Some books feel like a warm light in a room you didn’t realize you’d been sitting in the dark. The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love is one of those books—because it names the thing so many of us do to keep the peace: we swallow the truth, we smooth the edges, we “handle it,” we don’t rock the boat… and then we wake up one day with a body full of resentment and a life that doesn’t feel like ours. In this Book Talk episode of A Fresh Story, Olivia sits down with Colette Jane Fehr—licensed psychotherapist, couples therapist, relationship expert, and first-time author—to talk about the heartbreak behind silence, and the brave, almost holy work of finding your voice again.

Colette doesn’t write from a pedestal. She writes from the trenches. She takes us back to the origin story: a childhood shaped by destructive conflict, a first marriage shaped by conflict avoidance, and a painful realization that “keeping things calm” can sometimes mean abandoning yourself one quiet moment at a time. In the episode, Colette opens up about the way women—especially the oldest daughters, the people-pleasers, the ones trained to be “good”—learn to disappear inside relationships. And she connects that lived truth to her years in the therapy room: the pattern is everywhere. Avoiding the problem becomes the problem. The book’s message lands like a permission slip: you can be kind and still be clear. You can be regulated and still be honest. You can love someone and still refuse to lose yourself.

What makes this conversation hit so deeply is that it’s not just about romantic relationships—it’s about every relationship where silence has been mistaken for safety: parenting, friendships, family systems, even caring for aging parents. Colette’s concept of self-connected communication isn’t about winning fights; it’s about returning to yourself so you can speak from your real feelings and needs, without blame or performance. If you’re starting over after divorce, scared to trust your own voice again, or simply tired of living in “fine,” this episode offers a path back to emotional intimacy—first with yourself, and then with the people who are meant to meet you there.

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