Fight for a Happy Life with Sensei Ando: Martial Arts for Everyday Life

Welcome to Episode #71 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Your Special Gift.”

You never know when someone will change your life forever. You also don’t know when YOU will change someone else’s life forever!

Is it possible that that you are changing the world without even knowing it?

In this episode, let’s talk about how a life that you consider “ordinary” might actually be a special gift for someone around you.

A big THANK YOU to Sifu Tim of the TW Smith Martial Arts Center in Raleigh, NC for the inspiration on this one!

You can find an interview with Sifu Tim right here: Episode #59.

If you’d prefer to watch this podcast on video, I’ll meet you down below. 🙂

To LISTEN to “Your Special Gift,” you can either:

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a transcript down below.

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life!

Here’s the video! If it isn’t playing, try this direct link.

Hey, Ando here from Happy Life Martial Arts. Welcome to episode #71 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes even a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better.

If you’re watching this on video right now, you’ll see that I’m standing in a park. And just a few seconds ago, a coyote passed through right over there. So this video might get a lot more exciting.

I had a totally different topic to talk about today, but I received a package in the mail, a gift, a special gift. I’d like to tell you who sent it, what it was, and why it means so much to me. Of course, that sounds a little self-indulgent, but I think the message might mean something to you too. So stick around. And don’t forget, there’s still a chance I’ll be eaten by a coyote. So you don’t want to miss that.

So here’s the story. You might already know that back in 2017, late in the year, November, I woke up and I couldn’t move my shoulders. I just had this burning pain. So of course, at first I thought, well, I’ll just give it a day or two, it’ll go away. That’s pretty normal if you’re a martial artist, right? Waking up with pain.

But it didn’t go away. So I thought, well, okay, I’m a little older now, I’ll give it a week or two. Still didn’t go away. I started modifying my training, trying to give it a break, icing, not icing, heat, whatever. It just didn’t go away.

So after a couple of months, by the time we got to February of 2018, I was pretty nervous. So I went to the doctors, got the tests, x-rays, MRIs, and I got the results. And the words that I remember from the report were arthrosis, tendinosis, capsulitis, and a bone spur. This pretty much crushed my soul, because of course, martial arts is not just my hobby, it’s my profession.

I love martial arts. I’m all in. And the doctor told me, when I asked him, like, Well, what does this mean? What am I going to do? He said, Well, you can’t do any push-ups, you can’t do any pull-ups, and really anything that pinches your shoulder closed is not good for you.

You mean like punching? You mean like framing?

Yeah, don’t do that stuff.

Well, that was nonsense, right? I mean, that just blew my mind. But I had the pain. So I started on this path to figure out how can I continue in the martial arts without throwing punches, doing push-ups or pull-ups. And it’s been quite a struggle during that time period. It was pretty dispiriting, I got to tell you. But I didn’t give up.

And I worked with certain teachers and kept doing a lot of research and a lot of experimenting and started trying to find different ways to throw punches and different ways to work out. I did end up losing a couple of pounds just because my workout changed so much. I even changed my diet, trying anti-inflammatory type of diet, that thing, that whole thing. And whatever.

The point is, as the months passed, I was still feeling pretty frail, pretty delicate, didn’t really want to use my arms that much. So I did more stances, more kicking– doing what I can is the point.

So let’s move forward six months in the story…

So by August of 2018, my wife and I took a vacation to North Carolina. We have some family there. And I happened to drop in to visit my friend, Sifu Tim Smith, who has a school right outside of Raleigh, North Carolina. His Kung Fu school is there.

Of course, you’ll know Sifu Tim. He’s been interviewed here on this show before, made some videos as well on the YouTube channel. So he’s a friend of the show. So I thought, Hey, is it all right if I drop in? I sent him an email. Is it all right? I’ll be in town. Can I drop in? He said, Of course, anytime. And so I did.

Now, keep in mind, he doesn’t know anything about how my training had been changing. He doesn’t know anything about my arthritis. He doesn’t know anything about anything. Well, he knows about Kung Fu, but he didn’t know about my situation, I should say.

So I visit the school, and he’s got a busy Saturday going on, everything’s hopping. And I’m just a happy guest participating in what I can and in the classes. And after the classes, we’re hanging out, and I see over by the wall, he’s got these wooden boxes with handles on them. And I just casually say, Oh, what are those? Those look cool. And he says, Oh, those are Mok Yee Pai. And I’m like, Come again? Mok Yee Pai?

Apparently, these are a traditional training tool in Tibetan Hop Gar Kung Fu. And I think it translates to something like “wooden ear plaques” because they look like ears. I’m going to show you in a second. Oh, there you go. Spoiler alert.

So I say, Well, what do you do with those? And he picks one up and swings it over his head like that. And immediately I’m thinking, Well, I’m not going to be doing that!

But you see the problem here, right? I’m a guest in his school. And of course I’m a dude. So there’s a certain amount of ego involved now because it’s not just us. He calls over one of his students and they both start swinging these boxes around. And I’m watching this in horror thinking, Oh God, what have I gotten myself into? I should have just shut my mouth. Now I’m going to end up swinging one of these boxes.

And of course I do. So I pick up one of the boxes and I’m– keep in mind, I have not worked my shoulder through a full range of motion in up to this point, nine months. I’m terrified of doing a pushup. I’m afraid my arms are going to break if I move them. So I pick up the box and I half-heartedly, with my arm bent, swing this box around. He’s like, Oh no– you got to let that thing really swing. Got to let it fly.

All right. I’m not showing any signs of weakness here. So, okay, sure. So I swing that thing over my head and I’m terrified. I’m literally thinking that my arm is going to rip off my body and fly across his kwoon. Of course, it didn’t, but I’m still pretty stiff because I’m afraid.

So anyway, I do my best. And he’s got his student there, and he’s there, and he’s demonstrating, and they’re all gung ho. They love this stuff. And so I swing one around. I start warming up a little bit and saying, Okay, here we go. And then he says, You’re doing pretty well. Let me get you the big mama. I believe that’s what he said, “the big mama”.

So sure enough, he goes over, and there are different sized boxes. There were smaller ones, maybe four or five pounds, then six or eight pounds, and then some 10 and 12 pounders. So he brings me over what he said was like the 12 pounder, I believe. So now I’m like, Oh my God, this has really gotten horrible. But sure enough, I wing this thing around my head.

Then he says, Let me show you exactly what to do. He showed me this little routine where you swing it up and around and you hold it, you swing it back the other way and you hold it, and you rip it up and you hold it one more time. So basically five revolutions through the shoulder, the full range of your shoulder, five revolutions counts as one rep.

Then he says the magic words, I believe, if I remember correctly, he said, 36 is the magic number. You have to do 36 on both sides. Now, he was meaning this as, Yeah, go ahead, try it right now. And I’m stuck. Yeah, I’m stuck. Students there, he’s there, watching. So, okay, here we go.

I start winging this thing around my head and Sifu Tim is being encouraging. He’s saying, Oh no, you gotta really let that thing fly. Let it go, go, go. And so I do.

Now, my thinking in this process is probably something you’ve encountered before. That’s the idea, like when you’re training, sometimes you’re so into it, you know you’re doing damage. Maybe it’s just a blister on your foot, or maybe it’s just some nagging wrist injury you’ve had, but you feel it being aggravated, and you have that choice to say, Well, do I wanna just back out right now? Or is there something worthwhile here that’s worth the pain and I’ll just deal with it later? And of course, the latter choice is the one I went with.

So I said, I’m going for it. I don’t know what’s gonna happen here, but I’m in it now, so go for it. So I wing these things around, both arms. I do my reps. I’m sweating, you know, it’s a heck of a workout. So in that sense, I had a good time. And I just thought, Well, we’ll see what happens tomorrow. If it’s a surgery, it’s a surgery, whatever.

All right, so the next day comes. And you know what? There was no additional pain to what I had already been living with. This was not a difference. There was no difference. And my whole world changed. Now, I know that’s going to sound dramatic, and I mean it to, because it was dramatic.

I’m kind of an OCD guy. I train every day. I’m always trying to get better. And when I got that death sentence, being told that I can’t punch anymore, or push ups and pull ups, and I had to just really limit myself. I lost some weight. It was a real kick in the gut. To suddenly put my body through this ridiculous trauma, I mean, the universe seemed to say, Let’s do completely the opposite of what the doctor told you. Let’s do completely the opposite of what your fears are telling you to do. Let’s just swing this box around, 12 pound box, lots, and see what happens.

To find out that it worked out okay, was like a brand new life had begun. And immediately, now that I had broken through that fear, I incorporated pushups back into my workouts. I went back to doing some pull-ups, modified a couple of things just to see, to learn again, like, Okay, now that I’m gonna do these things, let’s do them maybe a little smarter than I had before. Then re-modified how I throw my punches.

So, all in all, it was perhaps one of the greatest training experiences of my entire life, because it’s opened up the second half of my life, now that I’m just about 49 this week. It’s given me a whole new license to not think of myself as being smaller and weaker and doing less and less. It’s actually opened up opportunities, because in my modifications of how I punch and how I train, I’ve had new techniques coming into my repertoire.

I’ve changed how I move, and I think it’s better. I actually think I’m punching and moving better than I ever have before. And I never would have discovered that if I hadn’t been hurt and then put myself in a situation where I was given another way of moving, a new challenge.

The lesson here is what you do on an everyday basis, what you consider normal or ordinary, is actually something special, has the potential to be something life-changing to someone else. Sifu Tim had no idea that I was kind of down in the dumps about my training, or that I felt limited, or that I felt that my career was narrowing. He had no idea. I didn’t tell him that.

And on the other half, I wasn’t looking for some magic pill. I wasn’t looking for some magic tool that was going to help open up my world. It just happened. His ordinary routine, that training tool that he’s had sitting there for years, and they’ve been using for years, was no big deal to him.

To me, I didn’t know what I was looking at. I’m just asking casually, What’s that? And yet at that moment, BOOM– my whole life changed.

Now, when I realized– I should back up one second here, in those couple of weeks right after that, I came back to Los Angeles and I had had this kind of experience where I woke up and I was OK. I realized I could get going in my training again. And I was all pumped up.

