Fitz in the Morning

Drew’s dog is having a much better summer than he is – the “Aceman” is staying at “Grandma’s” because Drew is moving and is afraid Ace could be eaten by eagles if left unprotected at his new property in Monroe. Ryder is getting some work done on his teeth, but until then, he’s feeling more “country” missing a tooth up front. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a Canadian woman who fell behind on her rent has her landlord remove all her windows and doors, a grandma describes how grandpa proposed by throwing the ring at her from across a room, a bar at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally holds a Covid sneezing contest, a man with 3 DUIs is arrested for drunk driving a lawnmower on the highway, more than half of Millennials are ready to move to the suburbs, and a man busts his wife cheating thanks to a Google Street View picture. “Covid Craziness” has Fisher Price selling a “home office set” for kids to emulate mom and dad working from home, and a venue in England is showing off a concert where people rent little platform islands to social distance. In the Fitz Files, “American Idol” is holding Zoom auditions this week, Dolly Parton is putting out her first Christmas album in 30 years, and Luke Bryan does a YouTube Challenge to sing 100 Country Songs in 10 minutes and has to “pass” on a Hunter Hayes song.On Make Up or Break Up, Jenn from Olympia is upset by her husband Brandon’s obsession with TikTok and the things he is having their daughter do. Fitz has a list of Hot Halloween Costumes including Tiger King, First Responders, and Horror Movie Characters. Playlist Profiling is Keith from Renton. Throwin’ Shade finds Shade not feeling his best but he musters a Battle Pap on Cancelling College Football.

Ryder is rocking his Kraken gear today because we are excited to speak to the new official Voice of the Kraken, Everett Fitzhugh! In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a woman gets her driver’s license in the mail and the picture is just an empty chair, the last Blockbuster is now an Airbnb, a guy melting down about masks in a store is carried out by his son, a couple attacks a teenage worker at the Sesame Street Amusement Park when he reminded them to wear masks, Florida Woman gets a scam package of Chinese facemasks she never ordered, and a cat plays a piano when it wants to be fed. In The Good Stuff, a couple in Savannah just celebrated their 79th wedding anniversary and 100th birthdays. In the Fitz Files, “Bachelorette” host Chris Harrison has left the show’s compound, Will Smith is developing a “Fresh Prince” gritty version based on a fan film, Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman have a new $3.5 million condo with a Sky Garage, and Harry, Meghan, Katy and Orlando are all moving to Montecito. All Jacked Up finds Fitz chewing on his babies’ ears, Elise in Mukilteo feeding her toenail clippings to her cats, and Liz from Olympia likes to “sniff it” after she does laundry but doesn’t realize what we mean when we say “laundry”. Today’s Troop Salute is nine members of the 15th Marine Expeditionary Unit killed in training last month. Kane Brown Calls In to talk about his new EP called “Mixtape Volume 1”.Today’s Bark Week Dog of the Day is “Buster Brown” and his mom Judy from Everett. Fitz checks his Social Media messages, and P1’s want to know if Drew was lighting Tiki torches while shirtless on Hwy 2, if Claire has learned whether she is actually related to “Golden Girl” Bea Arthur, and whether Fitz is still looking for another dog?

Fitz or Fabio? The Man is showing off his chest hair today! Claire is irate that her unbroken crossword-puzzle-a-day streak has been recorded as broken by the company tracking it; they stopped counting at 666. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, the pandemic could kill “snow days” now that distance learning works, a retired never-been-caught bank robber broke his hiatus to rob again and is caught, a mask-less Karen goes off on a grocery employee asking her to mask up, calling her a “fat communist”, more than 40 members of a single family have Covid after a funeral, a circus survives the economic shutdown by selling lion poop and a Canadian bank robber politely waits in line for the robbery. The Family of Carol Baskin’s Missing First Husband is offering a $100,000 reward and put up billboards to find out what happened to him. Fitz was startled when one of his newborn twins tried to find his nipple while doing skin-to-skin time. In the Fitz Files, Simon Cowell broke his back riding an electric bicycle and Kelly Clarkson is sitting in for him on “AGT”, and the new trailer for the new “Saved by the Bell” highlights Jesse’s infamous caffeine pill addiction episode. On Make Up or Break Up, Claudia from Buckley is unhappy that her husband Stuart hired a hot young to tutor their kids. We are Creatures of Habit and Fitz has a list of the things we do the same way every day. Playlist Profiling is Jen from Olympia. The Olympic Mountain Goat Lift underway again and we talk to Dave Novak from the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife about their goat “gunners and muggers”.

