Forgive Yourself

Sometimes the most profound transformations emerge from our deepest wounds. Today I welcome life coach Louisa Hext, whose story of resilience will stop you in your tracks and remind you that healing is always possible.

Louisa's journey began with a beautiful friendship - helping an elderly man named Gordy with daily tasks, groceries, and companionship. What started as genuine care and connection became a decade-long nightmare when she was falsely accused of financial exploitation after his death. Despite having only received $300 monthly for gas and time, she faced felony charges and the choice between prison or a plea bargain that would forever change her life.

"I could have all of this love for someone else or compassion for someone else, but I didn't have it for me," Louisa shares with raw honesty about her healing journey. Through therapy, inner child work, and learning to love the six-year-old version of herself, she slowly rebuilt her sense of self-worth.

The most powerful moment? Last year, after almost a decade, Louisa successfully obtained an expungement - having her record sealed forever. When she called to share this victory, she was surprised by her own flat emotions. As I reminded her, "Your body is letting go of the grief because it could finally let go after holding on for so long."

This conversation explores the intersection of shame, resilience, and the courage required to reclaim your story. It's a masterclass in forgiveness - not just of others, but of ourselves.

More info and links:

• Louisa: https://www.consultantshext.com/
• Brenda: https://brendareisscoaching.com/

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/resources/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60

Brenda’s Website/Links

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"I'm smart, I can figure it out at work, but not at home. I know better - why do I keep choosing the wrong people?" If this sounds familiar, you're not alone, and this episode is exactly what you need to hear.

Trauma bonds are like emotional glue that keeps you connected to someone who's not good for you through cycles of hurt, apology, and reconciliation. They feel like love, but they're actually your body responding to something familiar - even when it's not safe or healthy.

The truth is, being smart or strong doesn't make you immune. In fact, the traits that make you successful can make you more vulnerable. You're a problem solver who sees emotional distance as a challenge to overcome. You've normalized emotional labor and giving the benefit of the doubt. Most damaging of all, the pattern feels familiar because if love was inconsistent growing up, your nervous system learned that connection comes with uncertainty.

I share my own experience from my third marriage - my "awakener" relationship where I was caught in cycles of warm attention followed by complete shutdown. When he pulled away, I felt anxious and had to fix it. When he came back, it felt like relief, like the sun coming out. I told myself we were "passionate," but really, my nervous system was hooked on those highs and lows.

This episode includes five signs you might be in a trauma bond and five concrete steps to break free, including the science behind why these patterns are so addictive and healing.

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/resources/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60

Brenda’s Website/Links

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"I told myself it would be different this time." Sound familiar? Despite being strong and self-aware, many of us find ourselves caught in the same painful relationship patterns over and over again - not because we're broken, but because our inner world is repeating what it learned long ago.

In this vulnerable episode, I share my own journey through multiple toxic relationships, including my third marriage where I ignored every red flag because I saw "potential." The wake-up call came when my therapist told me: "Brenda, love isn't like Hollywood movies. It's not supposed to be about intensity."

I explore five telltale signs you're caught in a toxic relationship cycle: always doing the emotional labor, confusing chaos with love, ignoring red flags for potential, shrinking yourself to keep peace, and ending up in the same dynamics with different people. As my AA sponsor bluntly told our group: "Any relationship based on potential is fucked."

Through my forgiveness work, I discovered my core belief: "Any man that I love will choose another woman or something over me." This pattern played out repeatedly until I could see it and heal it.

The empowering truth? You can rewrite your story. I share five practical ways to break these cycles, from validating your experience to choosing peace over familiar chaos. Remember: "Real love doesn't ask you to shrink. It celebrates your wholeness."

If you're ready to stop repeating the same painful patterns and create the healthy love you deserve, this episode offers both understanding and hope.

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/resources/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60

Brenda’s Website/Links

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• LinkedIn

What if being "too nice" is actually a form of self-abandonment? This question stopped me cold as I caught myself saying "yes" to yet another request while my body screamed "I can't take one more thing."

Sound familiar? Between construction chaos at home, my husband's health issues, challenging client calls, and a friend needing support, I found myself pouring from an empty vessel once again. It's that moment when we smile and agree while everything inside us protests - and I realized this pattern runs deeper than just being helpful.