I tried to find some Mok Yee Pai, but those, as you might imagine, are not very common. Yeah, they’re kind of like kettlebells, but they’re not quite the same. I wanted my own pair because now they meant something to me. So I sent a video of myself on my phone back to Sifu Tim to say, Hey, I’m still doing this routine. I really love this. This is a big deal to me. I’d found like a medicine ball with a handle on it. I had some dumbbells that I did it with.

He just texted back, Oh, well, I’ll have to make you a pair. And of course, you think, That’s just a nice thing to say. I said, Oh, don’t trouble yourself. That’s a kind thought. But that’s fine. I’ll take care of it. I’ll figure out something.

No, no, I didn’t figure out anything. I went to the hardware store. I thought, Oh, I’ll saw something. No, I never will. Oh, I’ll get some of that quick crete and maybe some gallon jugs. No, no, I’m not going to do any of that. It didn’t work out. I’m not that handy.

So nine months passed. This brings us up to the current date. Nine months from that event, from that late August/ September time period, passes. And I get a text from Sifu Tim, and it’s a tracking number for a package. And he says, They’re on their way.

What? Really? Is it possible? They’re on their way– so he sent me two, right? These are the Mok Yee Pai, the wooden ear plaques. And they’re gorgeous, right? I mean, I’ll just take a second to admire the craftsmanship here. You can see why these things take time.

This is just solid wood. It says JR Woodwims on the bottom, so perhaps he had a partner helping him out. But look at this thing. Solid, all wood. This thing’s about 10 pounds. I’m having a great time with it. I touch it every day because it means so much to me. I like to remind myself that I can still wing this thing around my head. And even when I’m not using it, I keep it in my living room.

All right. Now, that might sound nuts. Fortunately, because the craftsmanship is so nice, my wife doesn’t mind. So I put this right in my living room, so that every day as I’m walking through, I can look at it. And it reminds me, this has become like my talisman, to say–

Hey, don’t accept limitations. Keep pushing, keep looking, keep trying, keep experimenting, because you never know when the next breakthrough is going to come through.

And that’s my bigger message here for all of us. Your ordinary is someone else’s special. So, even no matter who you are, just being you and just doing what you do has the potential to change someone’s life. And I think that’s a beautiful message.

Now, sometimes, especially if you’re a good person, you might get caught up in thinking, like, I do want to help people. I want to change the world. And so then you think you have to create a plan and you have to hustle. You have to go after that goal. But in my experience, it’s usually the opposite that works out, right?

Especially when I was younger. I was a very arrogant teenager and 20-year-old plus. And I thought if I just went around giving people advice– Hey, you’re smoking. Stop that. Hey, here’s how you should eat. Hey, martial arts is awesome. Hey, you should work out more. Hey, you should do this. You should do that. I got advice. I can fix your life.

It was all positive, right? Just like I’m doing now. It’s positive to give people advice. However, you cannot predict what they’re thinking, what part of the journey they’re on. Most of the time, they’re not in a place where they appreciate your advice.

You probably know what I’m talking about here, right? You have a friend, they’re in trouble, they’ve got a problem. Maybe they’re even asking you for help and you give them information. You give them some resources– they don’t take it. Then you get frustrated, like, Come on! I told you, you can just do this or just do that. Why can’t you do this for yourself?

Well, it’s not personal, not on your side of it. It’s nothing you’ve done wrong. They’re just not ready for that information yet, or they’re not ready to take action on it. And it doesn’t matter what you do or what you say. Don’t feel bad about that. They’re on their own journey, you’re on yours.

Your job as a human being is just to keep taking your journey. Live the best life you can. At some point, that will become meaningful to someone else. You don’t know who it’s going to be, you don’t know when it’s going to be, but you have to have some faith that it’s going to be.

This reminds me of episode #56, I believe, A Religious Experience. That’s what it was called. You might recall I was having a pretty down day. What? I get depressed? You bet. And I just happened to be taking a hike, and on the road, someone before me had written some words into the dirt, actually some biblical things as well. And it meant a lot to me on that particular day.

I don’t get depressed that often, but on that particular day, those words, those messages, meant a great deal to me. I don’t know who wrote them. I don’t know why they wrote them. I don’t know how long those words were there. I don’t know if I imagined the whole thing. I can’t tell. All I know is that there was a sign to me that day. It seemed like a sign from the universe to keep going and doing what I’m doing.

Now, in that episode, that was the message, right? That you are a sign from the universe. And I’m repeating that same message, that you are a gift. You are a special gift to the people that are in your life, even people you don’t know, people who just see you once, who have an encounter with you. That’s an opportunity to have influenced them in a positive way.

So, this is what I want you to think about. Keep doing what you’re doing and keep being who you are. That’s number one. If you’re a student in the martial arts or a student of anything, then my message to you would be to keep going even when you get discouraged.

I get emails and comments from people all the time who say their school shut down, their teacher passed away or moved away, they don’t have money right now, they had to move locations, or they’ve had an injury, some type of setback, a family emergency… but that doesn’t mean you have to stop training.

You always have the ability to do something. And as long as you’re in the game, then you have the opportunity to have your life changed. You don’t know when that breakthrough is going to come through. But if you’re in the game, things happen. If you show up, if you put yourself out there, if you ask the question, things can happen.

The only way you lose in this game of life is if you’re not playing. If you decide to hide away and give up and do nothing, then it is very difficult for you to ever have a success, to ever stumble into a good opportunity, to ever see that dusty wooden box and say, What’s that? And then suddenly have your life changed unexpectedly.

So you’ve got to be in the game. And if you do want to be a teacher, if you do still feel that compulsion to share something like I do– like I said, when I was a younger person, didn’t have videos and podcasts like this. I couldn’t do this. So I just shot my mouth off everywhere, and it wasn’t very well received. If anything, people resented the advice. I think you probably know what I’m talking about.

But nowadays, I still feel that compulsion to just share. Maybe just for my own processing of information, just to work it through for myself. They say when you teach, you learn twice. So this is good for me, and I hope in some way it will be good for you too. But I don’t know.

I can’t predict who exactly is going to listen to this, or when in their life they’re going to hear it. All I can do, if you want to be a teacher, is put yourself out there. Again, be in the game. Share what you have, and just have a little bit of faith that at some point, someone is going to be positively influenced by it.

Even making this video right now, I know that the views will not be high. This is not exactly something that you can search for, or something maybe people even want to find. But I have faith that maybe one person, someone, will stumble across it at that moment in their life where maybe some part of it will mean something to them. That’s what you have to go on as a teacher.

I know for sure, if you’re a teacher, your heart breaks often. You go into class, you have 20 students, you give them everything you’ve got, you share your life, you share your experiences, you share your discoveries, you’re encouraging them and trying to motivate them, and you’re sweating, and you’re losing your voice.

How many times after that class do you think, It didn’t matter. Nobody cared, nobody asked a question. You’re pretty sure no one’s going to practice any of that stuff at home. They come back to the next class and they don’t seem to remember anything you just did or said. And that breaks your heart, because you feel like all of that effort was for nothing.

Well, most of it was for nothing, but not all of it! And that’s the part you have to have faith in. You just don’t know what’s going to stick and what’s going to be meaningful. You can’t predict it. You don’t know if maybe that night nobody said anything, but three months down the road, one of them had a memory of something you did or said, and then it made sense to them, or then it mattered to them. You don’t know.

So all you can do is just keep playing the game. That’s the message here. If you want to fight for a happy life, you have to fight for a happy life. If you want a happy life, you have to do the fighting. That means you have to be in the game. You only lose when you give up, when you stop.

It’s very unlikely if you’re just hanging out in your house all day, getting high, and doing nothing, that someone’s going to knock on your door and change your life. It’s possible, maybe, you’ll see a video that’ll change your life. In this day and age– you know what, I should correct that. The technology allows us to still influence each other, even if you’re not out there in the game.

Maybe I’m a little old fashioned in thinking like that. That you have to go outside of your home to interact with other people and to be influenced. So maybe I’m wrong about that. Maybe you can stay home, give up on the game, do virtually nothing, and still find inspiration in something you just saw on TV or on the internet or heard in a podcast. So, okay, I stand corrected.

Whatever it is, be a searcher. Even if you’re sitting at home, be a searcher. Don’t give up on the game. Keep playing. I promise you, your ordinary is something special. And you may never know the influence you had on someone.

I can think of teachers that I had when I was a younger person, even now, that stick in my mind. And we’re talking, you know, 40 years ago. And I remember a certain teacher, the way he dressed. I was in a private Catholic school in my youth. And I know those people didn’t get paid much as I got older. And some of them would just wear terrible clothes and seem a little unkempt and not take a lot of pride in their appearance.

But one of those teachers always took care of himself. He only had a couple of different sport jackets, but he always wore a sport jacket. He wasn’t a rich person in any way, but he would always make sure his hair was clean, he had cologne, he wore a ring, he always wore his tie, perfectly tied. You could tell that he had self-respect.

That’s not the kind of thing that as a nine-year-old you remark upon. You don’t say, Hey, you know what? You really dress well and I see you have self-respect and I really like that. I think that’s something I’m going to keep with me for the rest of my life. You have no idea as a kid, but as I’ve gotten older, I always reflect on him.

He doesn’t know. He has no idea. Maybe I’ll look him up and try to tell him. But that teacher 40 years ago is still on my mind today and influenced me in a positive way. So just think about all the people that you’ve met, all the people that you’re meeting, and imagine the impression that you’re making on them.

You don’t have to be fancy about it. Like I said, just being you and just doing what you do is a gift. That’s your special gift. To the world.

Okay, that’s what I wanted to share. My thanks again to Sifu TW Smith for sharing this very special gift with me. Truly.

If this message meant something to you today, then great. If not, that’s okay too. Maybe 40 years from now, it’ll mean something. Either way, I hope you’ll consider sharing this podcast with someone you love. Maybe it’ll mean something to them.

Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life.

The post #71: Your Special Gift [Podcast + Video] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #70 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Catching Another Thief.”

Remember back in Episode #50 when I told you the story about how my wife and I helped catch a thief? Well, it happened again!

I was a bit smarter this time, but still learned a HUGE lesson that I think everyone should hear.

If you have time, go back and listen to Episode #12: The Blonde-Haired Warrior, too. These two stories really make a mini-seminar in self-defense!

Once again, I recorded this podcast on video, so scroll down if you’d prefer to make eye contact.

Let’s get to it!

