Flip Your Mindset

In 1989, Stacy Schaffer was 11 years old. She was an A-student, a perfectionist, and on the surface, she looked “fine.”

But at home, she was hiding in a closet. She was surviving the silence of sexual abuse she had tried to report but wasn’t believed. Her mother, battling her own demons and illness, didn’t know how to handle a child who was internally collapsing.

So, she paid four men $100 to come into Stacy’s room in the middle of the night, pull her out of bed, and take her away to a wilderness facility.

It was what was known in the industry as a “Goon Grab.”

Stacy wasn’t “healed” by this. She was trafficked into a system that stripped her of her voice. And yet, decades later, Stacy is now a renowned children’s therapist helping a new generation of kids who feel unseen, unheard, and unsafe.

In this week’s episode of Flip Your Mindset, I sat down with Stacy to talk about the “anxiety epidemic,” but we ended up talking about something much deeper: The cost of silence.

Here are the three hardest truths we uncovered in our conversation.

1. The “Resilience” Lie

We love to say, “Kids are resilient.” It makes us feel better as adults. It absolves us of the guilt that our chaos, or the world’s chaos, is hurting them.

Stacy stopped me dead in my tracks with this:

“We say kids are resilient... but the kids aren’t fine. What choice do they have? They have to survive. But they aren’t fine.”

We are raising a generation whose nervous systems are constantly hijacked. Stacy works in the school district of Evergreen High (site of a recent shooting threat). She told me heartbreaking stories of students who won’t use the bathroom at school because they are terrified a lockdown will start while they are in the stall, leaving them trapped in the hallway.

They aren’t just “worried.” They are living in a biological state of threat. When we tell them “It’s going to be okay,” we are gaslighting their reality.

2. You Cannot Parent a Modern Child with 1990s Logic

A common refrain parents use is, “I was a kid once, too. I get it.”

Stacy’s advice? Stop saying that.

You were a kid in a world without social media algorithms, active shooter drills, and Life360 tracking your every move. When you tell a child “I understand,” they shut down because they know you don’t.

The gap between your childhood and theirs is a canyon. If you try to bridge it with your own nostalgia, you will miss the person standing right in front of you.

3. Stop Silencing Your Inner Child

This was the “lightbulb moment” of the episode. Stacy admitted that for years, she “shushed” the little girl inside her—the one who was hurt at 3, the one who was kidnapped at 11—so she could be the “shiny, professional” therapist.

But you cannot help a child regulate their emotions if you are suppressing your own.

If you find yourself having a level 10 reaction to a level 2 problem (screaming at your kid for spilled milk, raging at a disrespectful tone), that is not “adult you” reacting. That is your inner child, screaming to be heard because they weren’t heard 20 years ago.

The One Question That Changes Everything

If you feel like you are losing connection with your child (or even a partner), Stacy offered a script that is more powerful than any advice I’ve heard in years.

Instead of trying to fix it, or saying “I know how you feel,” ask this:

“Help me understand what it’s like to be you.”

And then? Listen. Don’t correct them. Don’t offer a silver lining. Just let them be seen.

Because as Stacy’s story proves, the most traumatic thing isn’t always the event itself—it’s having to go through it alone, unseen, and unheard.

📖 Read Stacy’s Book: With Love from a Children’s Therapist is available now. It is part memoir, part guide, and fully heartbreaking and healing. Get it here.

Take the Assessment: Are you wondering what hidden patterns are holding you back? Take the free HURT assessment at flipyourmindset.com/hurt.

— Stacey Uhrig

My guest on the Flip Your Mindset podcast this week, Angie Hawkins, has done things most of us only see in movies. She’s jumped out of helicopters Navy Seal style. She’s bungee jumped off cliffs.

And yet, as she told me, she was still terrified of being truly seen.

How can both of these things be true? How can someone be so physically brave yet so internally frightened?

The answer, as we explored in this raw and vulnerable episode, often lies in an invisible, insidious wound. It’s a concept I talk about often: “Silence over Violence.”

It’s the idea that trauma doesn’t always come from overt, “big T” events of abuse or aggression. Sometimes, the deepest wounds come from the silence—from emotional neglect. It’s the pain of not being seen, heard, or valued by the people who were supposed to be our world.

For Angie, this “silence” was the emotionally unavailable home she grew up in. It created a single, devastating core belief that dictated her entire life: “I don’t deserve to be loved.”

This is the exact kind of hidden pattern that can go undetected for decades. You tell yourself, “My childhood was fine,” or “Other people had it so much worse,” and you gaslight yourself into believing you don’t have a reason to feel so stuck.

This is why this episode is sponsored by the H.U.R.R.T. self-assessment.