Fitz thinks summer is already gone so he’s rocking a wind breaker, but Claire thinks he’s just hopeful for Pumpkin Spice and Hallmark season! Ryder knocked out his own tooth after he threw his video game controller at the wall and it bounced back. In The What Are You Kidding Me stories, a man sneaks out of jail through the ceiling tiles but before he goes he leaves a message on a computer demanding justice, Florida Man is arrested for assaulting a 7-11 clerk over the Slurpee price, a gamer who lost a bet during a livestream lights his own crotch on fire, a man filmed scraping up social distancing stickers from a store floor gets security called via a “Code Karen”, and an Amazon driver drops a deuce in someone’s garden. Fitz drops a Dad Joke! In the Fitz Files, Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger have their baby, Mike Tyson’s Shark Week starts with him nervously puking, Fitz launches Bark Week, and Old Dominion re-does their first album with Matthew “Meowing” instead of singing. It’s Elvis Week, the anniversary of his death, and Fitz has some interesting details about The King’s life. Drew has made dozens of moving trips in the last couple of weeks and has discovered a Speed Trap on SR 522. COVID is too close for comfort for Fitz as Mama Fitz in Texas is being forced to go back to school to teach in person at 70 years old. Today’s Troop Salute is Philip Oligmueller of the Army National Guard. Our Wheel of Wakeup victim today is Patrick from Production. In The Good Stuff, a teen waiting for a heart transplant has been serenading the other patients with his ukulele and his cardiologist joins him for a duet. Gyms in Washington will start facing new strict regulations. Monday Motivation has some great quotes to get your week started right!

It’s finally Friday and we can all get back to having busy weekends with no sleep whatsoever, but that’s all good cuz we got a Bull Yah!! In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, Millennials are now the majority of America with 51% of the population, Russia is pushing a mandatory Covid-19 vaccine before they finish testing it, and a Church in England is removing 700 year old pews because people are too fat for them. On Stream It or Skip It, Drew recommends the new season of “Umbrella Academy” and “The Magic School Bus Rides Again” on Netflix, the complete “Golden Girls” on Hulu, “The Incredibles 2” on Disney+, and “Jo-Jo Rabbit” on HBO Max. In the Fitz Files, Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Garner were spotted together at the beach, last year’s “Bachelor” winner Hannah Ann has crashed the “Bachelorette” quarantine compound, and Kristin Cavallari has been spotted with her old “Laguna Beach” ex Steven Coletti and the internet is going so nuts that her recent ex Jay Cutler dropped off IG. We need your Insta-Therapy help for “Amber” from Kirkland who wants to know if it’s OK to tell her friend to stop using her 10-year-old son as her full time “Insta-Photographer” which “Amber” thinks is inappropriate. Are You Trying to Date in the Covid World? Fitz takes your calls on what a “first date” looks these days, like Jessica from Port Orchard who went on an outdoor date with a mask-to -mask kiss at the end, and Lindsey from Duvall who has only had Zoom dates. Believe It or Not includes Briana in Oak Harbor who once served Scarlett Johansen and got a $300 tip on a $20 tab, and Carl from Lynnwood who has NEVER had caffeine! The Weekend Party Preview includes classic cars at the Auburn Farmer’s Markets, Stephenie Meyer’s new “Twilight” novel Book Tour at the Skyline Drive-In, Fishing practice at Lincoln Park in West Seattle and “Sonic The Hedgehog” at Jennings Memorial Park in Marysville.