To LISTEN to “Catching Another Thief,” you can either:

To WATCH the video or READ along, you’ll find a transcript down below.

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life!

Here’s the video! If it isn’t playing, try this direct link.

Hey there. Welcome to episode #70 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes even a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. Ando here, and once again, I’m recording today’s episode as an audio podcast and on video. I hope one of these two formats is easy for you. Either way, it’s gonna be a great show.

I’ve got a story to tell you today about bringing a real life bad guy to justice. My wife and I actually helped bring down a scumbag. I want to tell you that story and tell you what I learned. I got a lot to say about this, so let me grab a quick shot of coffee here and we’ll get right to it.

First off, the title of this episode is Catching Another Thief. That’s because you might recall the story I told in episode #50 about coming home and catching two punks breaking into my wife’s car and my car behind our building.

In that story, I ended up chasing them down. I squared up with one of them. We kept barking at each other until eventually we heard police sirens, and the guy bolted. I eventually had to ID him. The cops caught him, and they took him away.

As a little update on that story, I still, even though this was almost two years ago, I still have not received my flashlight back or the multi-tool that were taken out of my glove compartment. So in effect, I still have been robbed, just not by the punks, by the cops.

All right, so what happened this time?

This time, I went to the movies with my wife. And I should back up here one step to let you know that I had thrown out my back. So I was limping. And my wife had just come back from a snowboarding trip the day before, and she had tweaked her ankle. So she was also limping. It was kind of a pathetic scene.

So my wife and I are coming out of the movie theater. It’s about 9:30 at night. And we’re holding hands like a cute old couple. Anyway, we’re limping along, and it was a cold night, so my wife didn’t want to walk outside on street level to get back to our car. She said, Hey, why don’t we just stay to the underground level?

So we’re walking in the underground level of a parking garage. And that’s when we heard it. Someone started yelling, Stop that guy! He broke into my car! Stop that guy!

Sure enough, we looked over at the next lane. There were cars in between us. And this guy’s booking like he’s returning a kickoff at the Super Bowl. He’s got a backpack, and he’s hustling.

So in this moment– slow down here for a second. Having already been through this situation once before, I’m thinking, Okay, do I really want to chase this guy? This is a property crime, not a personal crime. In the other episode, it was my car. So there was a little ego involved. I was a little personally offended. And there was also the issue of self-esteem. I was worried that my wife might think I was a wimp if I didn’t go chase those punks.

But in this case, it’s not our stuff. It’s just stuff. So as I’m kind of watching this guy run by, I’m thinking, I‘m not sure if I’m going to…

Too late. My wife takes off. So it didn’t matter what I thought. My wife started taking off after the guy, and obviously now I’m in. 100% I’m in. All right.

So she takes off, and as a funny side note here, it turned out that her intention was not to catch the guy. I, of course, thought that’s what she was thinking. Her intention was just to kind of keep bringing attention to what was going on, to keep screaming, Hey, hey, hey! and just wave her arms and get attention. But I thought she was going to make a run for the guy.

So anyway, we both take off, and I start hustling. And because we’re in this underground lot, there’s really only one or two ways in or out of this place. And the way out was going to be right in front of me. This guy was going to have to cross in front of me to get to the exit.

So I’m tracking him. I’m ahead of my wife now. What the heck, I’m fast. So I get up to the front, and he stumbles. And by the way, that happened in the other story too. If you’re a thief, you might want to practice your sprinting with stuff, because apparently it’s hard to coordinate when you’re under stress.

So anyway, the guy is coming around the bend, and I’m lined up right with him. It’s going to be a perfect tackle. And the guy stumbles. So he skids out on his knee for a second, and then he starts scrambling to get up. So I catch him about halfway up, and I just slam into him with my elbows. BOOM I just blast into him.

The guy scrambles a little bit more, and I’m hovering over him. And as he’s getting up, I just slapped on a seatbelt, okay? So kind of a BJJ deal. One arm from behind over his shoulder and an underhook on the far arm on the other side. And I just start riding him a little bit.

And I’m trying to keep it cool, right? You have an opportunity here. You can turn it into a choke. You can start punching him in the face. But I’m not. I’m just gonna ride him for a second. I’m like, Hey, hey– get down, get down. That’s basically what I’m saying.

So as I’m riding him and putting some weight on him, I’m starting to buckle him down. I break him down to his knees. And then my wife jumps on the far side. So I’ve got the seatbelt and I grab his far hand. We break him down. And ultimately we get him down on his belly.

So now I’ve got the seatbelt. I’m sprawled out on one side. My wife kind of just put everything onto his far arm. So we have like a triple control on that far arm. I made it a point.

Here’s a lesson from the last episode as well– to always follow the hands. Watch the hands.

I don’t know if this guy’s got a knife or a gun. So I not only have the seatbelt, but I also have a hand control on that far hand and I’ve doubled up on my own hand, locked it in. So he’s not doing anything with that hand. My wife had an underhook on that same arm. So I felt safe enough to let go with my left hand and bring that over to my side of his body, where I could grab his other wrist, pin that to the ground. So he’s really not going anywhere.

Technically, since you’re probably a martial artist and you’re interested in this kind of thing, he was getting a little squirrely and kept trying to get up. So I did also step my knee over his close leg so that I could kind of pinch his leg and control what he was doing with his feet. We had both arms controlled, my weight on one side, my wife on the other. So he was really very well pinned.

Now, second lesson that I remembered from the first time…

In the other episode, when I chased that punk down, I was completely tunnel visioned on him. I totally forgot that he had had a partner with him. I lost track of where that guy had gone. And I was so locked into that guy that I joked that a parade could go by and I wouldn’t have noticed. And that’s true.

But this time it was totally the opposite. Because I had this guy very well controlled, I immediately started scanning the area, kept my head up, looking around, I don’t know, maybe for a partner. So I was very aware of what was going on around me while we were on the ground.

In terms of damage, what did I lose here? I lost a pair of reading glasses, those got smashed. And I ended up getting a bloody knee that soaked through my jeans because we were grinding on the ground a little bit there. I shouldn’t say we were grinding, I was trying to pin him down. And it ended up kind of scuffing up my knee.

Anyway, we’re holding him down. And to me, this is the interesting part of the story. It’s like a Twilight Zone. Because this is a public space, alright? This is going to be the big point of this podcast. This is a public space. We are in a public parking lot.

We ended up holding this guy, my wife and I, for at least 10 minutes. It was probably more like 11 or 12. But we ended up holding this guy down for a long time. And we’re not alone. I would say there were at least 30, maybe as many as 40 people who were around us while all of this was happening.

Now, here’s the weird part…

Nobody else helped us. Not even the guy who owned the car. Not even that guy. That guy had his daughter with him. We had just seen Captain Marvel, if you’re interested. And he had this maybe 13-year-old blonde-haired girl, looked like Captain Marvel. And she’s standing there with her dad and his friend, another male friend, two dudes. And they’re standing there, not too close, by the way, about 12 feet back. And my wife looks up and says, Help us hold him. Help us.

The guy who owns the car has his phone out. He says, Oh, I’m calling the police. I’m calling the police. That’s what he’s doing. His daughter’s just standing there. And his friend’s just watching. His friend with, I believe, purple suede shoes. I was on the ground, so I had a good shot of that.

Alright, so the actual victims, if you will, of this property crime are not helping us in any way. And my wife’s a woman, by the way. I don’t mean to be sexist or anything, but to me, if there is a struggle going on, a physical struggle, and a woman looks up and says, Help me, doesn’t any human being, especially if you’re a dude, say, Yeah, I’ll help you, especially if it’s my car or my friend’s car?

So this is the first level of: What the hell is going on? But it goes beyond that. In this group of 30 to 40 people, all of whom are not close to us, by the way– they all have decided to stay back like 20, 30 feet behind me, to the side of me, and across from me, all around– in that group, there are at least three uniformed, badged security officers. Not one of them, not one of them, helped us.

The other fellow who seemed to be an employee, he was like a valet. He was on the other side, I saw him as well. Also not helpful. Not only were they not helpful, at one point, one of the security guards– it was a female– came over into my head space. She leaned in, still about six feet away. She leans in and she says, You can’t touch him. You have to let him go.

I looked up at her and just like this, I said, Okay, when I let him go and he gets up to run, what are you gonna do? She just looked at me… she just faded back, didn’t talk to her again. So not only were these people not helpful, they were trying to dissuade us from doing what I still believe to be the right thing.

Again, I understand it’s a property crime, but it’s still ultimately a citizen’s arrest of a bad guy. So at the end of the day, it was a good thing. But no help from the security guards. No help from the victims.

And now let’s talk about the public. No help from the public. And again, you have a woman, my wife, 49-year-old woman, lying on the ground in nice clothes or out for the night, looking up to a bunch of dudes and some woman saying, Help me. Help me hold him for over 10 minutes. And no.

Now, there was one guy who after about three or four minutes, he was coming out of the gym, Jaren, I believe his name was– shout out to Jaren– he did come over. So not everybody is a schmutz or a putz or whatever word you want to make up. This guy did come over and knelt down behind me and helped just hold down one of the guy’s legs and at least just was a witness to all of this.

This is why I’m so frustrated. Now, I don’t want to get too crazy about this, but this is why I’m really frustrated. I totally understand that most people don’t want to get involved in anything. I get that. I’ve been that guy myself, particularly in my early life. If it’s a physical situation, that makes it even harder.

You see people scrambling on the ground or fighting, or it’s even a domestic situation where the people really seem to know each other. It’s like a family fight. And you just think, Hey, this is not on me. That’s on you. I get that.

I also get that even if you don’t think the situation is relevant to you, or is even that dangerous, I understand that when there is physicality and fighting and violence, that most people are not prepared for that in any way. And that has its own weight on their mind, like, Oh no, what’s going to happen? I could get hurt.

So not only don’t they want to stand up and do something, even if it was just speaking up, if it’s physical, there really is a reluctance to get involved because it’s just an unknown. So I understand that.

But in this case, again, the guy, the hard part was done. The work was over. We had already taken him down. He was already pinned. As an interesting side note, because there was so much time, you might be wondering, well, what was the bad guy doing? He didn’t just give up.

