Fierce Marriage

Why be transparency about something difficult when it's so much easier to just hide it? Quick answer: freedom. Nothing compares to the freedom of total honesty in a marriage relationship. Being totally honest can be scary. What if your husband/wife doesn't love you once they see who you really are? While the proposition of rejection is scary, as those rooted in Christ, we have hope in our identity and acceptance because of what he has done. Then we can trust that if we confess our sins, God is faithful to heal us.

Consider the following verses:

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

1 John 4:18

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

James 5:16

Show notes:

* Transparency and trust go both ways. Your covenant creates a boundary

* Being each other's accountability partners: "Ask me anything and I will never lie."

* This kind of transparency is only possible in light of covenant. Covenant is huge for transparency. Covenant is the arena where the sanctifying effects of love have room to operate.

* "The Phone Drop Test": At any moment, you should both be able to see all phone activity. It's not about being nosy, it's about having nothing to hide.

* Be hyper-vigilant about opposite-sex relationships. For example, no texting one-on-one; always include your spouse or the spouse of the person you're texting.

* Have a pre-established limit for spending that you won't exceed without discussing it.

* Don't forget the underlying reasons for transparency: sanctification, freedom, trust, and joy.

* Transparency is like taking your temperature: if you're running a fever (you're hiding something), there's something wrong with your health.

How can I start the process of being honest?

* Phones down, no distractions.

* Ask for focused conversation time.

Couple's Challenge:

Have a transparency audit. Do you have a transparent marriage? Think about anything that you're hiding either unintentionally or on purpose. Do you know how to keep each other accountable? Talk about how to maintain accountability in hot areas (online, phones, finances, etc).

Announcement!

Download our FREE eBook, 5 Habits of a Healthy Marriage! Just go to https://5habits.us (https://5habits.us)

Questions?

Just go to https://fiercemarriage.com/ask. Anything goes!

Don't forget!

Please subscribe, rate, and review. It means a ton to us and helps other (future) listeners know what they're getting into! :)

Stay fierce!

In today’s episode, we explored the Lord’s Prayer and talked about tangible ways we can pray it over our marriage and each other. Tangible prayer in your relationship:

* Around meals

* During day transitions (leaving for work, taking kids to school, etc)

* During communion at church

Couple’s challenge

Pray FOR each other WITH each other tonight before going to bed. In that time, spend 3-5 minutes in silence listening for the Holy Spirit. Ask God to show you how he’s working, then jot down what pops into your head and see how God is working.

Thanks for listening, please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

Questions about headship, submission, and roles are some of the most common and culturally confusing questions couples have today. Wives struggle with what it means to submit while husbands wrestle with what it means to love and lead like Jesus.

All of the pain, confusion, and frustration we feel around the ideas of headship and submission are the result of sin.

Discussion Verses:

“Then he said to the woman, "I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you."

Genesis 3:16 NLT

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Ephesians 5:22-25

The Bible is painting a picture of a distortion of a pre-fall truth of roles, headship, and submission. What examples do we have of healthy, complementary roles? The primary example of God-designed roles exists within the Trinity, where we see three distinct persons within one God. The Father is the head, the Holy Spirit is the helper, and the Son clearly submits to the Father.

In Christ, we see a perfect picture if headship as he leads the truth, and we see a perfect picture of submission as he submits to the Father.

BIG NOTE: Submission does not mean a woman should stay in harm's way or in a way that causes her to sin.

Listen in for more… (there’s a ton more.)

Couple’s Challenge

Answer the following two questions in your own words and discuss:

* How has sin distorted or changed our views of headship and submission in marriage?

* How does Jesus display perfect headship and submission?

Mentioned in today’s episode:

* Preaching by Tim Keller

* Systematic Theology (http://amzn.to/2CcBp2S) by Wayne Grudem

* The Systematic Theology Podcast (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/wayne-grudems-systematic-theology/id322844869?mt=2) (episode 56 (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/doctrine-man-manhood-womanhood-in-creation-marriage/id322844869?i=1000082948550&mt=2) on biblical manhood/womanhood)

* Husband in Pursuit (http://amzn.to/2CygKd5) by Ryan Frederick (Now available on Kindle! (http://amzn.to/2qhina6))

* Wife in Pursuit by Selena Frederick (Now available on Kindle! (http://amzn.to/2qaJnrI))

Don't forget! Please subscribe, rate, and review.