Fitz is flipping out that billionaire Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has his mega-yacht docked here in Seattle but Claire is worried he’s trying to jack DK Metcalf. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, the National Park Service issues recommendations on what to do if you encounter a bear including “do not push your slower friend down to get out of the way”, the newest trend is “genital matchmaking” which is plastic surgery to make your genitals match your partner’s, a woman claims a mask was baked into her chicken nugget, a man decorates his home office like a 90’s Taco Bell and a Ukrainian mom plans an elaborate prison break for her son. In the Good Stuff, two sisters in Pensacola are making masks for students and teachers before school starts back up. Happy Birthday to Mimi Allen from Vancouver who is celebrating her 106th Birthday today; she lived through the Spanish Flu pandemic in 1918 and she says we’ll all be fine. In the Fitz Files, the FBI raids YouTube Star Jake Paul’s home over weapons and his connection to a riot, Kane Brown gets lost on his own property and has to call for rescue, and Keith Urban does a lovely cover of Luke Combs’ “Even Though I’m Leaving”. On Make Up or Break Up, Tiffany from Renton is furious with her boyfriend Brett after she cosigned on a $70,000 truck claiming he could work with it but he rents trucks because he’s afraid to scratch and devalue it. With the Governor recommending - but not mandating - schools stay closed, we take your calls and texts. Playlist Profiling is Lindsey from Tacoma. We get someone connected to the Port of Seattle to talk about Jerry Jones’ yacht out in Elliot Bay.

Drew’s Quarantine Hair has surpassed his products’ ability to hold it but Fitz doesn’t believe Drew’s hair has actually grown at all. We remember legendary Northwest broadcaster Pat O’Day and his connections to Radio, SeaFair, and Jimi Hendrix. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a woman in a thong is detained when police think she’s nude, an intruder caught by a homeowner asks to keep her hat, a 14-year-old who took his parents’ car is punished by having all his stuff given away, a guy who tried to romantically propose with a bunch of candles sets the apartment on fire, and Ryder hilariously confuses Neil Armstrong and Lance Armstrong. “Twin Tales” find Fitz interviewing his new twins who have lots of questions about the world! Fitz updates us on the President giving Tik Tok a deadline to be sold to a US company. In the Fitz Files, Miley Cyrus hints at new music in her old style, Disney’s highly-awaited Live Action “Mulan” will go straight to Disney+ for an extra $30, and Alyssa Milano and Tony Danza are working on a “Who’s The Boss” reboot. “All Jacked Up” finds Fitz obsessed with a loose tooth, Ryder using his dog’s flea medicine on himself, Miranda from Issaquah using her cat as her therapist, and Steven from Fall City who prank calls his own parents and tries to sell them things. Fitz has a list of the Best Songs of Summer and asks us for our favorite Summer Jams. Today’s Troop Salute is Roy Calica USMC. We have more information about the alleged toxic environment on the Ellen Show, including the Show’s DJ. Drew ran into an old friend from college while out shopping for floors in Bellevue and Fitz and Drew reenact the scene.

Fitz has been awake for two days and wants to leave early but mean old Drew says no, we have meetings and stuff. It’s National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day and we extol our favorites! In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a man fires a warning shot at a store clerk in a mask fight then has a shoot-out with police, the pandemic may be the end of McDonald’s ball pits, a principal raps about Covid-19 at school to the tune of MC Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This”, “Karen and Ken” fist fight with two random dudes eating outside maskless. In The Good Stuff, while staying home has been hard, people are reporting enjoying the “little things” again, like family dinners, clean sheets, and napping. Ryder recommends the Mob series “Fear City” which leads us to talk about our favorite Mafia Movies. In the Fitz Files, “The Bachelorette” is adding a second woman after the first one already found love, Val Kilmer is speaking publicly about his tracheotomy, Taylor Swift’s new album is making chart history, and Tom Brady apparently still has an iPhone 6. On Make Up or Break Up, Alexander from Bothell is fed up with his girlfriend Stephanie filtering and altering every single photo she posts, but he may be feeding her poor self-esteem. Fitz thinks Ryder is a terrible influence on his 18-year-old son Cooper who showed up at home last night with two huge diamond-like earrings, which Ryder calls cool. Playlist Profiling is Tim from Kitsap Tractor in Silverdale. Happy Birthday to the US Coast Guard, founded on August 4th, 1790! Drew gets a little snarky that the Marine Corps is older with a 1775 birthday, which gets Fitz and Drew into a “My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad” fight.