Physically, he was contained. But mentally, he started going through a whole cycle of nonsense. Much like the guy in the other story. At first, when I chased down the other punk in episode 50, that guy started off like, huff and puff, and looked like he was menacing and wanted to hit me. And then when he saw that strategy wasn’t working, then he went really soft. He’s like, Oh, we’re cool, man. We’re cool. And I said, No, we’re not cool.

In this case, the guy, over 10 minutes, I’ll make it quick, the guy started off just by saying, I got a five-year-old. Let me go, man. Let me go. I got a five-year-old.

My wife is really good at trash talk, too. She said, Hey, we got a five-year-old, and we’re not breaking into cars. We don’t have a five-year-old. But it was pretty good trash talk.

So after he tried to play the sympathy game, and that didn’t work, then he started getting, pretending he was the victim. He started saying, Somebody call the cops. They’re f***ing me up. They’re f***ing me up. And I just kept announcing, because again, I was looking at everybody, I was being very aware of my surroundings, I just kept saying, You’re fine, sir.

He said, Oh, you’re choking me. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I said, If you can talk, you can breathe. No one’s being hurt here. I just kept looking around and announcing what was going on. You’re the bad guy. We’re the good guys. You’re not being hurt. We’re waiting for the police.

By the way, when the police show up, and eventually they do, two SUVs pull in. I can’t remember. Three or four cops jump out. Even they weren’t in a hurry to help! They got out. The guy was adjusting his belt. They’re taking their time. They start talking to someone on the periphery.

Before they come over to us, two citizens laying on top of another guy, they’ve been called in for an obvious burglary or some type of crime, and they’re in no hurry to come over to where the actual guy is. This was also blowing my mind.

Anyway. So my wife and I are pinned on this guy. This guy keeps screaming all kinds of nonsense about how he’s the victim and he’s the one getting hurt, and we have our friend Jaren helping us bear witness to all of this. But I still can’t get over how most people not only didn’t want to get involved, they didn’t even want to come close to at least show support.

Again, the bar was so low for you to be a hero in this story, meaning you come down the escalator, you’re in the parking garage, you see there’s something going on, you see that the guy’s already pinned, you know the police have been called, and now you see this woman on the ground saying, Someone help me hold him.

All you have to do is come over and put your foot on the guy and you can take a selfie and go, Look, I stopped a bad guy today. It would have been that easy. Anybody could have come over, just put a hand on the guy. You could have just come over and knelt by us and taken a picture if you wanted to and say, Hey, I helped bring down a bad guy today.

But no, this 30 to 40 people, some uniformed security officers, and victims of a crime, and friend, all stayed as far back as possible just to watch, not to even talk. I don’t even think anyone got it on phone. I hope they did. I was looking for the video. Like, I want to see this because I can’t believe that nobody helped.

Let me get to the bigger point. The bigger point is this…

I still believe that most people are good. I truly believe that most people, if you ask them, Hey, in a situation like this, would you help? They would say, Absolutely. Of course I’d help. What are you talking about?

But I’m also doubling down on my belief that most people just are completely unprepared to take action when they need to. And this goes to the self-defense training. If you take a little bit of self-defense training, even a little martial arts, I believe that it’s easier for you to speak up when you need to, stand up when you need to, and put your fists up if you need to. It’s just that unfamiliarity that keeps people from doing what their heart wants them to do.

This conflict between the heart and the head is just so sad to me. Because again, I’m not saying that all the people that were down there were bad people. That’s really not my point. My point is that nice people don’t know what to do, or they’re afraid to do something.

Because our culture has been built up to not make noise, to not take action, to not make a fuss, to not get involved. What can we do about this?

This to me is the greatest problem there is. Because bad guys don’t have this problem. Bad guys have decided, I will take action. I will do what I want. I will make noise and make a disturbance and make people uncomfortable and get what I want one way or the other.

So how do we get Team Good Guys to be able to stand up to the bad guys? Because it doesn’t have to be everybody, mind you. We just need a few more to tip the scales a bit. Imagine that whole scene from the bad guy’s point of view…

He’s in a public space. He had a leather glove on. He was smashing out windows, grabbing stuff and putting it into his backpack and moving on. In his mind, he must have thought, I’m not afraid to do this. Even if there are people around, what are they going to do? They’re not going to do anything. They’re not going to chase me. They’re not going to tackle me. They’re not going to hold me. They’re not going to get involved.

So he feels completely free. Bad guys, I mean. They feel completely free to do whatever they want because experience has shown them that most people won’t do anything. Therefore, they win.

In this case, out of this 30 or 40 people, it happened that my wife signaled, like, Hey, I’m going to do something, which caused me to say, Okay, well, then I’ll do something. And that little bit of momentum tipped the scales just enough to grab this guy and put him down. And then that little action tipped the scales just enough to get Jaren to come over, and he helped us out. Not bad.

It was enough in that case, but terrible percentages here, right? If you have 40 people, and they all believe that they’re good people, and I believe in their heart, they are good people, but only three actually follow through on those good intentions.

You can see the problem here, right? Wouldn’t it be amazing– what if the story I told you was completely the opposite? What if the story was, hey, we were walking through this parking lot, and suddenly we heard, Hey, stop that guy. And as we turned around, there were already four people running towards us. And these people all got together, 30 or 40 people, and they made a human wall in front of the exit.

We all surrounded the bad guy and corralled him. And he never even got touched or hurt, but he knew it was over. So he put down the backpack and just put his hands up and said, OK, OK, you got me. And then the cops came and took him away.

Wouldn’t that be a great story? What if every bad guy had that fear in his heart? Not just maybe I’ll get caught on camera, but maybe somebody in the crowd will have a gun, maybe there will be some cop nearby.

What if every bad guy knew, Man, if I do anything, I know this whole crowd is going to turn against me, and it’s always going to be me versus Team Good Guys. Can you imagine a world like that? Where bad guys were that afraid to do something because they knew that all the good guys would absolutely stand up to them and take action? That’d be pretty impressive, huh?

What can we do here? How do we solve this problem? It’s easy to whine, but how do you solve this problem? I think it’s not so hard.

Number one, I’ve already said, is preparation. If everybody was training in some type of martial art, using their body, practicing standing up, practicing the feeling of violence, using their body violently, explosively, managing someone else’s body that’s being violent, receiving an impact– I’m not talking about getting hurt. I just mean going back to like when you were a kid and a little roughhousing or rolling around with your brother, your sister, your friends, was not such a big deal.

Sometime you grow up, when you grow up, you kind of lose that comfortability. You lose that sense of touch. Everything becomes like, Hey, back up, or Don’t touch me. And everything becomes paranoid. Everybody’s got their guard up. We all want our space.

Then if you need to take physical action, that just adds another dimension of weird to the whole situation, which just slows you down as the good guy. And it keeps you from doing what your heart wants you to do and what society needs you to do.

So, number one is preparation. And to help solve that, coincidentally, I just finished my free– totally free, I don’t want anything from you– self-defense course. Check out my free Self Defense Basics course. It’s 10 videos, 11 if you count the introduction. Two hours of just basic self-defense instruction. And if you’re listening to this or watching this right now, I beg you, get the link, share it with your family, your friends, anyone you consider to be a good guy.

It’s family-friendly, I try to make it entertaining and universal. I try to make sure you can practice some of these exercises at home, you don’t need a partner or fancy equipment. But I do believe that’s one big step. If all the good guys could just take this, even just that course– of course I hope they’ll go to a school and train a little more seriously, get a partner, join a club, work this stuff out regularly, that’d be even better– but if all they have is a link to that self-defense course, and that helps in some way, I will die a happy man. I promise you.

So number one, prepare. And if that self-defense course is something you feel comfortable sharing, thank you for doing that.

Number two, I would say another way we can help team good guys, is to be a good role model yourself. Presumably you take some type of martial art, and that’s how you found this podcast or found this video, which means you’re probably a little ahead of the game when it comes to your family or your friends in being prepared to do something.

I believe any training is better than no training. So be a good role model. Let people see you standing up for what’s right. Let people see you take action when necessary. Let them see how you don’t let bad guys have their way around you.

In most cases, it’s probably verbal. It’s setting boundaries. It’s letting people know what’s not okay with you. Every time you do that, you’re empowering other people to do the exact same thing. You have to believe that.

How do you feel when you see someone stand up for themselves or fight back? You know, you get that feeling in your heart like, Yeah, good for you, go get them. And that makes you feel a little braver about doing the exact same thing. We all learn from each other. This is such an important point.

We’re all teachers and we’re all students. When you’re in a group of people, you have 30 or 40 people standing around, if you see the scales tipping, the mob mentality can work in your favor. Hey, we’re all going to do something. We’re all going to help. And that momentum pulls good things out of good people.

If it tips the other way and no one’s doing anything, or only one or two people are doing something and it’s not clear now, Wait, who’s the good guy here? Who’s the bad guy here? Then good people are just frozen and the bad guys are moving that ball down the field. They’re still getting what they want.

So if you are someone who is preparing, you are in martial arts, you are getting bolder and stronger and clearer about your purpose in life. Well, let your friends see that. Let your family see that. Be the hero in your circles so that you can inspire everyone else around you to be a hero.

I’m not calling myself a hero, by the way. I’m speaking in general.

Third thing just off the top of my head, the other way you can maybe help, is at the very least, share those videos that you find, share those little memes and posters where you see someone in public doing the right thing. That might seem to talk about lowering the bar, but that’s a really simple way to publicly show.

You’re on Facebook, you’re on Instagram, and someone’s got a clip of some citizen jumping into the water to save someone in a river. Okay, someone’s making a human chain to pull some puppy out of a river. I’m obsessed with rivers right now because I’m parked to the LA River here. I’m in my car, by the way, to keep me in the parking lot mindset. But you know what I’m saying.

When you find these videos and these little clips going around, those should be viral. Team Good Guys should be sharing that information with everyone. So if you don’t get the chance very often to be heroic, but you see someone else being heroic, let everybody around you know that you think that’s cool. If someone’s standing up for themselves, go over there and say, Good for you. Let every good guy know that there are other good guys right there next to them.

I think that kind of peer pressure is very positive. Usually we think of peer pressure as something negative. Hey man, have a cigarette. Don’t you want to be cool like me? But peer pressure works the other way too. You can use mob mentality for positive change. Hey, we’re all going to go help this homeless guy. We’re all getting together. We’re going to donate some food and some clothing. We’re going to help get this guy a job.

