Fight for a Happy Life with Sensei Ando: Martial Arts for Everyday Life

Welcome to Episode #61 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “My Greatest Workout Tip!”

Here it is… my greatest workout tip. It took me 48 years to figure it out, but better late than never!

No matter how you choose to exercise—martial arts, yoga, weights, running—I believe this simple advice will change the way you work out forever.

Give a listen and let me know what you think! Here’s to sweatin’ smart!

To LISTEN to, “My Greatest Workout Tip!” you can either:

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a full transcript down below.

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

TRANSCRIPT

Today on Fight for a Happy Life… My Greatest Workout Tip.

Yeah! Welcome to Episode #61 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. Ando here and… I’m in a hurry.

It happens every summer. I always think life will slow down in the summer and give me more time to shoot videos and record podcasts, but alas… it never works out that way. Ever.

I try to record one podcast per month—a routine I started over five years ago. But the last couple of summers, I missed a month… and boy, did I feel like a loser. I mean, come on, man— one podcast a month? You can’t put together one lousy podcast in a whole month?

Now, to be fair, I could easily put together a podcast just by turning on the mic and babbling about something. But that’s not in my nature. Babbling, yes, but not just about any old thing. My nature is to plan and polish. Not just because I’m deeply insecure and like to sound somewhat professional, but because I respect your time.

I want to make my point as quickly as I can and communicate it as clearly as I can. Of course, you know me—I still end up babbling a little bit, but I try to limit that to 20-25 minutes.

Anyway, the point is summer is here and I am once again behind schedule. But this time around, I refuse to miss my goal. So, today, the show is going to be a little shorter than usual, but I still think you’ll find it worth your time. In fact, I believe the idea that I’m going to present may change your entire life… forever. So, let’s get to it.

One of the most popular questions I receive in comments and emails is this—

Which exercises? How many sets? How many reps? What is the most effective routine to lose weight, build muscle, increase speed, improve flexibility?

Well, I hate to say it, but to me, this is a crazy line of questioning. Crazy, but understandable. I mean, I used to ask the same questions.

When I started out, I thought there must be some magic formula to make the most of my workout time. Not a shortcut, necessarily, but a “smart cut”.

The fitness industry is built on this idea. There is never a shortage of magazines, books, or online programs selling you every variation of sets, reps, and routines imaginable to make your dreams come true. And through my early 30’s, I think I tried all of them.

But you know what? It’s all a bunch of nonsense. The fact is there is no magic formula. There is no one-size-fits-all workout program. Nope. Like most things in life, it comes down to experimentation, my friend.

It comes down to figuring out what works for you. Nobody can give you the answers.

And that’s true whether you’re just trying drop a few pounds, earn a black belt, or compete in the Olympics.

Unfortunately, I know this is not the answer people want to hear when they write to me looking for help. Could I give them what they want? Could I give them a simple program with some basic moves and conservative recommendations for sets and reps? Of course I could! But I just can’t. I won’t. To me, that would be leading people in the wrong direction.

When it comes to your body and your fitness goals, I am not the authority… you are. The sooner you start experimenting and thinking for yourself, the sooner you start designing your own program, the better.

But hold on—that doesn’t mean you’re all alone out there. I do have some advice that may help. At least one idea anyway. One idea that I consider to be my greatest workout tip. Allow me to set it up for you.

Like I said, I experimented with all sorts of workout routines from my teens into my early 30’s. But at some point, I stopped measuring, counting, and recording. Instead, I just started feeling. Instead of thinking about the exercise, I focused on how I felt when I performed the exercise. Instead of thinking about getting stronger, faster, or bigger, I fixated on my balance, relaxation, and alignment.

To make a long story short, my workouts—whether it was weights, calisthenics, plyometrics, isometrics, whatever—became a time for self-massage and self-adjustment. I’ll give you an example.

I used to spend a lot of time sitting in a chair. First, because for several years, my job required that I sit at a computer, and second, during that same time period, I wrote screenplays in my free time. That meant, very often, when I would go work out, my neck was tight, my back was tight, and typically, I hadn’t taken a deep breath all day.

So, what happened if I suddenly threw myself into a martial arts class or a routine at the gym? AGHH! I’d cramp up or pull something. At the very least, I would pump out reps and practice skills with faulty form.

That makes sense, right? If you throw punches with a tight neck and tight back, you only learn how to throw punches with a tight neck and tight back… and those aren’t good punches.

Eventually, I realized it was more important to prepare my body to work out than it was to work out… which is actually a workout in and of itself. For instance, let’s say I wanted to do some overhead presses with a pair of 30 pound dumbbells. Before pumping out a set of 10, I might just pick up the dumbbells and hold them up over my head.

That’s it. Just hold them. Maybe for two or three minutes.

Why? Because if you focus on your body, and not the exercise, your body will adjust itself to manage the pressure of that weight all by itself. Your body will correct its own posture and put you in an optimal position. It just happens. In the process, all of those kinks and knots that built up from sitting all day would melt away.

What a relief! Instead of throwing weights around recklessly just to say I finished 10 reps, I studied the way I responded to the weights.

The trick was to stop measuring sets and reps and start measuring me.

Now, to be clear, I’m not saying that holding weights over your head is a magical move. Your body can release tension and correct its alignment by simply taking a walk, rolling on the ground, or yeah, even pumping out that set of 10 reps of shoulder presses. Just remember that the secret isn’t the movement you’re doing, it’s your mindset while doing it.

Here’s another way to think about it. Do you remember how phones used to have cords? I know that’s going back a few years, but here’s some history for all you cell phone babies.

Phones used to have cords attached to the handset. And in my house, that cord—which reached six to eight feet or so—would get so twisted and tangled that it wouldn’t stretch anymore. You’d end up in a tug of war with the cord, trying to free yourself so you could stand up or walk around while you talked. But eventually, I learned a little trick…

If you held the handset up by the cord and just let it dangle, something amazing would happen. It would start to spin! You didn’t have to do anything. It just flipped and jumped around until all of the kinks were gone and the cord untangled itself. That’s what I’m talking about.

Exercise in my 30’s became a way for my body to untangle the knots by itself. I used the healthy stress of a workout to relieve the unhealthy stress that I carried around from my normal life.

Exercise became a process of adding tension on to my body so I could relieve tension in my body.

Make sense? Instead of counting 100 punches, trying to be as fast and strong as I could, I would just start throwing punches, observing how many different ways I held myself back.

Physically, I noticed how I held my breath. I noticed how I didn’t shift all of my weight. I noticed how I would squeeze my muscles or tighten my face to make me feel tough, even if it didn’t help my punch one bit.

Emotionally, I noticed that I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of really punching somebody. I worried if I was doing it right or if anyone would laugh at my technique. I wondered if I was good enough to earn a new belt rank.

Noise, noise, noise! So many thoughts can distract you from learning what you really need to learn.

The lesson here—and it’s an important one—is that my workouts improved when I stopped letting my mind lead the workout and let my body take control.

I focused less on the results and more on the process. I paid less attention to the work and more attention to the tools.

If you do that, don’t worry—you’ll still get a great workout. You still do the work. The only difference is in the goal that you set for yourself. Yes, it’s satisfying to say, “Hey! I benched 225 today!” but it’s even more fulfilling to say, “Hey! I feel great.” I mean, isn’t that the ultimate goal?

But hold on again—my advice to you today is not simply to stop counting sets and reps so you can focus on relieving tension and improving alignment. If I was still in my early 40’s, yes, that would be the end of the show right there. I would have said, forget routines and focus on feeling great. But I’m 48 now and my experiments have led me to discover yet another insight that has changed my workouts forever.

When you work out, don’t worry about sets, reps, or routines… and don’t focus on tension and alignment… instead, as you start to huff and puff, as you feel sweat forming on your forehead, ask yourself this one, simple question—

“Who am I?”

Or if you prefer, “Who are you?”

Listen to what I’m saying, my friend—the true purpose of exercise is not to test your strength or your skills, it’s to test your character.

Try this. Look at your face the next time you’re under pressure. Whether you’re sparring, lifting weights, holding a yoga pose, or just struck in traffic, what expression do you have on your face? Do you frown? Do you squint? Do you drop your head?

Okay—those are very common ways you might react to stress. Those are fairly subtle, though, so you may not consider them important—but they are. Still, let’s make this easier.

Let’s say you’re pinned on the ground… and getting punched in the face. In that situation, it’s very common to see people shake their head, flail their arms, and maybe kick wildly. On the other extreme, you will also see people curl up into a ball and stop moving entirely.

Either way, your face and your movements reveal what kind of person you are.

Are you a fighter or a quitter? Are you crippled by fear or fueled forward by outrage? Will you solve your own problems or wait for someone to help you figure things out?

Now, this doesn’t have to just be a thought experiment. Try it right now.

Drop to the floor and hold yourself in a plank or push-up position. Just hold yourself as straight as possible… for five minutes. Yup. Five minutes.

Remember, I’m not interested in whether you can actually hold the plank for five minutes or not. At some point, even if it’s a half-hour later, we will all wilt and fall. I’m just interested in the emotional and psychological journey you’re going to go on while enduring increasing stress.

Hey—if you want to make this interesting, record yourself on video so you can see exactly how you wear your stress.

If you do this, pay attention to the thoughts that flash through your head. Pay attention to the feelings that bubble up in your chest. How long does it take before you want to give up? Which gives up first, your mind or your body?

When you start to feel the relentless pull of gravity on your belly, do you stare at a fixed point or look away? Do you close your eyes? Do you grunt and groan? Do you start swearing?

You don’t have to be a psychologist to judge whether you like the reactions you see or not. I’ll bet you’ll have no trouble identifying which thoughts, feelings, and movements make up the character of someone on the road to success and which ones don’t. If you’re honest with yourself anyway.

Keep in mind, this is a controlled experiment. That’s how I see all workouts—controlled experiments designed to measure character traits.

You voluntarily put pressure on your system to reveal the weaknesses in your system. In the process, you will see, I believe, the real you… whether you like it or not.

This is something I do with myself all the time nowadays. First, I seek ways to put myself under pressure. Second, when I’m feeling overwhelmed and about to crack or cry, I ask myself, “Who am I?”

I don’t think about the technique or the skill—those are not the issue. The issue is my soul.

Am I whiner? Am I a quitter? Am I weak?

Am I afraid of failure? Am I afraid of success? What kind of person am I?

I ask my students the same question. In the most intense moments of drilling a technique or sparring, right when I can see they’re having trouble dealing with the stress, I ask them, “Who are you? Right now—who are you?”

Are you powerful? Are you fearless? Is that the real you or are you just putting on a show? Are you worth fighting for?

Ultimately, these questions of the soul are the only questions that matter. You can have six-pack abs and be able to bench press 500 pounds, but if you’re afraid of making mistakes, if you give up when things don’t go your way, if you make excuses instead of taking responsibility for what’s happening around you, you’re going to lose. Lose a fight, lose a job, lose an opportunity, lose a friendship, lose your smile, maybe one day lose your life.

So, remember this—winners win and losers lose. It’s not the program that builds success or leads to ruin, it’s the person.

Who you are will determine your level of fitness, success, and happiness more than what you do.

Sure, what you do can also shape who you are, but you have to be the kind of person who will do something before that action has a chance to change you. That gets a little confusing, doesn’t it, but you know what I’m saying.

The point of training in the gym or in the dojo is to reveal who you are. I learn who I am by putting myself in the context of fighting in a Kung Fu class. I take Kung Fu, but I do not let Kung Fu take me.

Did you catch that? I discover and polish my soul by placing myself in a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class.

I am not there to learn the art, I’m there to learn about myself through the art.

This goes along with what I have said before—a style should serve you, you should not serve a style. That’s why it makes me a little uncomfortable when I hear other people say, “I take Karate,” or, “I study Krav Maga.” I always wonder if they’re putting themselves before the art or the art before themselves.

For me, I don’t really think or talk about styles. Not because I don’t respect them, but because I respect who I am and who I’m becoming first.

Let me say this another way. Let’s say I never took a martial arts class in my entire life. I would still learn about myself, right? I would still have the capacity—for better or worse—to fight back against anything that would hurt me. I would still try to be as healthy and as strong as I could be. I would still live by a moral code.

The truth is I’d likely uncover many of the same revelations about life and about myself without ever having to step on the mats or tie on a belt. You heard me—you don’t have to practice martial arts to live a happy life.

That’s right. I said that. You don’t have to lift weights, either. You don’t have to eat meat, either. In fact, you could probably do the opposite of everything you’re doing right now and still find a way to live a happy, successful life. But at some point, you pick a path—your path. You find people, places, and activities that inspire you, challenge you, entertain you, comfort you, and change you.

For me, the martial arts has been my one-stop shopping for philosophy, fitness, friendships, self-discovery, security, accomplishment, learning, creativity… it’s got everything I ever wanted. And while I don’t expect everyone to feel the same way as I do about the martial arts, I am still on a mission to encourage as many people as possible to give them a try. If they can do for you what they have done for me, then I’d hate for you to miss out.

Now, having said all that, a quick warning for you. As wise as all of this “Who am I” talk may sound, you have to stay on guard against your mind at all times. The mind always wants to take control.

Believe me, even though I transitioned from a mind-led workout to a body-led workout in my 30’s, then to a soul-led workout style in my 40’s, my teenage brain still interjects and screws things up.

Example—nine months ago, I bought a jump rope. I hadn’t jumped rope in years and thought it would be a fun addition to my workout. Well, it wasn’t.

Turns out I suck at jumping rope. I suck so bad I shot right past embarrassment to raw fury. I mean, it ain’t rocket science—jump the rope, man! If you can do it once, you should be able to do it over and over again, right?

No. Not right. In the first few weeks, every time I tripped on that rope, I lost my cool. I swore, I stamped my foot, and I threw that rope across the yard more than once. I even made excuses and bought a different rope—a more expensive, professional rope.

What a nut! It made no difference whatsoever. I kept tripping and kept feeling like a loser. And then I finally made the connection. I coached myself exactly the way I’m suggesting you coach yourself. I asked myself, “Who are you right now?”

I mean, is that all it takes to make you lose your cool and feel like a loser? You—a grown man? You—a martial artist? You—a guy who trains to keep his cool even when he’s being punched, choked, or stabbed? And you’re losing your mind because of a jump rope?

Yikes. Thankfully, I realized the point of jumping rope is not to jump the rope, it’s to deal with how I feel when I can’t jump the rope. Which in turn, will train me to deal with how I feel when I trip on my way towards any goal.

Consider this—your reaction to anything is a clue to how you’ll react to everything. Working out is an opportunity to put yourself under pressure and fail on purpose, under circumstances that you control, to see how you react. Once you have that information, you have the chance to change your reactions and rewire them so you’ll be better prepared to manage the pressures that life throws at you without your consent.

You’ve heard me say before that the first goal of martial arts training is to control yourself, the second goal is to control someone else, specifically a bad guy who is out of control. Approach your workout—whatever you choose it to be—as your time to master controlling yourself.

Find your tranquility, your clarity, your creativity, and your confidence. Conquer the distractions of pain, fear, ego, and doubt. When you clear out all of that nonsense, you will be left with you… you in your most powerful form.

So, my challenge to you is this—forevermore, make it your number one workout goal to develop the best you possible on the physical, emotional, and spiritual level. Seek out exercises that will put you under pressure and provide you with opportunities to fail.

When you feel yourself losing your cool, when you feel your face scowling, when you hear a curse word escaping your lips, when you feel your limbs flailing, ask yourself, “Who am I?”

Take that same approach the next time you spar, roll, or drill with a partner. If you’re tapping, taking hits, or falling behind, ask yourself, “Who are you?” Don’t let your mind answer, don’t let your body answer… listen to your soul.