If you’ve ever felt that disconnect—that “on paper” your life is fine, but you’re still struggling—this tool is for you. It’s a free assessment I designed to help you gain clarity on your emotional well-being and discover hidden patterns from past experiences that might be holding you back.

It’s not about blame; it’s about understanding. You cannot heal what you don’t understand.

Discover your results for free at: flipyourmindset.com/hurt

For Angie, that one core belief (”I’m not lovable”) became a self-fulfilling prophecy. It turned her into a high-achieving people-pleaser, desperately searching for the external validation she never got as a child.

She built a life that looked impressive from the outside, but inside, her light was dimming.

She moved to Hawaii for a fresh start, only to find you can’t outrun yourself. A series of back-to-back-to-back stressors, a potential job loss, a condo flood, a breakup during COVID, piled up until her “Window of Tolerance” completely snapped shut.

We talk a lot about this “window” in the episode. When we’re regulated, our window is wide, and we can handle life’s ups and downs. But Angie, like so many of us, was living in a state of constant, low-grade threat.

* She was hypervigilant (chronic anxiety, “I must and I have to”).

* Then she’d crash into hypovigilance (depression, “I just can’t anymore”).

It was in that “I just can’t anymore” state, feeling completely hopeless, that Angie intentionally overdosed on her anxiety medication.

That, she says, is what finally “cracked open everything.”

Waking up in the hospital, she called a friend and said, “I can’t believe I didn’t die.” Her friend’s response changed her life: “It’s not your time.”

That was the hook. The realization that she had a purpose. It was the start of her “healing journey in earnest.”

She finally found a coach who did what talk therapy hadn’t: he gave her actionable, behavior-based homework. He taught her how to set boundaries, how to show up confidently. Through doing, her beliefs began to change.

Now, Angie is an “Inner Glow Coach” herself, and she shared her GLOW Method with us. It’s a beautiful, simple framework for coming back home to yourself:

* Go back to your childhood (to find the root).

* Light yourself up (rekindling joy and what you love).

* Overcome external validation (the big one).

* Welcome yourself back home (it’s not about fixing you, it’s about finding you).

This conversation is a powerful reminder that our rock-bottom moments, while terrifying, can also be the catalyst for the most beautiful transformations. Angie’s story is a testament to the fact that you are worthy of a happy and fulfilling life, even if you don’t believe it right now.

You can listen to our full conversation here: [Link to Podcast Episode]

And Angie is generously offering listeners a free 60-minute “Find Your Glow” Session. You can book your call and find her memoir, Running in Slippers, at runninginslippers.com.

A Question for You...

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

What was an “invisible rule” from your childhood that you only recently realized was holding you back?

Thank you for being here. Remember, you cannot heal what you don’t understand.

— Stacey

Today’s episode of Flip Your Mindset is one of those conversations that sits with you, one that changes the way you see the systems we trust.

My guest is Lisa Ramos, a doctoral candidate and the founder of the Trauma-Informed Care Institute. Her story begins with a parent’s absolute worst nightmare: watching her child fight for her life in the ICU.

In 2015, her 15-month-old daughter was exposed to MRSA. It spiraled into a catastrophic medical crisis. She was diagnosed with spinal meningitis, RSV, and MRSA all at the same time. After a medication mistake put her in a coma, Lisa knew something was wrong. But as she and her husband tried to advocate, they were dismissed. As Lisa said, “they didn’t listen to us because we weren’t medical professionals”.

Her daughter’s MRSA abscess burst, and she was given “no chance of survival”.

Miraculously, after 23 agonizing days, her daughter survived.

But this is where the real story begins.

The crisis was over, but Lisa was “broken mentally”. She came home consumed by survivor’s guilt. Why was she struggling when her daughter had survived?

Her body was shutting down. She couldn’t get out of bed. She was in constant physical pain , suffering from heart palpitations, digestive issues, and reproductive problems. She was eventually diagnosed with PTSD.

What I found so powerful in our conversation was Lisa’s realization that her trauma wasn’t just about the fear of losing her child. It was about the “loss of, of autonomy, that loss of just the ability to do anything”. The medical professionals had given them “no autonomy, no choice” , which triggered her own childhood wounds of not having her voice heard.

Her nervous system was stuck.

This is something I think so many of us can relate to on different levels. We have these patterns, these physical responses, and we can’t figure out why. We feel broken.

This is why this episode is so fittingly sponsored by the H.E.R.T. self-assessment. It’s a free tool I want you all to check out. It’s designed to help you gain clarity on your own emotional well-being and discover those hidden patterns from past experiences that might be holding you back.

You can discover your results at flipyourmindset.com/hurt. That’s H-U-R-R-T.

When Lisa tried to get help, the system failed her again. She was told she couldn’t see the same therapist consistently.