In this episode, we answered some common questions about our upcoming 31-Day Pursuit community study. If you'd like to participate in the online study, visit 31DayPursuit.com (https://31daypursuit.com) to grab your copy of the book(s), then request access to the appropriate group on Facebook. (Go to FierceHusbands.com (http://FierceHusbands.com) for men, and FierceWives.com (http://FierceWives.com) for ladies.)

Can I do the 31-day pursuit without my spouse and still find value?

Answer: Yes. It’s written with an emphasis on Jesus’ love for you and how that allows and equips you to love your spouse selflessly—regardless of reciprocation. With that said, the books do complement each other if a husband and a wife go through them together.

Can I go through the study more than once?

Answer: Of course! We believe each read-through will provide ample opportunity for growth.

Can I participate without using Facebook?

Answer: Yes and no. You are free to do it with friends and in a group setting with your community. Eventually, we will have a way to engage online with other readers, but that’s not in place other than Facebook.

If I missed the first few days, can I still join?

Answer: Yes. Just pick up on the day you’re at, don’t worry about catching up!

What if I ordered my books but I don't have them yet?

Answer: You can grab the first five chapters by visiting 31DayPursuit.com/try (https://31daypursuit.com/try/). Those should help until the physical copies arrive.

That's it, thanks for listening!

Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review.

In today's episode, we answer listener questions. Some on the lighter side, some tough, all honest.

* Question 1: What are the best ways to stay connected in a crazy, fast-paced world?

* Question 2: How to communicate to my spouse how hurtful their words can be at times?

* Question 3: What should I do after I’ve discovered your spouse is addicted to pornography?

* Question 4: How do we stay close when one spouse is in the military?

* Question 5: I do I create firm, clear boundaries in terms of in-laws?

* Question 6: How to make big decisions when you simply cannot find agreement.

Mentioned in today's show

* StrongerFamilies.org (http://StrongerFamilies.org) — Help for couples in the military.

* In-Laws: 5 Principles for Healthier, Happier Family Relationships (https://fiercemarriage.com/5-principles-healthier-happier-relationships-laws)

* Submit a Question (https://fiercemarriage.com/ask)

* Crafting a Family Vision Statement: What It Is and Why You Need One (https://fiercemarriage.com/crafting-family-vision-statement-need-one)

* Download the Family Vision Statement worksheet (https://fiercemarriage.com/download-family-vision-worksheet)

Thanks for listening!

Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review. As always, we welcome feedback... simply go to FierceMarriage.com/Podcast (https://fiercemarriage.com/podcast) to leave a comment, ask a question, or submit a letter to your spouse!

Culture seems more confused by sex than ever before. Scandals, misconduct, gender identity, and cultural sexualization all contribute to an already confusing conversation. As Christian married couples, it's vital that we press into the confusion and fight through to a place of clarity. We must ask, how can we conform our understanding of sex and intimacy to God's original design? How can we honor God with our sexuality—our desires, our expressions, and our conduct—for our joy and His glory?

In today's podcast, we identify 5 anchors for a fulfilling, God-designed sex life based on what we see before the Fall.

Discussion

Scripture: Genesis 2:24-25

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Two things we're highlighting as part of God's perfect design for marriage and sex:

* They've been joined as one flesh.

* They were naked and unashamed. No shame.

Any shame we feel is a result of distortion of sex because of sin. We must do the work to understand sex clearly in a culture where it's increasingly confused. God's Word is always our guide.

The 5 Anchors of a Fulfilling Sex Life

 

* Anchor 1: Sex is more than physical.

* Anchor 2: Sex is primarily selfless, not selfish.

* Anchor 3: Sex is exclusive to the marriage covenant.

* Anchor 4: Sex is for our enjoyment and pleasure.

* Anchor 5: Sex is designed to edify, not degrade.