One more time—the greatest tip I can give you about working out is that it’s not about the results, it’s about the process. It’s not about your hardware, it’s about your software. Focus on that and I think you’ll not only get the results you wanted in the first place, you’ll get something far more valuable.

This is not as abstract as it sounds, by the way. There are concrete ways to measure the progress of your soul. Here’s the test…

When you finish your workout, you should feel empowered, not emptied. You should feel better, not beaten. You should feel built up, not broken down.

If you make it a goal to reveal the real you, to challenge the real you, to strengthen the real you, then you will never feel worn out by a workout. Instead, as you wipe the sweat off your head or the blood off your lip, you’ll feel warmed up and ready to step back into the world and fight for a happy life.

Yikes! That went longer than I thought! Well, I hope that changes your life forever! Even if it didn’t, hey—if you enjoyed today’s show, please share it with a friend. Leaving a quick review on iTunes or someplace is also very kind of you.

Until next time, smiles up my friend. Let your smile be your shield and your sword.

Keep fighting for a happy life!

The post #61: My Greatest Workout Tip [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #60 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “I Don’t Know!”

The greatest battle in the martial arts might be with your own ego. At least it is for me!

Here’s an embarrassing story from my past where my ego won… and I lost because of it!

To LISTEN to, “I Don’t Know!” you can either:

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a full transcript down below.

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

TRANSCRIPT

Today on Fight for a Happy Life… I Don’t Know.

Here we go. Welcome to Episode #60 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. I’m Ando and it always makes my day when you click that link and hit play. No kidding. Thank you for being here.

Hey—have you already listened to episodes #58 and 59? The interviews with Sifu Randy Brown and Sifu TW Smith? I sure hope so. There was a lot of wisdom and good humor in those chats, I thought. So, if you didn’t, put those on your “to do” list.

It’s always interesting to hear how someone else is fighting for a happy life… especially when they seem to be winning! Unfortunately, today, you’re stuck with me. Just me.

Am I winning? Well, I feel like a winner, that’s for sure, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still have some issues I’m working on. So, if you’ve got a few minutes, I’ve got a quick story for you with a big lesson. At least it was for me. I hope it can help you win a few more battles, too. Let’s get to it.

[01:43]  Okay. This story is really embarrassing, but the older I get, the less it seems like it was even me at the center of it. Maybe that’s the proof that I finally learned the lesson I was supposed to learn. It’s deep in my cells now. Ando-48 is not the same guy as Ando-14. Thank God. Whatever the case, here’s the story.

Like I said, this event occurred when I was around 14. I believe I was a freshman in high school. As part of our science class, we were supposed to create an experiment and present it to the class.

Now, I’ve never really had a head for science. Yes, I’m a curious person by nature and I am compelled to look behind the curtains in search of the truth, but once we step into the world of mathematics and equations, I get lost. So, for this assignment, I decided to run an experiment in subliminal suggestion. Not because I’m brilliant, but because I had seen my friend run the same experiment back in grade school and I always thought it was fascinating.

The basic idea was to create a video game—something simple like moving yourself through a maze—and while you were playing the game, a word would be flashed on screen for a split second. The goal was to plant that word in your head without you knowing it. Then, after playing the game, I would ask a series of questions, each with multiple answers, including the words that I had flashed, just to see if those words were chosen more frequently than the words that were not flashed.

Interesting, right? I guess the idea was used most famously in movie theaters, where pictures of popcorn and soda flashed during the movie to influence people to get up and go buy more. Does that really work? That’s what I wanted to find out. Or at least that’s what I wanted to do to get a good grade.

So, I set up the experiment and ran it with 30 or 40 volunteers. To be honest, I don’t even remember what the results were, but I’m pretty sure in my small sample group, there was a slight influence in thinking. I’m pretty sure because, to my surprise, my science teacher recommended that I participate in a citywide science fair where I could present my findings.

AGH! Dude, I’m just looking for a B+ here, not the cover of Time magazine. I was conflicted. On the one hand, like I said, I don’t have a head for science, but on the other hand, I love an audience. So, ultimately, like a moth to a flame, I chose to step into the spotlight and compete.

When I showed up to the hall for the competition, I was feeling pretty confident. I got there early to set up and I thought my posterboards and technical display looked pretty impressive.

For the record, the technical display included a Texas Instruments TI-99/4A computer. You remember those? They were so primitive that even an artsy guy like me could write code to create a maze. But my confidence was tested as the other contestants arrived and started setting up their presentations.

Within minutes, it looked like I was standing in Mission Control at NASA. These whiz kids slapped up whiteboards with equations and diagrams that could’ve been upside-down for all I know. And apparently, there were other computers available at the time… I just didn’t know about them.

Yep—these kids were real scientists. For them, this competition was just a stepping stone to some statewide, or countrywide, worldwide competition. One of these brainiacs would probably end up winning the Nobel Prize. Me? I was just happy to be put on a tie and play Johnny Carson for a few minutes. But there we were.

Now, I’m happy to tell you that my presentation was not a disaster. Far from it. My showbiz instincts served me very well. I smiled, threw in a joke or two… I was like Wayne Newton working a night club.

The judges—three serious-looking adults with clipboards and suit jackets—seemed to relax the more I talked. They even smiled here and there. I could feel the momentum building. Hey—maybe I do belong in the world of science after all.

By the time I finished my presentation, I was ready to accept the gold medal. I just needed to charm my way through the Q&A and it was mine. Sorry, brainiacs. I fielded the first couple of questions with ease. I was no longer talking like a kid with a baking soda volcano up there, I looked at the judges as if we were peers. Colleagues.

Until.

Yes, until. Until the last question. The one I didn’t see coming.

One of the judges asked me if there was a separate part of the brain that processed subliminal stimuli. I had no idea. But that didn’t stop me from answering immediately. I looked him right in the eye with an omniscient smile and declared that, yes, there was a separate piece of the brain, a little darker than the areas surrounding it, in fact, that processed subliminal stimuli.

Wait—what? Is that true?

No. Not at all. I was so excited being a science star, that I just blurted out the first thing that popped into my head.

No. I didn’t blurt it out, actually. Like I said, I declared it with confidence. Somehow, it felt true to me. YIKES!

I really don’t even need to finish this story, do I? Obviously, as soon as the great lie about the brain fell off my lips, I could see the judge who asked the question tilt his head. He knew instantly that I was a poser who didn’t belong there. His face fell into a polite smirk as he tapped his pen on his clipboard.

That one lie was all he needed to discredit my entire experiment. I mean, if I can so casually make up facts about the brain, who’s to say I didn’t make up the whole experiment? The presentation was a bust.

What can I say? I was a kid. An immature and insecure kid.

My ego didn’t care about facts. My ego didn’t care about science. My ego just wanted to win.

The funny thing is I truly think I would’ve won the gold medal that day if I had just said three simple words: “I don’t know.”

Just admit it. Too bad I didn’t understand the power of honesty. Too bad I didn’t understand the difference between showbiz and science. Too bad I didn’t know the difference between an expert and a poser.

Too bad. I lied and I lost.

[09:38]  It’s amazing how fast you can go from feeling like a winner to feeling like a loser. This happens in martial arts all the time. You think you’re kicking butt and then one punch sends you to the floor. But really, it happens just as fast off the mats.

For example, part of my job for the last 12 years has been to hire martial arts instructors. During interviews, candidates tell me they’ve studied this art and that art, or they’ve won this tournament, or earned that rank… and I’m sure what they’re saying really impresses their friends. The friends who don’t do martial arts, I mean. But they usually don’t impress me.

Don’t get me wrong—they may be very nice people, but many of them are as deluded as I was back at the science competition. They have no idea how easy it is for me to see their actual skill level. One little gesture, one offhand remark and their cover is blown.

And don’t get me started about students. I’ll ask students if they know a particular move, or remember a particular drill, and they’ll give me a cocky, “Yep”. Then I say, “Show me.”

“Uh…show you what? Oh—I thought you meant that other move. Um, you know, I think my way may be a little different. Let me see your way again.”

Ha! Ridiculous.

Why can’t they just say they don’t know? I mean, I’m a teacher! That’s what I’m here for! If you just tell me you don’t know something, I’ll show you! If you didn’t get it the first way I showed you, I’ll find another way. That’s my job! Of course, I know exactly why they won’t say, “I don’t know.” It’s the same reason I didn’t say it.

Yes, I’ve been on both sides of the knowledge fence. Experience on one side, ignorance on the other. And the reason I’m recording this show is because I want you to feel comfortable on either side. If you know something, great. If you don’t know something, great. As long as you’re honest about it and don’t try to fool anybody or fool yourself, you will win.

Which means, if you’re afraid to say, “I don’t know,” please, believe me—you’re losing.

Sure, you may trick the people who know less than you do, but you’re not tricking the people who know more than you. You’re not tricking the experts. And those are the people who can help you. Those are the people who will make you better.

That’s why I never want you to be embarrassed to say, “I don’t know.” On the contrary, I want you to be proud of yourself. Admitting that you have more to learn requires honesty, humility, and courage. Saying, “I don’t know,” lets everyone know that you’d rather get things right than just look cool. Saying, “I don’t know,” is the first step in emptying your cup. It opens the gates for new information and new experience to come in.

Consider this—if you pretend to know something you don’t, you will always end up looking like a fool.

You’re either going to look like a fool in the moment you pretend, because the expert knows you’re pretending immediately, or you’re going to look like a fool down the road when you’re eventually called upon to demonstrate what you’ve been pretending to be able to do.

Of course, when you pretend to know something, you’re hoping that the person you’re talking to is an idiot and that you’ll never be asked to demonstrate anything. Talk about pressure! Why would you stress yourself out when instead, you could simply say, “I don’t know”?

Trust me on this. My ego didn’t just burn me at the science fair, it locked me into a state of stress well into my 20’s. My ego said I had to be perfect… or at least appear to be. My ego said I had to know everything… or at least appear to. Ugh. What a miserable, exhausting way to live.

For example, for many years, I had a phobia—if that’s psychologically possible—of making phone calls. Even if it was just to find out what time a restaurant opened. Even if it was just to get directions.

For me, calling someone on the phone meant I didn’t know something. I needed something. And my ego couldn’t stand that. One time—this is how ridiculous it got—I was in charge of a school project, a fundraiser. When the deadline came, I had no information. So, I made up a story about a fire in my house that burned up all my notes. MADNESS!

Thankfully, I was just working for the Student Council at the time, and not the Department of Defense, but I have no doubt there are people out there in every walk of life who are still afraid of asking for information or assistance. People under stress every day of their lives, lying in one way or another, to hide their fear of being revealed as ignorant or incompetent. People whose inability to say, “I don’t know,” might lead to catastrophic consequences.

I hope that’s not you. If you refuse to admit when you don’t know something, or if you’re afraid to ask someone to teach you something, you’re not only failing to move forward in life, you’re more likely sliding backwards.

Remember this—it’s the fear of being judged as incompetent that makes us incompetent. It’s the fear of asking questions that keeps us from getting answers.

Don’t let any fear lock you up or hold you back. Say, “I don’t know,” and give yourself some relief.

[16:07]  Okay. Let’s shift gears for a minute here. At the risk of sounding pretentious—or more pretentious, I suppose—I’d like to talk about Socrates. Back when I was studying—ahem—Philosophy in college, I was introduced to the “Socratic paradox”. This is not to be confused with “Socratic irony”.

“Socratic irony” is the debate strategy of pretending to know nothing just to get someone else to reveal what they know, so you can then take it apart and disprove it. Hey! That’s another reason why saying, “I don’t know,” is a smart idea. By presenting yourself as a beginner, you invite others to show off a little, which then gives you a chance to secretly analyze them.

You can use the same strategy when you spar or roll with someone you don’t know. I see advanced belts do this all the time. They say GO, but then they don’t do anything. They give their partner time and space to do whatever they want just so they can get an idea of how they fight. Once they know who they’re dealing with, well, then they can chose their strategy and attack with more efficiency.

How about that? We already said that admitting to be ignorant is smart. Well, it turns out that even pretending to be ignorant is smart. It’s a whole lot smarter than pretending to know something, that’s for sure.

Anyway, back to Socrates. Even though it may be apocryphal, tradition holds that Socrates, the legendary Greek philosopher, once said, “The only thing I know is that I know nothing.” Of course, Socrates knew something. He was a well-known philosopher and social critic. In fact, his arguments eventually led to his execution, so clearly, his claim to know nothing is a paradox. Or a straight-up lie.

Now, I’m a fan of the Socratic paradox. Beginning a discussion or a venture with a clean slate, an empty cup, allows you to learn and grow. Even if you do know something, if you move through life as if you know nothing, you’ll be more likely to gain all the tools you need to get where you want to go.

Still, if you always pretend that you know nothing, that’s a little goofy, isn’t it? Only a baby knows nothing. What’s the point of gaining information and experience if you just discredit it and throw it away? So, how about this? What if we say…

“The only thing I know is that I don’t know everything.”

That would be my philosophy. You don’t need the paradox. Call it “Anodic ignorance.” How’s that for pretentious? Yes, I admit that I know some things, but I also admit that I don’t know everything.

Here’s an example. If you ask me if I know how to throw a punch, believe it or not, I might say, “I don’t know.” My brother and I joke about this all the time. Even though we’ve been throwing punches for a long time, we agree that it never feels like we quite have it yet.

Sure, I can hit a bag or punch you in the gut with a pretty good shot, I can even show you a couple of different ways to do it, but does that mean I really know how to punch? Honestly, some days, it feels like I know nothing.

But I sure know a lot more than I did when I was a kid. I sure know a lot more than I did 20 years ago. Oddly enough, I even know more today than I did a month ago. Heck—even over the weekend, I was looking at punches from a different perspective and experimenting with my technique. And there’s a good chance that I’m going to find something tomorrow that I didn’t know today, either from practicing, or getting a tip, or observing how someone else is punching… it’s endless!

Which I suppose is a curse. I joke with my students that there’s good news and bad news about the martial arts.

The good news is there’s always more to learn. The bad news is there’s always more to learn.

The trick is to not let the fact that you’re always learning take away from the confidence you should have from what you’ve already learned. It’s easy to fall into a permanent state of humility, where you just think you suck and don’t know anything… forever. That attitude may be great for learning, but it’s terrible for fighting. Or attacking any goal in your life.

At some point, you have to believe in what you know and what you can do, and put it into action. Ready or not. The goal, as always, is to seek the balance between experience and ignorance. Confidence and humility.

[21:15]  Okay. Question: When was the last time you said, “I don’t know”? If you’re thinking, “I don’t know,” right now, hey—good for you! That counts.

Whatever the case, my challenge to you is very simple—the next time you aren’t sure about something, admit it. Just say, “I don’t know.” But don’t stop there. Honesty is laudable, but I wouldn’t be proud of my honest ignorance for too long.

So, instead of just saying, “I don’t know,” try saying, “I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.” Isn’t that better?

But hang on—that’s still not good enough. Saying that you’re going to find out means you’ll do it some other time, which means it may never get done or you’ll forget about it entirely. But we can fix that. The next time you’re not sure about something, I want you to say, “I don’t know, but I’m going to find out right now.”

Ah ha! Now we’re talking! “I don’t know.” That’s humility. “But I’m going to find out.” That’s ambition. “Right now.” That’s determination. All together, that’s a winning formula.

Someone who says that is the kind of person I want to be. A person that I want on my team. The other guy? The poser? Well, I’d rather see him shot out of a canon.

So, be the student who says I don’t know. Be the teacher who says I don’t know. Be the leader who says I don’t know, but I’m going to find out right now.

Remember—there is no shame in admitting that you don’t know something, but there is shame—deep shame—in pretending you do.

And even if you feel the need today to pretend to know something, and even if you fool everybody around you, I beg you—don’t fool yourself. Don’t be like 14-year-old Ando. Give yourself a break. You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to stress out trying to impress people with what you know.

