Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

This episode will completely change how you show up for the people in your life when they are grieving or going through something.

Most of us have heard the advice about what to do when someone is grieving: bring the meal, send the gift card, walk the dog, take the kids, run the errand. And those things matter, but knowing what to say is where a lot of us panic.

Today I’m talking to Shelby Forsythia, a grief coach, author, and podcast host whose book, Of Course, I’m Here Right Now, gives us actual words to say when we don’t know what to say.

After years of working with grievers, Shelby started noticing that people were often telling themselves three stories: I’m crazy, I’m alone, and my life is going to feel like this forever. So she built three phrases to meet those stories.

In this episode, we talk about why hurtful words can fracture relationships after loss, why disappearing can be just as painful, and how the right words can help someone feel seen, believed, and less alone inside what they are carrying.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why Shelby believes words are one of the most accessible grief support tools we have
• The 3 phrases that don’t “fix”, bright-side, or rush someone through grief
• How someone can be physically present in a friendship but still emotionally vanish from the part of someone that is grieving
• The importance of sitting with someone in their “grief house” without trying to drag them into hope

Resources & Links

Learn more about Shelby on her website, and check out her book, Of Course, I’m Here Right Now.

Shelby also references the book, There Is No Good Card For This by Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell.

Episode 172: Unmuted Rooms and Judgment-Free Listening with Erin Snow

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Have you ever caught yourself on your birthday paying a little too much attention to your phone?

Noticing who texted, who posted, who sent a voice memo? What about who just “liked” your Instagram story but didn’t actually say anything? Who remembered, who didn’t, and what all of that might mean about how much they care about you.

For most of us, birthdays are one of the only times we explicitly tell our friends how much they mean to us. It’s the one day when all the evidence gets collected: did they remember, did they make an effort, did they show up in the way I hoped they would?

And if there aren’t many other moments throughout the year where we are saying these things out loud, then of course the birthday starts to feel loaded.

So in today’s episode, I’m talking about how we can build a culture inside our friendships where affirmation, appreciation, and “you matter to me” moments are not saved for one day a year. Your birthday can still be special, but it probably shouldn’t have to carry the full weight of proving where you stand in someone’s life.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why birthdays can start to feel like a friendship test, even when nobody wants them to be one
• Why a birthday text, card, party, or forgotten message can feel so loaded when there is not enough “you matter to me” evidence 
• What story roots have to do with birthday expectations, and why our brains write loud stories about it
• How voice memos, shared notes, and friendship check-ins can help build a culture of affirmation beyond birthdays

Resources & Links

Episode 12: Digging Into the 3 Types of Friendship Roots

Episode 37: You Don’t Need to Understand People to Accept Them

Episode 70: Separating Our Own Friendship Beliefs from Our Children’s with Pam Howard

Episode 179: What Is Friendship Culture? (And How to Shift it Without Blowing Everything Up)

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

It’s impossible to talk about friendship or community without the topic of loneliness. 

What is loneliness doing inside the body? How is it affecting our hearts, our brains, our stress hormones, and our actual day-to-day health?

That’s exactly what we’re going to explore today with Dr. Alan Rozanski, a cardiologist who has spent decades studying this question: what allows people to truly flourish? 

Dr. Rozanski breaks down his six domains of health: physical health, mental vitality, emotional mastery, purposeful living, stress management, and social connectivity. And, of course, social connectivity is what I was most excited to talk about!

This conversation gave me a lot to sit with, and I think it might do the same for you.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why the effects of social media can be both a lifeline and the “fast food” version of connection
• How to think about “minimum standards” for friendship, movement, purpose, and emotional well-being
• Dr. Rozanski’s six domains of health, and the vicious cycle that comes from just one low-ranking area
• How loneliness can become a cue we ignore or try to satisfy in the wrong place (plus, the stat that doesn’t tell the whole story)
• Vitality, and why it can give us a “North Pole” for understanding what our health needs

Resources & Links

Learn more about Dr. Alan Rozanski on his website.