 

Mentioned in this episode:

* Don't Waste Your Life (http://amzn.to/2kqHTU4) by John Piper

* Preaching (http://amzn.to/2krNbPk) by Tim Keller

* The Knowing Faith Podcast (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/knowing-faith/id1274228164?mt=2)

Few things have been as impactful in our lives and marriage as our family vision. Years back when we felt aimless and flustered, we took the time to have in-depth discussions about what matters most to us: as Christians, as a family, and as a couple. The result was our family vision statement, which has helped us immensely since.

 

Listen to today's episode as we talk through our family vision statement and share about how you can create your own!

 

Download the Family Vision Worksheet HERE. (https://fiercemarriage.com/download-family-vision-worksheet)

 

Show Notes:

A Family Vision Statement helps in three ways:

* Direction

* Discernment

* Unity

How can you write your own Family Vision Statement?

* Download the worksheet. (https://fiercemarriage.com/download-family-vision-worksheet)

* Start with why?

* Your why statement is your "big reason". It's like a mission statement for your life.

* Find a verse that encapsulates how God is calling you.

* Discover your core values

* Your core values are already there, you just need to define them.

* This isn't a list of ideal characteristics, but rather a list of intrinsic qualities about you, your marriage, and your family.

* Craft your vision

* Write a group of "we envision" statements that describe how your family will look and function in the years to come. Get creative!

* Try to write at least one envision statement for each core value you've discovered.

 

Mentioned in today’s episode:

* Download the Family Vision Worksheet (https://fiercemarriage.com/download-family-vision-worksheet)

* Jesus Storybook Bible

* New City Catechism (book (http://amzn.to/2jj4mTA) / iphone app (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/new-city-catechism/id564035762?mt=8))

* Ruthless Trust (http://amzn.to/2A5GtsV) by Brennan Manning

* Wonder (http://amzn.to/2ioiN7T), by Hillsong United

* You Can Pray (http://amzn.to/2jSjXZw) by Tim Chester

* The Beauty Between (http://amzn.to/2A6WjDE), by King’s Kaleidoscope

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In last week's episode, we set the foundation for keeping sight of Christ through the consumerism, hustle, and bustle of the holiday season. In today's episode, we get very practical... Listen in as we discuss tangible, creative, and inexpensive gift ideas, how to keep things low pressure, and how thoughtfulness can have an incredible impact.

Show notes:

* New segment: Heart Check 

* What book is in your hand?

* What voice is in your ear?

* What's stirring in your heart?

* Announcement: on January 1st we're doing an online 31-Day Pursuit Challenge. Stay tuned for info. Pick up the books if you want free access to the 31-day e-course.

* Recap of last week's episode:

* Keeping Christ front and center

* Avoid the mistake of expecting gifts to satisfy

* From a place of security in Christ, enjoy Christmas with wisdom and stewardship

* Discussion: Simple Gift Ideas that are Low Pressure, High Impact

* Tile coasters w/ Images on them (4" white tiles, 4" square images)

* Baked goods (granola, cookies, etc)

* We love calendars at Costco

* Give experiences

* Plan an outing for the day after Christmas

* Groupon is great for local, fun activities

* Books that can be read together

* Memberships to local places (Zoo, Museums, etc)

* Give "time gifts"

* Books!

* The 31-Day Pursuit Challenge Bundle

* Thirty-One Days of Prayer (for wives, for husbands). Incredible books!

* Pilgrims Regress

* Advent by Ann Voskamp

* For Kids

* The Secret of the Hidden Scrolls

* Kiwi/Koala Crates (AMAZING)

* Craft Gifts

* Time w/ Kids (simple is fine, just be intentional)

* For others:

* Be aware of neighbors... show them intentionality

* Invite neighbors over if they don't have anyone to celebrate holidays with

* Give out baked goods to houses nearby

* Other ideas:

* Make your own advent calendar

Couple's Challenge

* Pray together about how to be intentional this season.

* Make a list of potential holiday hangups, pray about how to follow them

* Pray about people and how you can minister out of your marriage this year

Mentioned in the show:

* The Perfectly, Wonderfully Made Podcast (with Alise Marsh) (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/perfectly-wonderfully-made/id1281408087?mt=2)

It's easy to lose sight of the gospel during the holidays, but we must fix our eyes on him or risk putting our joy and hope in things/people in ways that cannot satisfy.