The truth is the people you need to meet, the people who can help you get more out of life, are more impressed by what you tell them you don’t know than what you tell them you do know.

So, don’t fake it. Don’t hide. Don’t lie. And certainly don’t say you didn’t know that saying, “I don’t know,” is one of the secrets to building a happy life, because I just told you.

Now you know.

That’s it! Empty your cup then go fill it up. And keep that going until you die. Hey—if you liked the show today, please share the link with a friend who might need to hear it. Thank you for doing that.

Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let your smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life.

The post #60: I Don’t Know! [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #59 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast. In this episode, I catch up with Sifu TW Smith, owner of TW Smith’s Martial Arts Center and the host of one of my favorite martial arts programs, Kung Fu Podcasts.

I can’t believe it took me so long to finally sit down with Sifu Tim! You may remember that I visited his school in Raleigh, NC back in 2016. That’s when we made this video…

Kung Fu Arm Bar Escape

But that was just the tip of the iceberg. It was Sifu Tim’s school that blew me away!

Honestly, I didn’t know a traditional, “old-school” martial arts academy like Sifu Tim’s ever really existed… or COULD exist! It was like walking into a dream.

Join me as I take you on a tour of Sifu TW Smith’s school and introduce you one of the most passionate martial artists I know.

Some highlights from our chat—

NOTE: During our chat, I mention an article from the New York Times. For the full text, follow this link: Exit the Dragon? Kung Fu Is Waning.

Okay! Get ready to be inspired!

When you spend time with someone as earnest and driven as TW Smith, you can’t help but attack your own life with a little more spirit and commitment.

To contact Sifu TW Smith…

TW Smith’s Website

Kung Fu Podcasts

To LISTEN to the interview, you can either:

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

The post #59: TW Smith Interview [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #58 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast. In this episode, I catch up with Sifu Randy Brown of Randy Brown Mantis Boxing.

You may remember Sifu Randy from a couple of videos we made together. In case you missed them, here are the links…

Tips to Manage Distance in a Fight

One Big Self-Defense Mistake

We also made a video over on Sifu Randy’s website. I think I’ll re-wach that one myself! (Don’t forget to subscribe to Sifu Randy’s YouTube channel while you’re there!)

I should also tell you that I had the honor of teaching a workshop at Sifu Randy’s school, so I can tell you firsthand that he is running a first-rate operation. Even more impressive, he has attracted a student base of incredibly kind and hard-working students, which tells me a lot about the man himself.

Yes, even though we can sometimes sound like a couple of cranky, old men—I think he’d agree with that!—Sifu Randy is really a happy guy. That’s why I hope you’ll join us as we discuss…

All good stuff! So, get ready for a lively and inspiring chat with Sifu Randy Brown.

To contact Sifu Randy…

Randy Brown Mantis Boxing

Randy Brown’s Online Courses

To LISTEN to the interview, you can either:

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

The post #58: Randy Brown Interview [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #57 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Wonder Woman and Superman.”

What does it take to be a hero in today’s world?

Not an easy question!

Modern culture offers us a wide range of messages… and I’m sick of it! So, join me for a rant that I hope will set the record straight on superheroes once and for all.

To LISTEN to, “Wonder Woman and Superman,” you can either:

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a full transcript down below.

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

TRANSCRIPT

Today on Fight for a Happy Life, Wonder Woman and Superman.

Hello, my friend. Welcome back to Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. Ando here and thank you for being there. I’m always honored when you make the time to stop by.

It’s really all about time, isn’t it? The older I get, the more I value how I spend my time.

One example that comes to mind—when I was in my 20’s, if I went to see a movie, or rented a movie, or even just caught a movie on TV, I would watch the whole thing. Even if it was lousy, even if I hated it, I would sit there till it was over. For some reason, I felt a commitment to finish what I started. Walking out or turning the channel felt like giving up. But not anymore!

Nowadays, I’m far more careful about what I commit myself to doing. If I sit down to watch a movie, or a new series on Netflix, it had better thrill me right away. If I’m not digging it, I’m out. More than once, I have grabbed my bucket of popcorn and walked out of a theater to go eat in the car.

Time is our most valuable asset, so do not waste it.

Which means, if you made time today to listen to this show, I am honored and grateful. But hey—if you’re not thrilled with what I’m saying, turn it off.

Seriously. I won’t be offended. Quite the opposite. If you find a better way to spend your day, I’d be very proud of you.

All right. Now, what did I want to tell you? Oh, yeah. I’ve been a little grumpy lately. Here’s why…

Back in Episode #1—that was five years ago—I talked about the word “fighting”. An astonishingly large number of people regard the word fighting like the other “F-word”. There is a frustratingly large number of people out there who don’t understand that fighting is just a tool. You can fight for a just cause or an unjust cause.

So, before you judge someone, before you look down on someone for fighting, you have to ask, “What are you fighting for?”

Sadly, tragically, our culture often seems to punish the good guys even when they’re fighting for what’s right.

Over the last five years, I’m afraid the bias against fighting has only gotten worse. Let me tell you why I say that…

In case you didn’t know, I teach Karate to children for a living. I’ve been the Program Director at Dawn Barnes Karate Kids here in L.A. for over 11 years now. And if there is anything more exhilarating or fulfilling than seeing kids learning how to speak up and stand up for themselves, I haven’t found it. Which is why it blows my mind that we don’t have families lined up down the street to sign up for classes.

Where is everybody? I’m not saying they have to sign up where I teach, but why isn’t every kid taking martial arts? Why are there nail salons and coffee shops on every city block but not martial arts schools? It hurts my head and my heart trying to figure that out.

Don’t get me wrong—soccer is cool, basketball is cool… if you get to play. Gymnastics, dance, art, music… I love all of it.

But martial arts is the character-building software, the operating system, for any child, any person, to survive and thrive in this world.

Martial arts should be the first activity kids try out. If I had my way, it would be mandatory in every school. Who doesn’t want their child to develop the skills of communicating their feelings, setting boundaries, and protecting their bodies?

Come on! It’s Life 101. Everyone should take a little martial arts. Man, I wish I was taught what I’m teaching back when I was a kid. But alas, most parents will never sign up their kids for a martial arts class, let alone take one for themselves. And to me, that is proof that there is something very, very wrong with this world.

Thankfully, not everyone is crazy. I have met thousands of children and families whose parents do see the value in martial arts and have at least tried Karate. On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve also met parents who, in my opinion, have no business being parents.

I know that sounds harsh. I’m being a little more judgmental than usual today, but I just gotta get this off my chest. I mean, how can I not be upset about the parents who cancelled their child’s membership in Karate class because their academic school has a rule that none of their students are allowed to take martial arts?

You heard me right. There are schools out there that prohibit children from taking martial arts classes, not just inside the school, but outside of the school.

What? What kind of madness is that? It’s not madness, obviously, it’s ignorance. It’s prejudice. Which is why, in the name of education, I wrote a letter to the principal of one of these schools and invited her to visit our school and observe our classes. I let her know that she wouldn’t be seeing a pack of wild animals tearing each other apart, that she’d be seeing kind children being taught respect, patience, focus, and courage.

But she never came. She didn’t even answer the letter.

In another case, a far more common situation, a mother cancelled her son’s membership because she felt the program was too “aggressive”. Aggressive!

For the record, her son is eight years old, painfully shy, and an easy target for any bully. This young man only took 12 classes. In those 12 classes, as a white belt, he was never required to touch another student or be touched by another student. He was never required to spar or grapple.

Even if he had stayed long enough to earn the privilege to spar or grapple, he would be required to wear safety gear. And even wearing safety gear, he would be limited to light contact—very light contact. And even within a culture of light contact sparring, because we value developing brains, he would not be allowed to hit anyone in the head.

My point is that we take care of our students. Safety is priority number one! As a result, I am proud to tell you that despite having thousands of children train in our program in multiple locations for over 25 years, we have only witnessed a handful of injuries.

No joke—our students have racked up more injuries playing soccer and basketball than practicing Karate. That’s a fact. Yet, here we have another adult who sees a punch and a kick and immediately thinks fighting is always the wrong choice. Another parent who apparently believes that no cause is worth fighting for, not even the safety and self-esteem of their own child.

In my opinion, that’s not just ignorant, it’s irresponsible.

[08:34] As you probably know, there are many schools touting a “zero tolerance” policy when it comes to violence. Now, I’m not stupid. I understand that no principal will ever stand up and tell parents, “Hey—if your child is being bullied, we fully support their right to punch that bully in the face.” But at the same time, any policy that makes a child who fights back in self-defense feel as if they’ve done something wrong is evil.

I can think of no more heinous lesson to teach a child than you are not allowed to protect yourself. You are not valuable enough to ever fight back against abuse.

Look—if you’re an adult and you choose to never raise a hand to anyone, even if you’re being beaten to death, even when people you love are being beaten to death, then so be it. I’ll send flowers to your funeral. But to raise a child to believe that it’s wrong to fight back when their words have failed, when they can’t run away, when no one is there to protect them, that’s—I don’t even know what that is. There’s no word. AGHH!

Let me get this straight—you teach your child to brush their teeth to prevent cavities, but you won’t teach them to raise their hands to prevent punches? You teach your child to eat their vegetables to defend against vitamin deficiency, but you won’t teach them to push and punch to defend against being slammed to the ground and cracking their head open? Your teach them to listen to their elders and respect authority, but you won’t teach them that it’s okay to speak up if those same authority figures hurt them or make them do something that makes them feel uncomfortable?

What is wrong with you?

Hey—I’m an easy-going, live and let live, open-minded, tolerant kind of guy, but on this issue, there’s no way any of that is right. Sending a child into the world unprepared to face the bullies and bad guys is a form of child abuse in and of itself. Zero tolerance makes zero sense.

Yikes! I’m already halfway through the show and I haven’t even played the music yet. Okay. Let me move on from that rant to a question.

My question—where do these prejudices about fighting and martial arts come from? How is our culture being shaped to disempower the good guys?

I’ll bet we can come up with a bunch of answers, but there’s one that’s been on my mind for a while now and with the time I’ve got left, I want to share it with you. So, make some popcorn and let’s spend a few moments talking about the movies.

[11:52] I love movies. I really love superhero movies. I love them so much, that I hate almost every single one of them. That’s because so many of them, particularly nowadays, refuse to let the superhero be super. Instead, they portray superheroes as confused, reluctant, and unhappy. Some are downright miserable.

What’s so heroic about that? Why would I want to watch that?

I mean, I get it—there’s this idea that we want to see superheroes struggling to overcome the same problems that we all face. We want heroes who are relatable. We don’t want to worship gods, we want heroes who are conflicted and troubled.

Well, not me, baby. I hate all of that!

Let’s talk about James Bond, for example. I can’t believe what they did to James Bond. Growing up, James Bond was on my list of favorite heroes. That tuxedo was every bit as cool as a cape. He was smarter than everyone else in the room, he was tougher than everyone else in the room, and he had no problem killing everyone in the room if that’s what the mission called for. He did the work and then celebrated with a tryst, a drink, and a cigarette.

That’s in stark contrast to the more recent James Bond movies. Nowadays, James Bond is a dysfunctional alcoholic with daddy issues.

What happened to the tuxedo? What happened to the wit? What happened to the swagger? What happened to the James Bond who demonstrated clarity, decisiveness, and commitment? Oh, he’s curled up in the corner, dressed like a bum, with 5 o’clock shadow, and a hangover.

I never saw Sean Connery’s James Bond staring at himself in a mirror through teary, bloodshot eyes, wondering, “What’s wrong with me? What am I doing with my life?” No. The old James Bond not only did his job he actually seemed to enjoy his work.

[14:15] Let’s talk about Superman. Growing up, I never saw Superman cry. I was raised on the old 1950’s George Reeves TV show and I never once saw him regret punching a bad guy in the face. On the contrary, usually the show concluded with Superman or Clark Kent wearing a smirk or giving a wink.

Flash-forward to the 1978 Superman movie with Christopher Reeve. Even all those years later, Superman was a pretty chipper guy. Even when the story gets dark and Superman discovers Lois Lane dead in her car, his tears quickly turn to anger, which immediately prompts him to take action.

When the ghost of his father tries to stop him from turning back time to save her life, does he give up or wallow in self-doubt? Not one bit. He is clear-minded, decisive, and committed. That’s what a hero should be.

I mean, if the most powerful people in the world can’t believe in what they’re doing or enjoy their lives enough to smile once in a while, then what hope is there for the rest of us?

Now take a look at the more recent Superman movies, starting in 2013 with Man of Steel. In the reboot, Superman ends up—after hiding from the world for years—battling General Zod. He not only battles him, he kills him, breaking his neck. And then you know what he does? He cries.

Now, let me be clear—I’m not a sociopath. I don’t expect to see Superman crack a joke after killing a bad guy. On the other hand, let me point out that this was no ordinary bad guy. General Zod was literally destroying the entire world. He was intent on killing every man, woman, and child on Earth.

Even if that wasn’t true, the climactic fight scene with Superman destroyed huge areas of the city of Metropolis. They don’t show it, but there’s no way the destruction caused by this out of control madman didn’t kill thousands of innocent citizens.

Still, when Superman finally gets the upper hand, he hesitates. Even as Zod attempts to kill even more innocent citizens, Superman screams, “Don’t do this! Stop! No!”

When he finally—finally!—breaks Zod’s neck, he collapses in tears and is coddled by Lois Lane.

What the [BEEP]? Am I supposed to feel inspired by a hero who feels guilty for doing what clearly needs to be done? A hero who cries for saving the world… for saving the lives of billions of people?

I’m not asking for a smirk or a wink like George Reeves might have done after foiling a bank robbery, but can’t Superman at least be stoic about the killing? He doesn’t have to celebrate death, but he shouldn’t beat himself up for saving the planet, either!

For me, that scene teaches a dangerous lesson. It teaches the audience, particularly children, that not only should you not want to do the right thing, not only should you hesitate to do the right thing, but if you do the right thing, you should feel guilty about it. It should wreck you. It should be so traumatic that you might consider never doing it again.

No one needs a lesson like that.

Now, I know the subject of military parades has been in the headlines lately, and I’m not looking to make any political statements here, but I just find it interesting how after some wars, like World War II, there were celebrations around the world. The victory in Europe and the victory over Japan were a great relief to good people everywhere. The fighting forces of the United States were greeted as heroes for defeating an evil empire. Why? Because the cause was clear and just.

But that is not the case in every war. Oftentimes, our sense of right and wrong, our trust in authority figures, our purpose in the world is so muddy and clouded, that our troops come home to silence or even disdain. When the cause is not clear, fighting feels inappropriate and the sacrifices of life and resources seem unnecessary.

Figuring out when to fight and when to walk away can be a thorny question in the real world. It can be difficult to figure out right and wrong. So, why would I be entertained by a superhero movie that is just as complex and confusing as the real world?

I prefer simplicity. When the entire planet is being destroyed by one guy, and every human life is threatened, it’s a relief! It’s a relief to know exactly who the bad guy is and who the good guy is. It’s a relief to know exactly what’s right and what’s wrong. I cheer because the cause is clear.

[20:13] Which brings us to Wonder Woman. I loved the movie, Wonder Woman. Here was a character who, from childhood, knew her purpose in life. She knew right from wrong. She was willing to fight. She had zero tolerance for excuses and nonsense.

I swear to you, every time I watch that scene where Wonder Woman climbs the ladder out of that trench in No Man’s Land to face the German army alone, I tear up. I actually have that image on my phone so I can boost my confidence when I need it.

To me, that moment is the movie. The trench scene boils down to Diana wanting to fight the bad guys, but being told that she can’t because that’s not what they came to do. She answers, “No, but that’s what I’m going to do.”

Clarity. Decisiveness. Commitment. That’s what I want in a superhero… because that’s what I want from myself.

