Despite the fact that women have been socialized to be nice above all else, it's not actually a very noble goal, as my co-host this week, Terri Trespicio, breaks down today. Does that mean you should go out and let your a-hole flag fly? Or become outright mean? Goodness, no. It just means you set your sights on something different--something that takes a lot less energy than being nice AND that gives you more energy, because it's gratifying.

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Today’s surprising strategy for a better new year is to Un-plan Your Life. Which, depending on how much of a planner you are, may sound like just a completely ludicrous idea. BUT, as this week's co-host, Terri Trespicio, will talk us through--plans change all the time. Multiple times. And sometimes, even when your plans work out, you've put so much stock in them that you can feel lost now that they're no longer on the horizon. So what do you do instead?

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You can be generous in some ways, and stingy in others. And it’s really fascinating to start to unpack where you are a natural giver, and where you might be more likely to freeze up and think, oh heck no.

Maybe those are areas that you can think about differently and find your way to feeling more generous, but maybe those are just things that don’t suit you for some reason, and you can focus on other ways to be more giving without feeling bad that you’re secretly a Scrooge.

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While giving is often energizing, there are definitely times when it’s draining. Or even upsetting. It can leave you feeling taken advantage of, or unappreciated. And that doesn’t feel good. 

In addition, sometimes *your* giving can make the person you’re trying to give to feel bad--micromanaged, or like you think they aren’t capable. 

So today, let’s figure out how to keep giving in the realm of feeling good.

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When you think of what being a better person means, I’m guessing that being generous is one of the first things that pops to mind. BUT, that’s not to say that we have to be 100% selfless, or always put others first, or give until it hurts. So, how do we find that balance? 

Let’s start by looking at the benefits of being generous–not for the other person, but for you. In today’s episode, I’m sharing some cool research findings on the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of giving.

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I get that there is a lot of work that goes into holiday celebrations and it is so natural and tempting to kind of groan your way through them or talk about how you hate them. You may not feel 100% at peace with all the stuff you’ve got to do all the time, but even just remembering that you could choose to accept that this is just part of it can help you get to a place where you’re not hating every minute. 

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Today I want to talk specifically about how to navigate family gatherings. And to help with that, I’m interviewing Amy E. Smith, a life coach and communications specialist who specializes in all things self-worth and confidence. Amy has been on the show before sharing how to enforce a boundary without being a jerk. Her e-workbook is called "Stand Up for Yourself without Being a Dick," so I think you can see right there that she’s given this topic some serious thought--let’s find out what she’s got to share. 

I asked Amy:

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I’ve got a tool for you that will help you figure out what parts of the holiday you want to prioritize and which you might dial back on. It’s a priority-making matrix that I learned as a tool to help you figure out how to maximize your impact and reduce your stress at work, but it’s really cool to use it on your life stuff too. To make your own priority-making matrix, you need a piece of paper and a pen or pencil.

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