So, she did the most incredible thing. She decided, “I have to regain my own power”. In her 30s, with a house full of children, she went back to college to get a psychology degree so she could figure out how to heal herself.

That journey led her to create the Trauma-Informed Care Institute, and her mission is one I am 100% behind. She’s teaching medical professionals, teachers, and parents that being “trauma-informed” isn’t just about setting up a room so the yoga mats face the door.

It’s about the professional understanding their own triggers, their own coping mechanisms, and their own compassion fatigue. It’s about giving the patient a “sense of agency” and a choice to restore their power.

This hit home for me. I shared my own story of being diagnosed with three different autoimmune conditions, all rooted in extreme inflammation. I know that inflammation was my body’s response to my own childhood—it was my nervous system trying to protect me.

The link between our unresolved emotional experiences and our physical health is real.

I want to leave you with the single most important thing Lisa said, which is a core truth of this podcast:

“Every behavior, every action, every reaction has a purpose... That is not a broken piece of you. That is your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do.”

This is an episode every single person needs to hear. Please listen, and then share it.

We cannot heal what we don’t understand.

All my best, Stacey

Episode Links

* Guest: Lisa Ramos, founder of the Trauma-Informed Care Institute.

* Learn More from Lisa: traumainformedcareinstitute.com

This episode is sponsored by the H.U.R.R.T. self-assessment.It’s a free tool designed to help you gain clarity on your emotional well-being and discover hidden patterns from past experiences that might be holding you back.You can discover your results at: flipyourmindset.com/hurt.

Have you ever found yourself nodding along in therapy, intellectually understanding every single word, analyzing your past, identifying your patterns... yet still feeling utterly stuck? Still battling that familiar anxiety? Still catching yourself people-pleasing or abandoning your own needs?

If so, you are not alone. And you are not failing at therapy. The truth, as I discovered in my latest conversation, is that therapy might be failing you.

In this week’s deeply resonant episode of the Flip Your Mindset podcast, I sat down with Trine Schmidt, a dual-licensed psychotherapist and empowerment coach. Trine isn’t just an expert; she’s walked this path herself, having moved from a decade-long dysfunctional marriage marked by self-abandonment to reclaiming her authentic self and developing a powerful “soul-plus-science” approach to healing.

And what she shared with me completely shifted my perspective, echoing struggles I’ve felt for years.

The “Missing Piece” Nobody Talks About

One of the most profound takeaways for me (and something I know will hit home for many of you) was this realization:

“I intellectually get it up here. But my body’s not... catching up.”

This is the core of the “missing piece” Trine and I unpacked. Traditional talk therapy, while incredibly valuable for gaining insight and awareness, often stops short. It focuses heavily on the mind and emotions, teaching coping mechanisms, but it can miss the most crucial element for lasting change: the body.

As Trine explained, anxiety, trauma, and old patterns aren’t just in your head; they’re deeply wired into your nervous system. Your body remembers, reacts, and holds onto things your mind might have “understood” years ago. Until you address the physiological, somatic aspect of healing – until your body catches up to your mind – you’ll likely find yourself cycling through the same patterns, no matter how much you talk about them.

Beyond Awareness: Towards “Relationship Freedom”

Trine’s journey, from being an “empty shell” in her marriage to achieving what she calls “Relationship Freedom,” is a testament to this holistic approach. She shared:

“Relationship Freedom is showing up as who you truly are and having deep committed relationships without losing yourself.”

Think about that. How many of us have lost ourselves trying to maintain peace, gain approval, or simply survive in relationships? Trine’s work helps high-achieving women move past this self-abandonment, learn to set boundaries (without guilt!), and truly embody their authentic selves. She calls this path the “Integration Code” – moving from just knowing to fully accepting and living your truth.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone who:

* Has been in therapy but still feels stuck.

* Struggles with people-pleasing or setting boundaries.

* Feels disconnected from their authentic self.

* Wants to move beyond just intellectual understanding to deep, embodied healing.

Ready to Find Your Missing Piece?

This conversation will challenge what you thought you knew about healing and empower you with a new roadmap for true transformation.

Click below to watch the full episode and uncover the “missing piece” in your own healing journey:

[CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE FULL EPISODE ON YOUTUBE]

Connect with our incredible guest, Trine Schmidt:

* Free Gift to Start Your Healing Journey: https://trineschmidt.com/freegift

* Join Her Free Conscious Relationships Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/consciousrelationshipsgroup/

Liked this post? Share it with someone who needs to hear this message, and subscribe to my Substack for more insights on flipping your mindset!

Have you ever had one of those days where a small inconvenience feels like a personal attack on your sanity?

Maybe a spilled coffee sends a jolt of rage through you. A mildly critical email from your boss makes you spiral into self-doubt for hours. Or a simple change of plans from a friend feels like a massive, day-ruining betrayal.