I don’t go to a superhero movie to see someone like me, I go to see someone better than me. Someone who can inspire the me of today to become a better me of tomorrow. I want a hero who believes in who they are and what they’re doing so that I can believe in who I am and what I’m doing.

In reading about the making of Wonder Woman, I learned that the director, Patty Jenkins, had to fight to keep that trench scene in the movie. The way she tells it, the producers just wanted to hurry up and get Wonder Woman into the next big battle scene, but Jenkins realized that having Diana stand alone to demonstrate her character, her courage, her self-belief, was the whole point of the movie. God bless her for understanding what a superhero movie is all about.

So, if your child wants to watch a superhero movie, then I’m going to recommend the original Superman with Christopher Reeve and Wonder Woman. Actually, if you can dig up the old Superman TV show or the even the old Batman TV show, that’s even better.

Maybe when the kids are a little older, you could throw in some of those Mission Impossible movies, too. The way I see it, Tom Cruise has been making superhero movies his entire career. He usually doesn’t have superpowers the way you would think of them, like flying or super-strength, but he portrays characters like Ethan Hunt as someone who is clear-headed, decisive, and committed. That’s everything I need.

The next time Batman decides to hide from the world and cry in his soup, I hope he’ll let Tom Cruise borrow the cape and cowl… and the cool car. At least I know Tom Cruise will use it. I mean, can you imagine the old Adam West Batman sulking and limping around his mansion wondering what he should do with his life? The old Batman TV show may have been campy, but it featured a real hero.

Okay, before I wrap up the subject of movies, I’d also like to give a shout out to Bruce Lee and Dirty Harry for being old-school archetypes of confidence and competence. I should also throw a couple of honorable mentions over to the Marvel Universe… Iron Man and Captain America have both offered some excellent superhero moments that I can cling to when I feel all hope is lost. I’ll take those guys over Daredevil mumbling in a church about how awful he feels for punching bad guys any day.

[24:17] To be fair, let me say again, life can be confusing. I am the first to admit that subjects like world politics, economic systems, and religion are too overwhelming for someone like me to figure out. Good and evil, right and wrong, these are not always obvious. But that doesn’t mean you don’t know enough to be a role model.

When you see evil, call it evil. When you see good, call it good. Of course, we should all be careful not to let confidence lead to arrogance or self-righteousness lead to intolerance, but if you stand your ground on what you know to be true, when you have zero tolerance for the actions of bullies and bad guys, then you become a real-life superhero.

No matter what you do for a living or where you live, you become a superhero every time you stand up a little straighter and speak your mind instead of staring at the ground hoping that someone else will figure things out and fix the world for you.

Don’t be overwhelmed and hide away. You don’t have to take big, dramatic actions on the world stage to make a difference… just focus on doing what you can when you can. Wherever you find yourself, grab hold of the ladder and climb out of the trench.

In my case, I keep it simple. I practice martial arts. I deal in self-defense. In self-defense, the situation is very clear. There is a good guy and a bad guy. There is right and wrong.

If someone is trying to rape you, murder you, or abuse you or someone you love, then you should be empowered with a superhero’s level of clarity, decisiveness, and commitment to stopping them. And if in the process of defending yourself or someone you love, the bad guy is injured or even killed, I don’t want you to collapse to your knees in a heap, crying about what you did.

I don’t want kids feeling conflicted when they stand up to bullies, either. I don’t want good people anywhere of any age to ever think that fighting is a dirty word…not when you’re fighting for a worthy cause.

When you know something is wrong, I want you to feel relieved that for at least one moment in your life, you know exactly what needs to be done. It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, if you go down swinging, then you are a real-life superhero whether you wear a cape or not.

What else can you do to be a real-life superhero? How about this? The next time you hear about a good person fighting back against abuse in your social circles, or at a school with a zero tolerance policy, make it clear that you support them. Say, “Good for them.” Say, “I would’ve done the same thing.”

Find some way to let that good person know that they are not alone… that other good people are out there.

It can be as simple as an approving nod or a slap on the back, just don’t let heroic actions go unrecognized. It’s hard enough in a culture of reluctant heroes and gray morality to do what’s right without being shunned and isolated for it.

So, let the heroes you meet along your journey know that you have their back. Let them know that you’re willing to stand beside them and fight.

There is no reason why any real-life hero should ever walk off alone into the sunset. Good people should be walking together, side-by-side, into the rising sun.

Whew! It felt good to get that off my chest. If you have something you’d like to get off your chest, shoot me an email or leave a comment over on ‪FightforaHappyLife.com‬‬.

Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Go be a hero. Let your smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life!

The post #57: Wonder Woman and Superman [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #56 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “A Religious Experience.”

You never know when you might have a religious experience… or when you might be the cause of one!

Join Ando in a discussion all about martial arts and reading signs from the universe.

To LISTEN to, “A Religious Experience,” you can either:

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a full transcript down below.

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

TRANSCRIPT

Today on Fight for a Happy Life, a religious experience.

Hello and welcome to episode #56 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. Ando here and it’s another sunny day in Los Angeles. Not that it matters.

Is there really such a thing as “bad weather”? I mean, rain or shine, you’re alive, right? I’ve always been mystified by people who get upset by the rain, or clouds, or a snowstorm. The people who use dark skies as an excuse to sulk around or hide under the blankets.

Come on! Is your happiness really so fragile that a little mist in the air crushes your fighting spirit?

If you can’t handle a few raindrops, you have no chance against a few punches!

So, no excuses. Hot or cold, rain or shine, if you can feel, and hear, and see…if you still have the power to fight and make changes to your life… then smile. Win or lose, grab your happiness, get out of bed, and keep fighting.

Was that hokey? A little overwrought, perhaps? Well, heads up, because there’s more of that coming. You see, I had an experience the other day that felt somewhat spiritual—religious, even. I’m going to share it with you right now. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

[02:04]  It was one of those days. Yes, I have them, too. Those days when you just feel lost. Not because of the weather—no, no—just… because.

Maybe it was because my wife and I were driving up into the mountains to go skiing… and I don’t ski. I need my legs to make a living, so while she skis, I sit in the parking lot. Which is actually fine by me. I enjoy my alone time. I need my alone time!

I train, answer emails, shoot a video, record a podcast, work on the website… almost everything I love to do requires being alone. The problem is when I finally get some alone time, I don’t know what to do first. It’s overwhelming.

My list of projects is endless. I’ll never get it all done before I die, which means I have to prioritize. Which leads to confusion. Which leads to doubt. Which leads to frustration. Which leads to depression. And once I get depressed, I wonder if I’m just wasting my time.

It’s one thing to have a mission—in my case, spreading the benefits of the martial arts to as many people as possible—but executing is something else.

So, feeling frustrated and lost, I gave up. Instead of working, I took a swig of coffee and marched off into the woods to take a hike.

When it doubt, I work out!

As luck would have it, there was a trailhead right at the edge of the parking lot, so within minutes, I was huffing and puffing alone in the woods.

Now, let me tell you—when I’m alone in the woods, I’m a big kid. A big, crazy kid. I jump on rocks, swing on trees, charge up hills… I have fun. I’ll take crazy Kung Fu calisthenics in the woods over skiing any day. But on this day, it wasn’t enough. I still felt depressed.

I knew I was hiding. I should be back in the car, working on something… but what? And why? And was it really worth it?

After two hours of this cold-weather soul-searching, I found myself standing in a clearing, catching my breath. It was perfectly quiet except for my wheezing and the whistle of a slight breeze across the mountain. That’s when I noticed the faint curl of a cloud starting to form in the sky.

It was barely visible. But slowly and steadily it grew into four or five wisps of curly white. It was mesmerizing. It floated above my head like an angel.

That’s right—I said an angel. It only lived for 15 or 20 seconds… then the angel cloud thinned and disappeared.

As I stared up into the empty blue sky, I was struck by the thought that I’m the only human being to have ever seen that cloud. I mean, it’s possible there was another lost soul hiding a few tree stumps down, but I don’t think so.

Anyway, as romanticized as it sounds, I felt privileged to have had that experience. It felt as if the universe had created it just for me. My imagination stirred.

Maybe God was giving me a sign. Maybe he or she was saying everything is okay. That I’m okay.

See? I warned you this was going to be overwrought. Well, guess what? I haven’t even gotten to the crazy part yet. Here it is.

Glowing with a new sense of calm, I set off to continue my hike. Within ten steps—no joke!—I saw something scratched into the trail. In the dirt, with a stick, someone wrote, “John 3:16”.

That probably sounds familiar. You see that Bible reference on signs at sports events all the time. The quote, at least the King James version of it, reads as follows:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

What the hell? Is this a coincidence? A sign? Was I being anointed by God for a new mission? Did he want me to become a priest? He must know that I’m already married, so that didn’t seem likely.

I admit that I was freaked out for a minute, but eventually shook it off. It occurred to me how wild the imagination can be when you’re lost, cold, and hungry. So, I decided to hike up to the next ridge and then head back to the lodge to warm up and get some food.

Wait! Not so fast! Another ten steps and at my feet, to my amazement, another message had been scratched into the dirt.

I know this is hard to believe. That’s why I took pictures. If you want to see the messages as I saw them, you’ll find the photos included in the transcript for this show over on FightforaHappyL‪ife.com‬.

There turned out to be several messages scratched into the trail, spread out every 50 feet or so. They read—

Were these messages vague? Random? Hokey? Maybe. But they were exactly what I needed to hear.

[08:24]  Now, let me be clear—I am not a Bible guy. I was raised Roman Catholic, but I would say my spiritual life has grown to transcend traditional categories.

On the other hand, I am a religious guy. I’m loyal to the principles that I believe in. Which is why I absolutely consider the angel cloud and the dirt messages to be a religious experience. I wouldn’t say they changed my life, but they absolutely changed my day.

They made me feel that I was on the right path, literally and figuratively. That I should keep doing what I’m doing. That I should stick to my mission even if I felt overwhelmed sometimes. Message delivered and received.

As I walked back to the lodge with a little more pep in my step, I couldn’t help but wonder if anyone else had seen those words in the dirt?

I figured some hikers might not even notice them. It’s also possible that others found encouragement the same way I did. It’s also possible that one or two people might have viewed them as a miracle and embarked on a completely new path. Maybe someone did become a priest.

I couldn’t help but think about the story of St. Paul. The story goes that Saul, a persecutor of Christians in the early days, was knocked off his horse by a blinding vision of a resurrected Jesus on the road to Damascus. He lost his sight for three days. Talk about a religious experience!

Saul, of course, went on to be known as Paul and spent the rest of his life working to spread Christianity far and wide.

Hmm. What if instead of a lightning bolt and a booming voice from the heavens, Saul had actually just seen a cloud momentarily curling into the shape of a cross? What if he simply saw the image of a fish scratched into the dirt on the road?

Is it possible that it was really just a small sign that, in his mind, meant a great deal? Who knows?

The point is you never know when your life can be changed. Whether you’re out looking for a sign or a sign finds you, any moment, any event, can be a religious experience, either fortifying your beliefs or transforming them.

That’s what makes getting up each day so interesting, don’t you think?

Now, I hope all this talk about religion isn’t making you uncomfortable. This is a show, after all, focused on the martial arts. But if you listen to this show, then you know that the topic of martial arts is not limited to just punching and kicking… martial arts is a way of life. At least it can be.

If you’re applying the principles of martial arts to your everyday life—your health, your business, your relationships—then doesn’t that make martial arts a religion of sorts? I’m not saying that martial arts should be your only source of wisdom about the universe or your place in it, but I do think it can fit comfortably alongside whatever else you believe in.

You can be a great martial artist and a devout disciple of your religion at the same time.

In fact, talk about religion is fairly common in martial arts circles, at least when it comes to the topic of cults. Both religion and martial arts can lead followers to dangerous extremes.

Beliefs become facts that are never to be questioned or challenged. Teachers become idols that are never to be doubted or contradicted. Students become zealots.

It’s completely understandable. When people are wandering in the cold, lost and confused, there is nothing more attractive than the warmth of an established system. Put on the uniform, get in line, and hit the gong.

When you’re looking for answers, you will find no shortage of churches and clubs willing to provide them. The trick is finding one that helps you without hurting you in the process.

I’ve been lucky. I found styles that allow questions and free-thinking. I found teachers who deflect my attention away from what they’ve accomplished and back on to what I’m trying to accomplish. I’ve avoided the cults. That’s why I feel very comfortable saying that, for me, training in the martial arts has been a religious experience.

My vulnerabilities have been revealed. My strengths have been verified. My character, my identity, my morality have all been challenged and changed. Thanks to the martial arts, I have found peace and my place in the universe.

I have found God as much as I have found myself on the mats.

[13:29]  Now, I don’t want you to think that I’ve been struck down by lightning in the middle of a class. I’ve also never had sparring tips chiseled into a stone tablet and dropped on my head. The truth is life doesn’t have to be dramatic or traumatic to spark change.

I can’t tell you how many times my life has taken a new direction just because of a passing comment, a small correction, or even just a look I got from somebody. In those ways, I have been influenced to some degree by everyone I’ve ever meet. Which brings me to the big point of this show.

I’ve said before that the world is your dojo. Everyone you meet is your teacher. But that works the other way, too. You can have an influence on everyone you meet on the mats or off. Especially today, in this age of communication.

When I was a kid, your main influences would be the people you went to school with and the kids who lived on your street. In the summer, I might only see my family and one or two friends all day, every day.

Nowadays, with the internet and social media, you can literally be influenced by thousands of people every day. And in turn, you have the power to influence thousands of people every day. I’m not saying you have to, but the potential is there like never before in human history.

Whether you choose to influence no one, someone, or everyone, I leave up to your judgement, but don’t ever think that what you’re doing and how you’re doing it, doesn’t affect the people around you.

You are a teacher whether you like it or not.

It’s actually a lovely thought, I think. Consider that what you are doing today might help someone you don’t even know in ways that you can’t even imagine. Your actions matter. Every time you share a smile, hold the door, make a donation, give blood, pick up a piece of trash, buy someone a cup of coffee, send a letter—anything, really—you are sending out a signal. You are creating a sign.

It reminds me of the famous line from Aesop’s fable, The Lion and the Mouse: “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

To be honest, I’m not even sure if it has to be act of kindness that makes a difference in someone’s life. Change can be sparked by cruelty just as easily as kindness, don’t you think? But I’m not going to advise you to go around being cruel to people in the hopes that it sparks positive change.

Stick to kindness. There’s no downside if you’re caught being kind. You won’t get beat up or arrested.

[16:27]  Now, just to play Devil’s advocate, let me say that I don’t believe everything you see or hear is a sign from the universe. Sometimes we see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear.

For example, in a previous podcast, I talked about buying my second car. It was black and had a turbo engine. It was my Batmobile. You may recall that during the test drive, I turned on the radio and Peter Gabriel’s Big Time was playing. I immediately thought, “It’s a sign!” Big Time is a song all about success. Moving up in life. Clearly, the universe was telling me to buy this car.

Did it matter that a few minutes later, smoke came pouring out of the hood, forcing me to pull over? Did it matter that I had to call the dealer and have the car towed back to the lot? No. I was so busy singing Big Time in my head that I not only bought that car, I paid the full sticker price!

Now, I’m sure you’re thinking, “Hey, moron! Why didn’t you see the smoke as a sign from the universe?”

Good question. The universe was literally sending me a smoke signal and I didn’t see it. Even worse, I didn’t understand that Big Time isn’t a song celebrating success, it’s mocking greed! But none of that mattered because I wanted that car. I saw what I wanted to see and I heard what I wanted to hear.

So, no—everything is not a sign. But sometimes, if you’re listening to that little voice in your head, you’ll know which signs are meant for you.

I know—it’s not easy to hear that voice all the time. Your ego won’t shut up. Or maybe that’s just mine. Your fear, your habits, your desires—they all make a lot of noise.

