Footballland

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It's been another productive meeting at Footballland HQ. 

This week we have a special guest inside the Wayne Lineker Fibreglass Testicle. Pablo Iglesias Maurer is a staff writer for The Athletic and an expert on all the nonsense in Major League Soccer from the past 20 years. A while back he designed his own MLS theme park, and we're delighted to say that we'll be absorbing his park into our ConCaCaCaCaCaCaf zone here at Footballland. 

That's right, guests at the park will now be able to enjoy Wayne Rooney's Slippery Slide Out, Freddy Adu's Premature Peak, DJ David Guetta's Inappropriate Shout Outs AND a pizza restaurant inside a giant Alexi Lalas! 

It's fun for all the family! 

And remember to send us your ride ideas. We'll feature them all!

Footballland Explained:

Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.

Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland 

Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer

Ryan Baxter, Intern.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's been another hugely successful meeting at Footballland. 

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland

Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland

Finally, the world's first water slide based on Steven Gerrard's cataclysmic fall in 2014 has been designed! 

The Steven Gerrard Slip 'N' Slide allows Footballland guests the ultimate slippy experience. You'll hear Gerrard's famous 'This does not f***ing slip' team talk, before getting the chance to do just that! Always wanted to frantically chase after Demba Ba before falling flat on your arse and sliding down a 100 metre chute? Then get down to Footballland and surf on the tears of 10,000 scousers! 

Do NOT miss out on your chance to recreate one of the most hilarious moments in Premier League history! Fun for Liverpool fans and non-Liverpool fans alike.

Also this week, Patreon patron Matt Whitworth suggests the new Burnley food stall 'Come Dine With Ben Mee.' 

And Mark proposes 'Running Commentary,' where paying punters can have their every move in our theme park narrated by a genuine match commentator! 

Remember to send us your ideas for amazing new features at Footballland - we'll include every single one!

Footballland Explained:

Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.

Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland 

Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer

Ryan Baxter, Intern.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's been another hugely successful meeting at Footballland. 

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland

Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland

You are in for a ruddy treat this week, as we have THREE rides to share, two of which left us as hysterical as the infamous Jurgen's Klipp Klopp Trotts. 

This week:

- Mark shares us his celebration of the modern day fullback in BOMBING ON. 

- Patron Phil Lee suggests strapping fireworks to children. 

- And Ryan gives the world DION DUBLIN'S HOME'S UNDER THE HAMMER. Yes, we realise there's an extra apostrophe, and yes that is indeed deliberate. Listen on as he reveals all. 

And please send us your ride ideas. We cherish them hugely and can't wait to discuss them on the show.

Footballland Explained:

Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.

Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland 

Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer

Ryan Baxter, Intern.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's been another hugely successful meeting at Footballland. 

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland

Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland

We're building the world's first football theme park and we're proud to announce THREE spectacular new rides and exhibits:

- Around The World In 80 Schteves. Guests travel a miniature globe by hot air balloon, visiting 80 different Steve McClarens in stereotypical national dress. If you can decipher every single Steve McClaren by his greeting and costume, you win a Rosetta Stone Audio CD narrated by the man himself. 

- Patron Bruce Murray pitches his first aid method at the park, the infamous Magic Sponge.

- And Ryan brings us Golden Hands Solo: A Final Hope, a fun if slightly violent challenge featuring Team USA's hall of famer Hope Solo. 

Please continue sending us your ideas! We promise feature every single one. 

Footballland Explained:

Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.

Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland 

Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer

Ryan Baxter, Intern.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland

Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland

What a superb episode we have for you this week - it's the Footballland Public Consultation Best Of The Patrons Special!

By this point we've had so many ride ideas, songs, jingles and general suggestions from our patrons that we've been able to dedicate a whole episode to them. So let's relive them in all their glory: The Lee Cattermole Petting Zoo, The Cristiano Ronaldo Hall Of Mirrors, A Cup of Caribou, Gary Mabbutt's Queen's Nose, that Brian Eno-esque ambient soundscape by Elizabeth Ardhands, Crispin Quinne from the Dordogne's full 2 minute epic song and many, MANY more! 

Thank you so much for your ideas so far. Please keep sending them to us, and we hope you enjoy this compilation.

Footballland Explained:

Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.

Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland 

Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer

Ryan Baxter, Intern.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland

Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland

It's been another incredibly successful meeting at Footballland HQ. 

Anthony has added a nostalgic feel to the theme park, in tribute to those times in the 1970s when a dog always seemed to make its way onto a football pitch. His idea is very simple - we let loose a live dog in the theme park, while someone dressed as a referee has to catch it, then chuck it back over the perimeter fence. 

