You find out your partner is cheating the same day your bathroom floods. Then you call your friend on the way to the hardware store and get rear ended. We’ve all had days like that (ok, maybe not exactly like that!), but those days or series of days where the world feels like it’s conspiring against you. And of course, the first question you ask is WHY? What did you do to deserve this? It feels like your life is falling apart before your eyes. We like to believe that if we’re good girls and boys, life will go our way. Unfortunately, that’s not how things work. Sometimes the s**t hits the fan. Not because you’re bad, but because life does life.

I have been challenged with this lately with my husband in the hospital. I can control my thoughts, my actions, my feelings and my words, but I can’t control life. I can’t pick and choose the outcomes I want. In this week’s episode we’ll talk about that desire for control and letting go of it. How to look at what you’re holding onto and why. How to be emotionally present and process your feelings instead of avoiding them. Because you still have choices, even when it feels like life has turned its back on you. Maybe the way forward is different than you thought, but you can absolutely keep on truckin’.

You have probably heard some version of “what you think, you create.” Meaning your thoughts create your reality. If your love life feels like a train wreck (or any part of your life, really), this can be a scary idea. Are you creating the situation you don’t want by ruminating on negative thoughts? By constantly thinking there are no “good ones” out there, are you actually making it true? Well… yes and no. Thoughts play a role, but they are not the only factor.

Trying to simply stop the thoughts or replace them with positive affirmations doesn’t make them go away. It runs much deeper than that. In this week’s podcast we’ll talk about everything that exists between thoughts and actions, and where to focus if you want to change your situation. Believing your reality is only caused by your thoughts is limiting and untrue. If you want to change what isn’t working, you need to look at your emotions, beliefs, motivation, words and actions that stem from your thoughts. The good news is if you do this, you absolutely can change your life!

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)

Don’t worry about what you think. Pay attention to your feelings, actions and motivation because THAT is creating your life.

Did you grow up feeling you were too much, not enough, too nice, too cold, too sensitive, too shy, too annoying, too inquisitive or too ANYTHING? Basically, instead of being loved for your whole self, did you feel like you were simply tolerated? Maybe you wondered, throughout your life, if people even liked being around you because those too much/not enough beliefs were always with you. So, to move from tolerance to love, you worked hard to prove yourself worthy of someone else’s company. And did those people (intimate partners, friends, family members, etc.) treasure you for the wonderful human you are? Probably not. Why? Because you didn’t treasure you.

Self-love isn’t simply about spa visits, eating healthy, working out or treating yourself to a new outfit. It is attention, connection and awareness to yourself. And you cultivate it by slowing down, feeling your feelings and choosing what makes you happy. When you love yourself, you have compassion for who you are, what you are and why you are. And that is where true love with someone else begins… because love from another person won’t feel good unless you feel it for yourself first. In this week’s podcast I’ll share three questions to ask yourself to shift from external “give-it-to-me” love to true self-love. You deserve more, but to get it, you have to step up and show yourself some love.

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)

Self-love comes from all the in-between moments not the pinnacles!

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

What do you want from me? What do you need from me? How can I make your life easier (while draining myself)? If these questions, or some version of them, come out of your mouth frequently, your value probably comes from what you do, not who you are. Throw insecure attachment into the mix and you can become over-the-top nutty in what you’ll do to receive validation that you’re okay. And that need can feel like trudging uphill backwards, especially if it seems like someone always gets more than you. Like there are only so many pieces of validation pie and you have to fight for your slice.

But what if you didn’t have to perform like a circus seal, and could feel valued simply for breathing? How weird would THAT be? In this week’s episode we’ll explore why you overperform and when it started (yep, probably childhood). Where did that urge to be “extra” come from, and when did it become your default setting? Then I’ll challenge you NOT to perform and sit with those feelings. Patterns are hard to break because the feelings are so uncomfortable, but if you can sit through them and see that you don’t die, you’ll be able to do it again. And again. Because the belief you don’t have value is simply untrue. It just became a pattern that needs to be broken.

Are you in a relationship or dating someone who’s more robot than human; someone who intellectualizes everything and doesn’t show any warmth? Or what about someone who makes big promises all the time and never, ever follows through? Or maybe you’re with someone who appears and disappears without warning, pretending it’s normal, making you think YOU are the crazy one? These are signs of an Avoidant relationship. If you find yourself in one, you have to ask yourself… why are you there? Is it because you mistake those butterfly feelings for real love?

Those feelings actually stem from a fear of abandonment. You’re trying to get the other person to cooperate with you and see your value, fearing they will leave you at any moment. It’s chemistry mixed with anxiety. There is also zero consistency in these relationships. So if you’re in a situation like this, realize it’s not healthy and look at how you got here. You made the choice to be with an Avoidant… which means you are also an Avoidant. Or an Anxious Avoidant. Securely attached people do not, I repeat do NOT, engage with people like this. Nobody who loves and accepts themself will put up with someone who is inconsistent and won’t emotionally commit. Period. In this episode I’ll show you how to identify what blocks you from giving to yourself and showing yourself love. Because this lack of self-love is what leads you to seek it from people who are unable to give it.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Want to submit a question? Click here: bit.ly/AskTracyCrossley and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Are you living with secrets? Maybe you're hiding your shopping receipts from your husband, or maybe you're leaving out parts of your stories because you fear the repercussions. In some cases, you might not even be aware that you're withholding information from your significant other.