So, take a hike. Find your clearing. Take a breath. I promise, you will hear the voice of your soul telling you what to do.

If it makes you feel better, I think it gets easier and easier to hear that voice, and see the signs that are meant for you, as you get older. I mean, if I took a test drive today and the car blew up and had to be towed back, I would just laugh and walk away. But the world was different when I was 19.

Correction—the world was the same, I was different.

My head was a much noisier place. My ego was a bully with a big mouth. It took more than a few punches to the head to shut him up.

[19:19]  Back to you. I hope you’ll take a minute or two to think about all of those little things that people have done for you over the years that meant more than they could have possibly imagined. Small signs that changed the course of your life.

A remark, a compliment, maybe even an insult. A helping hand, a piece of advice, a joke. Think of how many tiny nudges you’ve received to put you where you are today.

So, if you can’t thank all of your spirit guides personally, then at least thank the universe. In that spirit, if you’re the person who took the time to scratch those messages up on the trail in Big Bear, thank you. You made my day. And I hope the story you inspired will make someone else’s day. See how that works?

Once you’ve considered how many people have nudged you along, consider how many people you’ve nudged along. Of course, it’s impossible to ever know the full effect you have on other people, but at least consider what you’re doing in your life today to inspire or encourage someone.

You don’t have to plan it out. As I said, I think the effects of what we do is largely unknown. But rest assured, if you’re doing something, if you’re putting yourself out there at all, if you’re an active member of your community, whether that’s online or in-person or both, then there is no doubt that you have fans you don’t even know about. You’re changing lives in some measure. It’s only if you’re not participating in life that you have no chance of helping anyone.

Don’t misunderstand—I am not your judge. I’m not here to tell you that living one way is superior to another. But I would suggest that by simply being you, you inspire others to become more like you, good or bad.

In that way, perhaps there is no more significant action you can take to make the world a better place, then to simply live the best life you can.

Every time you’re kind, you inspire someone else to be kind. Every time you stand up for yourself, you inspire others to stand up for themselves. Every time you fight through adversity, you inspire others to keep fighting their own battles. So, be the teacher. Be the role model. Be you.

Is that too much pressure? Okay. How about this? You could also choose to become a role model of what people don’t want to become. Maybe you’d rather blow up your relationships, trash your body, give up on your dreams, and pass out drunk on a stack of pizza boxes every night.

Okay. Then you’ll serve the universe by being a warning tale to everyone who sees you. You’ll be the guy who parents use as an example to scare their kids.

“I said eat your vegetables, Johnny! Do you want end up like Greasy George living in that shack up the hill? High as a kite on paint fumes and sleeping on pizza boxes every night?”

Hey—if you’re willing to take one for the team by destroying yourself, then thank you for your service. I just hope you’re happy.

[22:44]  Let’s wrap this up. The message today is to take inspiration where you can and give inspiration where you can, even if you don’t know who’s giving it to you or who you’re helping move forward.

Even now, if you agree with what I’m saying, I don’t expect you to remember that I’m the one saying it. I don’t need the credit. I’m just another one of those people who says these kinds of things… and I’m okay with that.

I’m okay because I know I’ve learned a great deal from teachers that I’ll never know. Or remember. It all goes around.

So, if you want to change the world, live your life. Make your mark. Believe that you are inspiring others by just being you.

Scratch your message into the dirt with a smile because you never know who might see it. Who knows? Your small act of kindness might be a religious experience for someone coming down the road after you.

And off we go. Back on the road to success. If you liked today’s show, hey—why not nudge a friend and send them the link? You’ll either annoy them or change their life. Let me know how that goes!

Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let your smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life.

The post #56: A Religious Experience [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #55 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “I Want You to Fail!”

If you want to learn martial arts, then from the bottom of my heart—I want you to fail!

Like it or not, failing is the only way to become a master. Unfortunately, our ego usually doesn’t agree!

In this episode, let’s talk about accepting failure as part of our training… and see if we can get better at making mistakes!

To LISTEN to, “I Want You to Fail!,” you can either:

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a full transcript down below.

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

TRANSCRIPT

Today on Episode #55 of Fight for a Happy Life, I admit it—I want you to fail.

Hello, my friend! Welcome to Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. Ando here at it is the end of 2017. A new year is about to begin.

Now, I usually don’t mention the date when I record this show because I never know when you might be listening to it. I try to keep these things timeless. But I’m going to break that rule today because I consider every day as New Year’s Day. You can start a new cycle of 365 days any day you want to, so why wait until January 1st?

I feel the same about birthdays. Over the age of 10, who the hell cares what day you were born? For me, every time you go to sleep, you don’t know if you’re going to wake up or not. If you do, and you did today I guess, then that’s like being born again, right?

So, a new year, a new month, a new day… forget all that. Celebrate this moment. Make a fresh start right now.

I should probably end the show right there, shouldn’t I? That’s a good message. But alas, I love talking too much.

So, let’s talk about failure. Because no matter when you decide to set a new goal or chase after your dream, you, my friend, are going to fail. But that doesn’t mean you should feel like a failure. Quite the opposite. I’ll tell you what I mean right now.

[02:03]  The best part about shooting videos and recording podcasts is receiving comments and questions from friendly people all over the world. Well, most of them are friendly. People ask me—

What style should I study? What exercises should I do? How many days a week should I train?

How long should I stretch? What food should I eat? Is it okay to cross-train between two different styles?

Should I focus more on sparring or forms? Should I start my own club? Should I find a new teacher?

I could keep going all day, but you get the point—I get a lot of questions. But here’s the funny thing—I give them all the same answer.

The answer to every question is, “I don’t know.”

Look, I’d love to be able to give everybody a simple solution to their problem, a specific formula for success, but I can’t! How could I? The truth is we’re all on our own journeys. You have to figure out what works for you on your own.

The best answer I can offer anybody is to simply try. Experiment. Then pay attention to those results. Measure. Analyze. Reflect. Adjust. Then try again.

That’s it! That’s the answer to every question and every problem. It all depends on you.

I should probably end the show right there, shouldn’t I? That’s another good message! But alas…

Here’s a fact—the greatest asset you have as a martial artist, and I believe as a human being, is experience. You tried something and you either succeeded or failed. You’ve done it. You know how it works. You know how it feels. That is the gold, my friend.

I’ll bet you agree with that, don’t you? So, if that’s true, and we agree it’s true, why is it so difficult to go off and gain experience? Why do we stick to routines and create traditions? What are we afraid of?

We see this fear of trying new moves or new styles in the martial arts constantly. More than any other activity, I think the martial arts lead students to theorizing instead of trying.

I mean, I’ll bet you don’t find as much debate and confusion, anxiety and insecurity in the world of woodworking. I’ll bet you won’t find a group of master carpenters standing around arguing about whether a hammer works or not. They probably aren’t bragging about who has the sharpest saw.

The reason that carpenters are, perhaps, a more clear-headed group, is simple—they have real experience. They have done the work. They may prefer different techniques, they have different approaches, but at the end of the day, they can each build something, as opposed to just talk about how they could build something… if they wanted to.

There is no leap of faith in carpentry. You can either build something or you can’t.

[05:18]  But martial artists have a trickier path to attaining confidence and credibility. We can’t go around beating people up to prove ourselves.

Sure, we’ve created combat sports to test certain skills, but those are still just sports. How do you test self-defense? Most of us will never be in a real-life battle for survival.

So, what do we do? We listen to people who have been in that situation. Or to someone who trained with someone who was in that situation… even if it was a hundred years ago. Even if it’s just according to legend. You see the problem?

The problem with martial arts is that there is no safe, easy way to gain experience. Not the kind of experience that would give us the same confidence and credibility that you might find in a carpenter.

We try to work around that problem by designing drills and exercises that simulate a real-life battle for survival. The problem with these drills, aside from not being completely real, is that when you pit one person against another you introduce the risk of failure. The risk of losing. The risk of not looking cool.

Worse, the penalty for failure in the martial arts can be painful. You might get injured. If you try new footwork, you might get punched in the face. You try a new choke escape, you might have to tap out.

Especially as you go higher in the ranks in the martial arts, the risk of failure becomes harder to manage because you’re expected to do things right. As a senior student or a teacher, you feel the pressure to be perfect, to be a role model in class. That’s trouble.

If you allow everyone to believe you’re perfect, you will now fear failure, which means you won’t try anything new, which means you won’t gain any new experiences, which means you’ll stop learning, which means you’ll suck.

Now, let’s be honest, it’s not just teachers or senior students who put that pressure on themselves… we all do!

Even as a beginner, you don’t want to make mistakes. You don’t want everyone else in class thinking you’re stupid. We all want to win. Maybe some more than others, but you know what I mean. No one shows up to class wanting to lose… but if you’re smart, you should.

I mean, how do you become a black belt in the first place? You start off as a white belt. You know nothing. You can do nothing.

Only a whacko student would expect to be perfect as a white belt. Only a whacko teacher would expect you to be perfect as a white belt.

For me, the white belt represents freedom. The freedom to try and the freedom to fail. Failing is your job. If you’re not failing, then you’re a terrible student. Sure, you may put pressure on yourself to do things right as fast as possible, but that’s your choice. No one else expects anything from you.

As a white belt, everything you do is a new experience, which means you should be learning more than anyone else in the room. That should be thrilling, not intimidating.

So, get in there. Believe me, there’s nothing more frustrating from a teacher’s point of view, than a student who just stands there and won’t try. I can’t work with people like that.

It’s not a personal issue, it’s a practical issue. I know that whatever it is you want to learn—and I want to teach you—can never be attained by just standing there or participating half-heartedly.

You must commit yourself fully in order to gain the full experience. You must fail and fall on your face.

Once you feel comfortable doing that, the next challenge is to hold on to that sense of white belt freedom no matter what rank you earn or title you’re given.

That’s why, if you’ve seen my recent videos, I made myself a special black belt. It’s half-white and half-black. Yin and yang. I call it my Balance Belt.

The black half reminds me that I’ve worked hard to gain some skills. The white half reminds me that there’s always more to learn.

The idea is to be proud and humble at the same time. To trust my past training and to be open to new experiences.

I want to live and die as both an expert and a beginner simultaneously.

Unfortunately, many teachers and students surrender their freedom and fearlessness. They fear wearing a white belt again, either literally or figuratively. They make the mistake of avoiding mistakes.

Too bad. Because when that happens, they cease being a martial arts student.

[10:41]  So, my advice is to fail. Fail as much as you can. Fail as soon as you can. When you get a new idea, run experiments immediately.

I want you to be as proud of your failures as you are of your successes, because it’s in managing your failures that you demonstrate your true character.

If you want to show people that you’re brave, let them see that you’re brave enough to fail. If you want people to think you’re open-minded, let them see you approach your practice from different perspectives. If you want people to see that you’re tough, let them see you failing over and over again until you get something right.

Whether you like it or not, if you’re a senior student or a teacher, you’re a role model. Please realize that when you’re comfortable making mistakes you’re allowing everyone around you to make mistakes.

When you laugh at yourself, you allow everyone around you to laugh at themselves.

When I got started in the martial arts, I signed up for two traditional styles: Tae Kwon Do and Aikido. It sounds crazy to me now, but I never once sparred with the master in either of those systems. I only saw their skills when they demonstrated techniques in controlled settings.

Meaning, I never saw the Tae Kwon Do master make a mistake! I never saw the Aikido master make a mistake! Accordingly, they became gods. Living legends. They were the untouchables.

What a pity. When you put teachers on pedestals, or when they put themselves up there, students believe that the masters never make mistakes, which is ridiculous! You can only become a master by making mistakes!

No one is born a master. So, why would any teacher allow their students to believe that they are superhuman? I can’t think of one good reason.

That all changed when I discovered Kung Fu. Of course, it’s not the style that’s important here, it was the teacher. In this case, Sifu André Salvage. [www.andresalvage.com]

In my very first class, Sifu André worked out with me. I was shocked. I walked in and the guy whose name was on the door, the master, said, “Do you want to work out?”

I didn’t even know what he meant. I certainly didn’t think I’d be touching him, let alone end up rolling around on the ground with him. It blew my mind.

The culture of the school was very different from my previous experiences, and it all trickled down from the teacher. This teacher had no issue with making a mistake or trying something new. He would openly say, “That didn’t work.”

Wow. What a relief! But to be clear, he was also a killer. He wasn’t just a fool stumbling around trying to learn kung fu from a book. The fact is that most of his skills were incredible. Incredible enough that I signed up and paid him money.

Everybody in the school knew he was a killer, but here’s the important point—we knew he was killer not because he was the teacher or called himself a master, but because we had all worked out with him.

We could all feel his skill level. And how did he acquire those skills? By doing exactly what he did to me. By grabbing the new guy and saying, “Do you want to work out?” His willingness to experiment and fail right in front of me is what made him a master not just of Kung Fu, but of life.

Here was a demonstration of true confidence. Here was true fearlessness. Here was freedom… and joy.

[14:53]  This was a big deal to me, so I’m going to say it again. Sifu André was a great teacher in my eyes compared to other teachers not just because he had information to share, but because he showed me exactly how to make that information mine. He was offering more than just an art, he was offering the technology to learn the art.

In Taekwondo and Aikido, I felt like a loser when I made mistakes. In Kung Fu, I felt like a winner. A warrior. I knew that each failure was making me better, so why worry?

Obviously, the more comfortable I felt making mistakes on the mats, the more comfortable I felt making mistakes in my life off the mats. I’m not going to lie, it’s not always easy. My ego is still on the prowl like a tiger… stalking my every move… ready to pounce and attack my confidence. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s okay to look like a damned fool when I’m trying to do a handstand or fix the toilet, but in most cases, I find the freedom and joy of being a white belt again.

André turned the pain of failure into something to be proud of, not something to hide or be ashamed of. For me, there is no greater gift you can give a student or yourself.

Of course, I’m not the only one preaching about the importance of failing. You can click over to Google and read inspiring quotes about failure from famous people all day long. But right now, let me share a phrase I first heard from my longtime Kung Fu teacher, Sifu Matt Ember.

You may have seen Sifu Matt in a couple of my videos. If not, I’ll put the links in the show notes.

Self-Defense Against a Bigger Opponent with Sifu Matt Ember

How to Learn Martial Arts Faster with Sifu Matt Ember

Well, Sifu Matt has told us for years to “invest in losing.”

Invest in losing. How do you do that? You do it by not trying to win all the time. You do it by trying something new not with the goal of being good at it, but with the goal of simply experiencing it.

Trying to be good or to win only creates fear and stress. It clouds the experience. Instead, when you try something new, expect to fail. Welcome the fall. Invite the hit.

If you can put your ego aside and accept that your first attempts will be failures, you’ll eliminate all of the fear and stress. You’ll be left with your senses wide open to learn what they need to learn. If you can do that, failing is not losing… failing is winning.

Oh, by the way. In case it’s not clear, Sifu Matt was a student of Sifu André. And if you’ve seen the videos with Sifu Matt, you’ll notice right away that he’s another example of a teacher who can laugh at himself. Which proves to me that teachers don’t just hand down information in a martial arts school, they also hand down a culture.

If you’re lucky, you’ll find a teacher who welcomes you to make mistakes. These are the kind of role models we need in the martial arts. Heck, we need them everywhere!

[18:14]  So, if you are a senior student or teacher, my hope is that you allow your students to see you making mistakes. Let them see you failing and laughing about it.

But don’t be a clown. You also have to let them see how your experience has made you better. Let them see how doing things poorly 1,000 times yesterday has led you to doing things incredibly well today.

If you’re a student, I’d like you to think about what kind of a teacher and school that you belong to. What is the culture? What’s the vibe?

Some schools are very open about experimenting and accepting of mistakes. Other schools are more rigid and less patient. You can feel the expectation to be perfect in the air… and it stresses you out!