Community coming together. Team Good Guys working for a common cause. Hey, we’re having a blood drive. Hey, we’re collecting food for Thanksgiving. You know what I’m talking about. You’re probably involved in these types of efforts. Keep that up. Keep championing the good guys. That’s how you can show the bad guys that they’re outnumbered.

All right, so I’m kind of coming to the end of this rant. There was one other thought here that I thought was kind of interesting, something I’m going to have to live with, a little bit of shame.

I mentioned in the other episode, episode 50, that I did feel compelled to take some of the action out of my own fear that my wife would think I was a wimp if I didn’t do something. I mean, Hey, what kind of husband am I if I let these punks break into our cars and run off down the street and I don’t punch this guy? I don’t tackle that guy? What kind of man am I? Old school thinking, right?

In this case, I thought, after this was all over, I was home free. I mean, she just saw me chase down this guy, get my mitts on him, put him on the ground, stay in control. And afterwards, I said to her, Geez, I’m not even sure I was going to chase him, but you took off. So, you know, I wanted to help.

And she said, Oh, I wasn’t going to tackle that guy. I just wanted to make noise. And I was like, Oh, my God. I said, Well, a second point. You know, I had the guy. So in the future, I appreciated the help, but you didn’t really have to jump in. I don’t want to put you in any danger. I had that under control.

And she said, Hey, the only reason I jumped in is because nobody else was helping and because you weren’t doing any moves. Do you know how long I’m going to have to live with that one? I wasn’t doing any moves.

Keep in mind, my wife doesn’t practice martial arts, and she actually doesn’t actually see me do this stuff very often either. She doesn’t come to my classes. If anything, she’s always saying, Why do you keep going? Don’t you know enough by now? So she doesn’t get that.

So in her mind, she was really expecting that I was going to go over there and do some kind of Hong Kong Phooey super Karate chop to the throat. Hi-yah! But that’s not what I was doing. What I was doing, I thought, was pretty cool.

Afterwards, I’m trying to talk her down. I’m like, Well, hang on. What do you mean I wasn’t doing any moves? I said–

Did I get hurt? No.

Did you get hurt? No.

Did anybody get hurt? No.

Did I hurt the guy? No.

Did he have a mark on him? No.

Is there any reason for him to sue us for being overly violent or aggressive? No.

Is there even any reason for us to be on a police report? No.

But he was contained and arrested, right? We did have him under control for 10 to 12 minutes, right?

If you go around wearing a black belt and wearing a jacket that says, Super Cool Fighter, and you go around punching people in the face when you don’t have to, you might have some complications for that. You might have crossed that line from good guy to bad guy. You might have a little control issue on your soul.

Anyway, that’s just a little rant I thought you might find that amusing. I still think the best policy is to do the least amount you have to, to make the situation work for you.

All right, so let me wrap this up. I think I have one final thought here. My final thought.

I think the big lesson here is you’re on your own. You’re born alone, you die alone, and in between, you’re probably going to be fighting alone.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If you have friends who will help you, great. If you have family who will help you, great. If a stranger jumps in to help you, great. Just don’t count on it. Make your strategy dependent on yourself first, and then whatever help comes your way, say thank you.

On that same point, I have another episode of this podcast that you might be interested in. Episode #12. It’s called The Blonde-Haired Warrior. In that show, I told the story about one of my neighbors, a young lady who got attacked in her driveway by a would-be rapist. She had a roommate that heard the whole incident through the door of their apartment. It happened right outside the door.

Afterwards, when we asked, Why didn’t you do something? She said, I was too scared to open the door.

You’re on your own. Get it? But that doesn’t mean we can’t challenge ourselves to be a little bit braver. Challenge ourselves to prepare a little bit more to do something when we need to.

Remember this: it’s not enough to be a good person on the inside. It’s what you show on the outside that makes a difference. So be good and train to do good. That’s how we can all fight for a happy life for ourselves and for each other.

All right, that’s my rant for today. Now it’s your turn. Feel free to leave me a comment underneath the video or over on the website for this podcast at fightforahappylife.com.

Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life.

The post #70: Catching Another Thief! [Podcast and Video] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #69 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Control Stress, Pain, and Fear.”

We all have a breaking point. Stress, pain, fear, and doubt will control you and steal away your freedom if you let it.

So, how do you stay in control when your mind and body freeze up?

I’ve got three tips that might help. I’ve also got a surprise—

I recorded this podcast on video! That means you can either listen to the show OR scroll down and watch it.

If you’re more of the scanning type, I added a quick summary down there, too.

So, pick your format and let’s start fighting back against stress!

To LISTEN to “Control Stress, Pain, and Fear”, you can either:

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a transcript down below.

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

As promised, here’s the video!

SUMMARY

How do you stay in control when stress, pain, and fear freeze up your mind and body?

TIP #1: MOVE IT

Specifically, drop your stress into your stomach.

Now, I’m not a doctor and I don’t want to get mystical here, but when it comes to mental pressure, like stress, fear, and doubt, I believe your gut can take more then your brain.

Think about digestion. Your gut can sort, process, and balance almost anything and everything you throw into it. But your brain is delicate. It can really only handle one stimulus at a time. And if that stimulus is painful and frustrating, then your whole world is going to be painful and frustrating!

So, imagine dropping your stress—like a ball—into your stomach. I think you’ll find that quickly frees up some mental space so you can see the problem from a new perspective and start moving forward.

TIP #2: MOVE YOU

No, I don’t mean running or jumping, although you certainly could. Instead, simply try breathing… squeezing your fists… wiggling your toes… flexing your thighs… anything, really!

The reason this helps is because we tend to stop moving under pressure. It’s natural to retreat and curl up in a ball when we get sad, scared, or hurt. But then you’re trapped!

So, while we often let the mind lead the body, when stress and fear take control of your brain, let your body take the lead instead. Moving the body shows your brain that you’re not trapped, which can help it break free again.

TIP #3: GIVE YOUR MIND A TASK

Your brain is wired to focus on trouble and danger. It wants to help you, but often gets stuck just repeating a problem instead of solving it.

To break the cycle, purposely give it something else to think about. Like what?

Give yourself a math problem. Write a haiku. Sing a song. Make a to-do list for the day. Count sheep. Anything!

Remember–your brain is always ready to work for you. It wants to help. It’s a powerful weapon that just needs to be aimed at the right target.

To be clear, I’m not telling you to ignore or deny trouble. An insult is still an insult. A threat is still a threat. A broken bone is still a broken bone. I’m just suggesting that you widen your awareness around the problem.

Information is power, right? Well, stress, pain, and fear are merely forms of information. The trick is to train ourselves to USE that information, not just repeat it over and over again. If we don’t, we get trapped and lose control.

So, don’t let stress freeze your mind or body. Don’t let anything or anyone control you and steal your freedom. Don’t let your own ego or doubts or fears control you and still your freedom.

When you feel the world crushing you or suffocating you, breathe… move… think.

Focus on what you CAN do, not and what you can’t.

Focus on what feels GOOD, not what feels bad.

Focus on what’s WORKING, not on what’s broken.

Focusing on what you can control instead of what you can’t control is the secret to holding on to your freedom.

The post #69: How to Control Stress, Pain, and Fear [Podcast and Video] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #68 of the Fight for a Happy Life martial arts podcast. In this episode, we sit down with Fauzia Lala for an inspiring chat about finding your identity and accomplishing your goals.

Fauzia is the founder and head instructor of Defense Ninjas, an all-women’s self-defense program based in Seattle, Washington. She’s also an inventor and entrepreneur, selling designer contact lens cases through her company, ESKE.

But wait—there’s more!

We also had the chance to shoot a video about women’s self-defense, which you’ll find down below. I added a TedX talk given by Fauzia that I think you’ll enjoy as well.

In this interview, however, Fauzia talks about—

Heads up—if you listen to podcasts at double-speed, you’ll be lost! Fauzia is a high-energy speaker, so to keep up with what she’s saying, you might want to slow this one down. 🙂

To follow Fauzia’s work, please visit—

To LISTEN to my interview with Fauzia, you can either:

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

Okay! Here’s one more video edited from bits of the podcast!

The post #68: Fauzia Lala Interview [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #67 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “Walk Like a Warrior.”

The way you walk tells a story to the world… but is it the story you want to tell?

You change yourself for the better through training in the martial arts, right? But do you leave those benefits behind as soon as you leave the mats? What a waste!

I recently realized that I’ve been walking the same way for the last 20 years. I’m still carrying around old pains and old habits when I should be walking like a warrior. It’s time for an update!

How about you?

Listen in and let’s figure out how to connect our training life to real life.

To LISTEN to “Walk Like a Warrior”, you can either:

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a transcript down below. I also included a related video called, How to Walk Like a Martial Artist, that you might like.

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

SHOW NOTE

A special shout-out to Master Gretchen Carlson, a Tae Kwon Do instructor in Madison, WI, for the encouragement to try recording this episode without a script! Challenge accepted! 🙂

You can check out Gretchen’s cool martial arts blog right here: Martial Journeys.

Thanks for the push, Gretchen!

[0:00 – INTRODUCTION – not transcribed]

[3:43 – MAIN SHOW]
I took a walk in the woods the other day. I think I’ve mentioned before that my wife is a bit of an adventurer. She likes to ski, she likes to mountain bike, and I don’t.

So, when we drive up in the mountains for her to get her ya-yas, I choose to just find a mountain path and go hiking. Of course, it’s more of a “Kung Fu” hike. I use that time alone in the wilderness to tap into my wild side. I will kick a tree over, beat up a bush, pick up rocks and throw them, and just do whatever the heck I want. It’s always a lot of fun… as long as no one sees me.

Anyway, on this particular day, I was walking along and found a clearing, did a set of horse stances and kicks, worked my legs.

Okay. I caught my breath, walked up to the next clearing and, okay, now, I’m going to throw some punches and work on my arm techniques.

Okay. Catch my breath, walk up to the next clearing, appreciate the sunshine and all of that, and at some point, in this cycle of working out and walking, I realized that there was a disconnect between the two.

When I was working out, I was very mindful of setting my spine a certain way, or shifting my weight a certain way, feeling the ground with my feet, relaxing my shoulders, controlling my breath, widening my awareness…you know, Kung Fu type stuff. But then when I would walk, all of that went away and I would find myself just snapping back into some movement pattern that I haven’t changed in years.