You know, logically, that your reaction feels bigger than the situation warrants. A little voice inside might even be saying, ‘Why are you getting so upset about this? Just shake it off.’

If any of that sounds familiar, I want you to take a deep breath and hear this: You are not overreacting, and you are not broken. Your nervous system is likely overwhelmed, and it’s doing exactly what it was taught to do to survive.

Think of your nervous system as your body’s smoke detector. Its job is to keep you safe from fire. But for many of us, because of our past experiences, that smoke detector has become exquisitely sensitive. It’s not just going off for a five-alarm fire; it’s blaring every time we make toast.

A minor stressor—the toast—feels like a major threat, and our body sounds the alarm. We go into fight, flight, or freeze. This is why you might snap at a loved one (fight), feel a sudden urge to cancel all your plans (flight), or find yourself unable to make a simple decision (freeze). It’s exhausting, and it’s not your fault.

So, where does this hyper-sensitivity come from?

It often comes from the ‘invisible backpack’ we’ve been carrying since childhood. Into this backpack went all the things we experienced and absorbed:

* The stress our parents were under.

* The pressure to be perfect.

* The times our feelings were dismissed or ignored.

* The difficult events we were told not to talk about.

We carry it for so long we forget it’s even there. We just assume life is supposed to feel this heavy. We spend our energy trying to manage the symptoms—the anxiety, the self-doubt, the disproportionate reactions—without ever having been taught how to look at the roots.

This is the exact reason I created a new, powerful tool I want to share with my Substack community first.

It’s called the HURRT Self-Assessment, which stands for Healing UnResolved Roots of Trauma.

This isn’t a test to be passed or failed. It is a private, gentle, and compassionate way to finally take off the backpack and look inside. It’s a roadmap to help you connect the dots between your past experiences and your present-day feelings. It walks you through three key areas:

* Adverse & Intergenerational Experiences: The tangible events and inherited family patterns you’ve carried.

* Emotional Neglect: The profound impact of what didn’t happen—the emotional support you may have missed.

* Strengths & Support Systems: The incredible resilience and points of light that have helped you survive.

Your reactions are not random. They are a story. Understanding that story is the first step toward regulating your nervous system and finding a sense of safety and peace within yourself.

If you are ready for clarity, I warmly invite you to take the assessment.

It’s completely free, 100% private, and takes about 5-10 minutes to complete. The insight you will gain is yours forever.

Click Here to Take the Free HURRT Self-Assessment Now

Link: https://www.flipyourmindset.com/hurrt

Taking this step is a profound act of self-care. It’s you, telling yourself: “My story matters, and I am ready to understand it.”

With support,

Stacey Uhrig

What if I told you that emotional stress could be lowering your IQ? It’s a startling thought, but it points to a deeper issue many of us face. According to one staggering statistic, 75% of successful professionals feel misaligned, even when they appear to be thriving on the outside. For many, chasing a version of success that isn’t their own has led to a crisis of burnout, stress, and anxiety.

This feeling of being perpetually overwhelmed and disconnected is something I discuss frequently, and it’s why I was so excited to have my friend and intuitive healer, Chitra Rochlani, on the podcast. She’s here to talk about the hidden cost of being emotionally disconnected and her groundbreaking solution to fix it.

Chitra defines alignment as the harmony between your thoughts, your words, and your actions. Misalignment, she explains, is when you feel something internally but can’t say it or act on it for fear of judgment or consequence. In our conversation, we explored how modern life has caused many of us to lose touch with our inner wisdom, leaving us feeling stuck and exhausted.

Key Insights from Our Conversation

In this episode, you will learn:

* How to tell if you’re living from your ego (which operates on fear) versus your soul (which operates on love).

* Why so many of us have forgotten how to listen to our intuition and the steps to start trusting that inner voice again.

* How to break the vicious cycle of seeking hacks and quick fixes, and instead do the real “inner work” that creates lasting change.

* Chitra’s powerful “peel, feel, deal, heal” framework for processing old conditioning and trapped emotions.

* The secret to attracting what you want instead of chasing it, and how alignment makes it feel effortless.

A Gym Membership for Your Soul

Chitra has created a groundbreaking virtual membership called the Align Lab, which she describes as a “gym membership for your soul”. It was born from the idea that after an inspiring retreat, we often return to our daily lives and feel that sense of connection fade away.

The Align Lab is designed to provide community and consistency through live, virtual weekly sessions. It’s a space where you can just show up and have someone hold space for you. The schedule is packed with opportunities to reconnect with yourself, including:

* Monday Manifestation Circles to set your intentions for the week.

* “Attract Don’t Chase” sessions to shift your energy.