It’s also possible, as was the case in my Tae Kwon Do school, that you have more than one instructor. Maybe one slaps you on the head and makes you feel stupid, while another slaps you on the back and makes you feel proud. There’s a time and place for both, I suppose.

Whatever your situation may be, give yourself permission to make mistakes.

This is crucial. If your teacher is already okay with that, then no problem. Get hit. Tap out. Have fun.

If you’re practicing in a stricter environment where you’re judged harshly for making mistakes, listen to me—make mistakes anyway! Stressing out will not help you learn.

When you hold back in class out of fear of failure, you’re holding back your development. Trust me on this.

Let others laugh at you. Let them think you suck. Let them point and shake their heads. Anyone who does that is a coward. You don’t want to be like them. They are afraid of making mistakes. They are afraid of learning something new.

You’re not going to find many masters leaning on the wall with their arms crossed, snickering at the white belts because they’re doing things incorrectly.

Sure, they may be pretty good. They may have invested enough time and energy in their younger years to attain a higher level of skill than you possess today, but they’re also revealing that they’ve stopped learning. Which means you’ll not only catch up to them, you’ll surpass them.

Now, I’m not telling you to quit your style or leave your school if you’re feeling stressed, I’m simply reminding you that your teacher and your school are there to serve you. You are not there to serve them.

You did not sign up for classes with the goals of improving your teacher’s life or a school’s reputation. They are there to help you fulfill your goal of improving yourself.

So, if you believe that failing is the secret to learning, then get to it. Do the work. Take the hits. Acquire as many experiences as you can.

Look forward to the day when you have a student who asks you a question about a technique and you can answer, “Yes, I’ve tried that. Here’s what I learned.” Or, “Hmm. I’ve never tried that. Let’s figure it out.”

The alternatives to those two answers suck. If you say, “I don’t know. Just do it the way I showed you,” then you’re a terrible teacher. If you say, “That won’t work,” even though you’ve never tried it, then please—stop teaching!

Do your students a favor and go find another job. Become a baker. Make pie. The world can always use more pie.

[22:08]  So, that’s my challenge to you today—go fail. Or at least don’t be afraid of failing. I’m not just talking about in the martial arts, of course, I mean in everything you do.

Remember—if you try to be perfect at everything, you will perfect nothing. If you think you can fool everybody into thinking that you’re perfect, that you don’t make mistakes, well, then you’re making the biggest mistake of all.

Don’t stress yourself out like that. Instead, make peace with failure. Invest in it. Expect mistakes. Enjoy them. Share them.

And if the fools laugh at you, I want you to laugh with them. Laugh because you know that failing in the beginning means winning in the end.

How’s that for an inspiring message? I want you to get out there and be the biggest failure you can be!

If you enjoyed today’s show, I hope you’ll share it with a friend. If you’d like a transcript of the show, you can find it on FightforaHappyLife.com.

Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life.

The post #55: I Want You to Fail! [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #54 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Facing a Death Threat.”

What would you do if someone threatened your life?

Would you be prepared to fight? Would you be able to walk away? Would you have the wisdom to know the difference between a real threat and an idle threat?

Those are the questions that I’ve been wrestling with after someone recently threatened my life! If you want to know what I figured out, take a listen to this podcast.

Spoiler alert: I’m still alive. 🙂

To LISTEN to, “Facing a Death Threat,” you can either:

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a full transcript down below.

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

TRANSCRIPT

Today on Fight for a Happy Life, facing a death threat.

All right. Here we go. Welcome to Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. Ando here with a cup of coffee, feeling on top of the world.

Sometimes that’s all it takes, you know—just give me a cup of coffee and I’m a happy guy. Hope you’re feeling on top of the world, too. If not, hey–grab a cup of coffee and come on up. There’s plenty of room up here.

Today, I have a little story for you. But I’m going to warn you right up front—it’s going to get a little weird. Maybe not the story itself, but at some point, you might think I’m a little weird. Or maybe a whacko. I already know this.

So, I’m just going to ask you to give me the benefit of the doubt until you hear the whole story. Give me a chance to explain myself. When the story is over, if you make it that far, then I’ll take a shot at offering you some advice that you might find valuable… even if you still think I’m a whacko.

Fair enough? Okay. Then let’s get to the story of a real-life death threat.

[01:38]  The story is simple. I was minding my own business, as always, and observed a gentleman engaging in what I would call inappropriate behavior. This guy was mouthing off, not showing respect to another human being, so I took it upon myself to call him out on it.

I simply said, “Hey, that’s not okay.” I wasn’t looking for a fight. I just wanted this guy to know that someone was watching, that there was a witness to his rude behavior, and did not approve.

Unfortunately, not everyone appreciates being called out for their bad behavior. What am I saying? No one likes to be called out for their bad behavior! As a result, the situation escalated.

Now, I promise you, throughout all of this, I kept my cool and tried to keep the peace. But this guy was a hothead and was committed to going to war.

I’ll spare you the full 15 to 20 minutes of dialogue since we basically just went around in circles—me saying that he needed to chill out, and him calling me an idiot, saying that I was wasting his time, and lashing out at anybody else who dared to come near us. But I stood my ground, repeating my message clearly that his behavior was unacceptable and needed to change.

There is one line of dialogue, however, that is worth sharing. In fact, it’s the whole reason for this episode.

At one point, after about 10 minutes of saying the same things over and over, the gentleman took a breath, hardened his face, looked me dead in the eye and said, “I’m going to get my knife and cut your fucking head off.”

That’s right—a death threat. He threatened to cut my head off and in that moment, something in my brain—my lizard brain—clicked.

Like I said, I was cool throughout this entire incident, but when he raised the stakes, it changed everything. My eyes narrowed and I snapped back, “What did you say to me?”

Now, because I’m not psychotic, and because I truly wasn’t looking for a fight, I was able to fight back the lizard and let my higher brain functions take the lead. But his lizard was wide awake and didn’t want to talk anymore.

So, the gentleman started kicking at me. At one point, he punched me right in the groin! Thankfully, I had two other people on my side and we were able to restrain him, even though he was kicking, screaming, and throwing elbows at all of us.

In the end, no one got hurt. Nobody went to jail. The scene broke up and we all moved on with our lives. So, you could say the good guys won. But hours later, days later, I was still thinking about that death threat.

I’m not going to lie–it was chilling. To hear someone so full of rage voicing the clear intention to end my life was unnerving. He wasn’t playing games, or trying to be clever, or trying to impress anyone… it was pure hatred. I believe, in that heated moment, he truly wanted me dead.

[05:14]  Okay. Here’s where it gets weird. Are you ready for a twist?

You might have noticed that I said I got punched in the groin. That’s an unusual attack, wouldn’t you say? When two guys of about the same size square off, it’s usually a push and a punch that gets things started.

But what about when those guys are not the same size?

What if one of those guys is six years old?

DUM DUM DUMMMMMM!

Yup. That’s right. The gentleman I’m talking about was six years old. Actually, he’s not even six years old… he’s almost six years old. He’s a student at the school where I teach martial arts.

That makes the death threat even more shocking, don’t you think? I mean, even just hearing a small child call a grown up an idiot is pretty shocking. Seeing a child lash out with punches and kicks, well, that’s also fairly surprising. But a death threat? I didn’t see that coming at all.

Now, clearly, this young man was having a bad day. Only a whacko would take anything he said or did personally. I believe in my heart that he’ll work on his temper and learn how to manage his emotions better and better in the coming years.

But what about me? Do I also have some issues to work out here? Is it normal for an adult to take the ranting and ravings of a child seriously even if it’s just for a moment?

To be honest, there were actually two moments when I felt my lizard brain wake up. The first when he threatened to cut my head off and second when he landed that heavy punch in the groin.

Remember, I work with kids for a living, so I’m used to dealing with bad attitudes, or seeing kids squirm and fuss with their moms and nannies, or taking little punches and kicks during sparring, but that punch was different.

Most of the kicking and elbowing that this gentleman was doing as we were trying to calm him down and take him outside, because he was creating a scene, was fueled by frustration. The intent wasn’t really to hurt anybody, it was just acting out.

But when we set him down and gave him some space, he had the chance to plant his feet and channel his rage into his fist. That punch was a deliberate attack to cause injury. No question about it. That’s why it got my lizard brain’s attention.

The lizard shouted back, “Oh, yeah?”

I hate to admit it, but in that moment, my body wanted to fight back. It didn’t matter that he was six, I was hurt! But I’m not six, so I was better able to manage my emotions than he was.

I channeled my frustration not into a fist, but into a heavy hand. I dropped it on the shoulder of his punching arm and said very clearly, “That’s not okay.”

Again, I want you to give me the benefit of the doubt here. I didn’t hurt him. I wasn’t even trying to scare him. I just needed to make sure that I wasn’t going to get hit again. I also didn’t want him hitting his nanny or the teacher who was helping us.

No one has a right to hit anyone.

All things considered, I think we did a very good job of staying calm, being supportive, and using soft hands to control him so he wouldn’t hurt us or himself during this extreme tantrum. We just wanted him to take a breath, sit down, and talk it through. But when he landed that groin shot, the lizard jumped up to protect me, which I don’t think makes me a whacko.

Still, I stayed cool and found my words. With my hand on his shoulder, I said to him, “Hey—no one is hitting you. If you keep hitting people, someone might hit you back and you’re not going to like that.”

For some reason, even though we had been talking and negotiating for over 15 minutes to no avail, that one statement stopped him cold. Not just his words… his body.

It was amazing, really. He was holding his fist in the air, ready to punch again, and then just lowered it. He was still upset, he was still huffing and puffing, but he did not lash out again.

He punched the air a couple of times, but you could see that he was reconsidering his choices and gaining control. It may sound strange, but it was actually a beautiful moment.

I mean, for me, the whole point of martial arts is self-improvement. Transformation. And here was the process in action in its purest form. I feel privileged to have witnessed it.

[09:56]  Okay. So, that’s the story. What does it mean for you? Well, let me ask you—what does it take for your lizard to wake up? How close are you to pulling the trigger and going on the attack in any given situation?

What makes your heart race? What makes your eyes narrow?

I think this question is worth investigating in depth. Because for some of us, aggression is a daily, if not hourly, if not a moment-to-moment way of life.

If someone cuts you off in traffic, someone got the promotion you were campaigning for, someone hit you with a little too hard in sparring. If you’re that kind of person, I can’t begin to list all of the triggers that cause you to lash out. Your lizard is always awake and on patrol. It sees everything and everyone as a threat.

On the other extreme, you may be the type of person who rarely gets upset or aggressive. Your lizard is fat and out of shape because it sleeps all day. You forgive, you forget, you make peace, you laugh off conflict, you take the high road.

Of course, if you listen to the show at all, you know I’m going to tell you that living on either extreme is not a great idea. On one side, you want your lizard to be well-trained, able to identify true threats, and ready to help you fight to survive when necessary.

On the other side, you want to give your lizard time to lay back and take a nap when there is no real threat to your safety or self-esteem.

The goal for all of us, I think, is to attain the wisdom to know the difference between what a real threat looks like and what is just a waste of time and energy.

Like I said, I work with children for a living. I also work with the teachers of those children. And as I train teachers, I always make the point of saying, “Look, no matter how nice a person you may be and how much kindness you have in your heart, it’s still very easy to take your interactions with the kids personally.”

That’s a fact. I feel it myself and I see it in others. So, I tell them, “If you ever find yourself feeling tense or disturbed when a particular child enters the school, if you hear yourself saying, ‘Oh, no—look who’s here,’ or even, ‘I hate that kid,’ if in any way a child makes you angry or upset, if you find yourself driving home still thinking about some kid who insulted you, or refused to listen to you, or somehow disrespected you, then you really need to take a look at yourself and make some changes.”

Because at the end of the day, they are children. If you’re 20 years old, 30 years old, 40 years old, and you allow a four-year-old to mess with your life, your happiness, your peace of mind, what does that say about you?

It’s natural for kids to push boundaries and experiment with different behaviors. That’s how they learn. And even a child who’s demonstrating completely unacceptable behaviors is often just repeating what they see at home, which just makes them a victim, not a perpetrator of evil.

[13:20]  So, in no way, should you ever have a personal vendetta against a child. Adults? Well, that’s a different conversation. We’ll have that another time. But truth is easier to see in the extreme, isn’t it? That’s why working with children is so rewarding.

So, if you find yourself having lizard brain reactions, or strong emotional responses, to the words or actions of a small child, something is out of whack. Of course, this is something I learned over time.

When I started working with children, I took a lot of those interactions personally.

How dare you say that! Don’t you see I’m an adult? Don’t you see I’m the teacher? Don’t you see my black belt?

But I begin to notice that every time I would be annoyed or upset, the child had already moved on to the next moment, completely forgetting whatever it was that made me upset!

They would skip out of the school as if nothing happened. I’d be left alone, sitting in the dark, brooding, while across the street, the kid was with his parents eating frozen yogurt. I’m cursing his name while he doesn’t even remember mine. It made no sense.

Picture that. The older, wiser adult caught up in his own web of emotions, driving home shaking his head, huffing and puffing, while the immature, carefree child giggled and played. That guy? He was a real whacko.

So, my advice is to really pay attention to your feelings and own them. Be honest with yourself.

Even if it’s just for an hour or two today, see what it takes to shake your peace of mind. What rattles your self-esteem?

I’ve talked about this idea before back in Episode #3, Sucker Punched By Life. I might go back and listen to that one again myself. Because the fact is that the punches are going to keep coming. Whether it’s from friends or family, or the economy, the government, the weather, even your own body, the attacks are going to keep coming. Unfair, unpredictable, and possibly, harmful.

But if you’re a martial artist, you should be getting better and better at managing your emotions, separating yourself from a situation to see it objectively, and picking your battles.

Action is so much more powerful than reaction, my friend. We should always be seeking to choose our behaviors and create our plans, not just stumble into situations and wing it.

We should befriend our lizard brain and train our primal instincts to work for us, not against us. To protect us, not get us into danger.

In this case, I was surprised to feel my lizard wake up in response to a death threat from a small child. I was surprised when my lizard wanted to punch a kid in response to being punched. I thought I was over taking anything a child says or does personally… but I was wrong.

Sure, these were extreme behaviors, threatening to cut my head off and punching me in the groin, but that’s why I’m thankful for the incident. It was a beautiful moment not just for the young man’s transformation into a better person, but for my own transformation into a better person.

On the other hand, as much as I was surprised, I was also proud of myself for being able to stop myself from saying or doing anything that might have frightened or injured the child.

In that moment, I completely understand how other people, people with untrained lizards, might’ve struck the child or answered his death threat with a death threat of their own. Fighting fire with fire is a natural reaction when we’re scared, insulted, or feel threatened.

That’s why we should all pay attention to our feelings, even when we don’t feel scared, insulted, or threatened.

I consider the child in my story to be a test… a low-level stress test. What if the same words had come from an adult? What if an adult threatened to cut my head off and then punched me? If I can’t control myself with a child, how am I going to control myself with an adult?

[17:53]  That’s why you should approach everything that happens to you today and forevermore as a test. Observe your feelings and reactions when the stakes are low and there is no threat to your safety. If you don’t, if you neglect training your lizard, you may find yourself saying or doing something you regret when the stakes get higher.

Nowadays, or maybe it’s always been that way, people are snapping, lashing out, and making threats everywhere you go. Take a look at the comment section on most social media platforms, for example. Yikes!

Obviously, most of that language, and the feelings behind that language, are completely unnecessary, unproductive, unhealthy, and only make the world a less happy place to live. That’s why I think it’s important that we don’t leave our emotions unsupervised.

Emotions are just like children who need to be disciplined and guided. You must train them to know when it’s time to attack, and when it’s time to take a nap.