And that, my friend, I would say is a failure. I mean, what’s the point of training if it doesn’t affect your whole life?

You train to change. If you’re not changing your whole life, something is wrong.

It shouldn’t be compartmentalized. Like, “Oh, well I do this martial arts thing an hour here and an hour there, and then I leave that all behind and go back to being the way I was before I did martial arts.” That makes no sense.

The point of your training is to reprogram yourself, do you update your software. So, I was really kind of surprised to see that I wasn’t as mindful, or aligned, or relaxed, or aware when I was walking versus when I was stopping to do “Kung Fu”.

This, of course, set me to thinking about how I had walked my entire life. And it was kind of fun to go through the archives of how I walk.

I think the first time I became conscious of how I walked was probably my early teens. This would be when I really started watching movies… movies that starred Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. Macho movies.

I was not a macho guy, but, of course, when I would see these big, muscle-bound guys, I thought, wow—that’s what I’m supposed to look like. I’m a man. I should look like that.

In particular, I remember modeling myself a bit after Sylvester Stallone. When he would walk, his head would be up, his shoulders were pulled back, and his arms didn’t really swing much. At least not when he was trying to look tough. That was my model for a while. I wanted to be big and macho and I’m going to walk like I’m a big and macho… even though I wasn’t.

I remember attending a school function of some kind and my brother was sitting across the auditorium— really just a gym, but that’s where everyone was sitting—and I walked in from the parking lot, puffing up my chest and holding my arms back. And as I walked across the gym and I got closer to him, I saw him smiling… and then laughing—laughing at me. As I walked up, he said, “Hey, you can put down the suitcases.”

He was calling me out. I looked ridiculous. I was walking like someone I wasn’t. And of course, you can see lots of people walking like that at your local gym.

So, anyway, after that, I was kind of lost. I went back to walking like me. Until I saw Steven Seagal in Above the Law. Now, if you’ve seen Steven Seagal’s walk, you know that it’s pretty distinctive. He also keeps his head up super tall, macho kind of guy, but his arms aren’t stiff at all. He’s not carrying suitcases.

Quite the opposite. His arms flop all over the place. His arms flop around him, behind him—that really got my attention. And if you see Steven Seagal run, well, that will get your attention, too. His arms fly all over the place. But to me, that was a signal that he was relaxed, that he was calm, which is a little different than carrying around suitcases.

So, as a martial artist, I thought that was smarter. I liked that rather than walking around flexing and stiff. I should be loose and ready to flow. But again, I got called out.

I remember walking next to my father—he was not a fan of the martial arts—and I was doing my Steven Seagal walk. Without even turning around to look at me, he said, “What are you doing? You look ridiculous.”

Well, again, I was on the wrong track. That wasn’t really my walk, that was Steven Seagal’s walk. So, it didn’t take much to convince me that I should stop doing that. It wasn’t authentic.

So, then what? All right. I started training in more traditional martial arts, like Taekwondo and Karate, and in those stances you turn your toes in a little bit at angles. So, of course, how does that affect me? I started standing and walking a little bit pigeon-toed. I started ruining all my shoes by pushing out my heel and rolling my foot in.

Once again I got called out. This time, by my girlfriend, who eventually turned out to be my wife. I remember standing in a supermarket—and I wasn’t aware that I was standing like that because it had become a habit—and she just walked up to me and said, “Stop standing like that,” and kicked my foot.

Again, I was having a problem finding me. The way I stand, the way I walk.

The next and final entry in the archives is my self-defense walk. When I eventually found the Kung Fu school that I would stay with, the teacher was very active in teaching women’s self-defense workshops, and a big part of those workshops was analyzing how you walk. So, we would take turns walking across the room and then we would judge…

Do you look comfortable? Do you look athletic? Do you look afraid? How long of a step do you take? Do you take too little space or too much space? Do your arms swing or are they stiff? Are you using your eyes to look around or are you staring at the ground?

Every little detail was broken down and brought into our attention. And through the process, I developed a walk that I’ve been using now for over 20 years. It just says I’m confident, but not cocky. I’m comfortable, but not afraid. I’m aware, but not anxious. And I know where I’m going, I’m not lost.

So, that’s been my walk for over 20 years. Until this day when I took a walk in the woods. As I reconsidered this most basic activity—walking—I remembered a quote from Musashi in A Book of Five Rings. I remember him writing that he walked into battle the same way he would walk in the street. There was no difference between his normal life and his warrior life.

That, of course, would be the ultimate wisdom, because it’s all the same. Again, you don’t compartmentalize your training. You don’t say that’s who I am and what I believe over there, but here’s what I believe and here’s what I do over there. No. It should be the same.

I think I’ve also mentioned in previous podcast my Karate teacher, who made the point that if you want the benefits of self-defense to be with you all the time, then you need to practice all the time. But that doesn’t mean doing horse stances and punches, it means the principles of your Karate or your practice should be the same principles in your life. The overlap is constant.

You’re never not practicing your martial arts. You’re living your martial arts.

So, it was pretty clear that I still needed to close that gap between training time and just living time. I needed to update my software. I needed to take a look at what I’ve learned and figure out how to integrate it into everything I do. I needed to figure out how to get rid of old fears and old ideals. How to get rid of old pains that I’m still carrying around.

Overall, just let go of the baggage. Put down the suitcases that are just loaded with old issues—issues that I’ve beaten on the mats, but just haven’t applied to my life.

This, of course, led me to practicing an old exercise which always pays dividends. It’s always interesting. And that exercise is simply people-watching. Just find a place like a mall, or the gym, or a coffee shop, and look at people. Look how they walk in, watch how they walk out.

It’s incredible how much you can tell about people by how they carry themselves from A to B. You might see an old person who is struggling with small steps, and they’re hunched over, and you think, “Boy—it takes a long time to end up that small.”

Do you know what I mean here? Bone diseases aside, or aging issues aside, some people really show that they’ve been beaten down by life. They walk with timidity, afraid to look up. Or maybe they’re also grouchy and angry and they hold themselves in this little ball, ready to explode. Boy, that makes me sad.

Like anything, it comes down to repetition. If you’re always straightening yourself up, taking a big breath, and putting a smile on your face, you’re going to look a lot different than if you keep repeating negative thoughts and allow yourself to slouch and hunch over.

Over time, all of those repetitions add up. You’re either going to be one of those spry old people with a spring in their step and a twinkle in her eye, or you’re going to be one of those curmudgeons who’s curled up and weak, and ends up slipping, breaking their hip, and dying of pneumonia in the hospital. Sorry if that got dark.

But, of course, you can see all kinds of personalities walking around. You can tell, almost always, hey—that person must be a gymnast or a dancer, because that woman’s posture is just so good, and her shoulders are set back, and she has that light gait.

Yeah, here comes Mr. CrossFit guy. That guy is not only carrying suitcases, I think he has a footlocker on his shoulders. Take a look around. Every walk tells a story.

And it may not be fair, because certainly, this is an example of judging a book by its cover, but you know what? I’ve judged a lot of books by their cover… and been right! If I see a picture of Fabio or some open-shirted, flowing haired fellow holding a woman on the cover, and it’s all pink and purple, I know that’s probably a romance type of book… and I’m probably not interested in it.

On the other hand, if there’s a steely-eyed fellow holding up a fist or a sword, and somewhere in the title I see the word “secret”, there’s a good chance I’m going to pick that book up.

I can tell you for sure, as someone who is in charge of hiring staff to work in a company, that when people walk in for their job interview, you can tell right away whether this person is going to fit in or not. Just yesterday, a gentleman walked in for his interview…

He was on time—excellent. That tells me something. He was dressed up, wearing a suit—wow. I like that. He had his résumé in hand—very professional. But, big problem.

The way he walked in told me immediately that this was someone who didn’t have much confidence. Who wasn’t comfortable being there. Who only wears this suit at funerals and job interviews.

My heart immediately felt bad for him because I knew he was uncomfortable. He was making me feel uncomfortable! That wasn’t me—he was projecting this feeling of insecurity and not being good enough and then I absorbed it and reflected it.

I should point out that his chin was down and his eyes were downcast in a very submissive posture. His steps were very small and light relative to his height and weight. And as I walked up to him with my full stride, a big smile, and putting out my hand to say hello, he basically retreated. He stalled for a second like he wasn’t sure what to do and shifted his weight back on his heels as if I was going to attack him.

Now, you may think it’s unfair to immediately think this guy wasn’t right for the job, but keep in mind, I’m talking about a Karate school. I’m looking for adults who can demonstrate to children how to stand tall, how to hold their space, how to project confidence, how to be comfortable with themselves, how to smile. I’m looking for real-life superheroes.

I’m not saying he wasn’t a really nice guy. I’m not saying he wasn’t smart. What I’m saying is the way he walked revealed years of not believing in himself. Years of being pushed around. Years of hiding his personality. Years of being uncomfortable.

Again, my heart felt sorry for him. I know that if he took martial arts classes, it may change his life the same way they changed my life. It’s also true that his personality might make him a huge success in a different context at a different job… and I truly hope he finds a job.

But enough about him and enough about me! How about you?

How do you walk? Does it reflect who you are today or is it a faded picture of who you once were?

Let me ask, have you ever taken a video of yourself walking? It’s not so hard to do nowadays. Just put your phone down and record yourself walking across the room or walking down the street. I’d be very interested to know what you think of your own walk.

Do you see confidence? Do you see pain? Do you see a relative, someone you once modeled yourself after? Do you see someone emerging from a cocoon or someone retreating into a cave?

My hope is that you see someone who is not weighted down carrying old baggage. If you’re carrying around old baggage, you will not be ready to accept new blessings and new benefits. And where do these new blessings and benefits come from? Well, partly from your efforts.

If you’re listening to this podcast, there’s a good chance that you’re in a martial arts class. I certainly hope you’re at least going to the gym or trying to work out at home. My point is whatever training you’re doing, remember, the point of training is to change.

The goal is to take those changes that you experience in your training and carry them with you into your normal life. You keep doing that until there is no disconnect. You always take the qualities that you discover about yourself in your workouts—how tough you are, how smart you are, how relaxed you are, how powerful you are—and you bring those with you everywhere you go.

I’d like you to try this… after your next workout, I want you to specifically name something that you improved. Maybe it was your breath control. You took the time to take deep breaths and focus yourself. Maybe it was your posture, your bearing. Maybe you figured out how to set your hips and shoulders so that you always felt powerful.