* EFT Tapping on Wednesdays to move through emotional blocks.

* Soulful Chapters, my own weekly book club where we dive deep into one chapter at a time.

* Mandala Art Meditation for a nervous system reset.

* Finding the Funny, a session with a stand-up comedian to find humor in life’s challenges.

Ready to get off the hamster wheel and find your flow? This conversation is your invitation to stop chasing and start attracting a life that feels true to you.

Find out more about Chitra Rochlani and try a free week of the Align Lab at the official website: https://www.fitwarriorlife.com/alignlab

Have you ever felt like you’re running into the same invisible walls in your life?

Maybe it’s in your relationships, where you keep finding yourself in the same dynamic over and over. Maybe it’s a constant, humming anxiety you can’t quite explain. Or maybe it’s just a persistent feeling of being ‘stuck,’ like you’re paddling as hard as you can, but the current keeps pulling you back.

If any of that resonates, it’s not because you’re failing. It’s because you’re operating from a blueprint that was created long ago, and most of us were never taught how to read it. Our past experiences, especially those from childhood, create the foundation for our adult lives—how we connect, how we react to stress, and the beliefs we hold about ourselves.

For years in my work, I’ve seen how transformative it is when a person finally gets access to their own blueprint. The confusion gives way to clarity. The self-blame is replaced by self-compassion.

That is why I created a brand-new, free tool that I am so excited to share with you. It’s called the HURRT Self-Assessment, which stands for Healing UnResolved Roots of Trauma.

Today, I want to give you a brief tour of this powerful assessment, so you can see how it can provide the roadmap you’ve been missing.

A Tour of Your Own Story

The HURRT Self-Assessment is broken down into three critical sections. Each one helps to paint a more complete picture of your blueprint.

Part 1: Adverse & Intergenerational Experiences This section looks at the tangible ‘rocks’ in your backpack. Based on the groundbreaking ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) study, it explores the clear link between difficult childhood events and adult well-being. But it also goes a step further, asking about the subtle, inherited patterns of intergenerational trauma. Sometimes the anxiety we feel isn’t even ours; it’s a pattern of worry we learned from our parents, who learned it from theirs. This section helps you see those connections.

Part 2: Emotional Neglect This is often the hardest part for people to identify, because it’s not about what did happen; it’s about what didn’t happen. Emotional neglect is the absence of having your feelings seen, heard, and validated as a child. For many, this section provides the biggest ‘aha’ moment, giving a name to a lifelong feeling of emptiness or loneliness they could never quite place.

Part 3: Strengths & Support Systems This is the most important part. You are not just your wounds; you are also your incredible capacity to heal. This section helps you identify the “gold.” It measures your resilience factors—the trusted adult who believed in you, the hobby that helped you cope, the inner strength that got you through. These are the points of light and the foundation upon which we build healing.

Your Score is Not a Label—It’s a Starting Point

Once you complete the assessment, you’ll instantly get a score that places you in one of four tiers.

I need to say this very clearly: This score is not a judgment. It is not a label. It is not a measure of your worth. It is simply a measurement of the weight in your backpack. It’s a starting point for compassion.

The goal isn’t to feel bad; it’s to finally be able to say, “Oh, that’s why I feel this way. It all makes sense.” That self-validation is where true healing begins.

Acknowledging the weight of your backpack is the only way you can begin to gently set it down. Taking this assessment is an act of courage and profound self-care. It’s you, telling yourself: ‘My story matters. I matter. And I am ready for clarity.’

If you feel ready, I personally invite you to take the assessment now. It’s completely free, 100% private, and takes about 10 minutes to complete.

Click Here to Take the Free HURRT Self-Assessment

Link: https://www.flipyourmindset.com/hurrt

You deserve to understand your own story.

With support,

Stacey Uhrig

When people ask about your childhood, do you find yourself saying something like, “Oh, it was fine,” or “It was good, I guess. I had everything I needed…”?

On the surface, it’s true. There was food on the table, a roof over your head, and no big, overt traumas to point to. Yet, deep down, there’s a part of you that feels like something was missing. You might carry a persistent feeling of emptiness, loneliness, or a sense that you’re somehow fundamentally different from other people.

If that resonates, you are in the right place. We’re going to talk about one of the most common but least understood forms of childhood wounding: Emotional Neglect.

It’s the invisible wound. And today, we’re going to make it visible.

Defining the Wound of Omission

So, what exactly is emotional neglect?

Unlike abuse or physical neglect, which are acts of commission (things that were done to you), emotional neglect is an act of omission.

It’s not about what your parents did; it’s about what they failed to do.