Episode 58: You’re Not Doing It Wrong: Why Friendship Looks Different for Everyone

Episode 62: Finding Your Purpose Through Friendship with Mark Delaney of The Purpose Mastermind

Episode 125: Super Psyched: The 4 Types of Connection We All Need

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Have you ever left a hangout with a friend and felt like 95% of the hangout was normal, but the other 5% was just… off?

Maybe it was a comment that surprised you, or a value that seemed to come out of nowhere. And suddenly you’re wondering, wait, is this still the person I thought I knew?!

That’s what I’m talking about in today’s episode. Notice this isn’t about friendship breakups or big fights. But rather, the strange grief of realizing a friend might be changing in a way that no longer feels aligned for you.

I’ll walk through why this can feel so disorienting, how old friendship roots can keep us connected even when something important has shifted, and the 3 options I think you have when a friendship still exists, but the person inside it feels different.

This episode is sponsored by Slowly, a digital penpal app used by over 10 million people worldwide! If you’ve been looking for a low-pressure way to connect with someone completely outside your normal friendship circle, this is it. Exchange letters at your own pace, no small talk panic required. Download Slowly free and get 30% off Slowly Plus using my link: https://open.slowly.app/miXL/l8ei5iw6.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• What those tiny “wait, what?” moments can reveal, especially when most of your friendship still feels normal
• The difference between a friend simply changing and a friend shifting in a way that no longer feels aligned
• How friendship roots explain why old friendships can feel both familiar and disorienting at the same time
• When to consider a friendship demotion, a friendship pause, or ending a friendship altogether

Resources & Links

Order my book, Are We Friends Yet?and get immediate access to the Less Lonely Club Community and the 10-Day Connection Reset Private Podcast.

Learn more about The Friendhood on their website and on Instagram.

Episode 12: Digging Into the 3 Types of Friendship Roots

Episode 45: Friendship Demotions (and How to Build Even Better Friendships)

Episode 136: The Surprising Benefits of a Friendship Pause

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

There is something dreamy about the idea of living close to your people. Imagine all of the spontaneous walks, casual dinners, and “come over, I’m on my couch” friendship vibes that so many of us crave.

Today I’m talking with Kelly and Kristi from The Friendhood, a group of four women in Atlanta who actually did it. They didn’t just talk about moving closer to their friends someday — they now live within a block of each other, and their story went mega viral.

In this episode, we chat about what it really looks like to live near your best friends: the boundaries, the chosen family dynamics, the hard conversations, the 1:1 friendships inside the group, the joy of being aunties, and why proximity does not mean you are together all the time.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How The Friendhood went from 1 friend buying a lot in a new Atlanta development to 4 women living within a block of each other
• Why their chosen family dynamic includes husbands, kids, nephews, and the whole family unit
• A “yearly friendship check-in” idea that Kelly uses to ask what’s working and what needs support
• How The Friendhood avoids gossip and protects 1:1 friendships inside the larger group

Resources & Links

Learn more about The Friendhood on their website and on Instagram.

Episode 14: How To Join a Friend Group Or Create One

Episode 42: Real Talk About Friendship Trios

Episode 65: How Jenna Myhre Deyle Moved Across The Country to Live Closer to Friends

Episode 100: How To Use the Wheel of Connection to Strengthen Your Support System

Episode 149: Why We Should All Want Our Friends to Have Robust Social Lives (Even If It’s Without Us)

Episode 176: The Cost of Quiet: How To Stop Avoiding Conflict and Have Those Hard Conversations with Colette Jane Fehr

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

There’s a specific kind of loneliness that I don’t think enough people talk about — the loneliness you feel EVEN when you have good friends.

In this episode, I’m talking about why you might feel lonely, and I’m breaking it down into a few different reasons. Maybe you don’t feel fully seen, maybe this friendship isn’t the right container for what you’re carrying, maybe life circumstances have changed, or maybe there are quiet expectations that have never actually been named out loud.