Like I said, the reactions I had to teaching children 10 years ago is very different from the reactions I have today. That’s not an accident… I worked on it. And whether you find yourself living a more aggressive lifestyle, feeling under threat often, or a more passive lifestyle and rarely feel threatened by anything, I think a little work on your emotions will reap huge benefits.

Start by spending a little time identifying what triggers your feelings of anger and affection. Maybe you should be aggressive more often. Maybe you should be affectionate less often. I can’t give you the perfect formula of emotions, but I can tell you that it’s worth the effort trying to figure it out.

If you’re not aggressive often enough, you’ll be taken advantage of. You’ll miss opportunities. You’ll be victimized.

If you’re aggressive too often, you’ll damage relationships. You’ll also miss opportunities because people won’t want to deal with you. You’ll escalate unimportant situations into crisis level situations. You’ll be stressing out your nervous system and hurting your health for no good reason.

So, do the work. Get to know your lizard. Teach your lizard to be fierce, but also wise.

Train your lizard to do battle when the fight is right, but to rest easy when fighting is just a waste of time.

Whatever you do, please don’t allow your lizard to control you. Yes, it loves you and wants to protect you, but it doesn’t always know how.

It’s up to you to lead the way. It’s up to you to throw a saddle on your lizard, grab hold of the reins, and lead it in the direction you want it to go.

That’s how you’ll ride towards glory. That’s how you’ll ride off into the sunset of a happy life.

[CLOSE]  All right. Time to take your lizard out for a cup of coffee and talk things out. Hey—if you enjoyed today’s show, thanks for sharing it with a friend or leaving a review over on iTunes. If you’d like a transcript of the show, you can find it over on FightforaHappyLife.com. Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life.

The post #54: Facing a Death Threat [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #53 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Are You a Martial Arts Zombie?”

When we sign up for martial arts, we’re filled with passion and purpose. But how long does that last?

One day, you find yourself showing up to class, going through motions, and have no idea if you’re getting better or worse. That’s when you’ve become a martial arts zombie!

In this episode, I challenge you to take an honest look at how you train to see if you’re making the most of your time and energy. Accept the challenge or doom yourself to wander the earth in a corpse’s shell forever! 🙂

To LISTEN to, “Are You a Martial Arts Zombie,” you can either:

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a full transcript down below.

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

TRANSCRIPT

Today on Fight for a Happy Life, are you a martial arts zombie?

Hello and welcome to Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. My name is Ando and even though I’ll be doing all the talking right now, that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in what you’ve got to say.

If you have a question or a comment about today’s show, or life in general, click on over to FightforaHappyLife.com and leave me a comment. Shoot me an email. If that’s not good enough and you want to share your feelings with the whole world, okay—then leave a review over on iTunes or wherever you found this show.

Really—if you have something to say, I’ll be happy to listen. Maybe not as happy as listening to my own voice, but pretty close.

Today, I want to take a look at your training schedule. How do you spend the majority of your workout time? Which exercises do you focus on? How do you test your skills and measure your progress?

The big question—does how you train in the martial arts match up with why you train?

Here’s why I’m asking—I think most people, myself included, either end up chasing two different goals at the same time or the wrong goal entirely. The worst part? They don’t even realize it! They may start out with a clear goal in mind, but over time, they end up just going through the motions. They practice day after day, never questioning who they are, what they want, or where they’re going. You know—like a zombie.

So, let me share a few thoughts on how to break the spell and get more out of your training… and maybe more out of life.

[02:22] If you’re an entrepreneur, you’ve probably heard more than one business development guru talk about the difference between working in your business and working on your business. What’s the difference?

Well, working in your business means you keep yourself busy, but not on the tasks that actually build a profitable company. You spend time on “busy work” like filing, fiddling with new software, holding meetings for no reason, dealing in office drama, or wondering if it’s time to change that carpet.

All of that time and energy would be much better spent on true “business work”. Tasks like interviewing customers, researching trends, identifying unmet needs in the market, developing new marketing strategies, improving product quality, hiring the best talent, firing under-performers, and streamlining workflow. You get the idea.

When you merely work in your business, you may go home exhausted, but at the end of the day, you did nothing to acquire new customers, increase revenue, or cut costs. Worse, you wake up every morning feeling like a zombie, doomed to blindly walk in circles, bumping your head into the wall again and again until, inevitably, your business fails. The lesson?

You can become a zombie in your personal life, too. When you go out on a first date, everything is electric, right? You’re a good listener, you make eye contact, you’re willing to compromise and please. And ohh—that first kiss. Then a year passes… two years…

Do you still make eye contact? Are you still a good listener or are you checking emails over dinner? Are you still interested in what your partner has to say or is your idea of quality time nowadays sitting down to watch Game of Thrones together?

It’s funny, or sad, how a relationship built on romance often ends up surviving on mindless routine.

The same phenomenon occurs, of course, in the martial arts. You stay busy going to class, learning new moves, preparing for that next belt test, watching videos, lifting weights, running… but are you satisfied? Are you getting the value you expect from all of that training? Do you feel your dedication is being rewarded?

If not, there are only two paths ahead. You can either quit, as so many do, or become a martial arts zombie.

A martial arts zombie is a student who practices month after month, year after year, with no clear purpose.

You show up to class, you follow the routine, but you have no goal. You train out of habit, plodding along, mindlessly and without passion, groaning and grunting your way through the workouts, led by the blind hope that someday, a reward will appear.

Man. That’s scares the heck out of me.

[05:45] So, how does this happen? In business, in relationships, in the martial arts, it seems that many of us are doomed to shift our attention and our efforts from the most important tasks to the least important tasks. From tasks that make a difference in our lives, to tasks that change nothing. We stop doing the work that led us to growth, excitement, and success in the beginning and start to focus on managing and maintaining what we once gained.

The answer, the problem, the curse, is our old friend the ego. It’s our ego, our sensitive self-image, that wants us to feel secure and in control at all times. Our ego prefers tasks that are understandable and predictable; tasks that we can accomplish and feel good about.

Our ego does not seek out chaos. It does not enjoy mystery. It prefers to cling to a sure thing instead of running around in the dark, chasing the unknown.

Let me give you an example. I go to class. I fight. I get caught in a choke. It’s a choke I’ve been caught in before. I can not escape the choke. After class, if I had no ego, I’d say to myself, “That’s it. I’m never going to get caught in that choke again. I’m going to ask questions, do research, and practice until it’s no longer a threat.”

But I do have an ego, so, that’s not what I say. Instead, I do some push-ups. I hit the heavy bag. I practice a kata. I spar children. I go back to tasks that make me feel competent. Tasks that make me feel like I haven’t been wasting my time all these years. Tasks that make me forget that I was just murdered and could do nothing to stop it.

The way I see it, if you get killed and refuse to admit it, then walk off and drive home like it never happened, you are truly a zombie. You are the walking dead!

Now, to be fair, maybe your goal in the martial arts isn’t to be a great fighter. Maybe you don’t really care about self-defense. Maybe you just want to get a sweat and get out of the house once in a while.

If that’s the case, hey—maybe you’d be just as happy doing Cross-Fit, or power yoga, or taking a salsa class. I mean, what’s the difference? I’ll tell you the difference—you just got killed, man!

Martial arts is the only form of exercise that simulates death. That’s why I love it! If you want to figure out the which tasks are leading you to success and which tasks are leading you to failure, the martial arts provide you with very clear clues.

Hint: when your training routine is good, you tend to die a lot less.

Every time you get kicked in the head, punched in the chest, or pinned on your back, you have proof that something in your routine is not working… which is a gift. It’s a gift because you then have a chance to make an adjustment to your training, your attitude, your movement—whatever!—to avoid being killed again.

Failure is your friend. Failure is the spark that ignites the learning process. Accept your failures and you’ll be working smart and stay alive. Deny failure and you will be transformed into a zombie and die a thousand deaths.

[09:45] So, how do we stop from becoming a zombie at work, at home, and in the dojo? How do we break the spell? The short answer is to work smart first, hard second.

In fact, one of the biggest lies I’ve ever heard is that if you work hard, you can make your dreams come true. Nope. Absolutely not true. I know this because I’ve worked hard—very hard—on many dreams and gone nowhere. If achievement was rooted in work ethic alone, well, I’d have everything I ever wanted.

The truth is that hard work only pays off if you’re doing the right work… the smart work. Frankly, even then, you still may not get everything you want, but you’ll sure as heck get a lot closer.

Now, what do I mean by “smart work”? It means figuring out which tasks will get you closer to your goals and which tasks will not. When you look at your training routine, which tasks are truly worth your time? When you have that figured out, you’ll have arrived at your own formula for success.

This formula starts with setting a very clear goal for yourself. Why are you training? When you know that, then you can order your priorities. Then you can build a routine of tasks that support those priorities. Then it’s just a matter of attacking those tasks with persistence and gusto.

But hold up—you’re not done yet. Along the way, you’ll also have to measure your progress to make sure your training routine is moving you closer to your goal. If you’re moving in the wrong direction, admit it. Set you ego aside and make adjustments to your goals, your priorities, your tasks, or everything.

Having said all that, let me ask you again—

Are you working in your martial arts or on your martial arts? Does how you train match up with why you train?

You can’t answer those questions without a goal, so tell me—why are you training? What is so important to you that you’re willing to spend time, money, and energy on taking classes, practicing at home, or even listening to this podcast?

If you don’t know what you want, please, turn this off immediately and go think about it. I’ll wait for you. Got it? Okay. Welcome back.

Presuming you have a goal in mind, let me ask you about your training routine. Did you design it or is it just a collection of random drills and exercises that you’ve accrued over time? And hey—can you tell me how you’re measuring your progress? How do you know if you’re improving?

Last question—when was the last time you made changes to your routine because you felt you weren’t developing fast enough or you were heading in the wrong direction?

[12:56] For most people, questions like these may sound a little over the top. I mean, such a high level of analysis makes sense for a professional athlete or an Olympian, but not a hobbyist or part-time martial artist, right? Wrong.

I’d say it’s actually more important for a part-time martial artist to analyze their training routine than a pro. Why? Because a part-time martial artist has far less time to do the work required to reach their goal. It’s basic math.

If you’re a pro and you’re working out six to eight hours a day, six or seven days week, you not only have time to do what you need to do, but what you want to do. You have time to work and play. You have time to develop your A-game, B-game, and a C-game.

But if you’re only training one hour a day, or a couple hours a week, every minute matters. When a hobbyist or part-time martial artist trains, they must know exactly what they want and exactly how to get it.

Fail to follow the formula—no goal, no priorities, no routine, no measurement—and you’ll quickly end up working in your martial arts instead of on your martial arts. You’ll wind up becoming a martial arts zombie.

Now, in case this rant sounds like I’m making fun of zombies, I’m not. The only reason I brought up this topic is because I recognize the call of the zombie in my own training and life. As a teacher, sure, I see it in my students all the time, but I’m only able to see it in others because I saw it in myself first.

That doesn’t make me special, by the way. I’m sure you see it, too. I think it’s just human nature to turn into zombies. Maybe not in every area of our lives, but certainly in some. Probably most.

[14:57] To be completely candid, I’ll admit to you that I’ve been frustrated as a martial artist for many, many years because, last time I checked, I am not invincible.

Yes, I understand that no one can be a real-life superhero. Yes, I understand that making mistakes is part of the learning process. Yes, I understand that everyone gets hit when they fight. I understand that no matter how skilled or experienced you may be, you can always be punched, choked, or stabbed.

However, if I’ve been training for over 30 years in the martial arts, and I’m sparring with someone with only one or two years experience, is it unreasonable for me to expect that I should dominate the entire session? If not dominate, shouldn’t my success rate be significantly higher than theirs?

The way I see it, or maybe the way my ego sees it, I should be able to create any situation I want and execute any technique I want. I mean, isn’t that the whole point of training? Skills? Competence? Success?

But alas—that is not how it goes. I still lose. I still get popped in the face. I still tap. It drives me nuts!

It’s not fair. I do the work. I practice. I listen to my teachers. I take notes. I ask questions. I do everything I’m supposed to do! But it doesn’t matter. I still lose against lazier, less experienced, and less diligent students.

Problem… meet solution! Not too long ago, it occurred to me that I, too, was guilty of working in my martial arts and not on my martial arts. I was guilty of working hard, but not always working smart.

My training routine, I thought, was on point. I promise you, I can stay busy doing martial arts drills all day, every day. I have spent hundreds, thousands, countless hours sweating, studying, reading, observing, visualizing, practicing in the park, at the track, in the basement, in the driveway, in the bathroom—everywhere! I train on vacation, on my birthday, Christmas Day, in the snow, in the rain. Training is just what I do and who I am. I love the grind.

But which of those sessions, which of those exercises, actually makes me a better fighter? That’s my goal, after all.

It wasn’t when I signed up for martial arts, of course. In the beginning, I just wanted to get in shape. Then I wanted to strengthen my character. Then I wanted to be a black belt. At about the five year mark, I finally figured out that what I really wanted was practical self-defense.

So, I went out and found a style and teacher that offered exactly that. But it didn’t take long for me to completely forget what I wanted. That’s because my ego wasn’t ready for the lessons that fighting was trying to teach me.

Instead, it shifted my efforts back to my old routine. I learned as many moves as I could, kept a detailed notebook, and focused on conditioning. Why? Because all of that came easily to me. I knew how to do all of that!

That was my comfort zone. As a result, instead of developing into a great fighter, I became a great studio fighter. I became a martial arts zombie.

[18:52] I spoke about breaking the spell of being a studio fighter in Episode #35: Can You Really Fight? If you want the details on that, take a listen. But in short, that period of time was a huge turning point. That’s when I finally stopped being proud of myself for working hard, and remembered why I was working hard.

Once I remembered my goal, well, I was embarrassed to discover that I had not made much progress at all. I was crushed to figure out that my training routine was lame. It would never get me where I wanted to go.

I mean, what’s the point of a push-up, really? Does a push-up build strength? Yes. Can it help develop a stronger punch? I guess. But does it help me keep my cool under pressure? No. Does it help my timing? No. Does it help me land punches on a resisting partner? Not one bit.

Too bad—I was really great at push-ups. In fact, I bet I could show you more variations of push-ups than any person alive. But who cares?

I mean, if the point of martial arts training is just to develop general athletic qualities like strength, speed, and flexibility, then I guess you don’t really need to take martial arts to be a martial artist! The fact is you can get the same benefits of a push up, a sit up, or a squat from a yoga class, dance class, or jumping on a trampoline.

But I wanted to be more than a movement artist, I wanted to be a martial artist. That meant I needed to accept the risks of being hit, thrown, or choked. I needed someone to choke and someone to choke me. I needed someone to throw and someone to throw me. I needed someone to hit and someone to hit me.

That kind of training, however, is difficult and uncomfortable. Live sparring, live rolling, and freestyle drills—they all mean jumping headfirst into chaos. It means bumps and bruises to your body and self-esteem. It means trial and error. It means frustration.

Especially as you get higher in the ranks, the more you fail, the more your ego has to lose. Looking ignorant or incompetent might just be embarrassing as a student, but it’s a professional liability as a teacher. That’s when you hear the call of the zombie.

I mean, why take the chance of getting hit during sparring when you can drop into a full split instead? Why risk getting caught in a choke by one of your students when it’s so much easier to impress everyone with your speed bag skills? Why get cut up by a white belt with a rubber knife when you can look so much cooler demonstrating your favorite kata?

I wish I could tell you that after I broke the spell of being a studio fighter and adjusted my training routine, I never forgot my goal again and lived happily ever after. I wish I could tell you that I am now immune to ever becoming a zombie again. But that is not the truth at all.

The truth is I caught myself turning into a zombie again eight years ago. That’s why I forced myself into facing a new challenge and started training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Not good enough!

Then I caught myself turning into a zombie two years ago. So, I threw myself out of my comfort zone and started taking Systema lessons. And the threat is still not over!