It is the failure of parents or caregivers to notice, respond to, and validate your emotional needs. They may have loved you, provided for you, and wished the best for you. But they didn’t have the capacity to connect with you on an emotional level. They didn’t help you name your feelings, they didn’t show you that your inner world was important, and they didn’t truly see you for who you were.

As a child, you don’t have the words for this experience. You just internalize the consequences. You learn that your feelings don’t matter, that your needs are a burden, and that you are, in a very deep way, on your own. This creates a profound wound, and it shows up in very specific ways in your adult life.

Five Signs You Grew Up with Emotional Neglect

Let’s look at five of the most common signs that you might be carrying this invisible wound. See which of these feel true for you.

* A Persistent Feeling of Emptiness or Numbness.

This is the hallmark sign. You might have a good life on the outside—a decent job, friends, a partner—but you feel a chronic emptiness inside, like a piece is missing. This is because the emotional connection and validation you were supposed to receive as a child left a void that material things can’t fill.

* You Are Your Own Harshest Critic.

When your feelings weren’t validated as a child, you learn not to trust them. You internalize the message that something is inherently wrong with you for having those feelings. This evolves into a loud inner critic that judges you for your emotions, your mistakes, and your very needs. Self-compassion feels foreign and undeserved.

* You Have Difficulty Identifying and Expressing Your Feelings.

Does your mind go blank when someone asks, “How are you feeling?” Children learn to identify and manage their emotions through their interactions with caregivers. If no one helped you do this, you likely grew into an adult who is disconnected from your own inner world. You might know you feel “bad,” but you can’t pinpoint if it’s anger, sadness, shame, or fear.

* You Feel Deeply Uncomfortable Asking for Help or Having Needs.

You probably learned very early on that your needs were an inconvenience, a burden, or simply invisible. As an adult, this translates into a fierce, often isolating, independence. You feel guilty, weak, or anxious for needing anything from anyone. You do everything yourself, often to the point of exhaustion and burnout, because it feels safer than relying on others.

* You Struggle with Self-Discipline and Nurturing Yourself.

This one might seem counterintuitive, but consistent self-discipline is really just an act of self-parenting. If you weren’t shown how to nurture yourself, care for your own needs, or create helpful structure, it can be very difficult to do it for yourself as an adult. You might know what you “should” do to take care of yourself, but you struggle to follow through.

Connecting the Dots: Your Story Makes Sense

If you resonated with one, or maybe even all five of those signs, I want you to take a deep breath.

You are not broken. You are not overly sensitive. What you are feeling makes perfect sense based on what you didn’t receive.

Giving a name to this experience—”Emotional Neglect”—is the first, most powerful step toward healing. The next step is to get a clearer picture of how these patterns fit into your unique story. It’s time to connect the dots between your past and your present.

This is exactly why I included a section dedicated entirely to Emotional Neglect in my HURRT Self-Assessment. It’s a free, private tool I created to help you explore these patterns alongside your other life experiences and your incredible strengths. It’s designed to help you see the full picture with clarity, not judgment.

It’s a starting point for giving yourself the understanding you may have never received.

Take the FREE HURRT Self-Assessment and start connecting the dots.

A Simple First Step You Can Take Today

Understanding this is one thing, but what can you do right now? Here is one simple practice to begin building the skill of self-validation.

Start a ‘Feelings Journal.’

A few times a day, simply pause and ask yourself: “What am I feeling in my body right now?”

Don’t judge the answer or try to fix it. Just name it. “I feel a tightness in my chest.” “I feel a buzzing in my hands.” “I feel a hollowness in my stomach.” You are simply practicing the act of noticing your own inner experience. This is how you begin to fill that void from the inside out.

You Deserve This Clarity

Healing from emotional neglect is about learning to give yourself the emotional attention and validation you didn’t receive. It’s a process of coming home to yourself.

If you are ready to get clear on your own story and see how these pieces fit together, I warmly invite you to take the free HURRT Self-Assessment. It’s a powerful, illuminating step toward understanding yourself more deeply.

Click here to get started with the free HURRT Self-Assessment.

You deserve this clarity.

With warmth,

Stacey Uhrig

Is It Your Personality, or a Survival Tactic?

Uncovering the hidden 80% of your mind that dictates your success.

We all have a story we tell ourselves about who we are. "I'm a perfectionist," "I'm a workaholic," "I'm just someone who avoids the spotlight." We treat these traits as fixed parts of our personality, the fundamental building blocks of us. But what if they aren't?

In a recent fascinating conversation with Amy Kemp, a certified Habit Finder Coach, we explored a powerful idea: many of the traits we consider to be our personality are actually just brilliant survival adaptations we developed years ago. And while they once kept us safe, they may now be the very things holding us back.