Drew and Claire are in perpetual pain from moving all weekend but Fitz cheers us up with an unexpected Dad Joke about Christopher Columbus! In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a wedding video goes viral when the Bride and the Groom’s Mom get into a shouting match, a man who lost his “unit” due to a blood disease is growing a new one that’s currently grafted on his arm, an app called Swimply lets people rent other’s people pools, several new apps turn your cell phone into a vibrator, and Antoine Dotson the “Hide your Kids, Hide your Wife” guy is now a real estate agent dba “Hide” Homes. In the Good Stuff, 18-year-old Gia Fuda of Maple Valley was found alive over the weekend after being lost for 8 days lost near Stevens Pass; she survived on berries and stream water. Watch out for Dad Jokes! In the Fitz Files, James Corden is being considered as a replacement for Ellen, we remember Wilfred Brimley who passed away at 85, and Luke Combs got married. Dan + Shay call in to the show to talk about their new hit “I Should Probably Go to Bed” which Fitz tells them they stole from him. What movie or TV show have you watched close to a 100 times? For Fitz it’s “This is 40”, Claire says “Airplane!” Ryder says the “The Office”, Maya in Kirkland says “Mama Mia” and Katie in Bothell performs some of the “Scrubs” musical episode for us. Today’s Troop Salute is Cameron McKay US Navy. Drew really is The Man as he tells us the tale of cutting down huge trees on his property. We discuss the President’s threat to kick Tik Tok out of the Country unless they sell it to Microsoft. Monday Motivation has some motivating quotes to get your week started off right.

The heat is getting to us, Ryder is sitting in front of the A/C, Sprinklers, whatever he can do. 11 years ago Western Washington hit our all-time record heat numbers. Where were you?I woke up in a strange place in a strange bed, Fitz does a reading of Too many People in this Tub, Claire has Carpal Tunnel from the tape gun. Ryder has wasted 6 months of his life…. But it’s not his fault this time…. A special Covid-19, Bull Yah! Americans have been visiting the New Zealand immigration website in record numbers recently to check their eligibility since the nation has completely eradicated Coronavirus already. A woman in Florida who is a flight attendant returned home from a flight to find her husband getting it on with another woman. She attacked them both with his guitar.Stream It or Skip It, Norsemen, Top Gun,The Mighty Ducks, Fitz reminds us to watch YellowStone, Fitz isn’t impressed with Top Gun on Hulu because he has You Tube Premium. County Wars Connie from King takes on Mike from Island county! In the Fitz Files Garth Brooks’ daughter was diagnosed with Covid-19, Fitz decides it’s time to put Garth in a vault for safekeeping until this is all over. Someone left a rabbit on Kate Beckinsale’s Porch…. A threat or a gift?. Fitz says Drew has a theory that Kate Beckinsale is completely NUTS!. Loren Alaina is dropping a new album out of nowhere. She just dropped a new song, It’s called “Run” What Are You Kidding Me?! A guy was arrested for masturbating in his car outside of a Circle K, A flight from Aruba to Miami was delayed because a passenger refused to wear his mask properly… Then he started swearing at, and threatening the flight attendants. He was removed. In our Talent Showcase Miranda from Des Moines Represents Fitz with her Cher Impersonation, Lori from Monroe Represents Drew by burping on command, and Claire Picks Trent from Skyway who sounds exactly like the Crows of the neighborhood. Trouble With Ellen? More and more information comes out about terrible behavior from Ellen and a toxic work environment. We discuss the possibilities, and hear some audio from an Australian TV producer who says he was directly instructed to not address, speak to, or even look at Ellen. Weekend Party Preview: The Stanley Cup Finals start this weekend. Gigantic Bicycle Festival Should have happened in Snoqualmie, but now it’s online…. And you still need to buy a ticket. The Blue Angels would have been flying this weekend, but instead you can watch them on YouTube