It is fasting how often we crave the acceptance and approval of those who won't accept us.
我们常常渴望获得他人的赞同与认可，想来真是有趣。
It is an unhealthy pattern to continually pursue people who reject us.
其实不断纠缠疏远我们的人是种不健康的心理模式。
We do this because we see our lovability as directly related to their approval so we keep trying to be "better" or "do more."
我们这么做，是因为总觉得，非要得到别人的认可才能证明自己的可爱，所以不断想让自己在别人眼里看起来更好，或为别人付出更多，来争取好感。
We do this so we can approve of ourselves through another person's approval of us, as if their approval finally makes us good enough.
我们讨好别人的另一个原因是，总是要获得了别人的认可后，我们才会打心底认可自己。
The healthiest way out of this pattern is to look at why we deeply believe we need the acceptance of those people.
走出这种思维模式的方法就是，好好想想为什么自己那么强烈地渴望别人的认可。
Do they determine our worth?
难道别人的认可就能决定我们的价值？
Should we have to prove ourselves all the time only to hear we are not measuring up?
难道只要有人说你还不够好，你就得不遗余力地向别人证明自己吗？
If so, we are not picking the right people to have relationships with.
如果真是这样，那就是择友不善。
5 realities about people
关于人际的五大事实
1. Some just aren't going to like us.
总会有人不喜欢我们。
In life, we should count on the fact there will be a certain percentage of people we meet who just won't like us. Instead of resisting this, simply accept it.
在生活中我们得相信这样一个事实：我们所遇到的人中，有一部分是不会喜欢我们的。对于这个事实，不要反抗，接受即可。
Not everyone is going to like us, and in the bigger picture, it really doesn't matter. Keep in mind when someone doesn't like us it has much more to do with who they are then with who we are.
虽然不是每个人都会喜欢我们，但从宏观上看，这没什么大不了。记住，别人不喜欢我们，更多的是他们的问题，而不是我们自己的问题。
It won't matter to them how great we are or how much we do for them. They will have no problem taking what we give, but it likely won't change if they like us or not.
对他们来说，无论你有多好，或者为他们付出多少，他们都不会在乎。你对他们的付出，他们欣然接受，但是他们不喜欢你的事实，仍然无法改变。
2. Others don't determine our worth.
别人不能决定我们的价值。
We as individual determine our own worth. We must invest deeply in ourselves because if we don't no one else will.
自身价值由自己定义，自己若不投资自己，别人更不会。
When we are pursuing people who consistently reject and hurt us we are going against ourselves.
追求那些不停地拒绝并伤害我们的人就是违背自己的本性。
Personal investment means we leave toxic people out of our lives for the purpose of being able to rise to the heights we need to reach personally. If we have people trying to bring us down, keep in mind that it only means they are already below us.
投资自己，就是远离那些在我们不断进取勇攀高峰的道路上妨害我们的人。如果有人总想要击垮你，这说明他已经不如你了。
3. It is a waste of emotional energy.
讨好那些不可能喜欢你的人，是浪费情绪。
When we continue to work hard to receive the acceptance and approval we want and get the same rejection again and again, we have to come to a point where we realize we are wasting our emotional energy.
如果我们一次次努力获取别人的喜欢和认可，但却一次次遭到拒绝，那你就该意识到，自己是在浪费情绪。
At some point it is best to accept that whoever we are trying to impress is not going to come our way and will continue to keep us at a distance. Let them be.
有时候，你得接受事实，事情不会按你的预期发展，他们还是会继续与你保持距离，所以，随他们去吧。
We have to respect ourselves enough to move on and put our energy into relationships which support us and that are mutually beneficial.
我们要有尊严地继续自己的生活，把精力投入到积极且互惠的关系中。
4. It is more powerful to let go.
懂得放手的人更强大。
Whatever we force we push away. It is law. When we fight for something that isn't going to happen we begin to look and feel foolish.
有时候越是用力越抓不住，就是这样。为不可能的事情而拼命会使我们看上起很愚蠢。
Never confuse forgiveness with foolishness. The most powerful thing we can do is rise above the situation and untangles our self-worth from the person we believe we need approval from.
不要把容忍和愚蠢混为一谈。我们能做的最强大的事就是跳出这种讨好型人格，将自我价值从他人的肯定中解救出来。
We have to have the courage to trust we can determine our value all on our own. There is nothing more powerful than the pure acceptance of knowing when something or someone isn't good for us, even when we desperately want them to be, and we can let go.
我们必须有勇气，相信自己的价值掌握在自己手里。若境况不利，或希冀人事相助时能选择放手，那世上没有什么比这纯粹的坦然更为强大了。
When we let go of people like this we stop participating in their sickness, we leave their audience and are released from their negative influence. We respect ourselves enough to stop giving to these people and move on to those who can love and adore us in return.
当我们放弃这些人时，就跳出了他们病态的思维，不再充当观众，从他们的消极影响中解脱，充分尊重自我，停止付出，转向那些同样喜欢我们的人。
They are out there, and probably in our lives now, but we may be so focused on getting these unattainable people to approve of us that we are missing what is right before our eyes.
他们就在那里，或许已经出现在我们的生命中，只是我们太过专注于追求那些难以取悦的人们，以至于错失眼前人。
5. Who cares! People are just people.
人皆凡人，不要在意。
People are people they are not "powers" unless we make them into powers. Let those who reject us make US more powerful. We can use these people for inspiration and motivation to live out our purpose with an even stronger vengeance. We can use our hurt or anger over their lack of approval as fuel for our own personal quest for divine happiness and success in life.
除非我们给与他权利，否则大家都是凡人。那些杀不死我的会让我更加强大！我们可以把这些人当做我们进步的动力，加倍地去实现自己的目标；将伤痛与怒气作为个人追求幸福与成功的燃料。
We make the internal agreement to never let another oppress us and keep us down.
我们要在内心与自己和解，不让他人压抑限制自己。
We are our own person and there are going to be plenty of others who will see us and love us for who we are.
我们就是我们，世界上还有很多人因为我们的本来面目而关注并喜爱我们。
The greatest gift people who don't approve of us give us is a more defined idea of who we are and who we choose to be.
那些不认同我们的人赠与我们最棒的礼物，就是让我们更清楚地了解自己是什么样的人，以及我们的做人标准。
If we start changing who we are to gain approval, we lose ourselves.
如果为了获取认同而开始改变自我，最终必会迷失自我。
As we rub up against these people we can see they challenge us to hold even tighter to our true essence.
当你遇到那些无论如何都不喜欢你的人，会发现正是他们的存在，才使得你更加坚定地做回自己。
They force us to choose courage over fear to live out and be exactly who we are, not who we think they want us to be.
他们迫使我们战胜恐惧去做自己，而非成为我们臆想中他们喜欢的样子。
