February 24, 2025

Fantasies in the Marriage Bed, Finding God in Ice Cream, and Redeeming of Arousal | ACW321

54 minutes

Questions answered this episode:

I’m a woman in my 40’s and I’ve found it difficult to get in the mood with my husband unless I create fantasies in my head. These fantasies are usually of sexual situations I create that don’t involve my husband or in many cases even me. I’ll picture two nameless people in an intimate act. Sometimes one party is using another party or the other party is cheating on his wife with a beautiful young woman. Before I was serious about my faith I had looked at porn although it was rare, and my sexual history was not good; multiple parters out of wedlock, using and being used, contraception, and other things. I hate that I have these fantasies because I want the union with my husband to be holy. However, either I create the fantasies to get in the mood or if I push those fantasies away I find sex boring and just another item on my to do list. I don’t know what I’m supposed to think about when in the marital embrace. I feel like my mind has been so warped by the culture that it is hard to move forward. Can you help my mind and these fantasies during the marital embrace? What should I be thinking about?

I’ve heard you say that it’s important not to stop at the window. Meaning not to let the icons in our lives become idols where we expect from them what only God can be for us. I love the emphasis on finding windows to the divine in our life and how many of these can lead us towards rather than detract us from our relationship with God. How can this be applied on a practical day to day basis?

For most of my life I’ve had a warped view of the natural experience of erections. I’ve been told that it’s meant to be immediately relieved, that it’s meant to be pleasurable, but most of all that it’s shameful and dirty. As I’ve gotten deep into my faith and discovered TOB I’ve wrestled with what new redeemed definition this experience could have. Could it be that this rising of my body could be the desire of my heart and soul to rise to the occasion of loving well and the desire to physically give myself to someone else?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

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Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

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