Are you afraid of the impression you give others, and how they perceive you? This is a huge problem in our society, making it impossible to be real. If you focus on others, you are disconnected from yourself and your emotions. And if there is a particular way you need to be seen, you have an expectation; an attachment to how they feel toward you. The thing is, you have no control over someone else’s thoughts and feelings. You may THINK you have an impact, but you truly have no clue what’s going on inside of them.

Fear of giving the wrong impression (appearing needy, overbearing, weak, etc.) keeps you in a mental construct of compartmentalization, trying to separate your emotions from your behavior… or numbing. It puts you in the land of “I don’t want,” trying to control others because you don’t want to feel your actual feelings.

“I don’t want this person to think I’m in love with him/her.”

“I don’t want this person to hate me.”

“I don’t want this person to go away.”

It’s mental manipulation. Sometimes we do it so much we don’t even know how we truly feel because we’re too busy protecting ourselves from the fear of appearing wrong, bad or unworthy. We’re afraid the illusion of who we project ourselves to be will crumble, leaving a flawed human being in its place, open and exposed. The idea of that exposure is so terrifying, we go to great lengths to ensure it doesn’t happen. But to be seen as fallible opens the door to authenticity—a happier, more fulfilled place to live because it’s not built on fantasy. It’s a place of reality where you get to be you, something that takes much less effort.