PLUS, comedian Poppy Hillstead pitches her ride idea - The Teddy Sheringham Blimp. It's a giant blimp in the sky shaped like Teddy Sheringham, which you can climb inside and play poker and eat fish and chips. But will Poppy's idea pass Anthony and Mark's stringent vetting process? 

AND patron Nick Dunmore is back to explain his ride idea - Downsize Fitz Hall 

BUT sad news, as there seems to be a problem with The Cristiano Ronaldo Hall of Mirrors. 

As ever, send us YOUR ideas for rides, sideshows, jingles, anthems, statues, mascots! We need to build this park quickly! 

Footballland Explained:

Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.

Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland 

Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer

Ryan Baxter, Intern.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland

Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland

Listeners to Footballland have rightly asked us - "Why isn't there a ride at your theme park that celebrates the ridiculousness of Arsenal Football Club?" It's a question we've been pondering ourselves, so we duly invited Arsenal Twitter scholar Laura Kirk to come up with a solution. 

Laura sealed herself in the Wayne Lineker Fibreglass Testicle for a full 35 minutes before emerging (like a weird butterfly) with The Arsenal Way, a gauntlet run featuring all the manners in which her beloved Gooners have self-destructed in the last 20 years. We think it's a hit, and we hope you enjoy riding it. 

PLUS, this week:

- Patreon Nick Dunmore writes 3 words - 'Downsize Fitz Hall,' in the shortest ride idea yet. 

- Mark reveals his work in progress "The Ali Dia Waltzers"

- And there's a problem with our existing ride, "Lee Cattermole's Petting Zoo."

Footballland Explained:

Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.

All the best 

Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland 

Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer

Ryan Baxter, Intern.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland

Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland

It's been another hugely successful meeting at Footballland HQ.

After a record TWO whole weeks spent in the Wayne Lineker Fibreglass Testicle Green Room, Larry & Paul emerge to pitch their second ride for Footballland - It Doesn't Actually Really Matter That Much: The Ride. This meeting was a tense one - Mark and Anthony, and Larry and Paul clearly hate each other. But they had this meeting in the interests of Footballland, and the interests of business. And we feel that Footballland has been the winner.

Also, the boys are proud to unveil THREE NEW EXPERIENCES:

- Roman Abramovich's Runaway Mine Train

- Why Is No One Talking?

- Patreon James Worley's Gary Mabbutt's Queen's Nose.

But some sad news, as intern Ryan has identified a problem with Tom Deacon's England House of National Horrors

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland

Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland

"I think many guests would love to hear Neymar reading A Brief History of Time by Professor Stephen Hawking."

It's been yet another hugely successful meeting at Footballland HQ. 

We now have over 30 (THIRTY) rides, experiences and attractions, and it's now time to start thinking of the all-important part: where they actually go in the park itself. 

In this meeting the boys plan the park's zones, or 'areas' - 6 different regions of Footballland, titled UEFA-Land, ConMeBol Close, ConCaCaCaCaCaf Cul-de-Sac, Oceania Archipelago, Place de Caf and AsiaTown. Each region will have a giant statue of the person that represents their region the best. But which 6 statues will be chosen?

For all you theme park aficianados out there interested in the behind the scenes, this is the podcast to listen to. This is exactly how they plan your Disneys, your Thorpe Parks and your Alton Towers of this world. 

A must listen for students and the curious. 

Please note there is no guest this week, for two reasons:

a) Larry and Paul are still in the fibreglass testicle green room. 

b) This meeting is too important for guests, if anything. 

Footballland Explained:

Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.

All the best 

Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland 

Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer

Ryan Baxter, Intern.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland

Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland

"Willian gave me a hug once, and it was lovely."

It was another very successful meeting in the world of Footballland. We are proud to announce FIVE new rides:

- Special guests, comedy double act Larry & Paul, pitched the Elland Roadacoaster, in which guests can experience exactly what it's like to be a Leeds United fan. Quite a violent ride, even by Footballland standards, this coaster claims to be the longest in the world, lasting 15 years and 2 1/2 minutes. 

- Our patrons Richard Beecham and Dan Rennie pitch The Grimsby Town Waterslide, charting the club's precipice-like downfall in the mid noughties. 

- Our patron Phil Lee brings us 'A Cup of Caribou,' a children's ride designed to improve the image of the Carabao Cup. 

- Mark unveils his new creation, Mourinho Laundrinho, the world's first wicker basket rollercoaster. 

- And Anthony proposes a new way of ferrying guests around the park, with his fleet of Holding Midfielders. 

But sad news, as Ryan our intern has found a problem with Footballland's stadium, The Squeaky Bumtime Arena. 

We hope you enjoy this episode, and please don't stop sending us your ideas. 

Footballland Explained:

Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.

All the best 

Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland 

Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer

Ryan Baxter, Intern.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.