was one a-spicy margarine container full of human piss. Next the two boys just fart for a long time…serious…like 9 hours of farts. Long, dry, hot ones that don’t stink. They just fart in each others stupid fucking mouths for 9 hours and 10 minutes and 22 seconds (I know because I edited it). By this point they’re both feeling a little gassed, and no that isn’t a pun. Fuck you if that’s the kind of thing that ’turns your crank’. You’re boring and everyone at work fake laughs at all the stupid shit you say. They laugh and don’t even feel bad about it. You suck at having a personality and it would actually be better if you had zero personality as opposed to the god awful one that you possess. You’re practically without an identity, because your personality is so bland and ‘meh’, that you’re often confused with a whole bunch of people like you. This all sounds pretty harsh but guess what, we still love you. Yeah… Plot twist much? We love you. So just stick with us and we’ll keep you safe and help you learn how to be cool like us. And in case you don’t know how cool we are, just picture a gun wearing sunglasses and fingerless gloves. That’s what’s up. #FGTC

Well you thought you knew all of their tricks, but turns out you dodn’t know jack squat—boys are back; dicks are out; vibe is sublime. Adam dishes on his recent haunt of the iconic LA. He’s become a local to the so-called SO-CAL life, and his SOCIAL LIFE is on fire with a Low-Cal diet that he invented where you can only eat root vegetables and Kombucha popsicles. People are looking at Adam like he’s the lead horse in a fuck parade, but this dick ain’t for sale you thirsty ass Insta-models! Chill back and just dig these vibes this week. Ciao.

This week Adam has Bryon and his friend Brock on via Skype. The swinging dicks discuss the treatment of veterans, hierarchies of care, and then Bryon just drops a bombshell on the entire show!

This week Adam and Chris do a podcast together. Adam talks about growing up wearing faggy jackets, and Chris talks about his puffy buffalo head and old people glasses. The two share a pretty close and intimate time together, much like an asexual gay couple if that makes sense.