Maybe it was more emotional. Maybe you threw yourself into the training fearlessly and you felt very, very brave… and you’re proud of that. Maybe it’s because someone was a bit aggressive and reckless and you almost lost your temper, but you didn’t. You figured out how to just keep your cool.

Maybe you’ve been struggling with an injury and you went to class anyway, and you’re proud of yourself for not giving up… for finding a way to adapt to the circumstances and still move forward with your goals.

There are so many blessings and benefits that you get out of your training, it is absolutely a failure—a sad failure!—if you leave them in the dojo, or in the gym, or in your basement. What is the point of training if you leave behind the benefits?

If you have a friend who does no martial arts, no training, no self-improvement, and you work hard to make yourself better, but you leave all of those benefits behind, then what’s the difference between you and the person who doesn’t do any training?

If you’re still stumbling around, weighted down by old fears, old pains, and old ideals, well, then you missed the point. Your investment is not paying you back for your time and your effort.

Please, make the connection between how you train and how you live. Like Musashi, walk into your house the same way you would walk into battle. Pursue your goals the same way you pursue your partner when you’re sparring or grappling. Update your software so that the best of you is with you all the time.

Does that all makes sense? Am I ranting incoherently? I hope not. But just in case, let me try to wrap this up.

My advice to you today—don’t drag your feet, carrying old baggage. Instead, walk lightly, ready to take hold of new blessings. Don’t walk in someone else’s shoes. Instead, wear your own.

Don’t walk in line, following the herd. Instead, make your own path. Don’t walk small, letting stress hunch you over and break your back. Instead, walk tall, letting the power you feel when you train hold you up and keep you straight.

And don’t walk in fear—fear of judgment, fear of danger, fear of failure, fear of confrontation. Instead, walk like a warrior. Walk with a smile. Let that smile be your shield and your sword.

Keep walking for a happy life! 🙂

The post #67: Walk Like a Warrior [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #66 of the Fight for a Happy Life martial arts podcast. In this episode, we welcome Nick Drossos from NickDrossos.com.

Nick is a fitness trainer, self-defense instructor, and life coach based in Montreal, Canada. But with nearly 100 million views on YouTube, he’s changed lives all around the world!

You can find Nick’s three YouTube channels here:

You may also recall that Nick and I made a few videos together. You can find two of them here:

(I also added one of my favorite Nick Drossos videos down below. It’s definitely worth your time!)

Okay, back to the podcast! In this conversation, Nick talks about—

Yep! There’s lots of inspiration in this one. I think you’re going to love it!

Oh—I also put together a video with a few of my favorite moments from the show. You can watch that below, too! 🙂

But to LISTEN to the interview with Nick Drossos, you can either:

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

The post #66: Nick Drossos Interview [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #65 of the Fight for a Happy Life martial arts podcast. In this episode, we welcome back Sifu Matt Ember, long-time student and teacher of Kung Fu San Soo.

You’ll remember Sifu Matt from a couple of videos on this website—

Self-Defense Against a Bigger, Stronger Opponent

One Tip to Learn Martial Arts Faster

In this in-depth interview, Sifu Matt covers a wide range of topics, including—

No kidding, there is a lot of wisdom in this episode! Even if you can only listen to a few minutes, I think you’ll understand why I’ve remained Sifu Matt’s student for 20 years!

To LISTEN to the interview with Sifu Matt Ember, you can either:

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

The post #65: Matt Ember Interview [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #64 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast. This episode is a wisdom-packed conversation with martial artist Ritchie Yip.

Ritchie is the founder and head instructor of InFighting Training Centers based in Vancouver, BC. He also has a growing YouTube channel loaded with helpful content on fitness, kickboxing, and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. The links…

Ritchie is also famous for appearing in countless videos on the Grapplearts and Self-Defense Tutorials websites, hosted by Stephan Kesting.

Did you listen to my interview with Stephan? If not, you can find that right here—

FHL #62: Interview with Stephan Kesting

In today’s interview, Ritchie talks about—

Ritchie also discusses what might be his crowning achievement, the ultimate video Kickboxing Course, which will soon be available on the Self Defense Tutorials website. For more info, be sure to follow—

Self-Defense Tutorials.com

Okay! On with the show. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

To LISTEN to the interview with Ritchie Yip, you can either:

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

The post #64: Ritchie Yip Interview [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #63 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, “True Confidence.”

The secret to building confidence really isn’t a secret at all. The roots of confidence will always be preparation and experience. But… is that it?

I say yes!

In this episode, I share my formula to achieve a state of being you might call “true confidence”.

At least, that’s what I call it! 🙂

To LISTEN to, “True Confidence” you can either:

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a full transcript down below.

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

TRANSCRIPT

Today on Fight for a Happy Life… confidence. True confidence.

Back again. This is episode #63 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. My name is Ando and, as always, I am honored that you clicked play to spend a little time together.

The world can be a lonely place, can’t it? I’m not trying to get dark here, but it’s easy to question who you are, what you do, or whether or not anything matters.

Wait, this is getting even darker. What I mean is life is sure a lot more fun and rewarding when you find other people walking on the same path.

I just got back from a little trip to the East Coast and I spent time with Sifu TW Smith, an old friend of this podcast, and I spent some time connecting with new friends down in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. Hey! Big shout out to everyone over at Stevens Family Tae Kwon Do.

When you find great people like those fighting the same fights that you’re fighting, you can’t help but feel more confidence that you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. And when I look at my statistics for the show and I see a couple thousand or sometimes even a few thousand people like you listening in, it absolutely shines a light into the dark corners of my head. So, thank you for being here.

If you ever find yourself feeling alone, I hope that this show will give you more confidence that you’re on the right path, too. And while we’re on the subject of confidence, I want to tell you little story about the roots of my confidence as a martial artist and a human being. So, let me take a sip coffee and I’ll be right back.

Let me tell you about my Taekwondo instructor. His name was Dan, although I never once called him that.

Dan was a big guy. I’d say at least 260 pounds. But he carried it very well. He was barrel chested, but narrow in the hips, so even though he carried few extra pounds around the middle, he was surprisingly agile.

When a big guy can move like a small guy, it can be terrifying. When that same guy has skills, it’s even more terrifying. And when that same guy has a killer instinct and seems to love fighting more than anything, well, you’ve got a problem.

So, as a young green belt, sparring with Dan was definitely a challenge. I remember one night when I was having a really rough time. Dan wasn’t holding back and was sticking it to me. I’m not complaining here, I probably deserved it.

Either way, my ego at the time didn’t see losing as a learning experience. To me, sparring was a competition and I was the one getting punched, kicked, and pushed around…and I didn’t like it.

In one short round of sparring, my emotions ran through denial, anger, frustration and ultimately, disillusionment. He was the better man and there was nothing I could do about it.

But Dan was a good man. He saw what was going on and after we bowed out, he said something to me that changed everything. He said—

“You know, you’re never going to spar anyone tougher than me. So, if you can survive this, you’ll be fine.”

Huh. Now, at first, that might just sound like bragging. I mean, it’s pretty arrogant to declare that he’s the toughest guy I’ll ever spar. But that’s not what he was saying. He was saying that I was tough just because I was sparring with him.

If I had any success, landed one punch, one kick, blocked anything, stayed on my feet, didn’t run away, or fall down, then I’m actually doing pretty good. I mean, if I can survive a physical attack against someone 100 pounds heavier, armed with 20 years of experience, and a killer instinct, well, then the idea of facing someone my size, without skills, even with a killer instinct, should be a much more manageable situation.

Dan’s comment revealed to me the whole purpose of training in the first place. The point of training is to fail in abnormal situations so that you can succeed in normal situations.

The point is to feel overwhelmed in an unlikely circumstance, so that you’ll feel in control in a likely circumstance.

Which means, my ego wasn’t wrong in approaching sparring as a competition I just made the mistake of thinking that I was competing against Dan instead of myself. The fact that I felt angry, frustrated, and defeated was the proof that my head was in the wrong place.

The challenge wasn’t whether or not I could beat Dan, it was whether or not I would let him beat me. That lesson has stuck with me to this day.

In the same way, I remember something mu Kung Fu instructor, Sifu Matt, who you may have seen in a couple of videos, telling me early on in my training that he could tell when someone was a good student because they would laugh in the middle of losing.

I see this myself as a teacher. Some kids and adults tense up when they fall. Or get overwhelmed by strikes. Or get pinned. They tense up and get angry and defeated and frustrated.

But then there are other students who laugh. Or smile. They get up with the spark in their eyes and they say, “What the hell was that?” or “How did you do that?”

They recognize that there’s something they don’t know, there’s something they need to get better at… and it excites them! It makes them want to keep learning and trying.

That is a completely different path than a student who gets frustrated and upset. That guy goes home feeling like a loser. That guy makes excuses. That guy quits.

The other guy, the one who can smile even in defeat, that’s the one who’s going to stick around for a while. They’re going to listen and experiment and come back better. So, I sure hope that’s the kind of student you are!

Dan’s advice that night changed my whole outlook on what I was getting out of class. I wasn’t training to be the best fighter in the room, I was training to figure out how to survive against the best fighter in the room.

Does that make sense? The point of training is to learn and develop, not just repeat old successes. But that development requires partners. Partners who can beat you. It also requires setting up drills where you lose… and lose badly, if possible.

Now, I’m not saying that you should be proud of yourself because nothing you do ever works… that’s a problem. What I’m saying is that I want my training to be way harder than any real-life situation will ever be.

I mean, I suppose it’s possible that real-life can throw me into a chaotic nightmare, but that hasn’t happened yet. Which means, as long as I can keep surviving my training, I’m ready for everything else in my real life.

For instance, I recently ran a multiple attacker drill—eight versus one. With weapons. No kidding. Eight people with sticks and knives all attacking at the same time. An unlikely scenario, but a real challenge, wouldn’t you say?

The fact is it’s an impossible challenge! I died multiple times… and quickly. So did everyone else. But that’s the point of the drill.

I can’t remember if I mentioned this before, but years ago, I had a training partner who never understood this kind of training. Even if we set up a drill where it was just two on one or maybe one of the attackers has a knife, he would always say, “Come on, what are the odds that this would ever happen?”