Self-abandonment happens when we dismiss our own needs, emotions, or truth to avoid discomfort - ours or someone else's. We become emotional caretakers of others at the cost of ourselves, and that's not kindness - it's depletion.

"Boundaries aren't about keeping people out. They're about keeping yourself in your own integrity."

Through stories of clients like Beth and Linda, I explore how childhood programming creates these patterns. We learn that love is earned through being agreeable, that "good girls don't say no," and that boundaries somehow equal meanness. But here's what changed everything for my clients: "Love that demands emotional neglect isn't love. It's obligation."

In this episode, I share practical boundary scripts, five steps to reclaim your voice, and why real kindness must include you. As I tell my clients: "Real kindness includes you. If it excludes your needs, it's not being nice and it's not kindness. It's performance."

Remember, when you stop betraying yourself to make others comfortable, you begin a powerful journey of self-loyalty and sovereignty. And that, my friend, feels liberating.

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/resources/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60

Brenda’s Website/Links

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• LinkedIn

"Now I get to be unscripted. Now I get to be authentic. Now I get to practice all these things that I really help other people with on a deeper layer."

Sometimes the universe orchestrates exactly what we need when we need it most. As I navigate the ongoing grief of my husband's dementia journey, my home decided to reveal its own hidden wounds - dry rot behind bedroom windows, black mold in his old office, and deteriorating siding that needed complete replacement.

What started as routine window repairs became a profound metaphor for my own reconstruction process. Just as the workers discovered years of hidden damage behind beautiful facades, I found myself facing three and a half days of guttural loneliness that had been buried for decades. "I have felt lonely even in a room full of people, feeling like I didn't fit in, feeling like I was different," I share with raw honesty.

Through this vulnerable exploration, I recognize how busyness became my lifelong distraction from these deep feelings. Years of people-pleasing, external validation seeking, and maintaining personas that kept me safe but hidden from my true self. The timing wasn't lost on me - as new windows were installed to change how I see the world and how the world sees me, I was simultaneously shedding old ways of being.

This episode is about choosing authenticity over performance, connection over hiding, and the courage to be unscripted in a world that often rewards facades. It's my invitation for you to examine what might be hidden behind your own beautiful exterior and to consider what reconstruction your soul might be calling for.

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/resources/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60

Brenda’s Website/Links

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• LinkedIn

What do dry rot and black mold have to do with emotional healing?

In this deeply personal episode, Brenda shares a surprising discovery during a simple home repair that revealed something hidden—not just in her walls, but in her heart. As black mold and decay were uncovered behind her windows, Brenda realized she had also been carrying hidden emotional toxins: long-ignored sadness, quiet loneliness, and deep unworthiness.

Using her signature marine analogy, Brenda reflects on how our outer world often mirrors what we suppress inside—and how powerful healing happens when we finally make space for what we've avoided.

Tune in for a story of emotional release, self-forgiveness, and the courage to feel.

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/resources/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60

Brenda’s Website/Links

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What if your ego wasn’t something to fight, but something to understand?

In this episode, Dr. Shawdy joins us for a rich conversation about how the ego develops, why it gets triggered, and what it needs in order to relax. We talk about the early wounds that shape it and how those patterns can continue to influence us in adulthood.

We also explore the power of forgiveness and what it looks like to truly live a forgiving life. Dr. Shawdy shares insights on self-acceptance, especially when it comes to the parts of ourselves we often try to hide or fix.

Throughout the conversation, we look at how curiosity and playfulness can support healing. You’ll hear why it helps to approach yourself with a mindset of discovery rather than judgment, and how engaging with your inner child can lead to growth and a deeper sense of connection.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in old patterns or unsure how to move forward, this episode offers clarity, warmth, and a fresh perspective.

Press play for a conversation that will help you see ego, forgiveness, and self-awareness in a new light.

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/resources/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60

Brenda’s Website/Links

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"It's never too late to find your voice so that you can heal and live your best life."

