“You are the most epically amazing human being, and there is nothing in your past that will ever change that.” - Stephanie A.
Self-love legacy is a safe place for you to grow through your past while shedding the victim mentality, leaning into forgiveness, bathing in self-love, and ultimately stepping into the legacy, predestined for you. No matter what you did or what people did to you, you are worthy of an exciting and bright future, a future where you become a positive ripple effect not only in your life but also the lives of others. We are in September, and the topic of this episode is a great deal related to the theme of this month, which is Suicide Prevention.
Forgiveness
People often avoid having conversations about forgiveness and consider the processes involved in the act to be burdensome. They feel, “If I have to forgive them, I have to acknowledge what they did,” and a lot of people believe that if you forgive someone, then you’re accepting what happened as well as saying that their behavior was okay. However, forgiveness is personal, and personally, forgiveness is not the same for everybody. Sometimes I forgive people, and I tell them to their faces, sometimes I forgive people and send them a text message, and other times I forgive people and never tell them at all. And it is similar for the person receiving the forgiveness; it is also personal. People may again say that they like the good old-fashioned meeting in-person to forgive, but it is not the same for everyone because it may be better to avoid your offenders if in those cases it is unsafe for you to do it in person.
Inclusive forgiveness
The second part of forgiveness is one people often ignore; still, it is crucial in the healing process. People often overlook the effects of the secondary factors and parties whose involvement or lukewarmness summed up to form the “Big Hurt.” Sometimes, we forget that forgiveness is not only about the big moment of hurt or devastation. However, forgiveness also deals with everything leading to it, the persons involved, and every person that turned their gaze away. The thing is, if you do not forgive the other people that were in the situation as well, then you’re missing a big part of it. For example, when I was a young child an adult male, who was supposed to be my protector, ended up being my attacker. I asked for help from many people who were adults, and they didn’t help. So, when it was time for forgiveness, I didn’t just have to forgive the abuse; I had to forgive the people I reached out to and asked for help. They also played a role in the hurt and pain.
Boundaries and conditions
The third aspect of forgiveness is what corroborates my earlier statement about the different ways in which you can forgive without using the conventional method. That forgiveness is mostly personal and has very little to do with the person who you are forgiving. These methods involve setting boundaries; forgiveness is not a sweet small blanket decorated with hearts that when you throw it over the person or the situation, it’s just all better.
Forgiveness can present itself in any form you want. You can forgive in your heart and never tell the person, especially if that person is toxic to you, do not reach out to them. There was a young lady who reached out to me. We went to school together, and she was hurt by someone’s actions when we were kids. Though I couldn’t recall, it was apparent that she was heartbroken over it because we’re in our 30s, and she’s still holding on to this. So I told her, “Why not work on forgiveness for the young lady that was tormenting you?” And her response back to me was, “Oh, God, I do not want to reach out to herl.” And yes, I told the lady not to reach out to her because that individual does not need that forgiveness, but my friend needs that forgiveness. She needed to realize that the individual was acting out of insecurity and pain and whatever was going on in her life, and she was tak