Man, that drove me nuts. I would snap back, “Dude! That’s not the point! The point is to see how much you can handle.”

It’s like lifting weights. When you lift weights, you don’t make estimates of what you think you’ll be lifting in the near future.

“Gee, let’s see… I’m going to the grocery store tonight… I’ll probably fill two bags, maybe each weighing 15 pounds, so I’ll load this bar here at the gym with 30 pounds. Oh, wait, I need a case of water, so I’ll add an extra 24 pounds. Wait a minute, I could make two trips form the car…”

AGH! No, no, no. That’s enough of that. You don’t lift weights thinking of how much you might need to lift, you just lift as much as you can, right? You lift an unlikely amount of weight so that you’ll be able to handle the tasks that are likely to come up in your daily life.

Hopefully, they might even seem easy. That’s the point.

Same with martial arts training. You shouldn’t think, “Well, I never get into fights, so I’ll just stretch. Actually, what are the odds I’ll ever have to do a full split? Forget it. I’ll just play video games tonight.”

Ridiculous, right? I say we should be preparing for all out war. Not just with one drunken idiot in a bar, but against a team of armed assassins. If you can figure out how to survive against a team of armed assassins, then that solo, unarmed, drunken idiot should be much simpler to deal with.

Please note that I said simple there, not easy. I never say easy when it comes to self-defense. I mean, even one drunken idiot can suddenly pull out a knife and stab you in the heart. There’s nothing easy about that. Which is why I don’t want to fight at all… and you shouldn’t, either!

So, that’s the reason I feel confident as a martial artist. Not because I’m fast, strong, big, or even tough. I’m none of those things!

It’s because I’ve spent years going out of my way to feel overwhelmed. I’ve purposely put myself in training situations that I can’t win… not all the time, anyway. And because of that, I’ve gained knowledge.

I’ve learned what I can do and what I can’t do. I’ve learned to not take losing personally. I’ve learned that I always have a chance. I’ve learned to keep trying.

So, is setting a goal to be a black belt or earn another black belt worth your time? Sure. But you know what’s even better? Setting a goal to survive against any black belt! Or any person walking the earth. Or any situation on this earth or beyond.

And that starts by gaining experience. The experience of holding your ground in the face of difficult challenges. The experience of failing and not letting your spirit break. The experience of being tough and withstanding discomfort.

It’s a paradox, I suppose, but by setting up training experiences where you can lose, you increase the chances that you’re going to win.

Let me give a quick sidenote for the teachers out there. As I’ve gotten older as a teacher, I’ve come to realize that I really can’t make anybody be good at martial arts. When I was younger, I really thought I could. As a result, my heart has been broken for years by the lackadaisical attitude of most students.

Until I realized that my frustration is no different then being angry at the sky for being blue every day. There’s nothing wrong with the sky. And there’s nothing wrong if most people don’t want to do a deep dive into the world of martial arts training. Or any training for that matter.

Once I accepted that, I changed my focus from technical issues to character issues.

I may not be able to make you fix your punch but I can create a class experience that’s difficult for you. I can make you sweat. I can overwhelm you.

I could push you through discomfort so you realize that you’re braver than you thought. Tougher than you thought. Smarter than you thought.

It was never really about the belt anyway, right? It was always about improving your life by improving yourself.

So, my challenge to you is to find a bigger challenge. If you’re already feeling challenged where you are, great—keep going. Be proud of yourself every time you show up… even when you lose. Especially when you lose.

Because you’re learning something that the people who gave up never figured out. You’re proving to yourself that you can survive. That you can solve problems. And I’ll bet those problems inside your school are far more difficult than any problem you’re going to face outside your school.

That’s the whole reason for showing up. Your dojo is hopefully a safe place to go beyond your normal day. To tap into a deeper level of your commitment, courage, and effort. Like lifting weights, your martial arts training is a chance to do more then you will ever really need to, so that if you do ever need to do something, you’re more than prepared for it.

It’s all about the effort. It’s about going beyond the normal and into the abnormal. The reward for that is confidence and that, my friend, is better than any black belt.

Let’s break this down a little more. The secret to confidence isn’t just doing what you have to do over and over again. For me, the secret is doing more than you have to do over and over again.

Perhaps you’re familiar with the motto of the Boy Scouts of America… Be Prepared. As a young man, I liked that motto. It made sense. It was a cure for anxiety and for incompetence.

But as I grew older, I got the feeling that it didn’t go far enough. Nowadays, my motto, particularly when it comes to martial arts training, has become, Be Over-Prepared. Do more.

The only trick to making that motto work is to recognize that the failure you experience when you put extra stress on yourself is beneficial and not a step backwards.

Meaning if I’m very good at fighting one person at a time, then I feel confident. If I spar two people at a time and get hit more often or get taken down more often, I can’t lose my confidence. I still have to be proud of the successes in my effort.

If I spar eight people at a time and I get hit repeatedly and I end up on the ground getting kicked over and over again and there’s no evidence that I’ve ever trained a day in my life, I still need to see that as a success.

That’s the tricky part. I have to realize that my success was staying on my feet for seven seconds instead of five seconds before I crashed and burned. Or maybe I hit three people instead of just one person. I’m not denying my defeat… I’m just drawing every drop of success out of that defeat that I can.

Now, because I train like that whenever I can, if you ask me to spar one person with no weapon, I’m not just confident, I transcend the very concept of confidence. I’m not worried at all.

It’s not that I possess super human capabilities, it’s not that I’m guaranteed to win, but psychologically, I know I’ve not only succeeded in this situation before, I’ve succeeded in far more difficult situations before. And that sets my mind and my spirit in a very calm, creative state. That state I would call true confidence.

Imagine you’re training for your next belt test. You’ve got butterflies in your stomach, you’ve been cramming as much practice time into your schedule for the last month, you’re worried about that one kick that never feels quite right, but you’re tough. You show up anyway.

Okay. So, you get to the test and your instructor calls you up. Your heart speeds up, your palms are sweaty, you’re wondering why you keep putting yourself through this torture. Then your instructor tells you this, “Today, for your test, I’m only going to ask you to perform one task. I want you to spar my five-year-old nephew, Brandon.”

What? You turn around and sure enough, there’s a five-year-old boy in a tee shirt and shorts sitting on the floor playing with Legos. The instructor stands him up, points him at you, and tells him, “Okay, Brandon, it’s punchy-punch-kick time.”

Now, how does that make you feel? Is there any part of you that is worried about your performance against Brandon?

Would you say that you feel confident in your chances or would you say that your state of mind has transcended confidence?

Isn’t it true that you feel so over-prepared for this task, that you feel free in your body, free in your thinking, and free in your creative spirit?

If you don’t, then I can’t help you. Maybe you should just go bake some cookies. But I think you get what I’m saying here. I don’t want you to just squeak by when you’re confronted with a challenge, I want you to have it so under control that you are free to think about other things.

Again, I don’t want to ever use the term easy when it comes to self-defense, but I do think it’s reasonable to set up training experiences that are so difficult, and so stressful, that a real-life confrontation will seem very clear and simple by comparison. If not physically, at least emotionally.

To be clear, I’m not saying this is the secret formula for never getting stabbed or punched. Hey, I can still be mugged, beaten, and killed like anybody else. But my chances will be better than most people if they’ve never pushed themselves physically and emotionally into situations that are chaotic and dangerous. My chances will always be better if I have been training to build true confidence.

That’s what Dan was telling me right from the beginning.

So, seek confidence, yes… but don’t stop there. I would like you to transcend the very concept of confidence.

I want you to transcend doubt, fear and courage. Ultimately, I don’t want you to think about failure or success at all. The real goal is true confidence.

The real goal is to turn the most difficult tasks into playtime. Brandon plays with Legos. You play with life.

The goal is to move through your world in a state of calm creativity no matter who or what you face. That powerful state only happens two ways, though.

First, if you’re completely indifferent to your health and safety and stop caring about anything. But that’s a dangerous path. If you don’t care about anything, you’ll let people treat you badly and you might stop looking both ways before you cross the street.

If you do care about improving your life and you do care about improving the lives of the people around you, then the second way, the healthy way, is the one for you.

On that path, you don’t just prepare to fight, you over-prepare. You seek out challenges whenever you can. You throw yourself into deep waters. You’re the first to try something new.

Let normal people seek confidence. If they find it, good for them. But remember, you’re not one of them.

You’re not normal. You’re a martial artist.

You’re on a path that the majority of your friends and family think is crazy. Punching, kicking, and choking each other for fun and personal development—that’s not normal. Be we love it anyway!

So, go deeper into the madness. A little martial arts makes life a whole lot better, yes, but a lot of martial arts makes it sublime. Heavenly. Or at least as good as it gets.

So, double down. Dig deeper. Go crazy. That’s where you’re going to find your full power… and that’s where you’re going to find true confidence.

Keep fighting for a happy life!

The post #63: True Confidence [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Welcome to Episode #62 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast. In this episode, I had the privilege of chatting with Stephan Kesting, founder of:

• Grapplearts.com
• Self-Defense Tutorials.com
• and The Strenuous Life Podcast

You may also recognize Stephan from some videos we’ve made together.

How to Escape a Rear Naked Choke

How to Take the Back in a Fight

+ more on YouTube!

What you may NOT know, is that Stephan was a HUGE influence on my decision to start a website. I was inspired by the way he was able to share information and build trust in a clear and classy manner. That’s why it’s always an honor to collaborate with him!

In this interview, you’ll hear Stephan address—

• Happiness versus fulfillment
• The role of nature in training
• Seeking challenges
• The #1 benefit of martial arts
• Dealing with injuries
• Thinking for yourself
• Taking care of your body

NOTE: During our chat, Stephan referred to two episodes of his podcast—

Episode #156: “Survivorman” Les Stroud

Episode #65: Some guy named “Ando”

I recommend both, of course. 🙂

Okay! Don’t forget to check out:

Grapplearts.com

Self-Defense Tutorials.com

The Strenuous Life Podcast,

and Stephan’s YouTube channel.

Whew! That’s a lot… but trust me—it’s all good.

To LISTEN to the interview, you can either:

• Play the show below. Or download to your device.
  
• Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Podcasts or Spotify.
  

If you’d like to support the show, share this link with a friend or leave a quick review over on iTunes. Thank you!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

The post #62: Stephan Kesting Interview [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.