I just caught myself turning into a zombie last week, which is why I decided to talk about it today. I’m hoping that if I tell you about my own struggles with staying on track, you’ll take another look at your training routine and make some adjustments, too. Or at least think about it.

[23:00] The point is this—we must all be on high alert at all times.

The frightening truth is that the call of the zombie will always be there, moaning in your head. The temptation to fill your day with less and less meaningful exercises… the desire to build a routine of easy tasks and lesser challenges.

There’s no escaping it. I’m sorry to tell you, but the zombie virus has been in your blood since the day you were born. That’s why if you let your ego design your training routine, it will always run away from the cold chaos of the unknown and fall back into the warm, loving arms of the familiar and predictable.

When that happens, something else will become predictable—failure. Stagnation. False confidence. Disappointment. Regret.

Now, don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying that you can’t live your years in this world as a happy zombie. Hey—I’ve been a happy guy for most of my life, even when I was braindead.

But don’t be fooled! That happiness was not the same happiness I would have felt if I had stayed focused on my original goals. I mean, I love going to the track and running sprints, counting off push-ups, and throwing my favorite combinations in the air. I come home after every zombie workout feeling quite satisfied. Successful, even. But here’s what I’ve learned about success…

I’ve learned that 100% satisfaction in small goals is nowhere near as good as 50% satisfaction in big goals.

Every time I make a jump in my skill level—when I finish a choke, when I sweep someone in live sparring, when I land a combination I’ve been working on—I am left feeling more than satisfied… I’m thrilled. And I’m here to tell you—

Of course, I realize that the name of this show is, Fight for a Happy Life, so, obviously, happy is a worthy goal. And if happy is as far as you can make it in this life, good job. Dying happy is nothing to be ashamed of!

But what if I asked you to set a goal that will take you beyond happy? Is it too much to ask you to live a thrilling life?

I started off today’s show with the idea of just challenging your workout routine, but forget that. Let’s take it a step farther. I hereby challenge your entire life. I challenge you to live a thrilling life.

My promise is this—even a little thrill will make your life a whole lot better!

[26:10] So, heed my warning—don’t become a zombie. If you feel yourself being pulled into meaningless work, don’t worry. A real zombie doesn’t have the chance to transform back into a human being… but you do.

I just beg you to do it before your time runs out. Do it before the Reaper finds you or someone splits your head open with a shovel.

You can start by setting a clear goal in your business, your relationships, and your training. Then you must design a routine for each of those built on smart work. Then you must measure your progress…and be honest about it!

If you’re finding yourself heading in the wrong direction, have the courage to make the necessary adjustments. But keep this in mind—

Even when you work smart, even when you work on your life instead of just in your life, you still may not achieve your dreams. Just because you spend every bit of your time, money, energy, and enthusiasm on a goal, that is not a guarantee that everything will work out for you.

But that’s okay. It’s okay because I would rather die a hot-blooded, passionate, thinking, feeling human being who almost made it, than a cold-blooded, brain-dead zombie who never came close.

How about you?

So, what’s it going to be? Are you going to fight for a thrilling life or just bump your head into the wall and drool on yourself? Let me know what you decide over at FightforaHappyLife.com. And hey—if you know someone who you think would enjoy this show, thanks for sending them a link. Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let your smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life!

The post #53: Are You a Martial Arts Zombie? [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #52 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Martial Artists Are Weirdos.”

Martial artists are not normal people… and that’s okay!

In this episode, let’s take a closer look at what makes martial arts (and the people who practice them!) a little unusual.

You can watch the video summary here or listen and read below. Stay weird, my friend!

To LISTEN to, “Martial Artists Are Weirdos,” you can either:

• Play the show below. Or download to your device.
  
• Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Podcasts or Spotify.
  

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a full transcript down below.

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Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

TRANSCRIPT

Today on Fight for a Happy Life, are you a weirdo?

Hello and welcome to Episode #52 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. Ando here and I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you.

The bad news is that, as a martial artist, you will never be perfect. Ever. There is always something more you can improve. Now, here’s the good news…

As a martial artist, you will never be perfect. Ever. There is always something more you can improve.

See what I did there?

The point is, either way, whether you want to focus on the frustration or the inspiration of improvement, our journey as martial artists is never-ending. Which means, if you haven’t given up yet, hey—you’re pretty cool.

You’re tough. You’re patient. You’re wise. Plus, you’re a leader, not a follower. I mean, the odds are that most of your family and friends don’t practice martial arts, which means you think for yourself.

But there is a dark side to thinking for yourself, isn’t there. Thinking for yourself might sometimes make you feel like an alien visiting from another planet. No one understands you. No one appreciates or recognizes your hard work.

But forget about everybody else for a minute. Let’s just talk about you. Without a peer group or support system, you might find yourself feeling that you’re not very good. You might worry that you’ll never be as good as your teachers. You might find yourself wondering if you’d be better off hanging up your belt and joining a softball team, taking a yoga class, or maybe signing up for Cross-Fit.

I understand. Believe me, I do. Let’s face it…

The martial way is a lonely way.

That’s why today, I have an important message for you. Two messages, actually. The first message is you are not alone. The martial arts—particularly the traditional styles—may never be popular, but there are still millions of students out there.

The second message, in case you weren’t sure about it, is that you, my friend, are a weirdo. Truly. And I’m proud of you for being a weirdo. In fact, I wish there were more people just like you. I’ll tell you why right now.

[03:05]  Okay, I’m just going to say it—martial arts is weird. Training yourself as a fighter or warrior is a weird way to spend your time. It’s an even weirder way to live your life.

It’s weird to let people punch and kick you. It’s weird to tie on colored belts. It’s weird to wear kimonos, drawstring pants, or spandex. It’s weird to bow to other people in a culture where bowing is not customary. It’s weird to imagine worst-case scenarios like being attacked by three people with knives and guns. It’s even weirder to imagine yourself crippling or killing all of them.

But hold on… before you think I’m insulting or mocking you, let’s take a closer look at the word “weird”. Weird doesn’t mean crazy or goofy. Weird, more properly, means abnormal… unusual…or different.

So, when I say that martial artists are weird, all I’m saying is that we’re not normal. Numerically speaking, the majority of human beings walking around on this planet do not practice martial arts of any kind. Never did, probably never will. Most people have no interest in doing what we do.

And isn’t that strange? I think it’s strange because most rational people have the exact same goals and desires that we have as martial artists.

• Is it weird to want to be in shape? No.
• Is it weird to want to speak up for yourself? No.
• Is it weird to rehearse setting boundaries with people who try to take advantage of you? No.
• Is it weird to practice getting someone’s hands off of you and maintaining control over your body? No.
• Is it weird to develop skills that will not only protect you from harm, but help you protect the people you love? No.
• Is it weird to maximize your powers and cultivate peace of mind? No.

The fact is if you ask most people, and I mean almost everybody, they would agree that taking martial arts is a great idea. Not just for themselves, but for their mom and dad, husband or wife, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters… for everyone!

In a world as crazy, unpredictable, and dangerous as ours, what kind of a maniac wouldn’t want their loved ones to practice speaking up and standing up for themselves?

And yet. And yet most people will never take a single martial arts class!

So, who are the true weirdos? Yes, by the numbers, we are. But if you use the word “weird” to mean “crazy” or “goofy”, well, I think we know who the weirdos really are. I mean, how can we be the weirdos when we’re the ones taking action to pursue the goals that everyone says they want to achieve?

Imagine if it was the other way around. Imagine, if you will, a world where the number of people who take martial arts is larger than the number of people who don’t. Imagine a world where practicing martial arts is normal and not taking martial arts is… weird.

Imagine approaching someone at a cocktail party and instead of starting a conversation with, “So, what do you do?” you ask, “So, what style do you practice?”

Imagine someone approaching you and instead of being asked, “So, I hear you’re into martial arts,” they say, “So, I hear you don’t practice martial arts. What’s that like?”

Unfortunately, we don’t live in that world. We live in a world where we’re the minority. We’re the strange ones. We live in a world where normal is strange and strange is normal. How crazy is that?

Now, I grant that there are some martial artists out there who make it easy for people to think that we’re all a bunch of weirdos. For example, I knew a couple of gentlemen—Caucasian gentlemen—who not only practiced Japanese arts, they also married Japanese women… and kept a breed of Japanese dog as pets. They both wore wise, little white mustaches. One owned a tea shop. The other spoke in a clipped rhythm as if he had an accent.

Now, I’m not saying they weren’t kind men, good citizens, or unskilled in the martial arts, but I could understand why someone meeting them might think, “Does this whackadoodle think he’s Japanese?”

I’ve met other martial artists who were happy to criticize their native culture and adopt—or pretend to adopt—the merits of a foreign culture. Now, to be clear, I’m not against anyone learning a foreign language, traveling to other countries, opening their minds to new ideas, or paying respect to the culture of their art.

I’m also not against tattoos of Bruce Lee, fancy clothes, or exotic haircuts. Hey—it’s your life, baby. But to me, the martial arts should be a journey of self-discovery.

Self-discovery is not as simple as exchanging one set of values and customs for another. That’s just playing dress-up.

If those happen to parallel someone else’s, beautiful—make the connection. Take comfort in not being alone. But my advice is to be careful about forcing that connection before you’ve done the work to truly know yourself or you’ll just make discovering the real you more difficult. And you, my friend, are worth knowing.

[If you need a pep talk on that subject, check out, Be You… If You Dare!]

[09:16]  Okay. Even though you are not, presumably, a whackadoodle, and even though you’re living a fairly honest life, I’ll bet some people still think you’re weird. Not strangers, mind you, I’m talking about your own friends and family.

When your peeps find out you’re practicing martial arts, I’ll bet you invite them to come with you, don’t you? I’ll bet you smile and tell them how great it is and they smile right back at you. But do they ever show up? Maybe you got lucky and persuaded one or two, but where the hell is everyone else?

They all said no. Not in person. In person, to your face, they probably said yes… but did they show up? Nah. They never show up. Even though they know they really should, even though they believe in the same values as you do, even though they have the same goals, they don’t show up.

And while you sit there shaking your head, wondering why they’re so weird for not coming to class, they’re sitting someplace else, shaking their head, wondering why you’re so weird for going to class. They’ll never say that, of course, but actions speak louder than words.

So, who are the real weirdos? To be fair, I think every human being is weird in his or her own way.

We all engage in peculiar habits and inconsistent behaviors. We all suffer from unfounded biases and unpredictable mood swings. But at the end of the day, we have to choose a side—martial arts or not martial arts.

I have clearly chosen to practice martial arts. I have also chosen to record podcasts and videos just to connect with other martial artists. If that gives you some comfort, or if there’s something in these shows that can make you feel less weird, then I will die a happy man.

[11:16]  So, let me say it loud and clear, my friend—I don’t think you’re weird for practicing martial arts.

I don’t think you’re weird for trying to tame your mind, body, and emotions through the practice of fighting.

I don’t think you’re weird for spending your free time punching, kicking, and screaming.

I don’t think you’re weird for allowing other people to punch, kick, and scream at you.

I don’t think you’re weird for fighting imaginary bad guys in the park, or your backyard, or your driveway, or garage.

I don’t think you’re weird for standing in a horse stance when you brush your teeth.

I don’t think you’re weird if you stand in the bathroom mirror practicing tough talk… every day.

I don’t think you’re weird for using a front kick to turn the lights on and off.

I don’t think you’re weird if someone surprises you from behind at work and your hands fly up automatically like a trained assassin.

I don’t think you’re weird for still trying to achieve a full split, even at the age of 50 or 60.

I don’t think you’re weird for walking around covered in bruises. I don’t think you’re weird if you’re actually proud of those bruises.

I don’t think you’re weird if you cry or puke after class because someone pushed you out of your comfort zone.

I don’t think you’re weird for going to Google to look up how to get blood stains out of your clothes.

I don’t think you’re weird if every time you buy a pair of pants or shoes, you sneak into the changing room and throw a couple of punches and kicks to make sure they won’t hold you back if you need to fight.

I don’t think you’re weird if you once had a pet, or currently have a pet, named Donatello.

I don’t think you’re weird if you stay up late to watch a terrible fight scene in a terrible movie simply because any fight scene is better than no fight scene.

I don’t think you’re weird if you sit in a restaurant planning an escape route or identifying everything that can be used as a weapon just in case dinner takes an ugly turn.

I don’t think you’re weird for driving five or six hours to attend a class with a teacher who you hope will be able to give you just one new idea that might enrich your practice.

I don’t think you’re weird for arriving at a tournament at 8:00 in the morning just to compete in a single event at 4:00 in the afternoon.

I don’t think you’re weird if one corner of your home is cluttered with staffs, sticks, and swords.

I don’t think you’re weird for sitting on the couch with an ice pack on your knee and a bag of frozen peas on your shoulder after class.

I don’t think you’re weird for walking up to a classmate and saying, “Hey—do me a favor and put me in a choke. No, really—choke me.”

I don’t think you’re weird for loving superhero movies and secretly believing in your heart that you can still become one.

I don’t think you’re weird for changing your diet, not to lose weight, but to see if it makes your punches and kicks any faster.

I don’t think you’re weird for keeping a weapon under your bed… or hidden in every room in your home.

I don’t think you’re weird when you see a martial arts school on the side of the road and pull over just to look at the mats.

I don’t think you’re weird for sparring against a tree or a shrub.

I don’t think you’re weird for hiding a smile when someone yells at you or insults you because you know, if you had to, you could take them out.

I don’t think you’re weird for bowing to someone outside of class just out of habit.

I also don’t think you’re weird for occasionally saying, “Osu!” to your boss.

I don’t think you’re weird if every time you pick up a broom or a mop you suddenly imagine yourself on a battlefield and start swinging it around.

I don’t think you’re weird if you stand in line behind someone twice your size and think, “Hmm. How could I take this guy down?”

I don’t think you’re weird for smashing empty cardboard boxes with hammerfists and stomp kicks before you throw them out.

I don’t think you’re weird for talking about your “master”.

I don’t think you’re weird when you’re watching MMA on TV and your friend asks, “Do you think you could take that guy?” and you reply, “In a real fight? Yeah. I’d have a chance.”

[15:41]  So, yes, martial artists are weirdos…but only in the best of ways. You’re tough, patient, and wise. You think for yourself. You take action. You follow through on the desires to achieve enlightenment and empowerment.

If everyone followed through on those desires, then everything I just listed would be considered normal.

• It would be weird to NOT turn off the lights with your foot.
• It would be weird to NOT wear sensible shoes.
• It would be weird to NOT stay in shape.
• It would be weird to NOT face our fears.
• It would be weird to NOT speak up for ourselves.

But until more people take up training in the martial arts, we are the weirdos. We’re the oddballs. The kooks. And that’s okay!

In fact, I want you to be proud of being weird. Because we’re different, we have the opportunity to be noticed. That means we have the chance to be role models. Leaders.

We can be examples to our friends and family of how it’s possible to take hits in life but never stop fighting. We can demonstrate how to endure hostility with a calm spirit and a clear head. We can be living proof that training in the martial arts leads to confidence, courage, and kindness. In that way, we can all make the world a better place.

So, never forget—just because we’re not making the popular choice, doesn’t mean we’re making the wrong choice. Far from it. Never let the giggles and whispers of others echo in your head and persuade you to give up.

Because if you do, you’ll end up just like everybody else. You’ll end up just another soul swept away into the deep sea of the majority. You’ll end up being normal.

Imagine that. You… normal. Now, wouldn’t that be weird?

[:]  Okay, weirdo, now get out there and keep being weird! The world needs more people just like you!

If you liked this show and want to catch the next one, be sure to subscribe on iTunes or your favorite podcast platform, then head over to FightforaHappyLife.com and sign up for my free email updates.

Until next time, smiles up my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life!

The post #52: Martial Artists Are Weirdos [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.