How do you know for sure you’re ready to date?

I think that being ready is very subjective.

We do lots of things in life we don’t necessarily feel ready for, just because we want the results or the experience of doing them.

We don’t wait until we’re ready to brush our teeth, go to the doctor to get a checkup, or enroll in grad school. 

You may not feel ready to date, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t.

Or that you even need to be ready in order to be successful.

If you’re a parent, you probably weren’t really ready for that first child.

You may or may not have thought you were, but when he or she arrived, you likely realized that you were not.

But you went on with it and it turned out fine.

I think more things in life are like that than not, and that this whole being ready thing is overrated.

So the question is, do you want to date?

Do you want to find someone to share your life with?

If so, I suggest you make a plan to do it.

It’s ok if you don’t feel ready at the moment.

If you really don’t feel ready, but you want to, ask yourself how you’ll know when you are ready. What will that look like? Is there anything I can do to help myself be ready? Do I want to be ready?

When you have the answers to these questions, you can create a plan to get yourself ready instead of waiting around to feel ready one of these days.

Don’t use not feeling ready as an excuse not to go for the things you want in life.

I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

Today, I'm interviewing my friend and colleague Kristin Lindell about dating men with kids.

If you insist on only dating men without children after 40, you're seriously shrinking your dating pool, but is it worth the hassle to date guys with kids?

Kristin shares all the intel on dating men with kids in this interview.

We answer these burning questions:

There are so many wonderful men out there and many of them have children, so it's worth considering giving them a chance.

They might surprise you.

You can find out more about Kristin and her work by clicking here.

I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

Chemistry is so overrated.

It’s a necessary part of a romantic relationship, but letting it drive your entire dating life is like letting a 3 year old get behind the wheel of your car and take you to the store.

It’s a terrible idea and you’re not likely to get where you want to go.

I’d like to suggest that you prioritize other qualities and let the chemistry grow over time. There needs to be some, but it doesn’t need to be overpowering.

I think it’s a gift that chemistry doesn’t necessarily set in immediately for a woman when she starts seeing a guy. 

When this is the case, the relationship can develop with a more healthy dynamic and the woman is more empowered.

This is her chance to evaluate him in the cold light of day before she starts letting her feelings carry her along. This is an opportunity to see if he has the qualities she prioritizes. 

A man also tries harder when he doesn’t get the sense that he has you in the bag.

Most women waste this opportunity by dumping the guy and moving onto someone that she has instant chemistry with where she proceeds to repeat all the mistakes she’s been making in her dating life all along. 

Chemistry can blind us to a man’s faults.

Take the opportunity to date men that you don’t have instant off the charts chemistry with. 

It will feel weird and not as much fun at first, but you will get used to it.

The way you’ve been doing it has not been working, so at least try to do it this way.

Attraction can grow over time and you will have the opportunity to see what kind of man he is without being blinded by chemistry.

I have a great free resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

I just created a brand new package to help you write an amazing dating profile! If you’d like to check it out, click here.

If a man isn’t excited about you, nothing else matters.

Not how tall, rich, handsome or funny he is.

Not how much you have in common or his background.

Not how much you like him or how great you think your connection is.

If he’s not excited about you, you’ve got nothing.

You need to pack up your toys and go home.

He’s not going to come around no matter what you do.

Men know if they are excited about you or not pretty much immediately.

Their excitement about you can fade quickly and never come back.

Let it.

Have enough love and respect for yourself to never settle for a man who is not excited about you.

Trying to convince a man to love you or come around someday will absolutely destroy your self-confidence, at least when it comes to dating.

And it doesn’t work.

No matter how much you love him, how many cookies you bake him or how awesome you are in bed, he will treat you poorly and eventually dump you for someone he is excited about.

If  you’re wondering how a man feels about you and you’ve been dating him for any longer than a couple of weeks, he’s not excited about you.

A man who’s excited about you is about as easy to spot as a giant football stadium in front of your face.

Don’t kid yourself.

You’ve had a man be excited about you before.

If you want to have a good relationship, commit right now to only date men who are excited about you.

I can absolutely help you with this.

I have a great free resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

I just created a brand new package to help you write an amazing dating profile! If you’d like to check it out, click here.

I talk to so many women who tell me they’re doing fine with dating, thank you very much!

They’re champs at getting rid of losers, flakes, players and all the awful men out there.

And that’s a great skill to have.

But they’re still single and they have been at this for years.

If that’s the result you want, you can skip this episode, but if you want to actually find a wonderful man to share your life with, I want you to lean in.

Sitting safely in your snipers nest, shooting down all the bad men from a distance is not finding you a good man!!

Finding a good man starts with marketing yourself in a way that will attract him.

Then you vet the men who are attracted to you effectively so that only the ones who are in it to win it stick around. 

Without shooting them all down, testing them or making them chase you.

Good men don’t play those games.

Then, you give the man who is excited about you a chance to grow on you instead of pining for the bad boys who never call.

When you do these things consistently while being open to changing and doing things differently, you will find a good man.

Weeding bad men out won’t even be necessary if you do this right.

You’ll get way fewer bad men reaching out to you, they will fall away naturally and you’ll wonder what you ever saw in them because you will have acquired a taste for good men.

Bad men don’t have to be a problem.

Bad men will always exist in the world, but you can find a wonderful man and be happy anyway when you learn how to date effectively.

And then, who cares what those bad guys do?

I have a great free resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

I just created a brand new package to help you write an amazing dating profile! If you’d like to check it out, click here.

When I was single I spent so much time wishing, waiting and hoping to meet the right guy.

I thought that once I met him everything would be fantastic and I would finally have the love I wanted.

It took many years, false starts and heartbreaks for me to learn that this was never going to happen.