All these secrets stem from one ultimate truth: you're afraid of change.

You can't be 100% committed to someone if you're still hiding parts of your life. Keeping secrets may save you from ever having to change, but it also keeps you from experiencing a happy, healthy relationship. If you're ready to be courageous and leave secrets behind, listen to today's podcast episode.

Zehra Mahoon had just moved to Canada from Pakistan with her husband and baby. Then her mother became terminally ill. And her husband had an affair. When they separated, her husband left the country and took his money with him, leaving Zehra in debt with no means of income. Knowing her options would be even more limited in Pakistan as a single mom, she vowed to stay in Canada and make it work… whatever that meant.

“When you plan, you create attachment to the outcome.”

Join me for Zehra’s story of tenacity and surrender, deciding to say yes to whatever the Universe presented without questioning it. Each step has led to where she is today, an example of what she now teaches: the Law of Attraction. She is the author of 12 books and the creator of the Unlimited 40-day Law of Attraction Workout. That debt she was left with? Zehra now owns multiple properties and has a thriving business, all of which she credits to trusting the Universe.

Learn more about Zehra:

Website: http://www.zmahoon.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/zmahoon/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zmahoon/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/zmahoon

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtQjGQsjoS4rbfv0JxyAn4A

How’s your relationship with money? They don’t call it a relationship for nothing. Just like love, if you are insecurely attached, your money relationship is probably based in scarcity. Just like love, it mirrors what you believe you deserve. Just like love, you fear it will disappear. Having money isn’t the issue—many insecurely attached folks are financially successful. It’s the feelings and fears associated with money that create problems, just like an intimate relationship. If you are stingy with money, overspend, feel guilty spending (especially on yourself), fear losing it, avoid looking at your balance or just have general anxiety around money, you need this episode.

Join me as I share the common threads between money and love, and how insecure attachment affects both. Just like love, healing your relationship with money starts with awareness. It involves commitment, connecting with your emotions around finances, making different choices and growing your self-worth. When you believe you deserve, scarcity gives way to abundance. It’s not about how much you have in the bank; it’s about feeling good regardless of your balance. Because when you have enough (money AND love), you stop the anxious search and celebrate what you have.

If you can’t live without someone, and are knee-deep in soulmate territory where you need them to “complete” you, you are very likely stuck in attachment. You have a picture in your head of what you want your life to be and how you want to feel, so you’re trying to fit them into it, regardless of how things really are. So you push and pull, trying to mold them into what you want. Perhaps you cherry pick the good moments to convince yourself they’re the one. But where are their feelings in all of this? Are you in this relationship together, or are you just focused on getting what you want? And are you even getting it?

Attachment is self-absorption in many ways. Not because you’re self-centered or a bad person—not at all. You are simply reacting to your pain, which can be all-consuming. It’s an emptiness that needs to be fed, so you are constantly looking for ways to fill it. The quicker the better because you’re in scarcity land and it may disappear in a blink. Attachment like this can be an out-of-body experience where you are completely disconnected from your deeper feelings. In this week’s podcast I challenge you to look beyond yourself to see the other person for who they truly are—with empathy and compassion. This will help loosen that tight grip of yours so you ease anxiety and see your relationship a little more clearly.

Wisdom Nugget (#wisdomnugget)

Self absorption is attachment. Feeling your real feelings will help you connect better with others.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Allana grew up with a co-dependent mom and drunk dad, leading her to become a people-pleasing “yes” person who was completely disconnected from herself. Always spinning, never still, Allana jumped into her first marriage with a Wall Street guy who encouraged her to go to an ivy league college. Accomplishments made Allana feel safe, which was always her motivation, so she went to Columbia. Inside she was lost, but she worked hard to make sure no one found out how messed up she was.

After divorcing her husband and moving to LA, Allana started exploring her intimate, spiritual side. Join me as Allana talks about her “failed” relationships, including one with her son, and how each was actually successful because of what she needed to learn. Her healing began with allowing, then curiosity, followed by compassion and eventually unconditional love. Today Allana is an Intimacy expert and author of six books who helps people live and love with an open heart. Her Heartmates Partnering App & Intimacy Training is the anti-dating app, designed to help singles become the one, find the one and keep the one.

“It’s beautiful to come home to yourself.” –Allana Pratt

Learn more about Allana here:

Website: https://allanapratt.com/

Instagram: @allanapratt

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachallanapratt

Twitter: @allanapratt

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/AlanaPratt