The Subconscious Engine Running Your Life

Amy’s work focuses on a crucial distinction: it's not about behavioral habits like what time you wake up, but about our deep-seated "habits of thinking". The most startling fact? The subconscious mind makes up more than 80% of our thought life, and we are largely unaware of its immense impact on our decisions, relationships, and follow-through.

These subconscious patterns are grooves carved into our brain over years of repeated thoughts, strengthened by our innate drive to survive. The thought patterns that helped us feel safe or seen as a child became deeply embedded. But here’s the critical turning point:

"When you employ a survival mechanism past the point of needing it, it becomes damaging and detrimental."

Recognizing Your "Gatekeepers"

Think about the roles we play. The host of the show calls these our "protective parts" or "gatekeepers"—subconscious strategies we use to protect ourselves. Do any of these sound familiar?

* The extreme people-pleaser

* The no-boundary setter

* The fly-under-the-radar part

* The extreme perfectionist

* The workaholic

These aren't character flaws; they are often brilliant strategies for surviving an experience that was overwhelming. For one of Amy’s clients, growing up with an alcoholic parent meant safety depended on not being seen. Decades later, long after the threat was gone, her subconscious still screamed "DANGER" at any decision that felt extravagant or visible, like choosing to buy a plane ticket instead of driving.

The cost of these outdated programs can be devastating. Another of Amy's clients grew up with the unwritten rule that rest was lazy and work was always praised. She internalized this so deeply that she worked herself into a silent heart attack, a powerful and terrifying example of how our thought habits can override even our most basic physical needs.

The Work of Rewriting Your Story

Uncovering these layers isn't easy. It’s often the point where coaching meets deeper healing work to address the root of the trauma or unmet expectations. The goal is to move from a state of conditional value—"I am valuable

if I achieve this, if I look this way, if my kids succeed"—to a state of inherent value: "I am, therefore I am valuable. Period the end".

Every decision we make has an explanation below the surface. The work is not about blame, but about curiosity and understanding. As Amy reminds us, the people who are willing to do the brave work of healing have her utmost respect, because it is the most courageous and worthwhile journey we can take.

You can get through life without doing this work. As my own father once told me after reading about my journey with anxiety, "You can, but not without a cost". That cost is paid in our relationships, our potential, and our ability to live a fully connected life.

What "unwritten rules" from your past might still be running your present?

To hear the full conversation, listen to the latest episode here: [Link to Podcast Episode]

You can learn more about Amy Kemp, her book "I See You," and take her free Habit Finder Assessment at her website, amykemp.com.

add amy website https://amykemp.com/

Mostrar razonamiento

Of course. Here is the updated Substack post with the website link included.

Is It Your Personality, or a Survival Tactic?

Uncovering the hidden 80% of your mind that dictates your success.

We all have a story we tell ourselves about who we are. "I'm a perfectionist," "I'm a workaholic," "I'm just someone who avoids the spotlight." We treat these traits as fixed parts of our personality, the fundamental building blocks of us. But what if they aren't?

In a recent fascinating conversation with Amy Kemp, a certified Habit Finder Coach, we explored a powerful idea: many of the traits we consider to be our personality are actually just brilliant survival adaptations we developed years ago. And while they once kept us safe, they may now be the very things holding us back.

The Subconscious Engine Running Your Life

Amy’s work focuses on a crucial distinction: it's not about behavioral habits like what time you wake up, but about our deep-seated "habits of thinking". The most startling fact? The subconscious mind makes up more than 80% of our thought life, and we are largely unaware of its immense impact on our decisions, relationships, and follow-through.

These subconscious patterns are grooves carved into our brain over years of repeated thoughts, strengthened by our innate drive to survive. The thought patterns that helped us feel safe or seen as a child became deeply embedded. But here’s the critical turning point:

"When you employ a survival mechanism past the point of needing it, it becomes damaging and detrimental."

Recognizing Your "Gatekeepers"

Think about the roles we play. The host of the show calls these our "protective parts" or "gatekeepers"—subconscious strategies we use to protect ourselves. Do any of these sound familiar?

* The extreme people-pleaser

* The no-boundary setter

* The fly-under-the-radar part

* The extreme perfectionist

* The workaholic

These aren't character flaws; they are often brilliant strategies for surviving an experience that was overwhelming. For one of Amy’s clients, growing up with an alcoholic parent meant safety depended on not being seen. Decades later, long after the threat was gone, her subconscious still screamed "DANGER" at any decision that felt extravagant or visible, like choosing to buy a plane ticket instead of driving.

The cost of these outdated programs can be devastating. Another of Amy's clients grew up with the unwritten rule that rest was lazy and work was always praised. She internalized this so deeply that she worked herself into a silent heart attack, a powerful and terrifying example of how our thought habits can override even our most basic physical needs.