Not for the reasons I used to think, like I wasn’t young or beautiful enough, something was wrong with me, love wasn’t in the cards for me or all the good men were taken.

The only reason it wasn’t going to happen was because I was viewing a relationship as something that was going to happen to me.

We are constantly being sold this myth by books, TV and Hollywood.

We’re told that we’ll meet the right person someday and things will fall into place, probably when we least expect it and we won’t have to do anything to try to make it happen.

It should definitely be a charming meet-cute experience.

Never something as mundane or awful as a dating site or app.

These expectations have nothing to do with reality and they are harming your chances of getting into a relationship.

The truth is, getting into a relationship will likely require your participation.

I don’t mean you have to make a fool of yourself and chase men or hang out at bars every night picking up men, but you will need to put yourself out there and develop some skills.

Without dating and communication/relationship skills, getting into a healthy relationship is a long shot.

Even if you meet the “right” person, you will have nothing to go on if you haven’t developed these skills. It will be the relational equivalent of trying to run a marathon when you’ve spent the last 5 years on your sofa eating donuts and watching Netflix.

Good luck with that.

We are the ones who create our relationships and this takes skill.

The dating process can be a training ground for this if you do it right.

You can learn how to put yourself out there, set boundaries, communicate, and be persistent. You can learn to enjoy the company of others and how to decide what is really important and what to compromise on. You can learn how to navigate misunderstandings and disappointment. You can learn how to inspire men and yourself by having your own back and going for your dreams by actively pursuing them.

All of these things will come up when you’re in a relationship and you’ll need to know how to handle them.

When you actively participate in dating and take responsibility for creating the life you want, you’re much more likely to have a good experience and become the person who is actually capable of creating a meaningful connection with another human being.

This is not something that just happens to you, it is something you build.

I have a great free resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

I just created a brand new package to help you write an amazing dating profile! If you’d like to check it out, click here.

Julie started working with me straight after a 24 year marriage. She didn't have a clue about dating and wasn't even sure if she wanted to. She didn't trust the dating apps and had heard horror stories from her friends about online dating.

I helped her with the dating process once she decided she was ready and encouraged her, as I do with so many of my clients, to give things time to develop with new men. It's very common not to be excited about men early in the dating process and 1 date just isn't enough to get to know someone.

She stuck with the process and it only took her a few weeks to meet a wonderful man.

Once she did, there were still some sabotaging thoughts she had to work through in order to see things through, but now she's 10 months in and couldn't be happier.

It's stories like this that get me out of bed in the morning. I love helping women like Julie, and you, find great guys. They're out there ladies!

Julie is a coach for divorced empty nesters who want to create a new life they love. You can join her facebook group here or check out her website here.

I have a great free resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

I just created a brand new package to help you write an amazing dating profile! If you’d like to check it out, click here.

Women often tell me that my method of dating sounds like a lot of work.

And it is!

I’m always just a little surprised that this is a problem.

We do other things that are a lot of work all the time because we want the results, such as:

Excelling in our careers

Taking care of our health and fitness

Raising children

Maintaining our homes and possessions

Running marathons, climbing mountains, etc

We understand that those things require effort.

I get it though.

We’re weaned on chick flicks that tell us that love is magical and will just happen one of these days, which is total BS, but very tempting to believe.

Because who wouldn’t want to?

It would be nice if Santa Claus was real too, but wishing he was is not productive.

So, I want to make a deal with you right now.

If you really want love in your life, accept the fact that it will require some work and this is OK. 

Then decide if you are willing to do the work or not.

If you aren’t, then stop feeling bad about it or wishing it were different. 

There are some things that are a lot of work that you’re probably never going to do and that is 100% fine.

You have decided to focus your efforts elsewhere and that is a perfectly good decision.

Love is not going to just happen to you any more than waking up as the CEO of Microsoft, and that is OK.

But if you do decide to do the work, then let’s get to it.

Decide that you will find a great guy and you’re going to do everything in your power to make it happen.

Focus your efforts on things that will actually help you reach your goals instead of flailing around hoping for lightning to strike.I can absolutely help you do this.

Learning how to date effectively is a total game-changer and will literally take years off your wait time.

I have a great free resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

I just created a brand new package to help you write an amazing dating profile! If you’d like to check it out, click here.

Today, I’m interviewing The Hubbs!

We matched on Tinder 7 years ago and married 5 months later.

I’m asking him the questions my listeners submitted via email a few weeks back including:

Why were you looking for a woman?

Did you intend to find a wife? or just "see how it goes" ?

How did you recognize that I was the one you were looking for?

What was your dating experience like?

Did you hope to meet a woman in person?

What advice would you give a woman who wants to find a quality man and build a true connection?

And more.

There are so many wonderful men just like him out there looking for you right now!

I have a great free resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

I just created a brand new package to help you write an amazing dating profile! If you’d like to check it out, click here.

I used to over-give in relationships and then wonder why my needs were never met.

I felt so frustrated and confused by dating because I thought that I was doing everything right.

Being patient and understanding

Giving him space

Not expecting anything

Can you relate?

Then he’d move on and I’d be left feeling hurt, angry and jaded.

Slowly and with much help, I began to see why.

I was running a tab.

Hoping the guys I was dating would come to appreciate me and fall in love with me.

But it was as ineffective as opening a bar where you serve free drinks every night and then wonder why you’re losing money.

No one wants to walk through a land mine of unmet expectations buried just beneath the surface.

I finally learned to be honest with myself and others about what I was really looking for in a relationship.

My husband and I were able to communicate honestly and openly about this from day 1.

There was never any drama and I never once wondered where I stood.

If you’re secretly running a tab in your relationships, start being up front about what you really want.

I have a great free resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

I just created a brand new package to help you write an amazing dating profile! If you’d like to check it out, click here.