What happens when a 13-year-old girl's life is shattered by unimaginable violence, yet she emerges decades later as a beacon of hope and healing? My guest today, Madeleine Black, embodies the profound truth that it's not what happens to us, but how we choose to respond that defines our lives.

Madeleine's journey from victim to survivor to thriver began when she made a powerful decision: "If I never become a mum, then they've won." This became her "best revenge" – living fully and authentically despite the trauma that tried to silence her forever.

Through our conversation, Madeleine reveals how forgiveness became her path to freedom, though not in the way you might expect. As she beautifully explains: "I realized that I don't really have anything to forgive myself for. But for years I felt I brought it on myself... 100% of all rapes without a doubt are caused by rapists. Nothing else."

Her story isn't just about surviving sexual violence – it's about the courage to find your voice, the patience required for healing, and the profound impact that sharing our stories can have on others. Madeleine's work as the "Courage Cultivator" reminds us that courage is contagious, and sometimes hearing one person's brave story gives us permission to heal our own wounds.

Whether you've experienced trauma or simply need a reminder of the resilience that lives within us all, this conversation offers hope, practical wisdom, and the gentle reminder that it's never too late to reclaim your voice and live your best life.

More info and links:

• Madeleine: https://madeleineblack.co.uk
• Brenda: https://brendareisscoaching.com/

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/resources/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60

Brenda’s Website/Links

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• LinkedIn

"What if the most profound form of intimacy isn't about being with another, but it's about being fully present and rigorously honest with yourself?"

Today, I invite you to explore a different kind of intimacy – the profound connection you can cultivate with yourself. Playing on the word "intimacy" as "Into-Me-See," I share how true self-knowledge becomes the foundation for authentic living and healthier relationships.

For high-achieving women, the pursuit of external validation often masks a disconnection from our own needs, desires, and sense of self-worth. We climb mountains without celebrating achievements, keep ourselves busy performing rather than truly being seen, and look everywhere except within for fulfillment.

I share the story of Linda, a successful entrepreneur who appeared to have everything together but felt empty inside, constantly seeking validation from her partner, team, and friends. Through a simple mirror exercise – sitting with herself and asking "What am I afraid to see when I look into myself?" – she began connecting more deeply with herself and needing less validation from others.

Using the intimacy metaphor, I guide you through three powerful concepts: looking honestly in the mirror at all parts of yourself, recognizing the armor you wear (achievements, perfectionism, people-pleasing) that shields you from true self-connection, and embracing your shadow – those aspects you hide, deny, or judge.

The profound truth is that when we're deeply connected with ourselves, accepting both strengths and flaws, we no longer seek others to complete us. This allows us to show up in relationships as whole, authentic beings capable of giving and receiving love without hidden agendas or unrealistic expectations.

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/resources/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60

Brenda’s Website/Links

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• Facebook
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• LinkedIn

"Letting go is not about erasing memory. It's about loosening the grip on the belief that others' words define you."

Welcome, I’d like to invite you to explore what "letting go" really means beyond the social media platitudes and catchy phrases. As someone who used to be frustrated by the vague advice to "just let it go," I understand how unhelpful that phrase can be without context or practical guidance.

I take you deeper into understanding that true liberation comes not from ignoring or bypassing our feelings, but from releasing our attachment to external validation and others' opinions of us. This isn't about pretending we're okay or erasing painful memories – it's about loosening our grip on the belief that others' opinions define our worth.

Drawing from personal experiences and conversations with friends, I explore how often what hurts us isn't really about us at all. When someone projects their pain onto us, we have a choice about whether to carry that burden or release it.

Throughout the episode, I share three practical steps to begin this letting-go practice: acknowledging where you're seeking approval, shifting focus to self-affirmation, and reframing rejection as an opportunity for growth. Each step is accompanied by reflective questions to help you identify where external validation might be keeping you emotionally tethered.

I emphasize that letting go is not a one-time event but a moment-by-moment practice of creating space for true self-acceptance. Whether you're seeking validation in your work, relationships, appearance, or social media presence, this episode offers gentle guidance to reclaim your power and reconnect with your inner voice.

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/resources/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60

Brenda’s Website/Links

• Website
• Facebook
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• LinkedIn