The Work of Rewriting Your Story

Uncovering these layers isn't easy. It’s often the point where coaching meets deeper healing work to address the root of the trauma or unmet expectations. The goal is to move from a state of conditional value—"I am valuable

if I achieve this, if I look this way, if my kids succeed"—to a state of inherent value: "I am, therefore I am valuable. Period the end".

Every decision we make has an explanation below the surface. The work is not about blame, but about curiosity and understanding. As Amy reminds us, the people who are willing to do the brave work of healing have her utmost respect, because it is the most courageous and worthwhile journey we can take.

You can get through life without doing this work. As the host's own father once said after reading about her journey with anxiety, "You can, but not without a cost". That cost is paid in our relationships, our potential, and our ability to live a fully connected life.

What "unwritten rules" from your past might still be running your present?

You can learn more about Amy Kemp, her book "I See You," and take her free Habit Finder Assessment at her website,

https://amykemp.com/

.

Hey everyone,

Have you ever felt like you're constantly "on alert," carrying a heavy, invisible backpack you can't seem to put down? That underlying hum of anxiety, the one that whispers in the background even when everything logically seems okay?

If so, you're not alone. And I’m here to tell you something truly important: it’s not your fault.

For years, I lived with what I now call "high-functioning anxiety." On the outside, I was capable, driven, and seemingly fine. But on the inside, I was exhausted, perpetually vigilant, and constantly searching for a sense of calm that felt just out of reach.

I tried all the things, just like many of you might have: the deep breathing exercises, the meditation apps, the positive affirmations. And yes, they offered moments of respite, brief periods where the hum quieted. But it always returned. It felt like I was patching over symptoms without ever getting to the root. I even found myself blaming myself, wondering why these "simple fixes" didn't create lasting change for me.

My Breakthrough Moment: When Anxiety Became My Teacher

It took two nervous system breakdowns to truly shake me awake. Those challenging experiences became my biggest breakthroughs. They taught me that my anxiety wasn't a flaw, or something to be "fixed" or fought against. Instead, it was an overworked protector, a part of me trying desperately to keep me safe, operating from old programming.

This profound realization led me down a different path. I became a Certified Trauma Care Practitioner, diving deep into body-based approaches like Polyvagal Theory and Parts Work – tools that don't just address symptoms but gently untangle the roots of distress and create lasting change. I learned how to befriend my nervous system, understand its language, and finally reclaim an inherent sense of inner safety and peace.

And now, after walking this path myself, I'm here to show you how to do it too.

Introducing: The Calm Code

I created The Calm Code, an 8-week group coaching journey, because I believe everyone deserves to put down that invisible backpack and find their way back to an authentic, deep sense of calm.

This isn't about quick fixes or surface-level bandaids. This is about a guided journey of discovery and healing, structured around three powerful pillars:

* Clarity: We start by understanding. What is trauma, really, and how does it show up in your body? We'll explore the 'Invisible Backpack' of intergenerational patterns and the core beliefs that might be unconsciously holding you back.

* Healing: This is where we get practical. Using powerful tools from Polyvagal Theory, Parts Work, and somatic awareness, we'll learn to gently shift your system from a state of survival to one of true safety. You'll learn to understand the subtle cues of your anxiety, not as an enemy, but as a messenger.

* Integration: The final stage is about making these changes stick. We'll practice somatic anchors and daily regulation techniques that help you create internal safety, build resilience, and truly reclaim the calm you've been searching for.

What You Can Expect When You Join Us:

The Calm Code is a powerful and compassionate container designed for deep transformation. When you join, you’ll receive:

* 8 x 90-Minute Live Group Coaching Calls via Zoom: Intimate, guided sessions where you'll learn, share, and grow.

* A Private, Off-Social-Media Community Hub: A safe space to connect with your cohort, share insights, and support each other between sessions.

* A comprehensive Companion Book: Filled with journal prompts and exercises to deepen your understanding and integration.

* Lifetime Access to All Session Recordings: Revisit the material anytime, at your own pace.

* Special Bonus: Guided Hypnosis Recordings: Powerful tools to further support and soothe your nervous system.

I intentionally limit each cohort to only 8 members to ensure an intimate, safe, and deeply supportive environment for everyone.

Your Invitation to Inner Peace

The Calm Code is a psycho-educational and coaching program – a powerful complement to your healing journey. If you're ready to move beyond surface-level fixes and truly untangle the roots of your anxiety, this is for you.

The next cohort begins October 1st, and doors will close on September 27th to ensure everyone is prepared to start together. These spots will fill up quickly.

Don't let this opportunity pass you by. It's time to stop carrying that invisible backpack. It's time to reclaim your calm.

Click here to secure your spot before it's too late:

I can't wait to walk this path with you.

With warmth,

Stacey Uhrig