Deuteronomy 4:9, 23-24Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children—

Take care, lest you forget the covenant of the LORD your God, which he made with you, and make a carved image, the form of anything that the LORD your God has forbidden you. For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.

* It can be very easy to forget all that God had provided to us throughout the year, just like the Israelites (see Exodus 32).

* These passages remind us not to turn God's provision into an idol.

* If you've ever felt pressure, guilt, remorse, or regret because of a gift you've either given, received, not given, or not received.

* Caveat: buying gifts isn't bad inherently. It becomes harmful when we expect things we purchase to bring the joy that only God can give.

5 Ways to Not Lose Your Mind During the Holidays

* Guard your heart.

* Remember what God has done (in your life, your heart, your marriage).

* Make those things known to your children.

* Remember the FULL message and weight of the gospel (God is utterly perfect and we are hopelessly sinful... but, Jesus!)

* Put your full weight in the gospel. Examine and evaluate the fruit of your belief in the gospel

Today's Couples Challenge:

Read Deuteronomy 4 and Exodus 32.

Discuss the following questions:

* How can you intentionally "guard our souls" during the holiday season? How can you remind each other of God's purpose (his glory, your delight in him)?

* How have you seen Christ work in your life/marriage? What "slavery" has God brought you out of in your marriage? In other words, what has God done in your past that you can consciously remember?

* If you have kids, how can you point them to Jesus during the holidays?

* How can you remind yourselves of the gospel?

* How can you better rest in the gospel this year? How can you not act in a heart orientation that is corrupt, but instead secure in Christ? What fruit of your belief in the gospel is showing or can show during this season?

Mentioned in the Show:

* Ask any question, leave us a voicemail, or write a letter to your spouse! (https://fiercemarriage.com/podcast#questions)

Don't forget!

Please SUBSCRIBE, RATE, and REVIEW this podcast on your app of choice. It takes 30-60 seconds, and it helps get the word out about gospel-centered marriage. Thank you!

Question or comment?

If you have a question, ask! Anything goes. Click the appropriate button below to submit a question or story; we'll take care of the rest.

This episode can be summarized with one word: boundaries. As a married couple bound by covenant, you are charged with upholding your commitment with diligence and wisdom. Sometimes in-laws aren't on board with that vision, especially if they don't understand the complete dynamics of your marriage or season in life. This can create stressful, unenjoyable relationships.

In this episode, we propose 5 principles we believe to be crucial for happy, health in-law relationships. Along the way, we share tangible ways to make steps in the right direction... especially if you're experiencing difficulty in this area.

Show Notes:

The big idea: in-laws should advocate for our marriage instead of for only their child.

There may be relationship problems and frustrations, but if they're not "the big issue" above, they can be worked out with grace and patience.

5 Principles for Healthier, Happier Relationships with In-Laws:

* Have grace: Remember, they need grace, they're not perfect... just like you.

* Understand what "leave and cleave" means. Matthew 19:4 (Jesus speaking)

* Establish boundaries. Communicate clearly to them what you expect from them. ("We want you to advocate for our marriage." "Respect our marriage." Etc...)

* Ask clearly for help and communicate expectations.

* Have perspective about in-law relationships: do what works for you, and don't compare to others or put too much weight in cultural context.

Remember that Jesus is working in you and through you to perpetuate the gospel in those relationships.

Today's Couples Challenge:

* Go through the 5 above principles for healthy in-law relationships.

* Identify any potential in-law pain points.

* Create a plan for a biblical way forward that protects your marriage and honors relationships.

Mentioned in the Show:

* Learn more about The 31-Day Pursuit Challenge, our couple's devotional.

* Ask any question, leave us a voicemail, or write a letter to your spouse! (https://fiercemarriage.com/podcast#questions)

Don't forget!

Please SUBSCRIBE, RATE, and REVIEW this podcast on your app of choice. It takes 30-60 seconds, and it helps get the word out about gospel-centered marriage. Thank you!