My hope is that this episode gives you language for what might be happening in one specific friendship, so you have somewhere to start.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why you might feel lonely in a friendship when you’re masking, staying surface-level, or sharing vulnerably
• How to tell when a friendship is not the right “container” for a specific experience, passion, life change, or dream you’re carrying
• Why drift can happen when one person changes and the friendship hasn’t caught up yet
• Why texts, voice memos, and FaceTimes do not always replace the shared experiences you’re craving

Resources & Links

Episode 12: Digging Into the 3 Kinds of Friendship Roots

Episode 36: How To Feel Very “Not Alone”

Episode 74: The Power of Vulnerability In Small Doses

Episode 100: How To Use the Wheel of Connection to Strengthen Your Support System

Episode 176: The Cost of Quiet: How To Stop Avoiding Conflict and Have Those Hard Conversations with Colette Jane Fehr

Episode 179: What Is Friendship Culture? (And How To Shift It Without Everything Blowing Up)

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Why does connection, caregiving, parenting, friendship, and community feel so hard right now? 

Author Stephanie Malia Krauss is here to talk about the “weather” we’re all living in right now: we’re overtapped, overworked, overstimulated, and overwrought. 

And honestly, when I read that, I felt like she had put language to something so many of us are carrying around without even realizing it.

Stephanie and I both know what it feels like to be raised by a community. We talk about the adults who showed up in small ways when we were kids: the friend’s mom who always had a snack waiting, the counselor with animal crackers in her office, the parents who figured out rides, and the people who kept opening doors even when we weren’t ready to tell the truth.

This episode is all about the tiny ways people can help us feel human again, and why none of us were ever meant to do this alone.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How Stephanie’s “dangerous weather” framework explains the exhaustion so many of us feel right now
• What Stephanie and I learned from unlocked doors, team jackets, special snacks, and tiny check-ins
• Askables, anchors, and activators, and why kids need more than one caring adult in their lives
• How being praised for self-sufficiency, responsibility, and caregiving can become its own kind of trap

Resources & Links

Check out Stephanie’s new book, How We Thrive: Caring for Kids and Ourselves In a Changing World.

Stephanie’s other books include Making It: What Today’s Kids Need for Tomorrow’s World and Whole Child, Whole Life.

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

My book is finally out in the world.

This week, I'm taking you behind the scenes of the 6-year journey that became Are We Friends Yet? — from a food blog and a 40-page e-book idea, to a 120-page Word document, a friendship framework obsession, a major health crisis, an unexpected book deal, and more moments of crying on the floor than I'd like to admit.

This is the story of how this book came to be, the twists and turns I never saw coming, and why following my gut (even when it didn't make sense) ultimately got this book into your hands.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why I turned down a traditional publishing deal after years of trying to get this book into the world
• How a trio of chronic illnesses delayed this project by nearly 2 years and forced me to put everything on hold
• What recording the audiobook taught me after more than 180 podcast episodes behind a microphone
• The unconventional launch strategy I'm using instead of jumping straight into a big press tour

Resources & Links

Episode 19: The One For Little Alex

Episode 109: How To Rebuild Your Life When Your Capacity Changes

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

What do you do if a friend tells you something deeply personal? Maybe they're getting divorced, or they’re pregnant but haven’t publicly announced it.

This week, I'm sharing a friendship boundary that Michael and I have held for years, including the kinds of things we don't share with each other, why some of our friends are shocked to learn we've kept their secrets for months (or years), and the role trust plays in building strong friendships, communities, and marriages.

I know this is a hot take. But I think there's a difference between hiding something from your partner and holding something for your friend.

This episode is sponsored by Slowly, a digital penpal app used by over 10 million people worldwide! If you’ve been looking for a low-pressure way to connect with someone completely outside your normal friendship circle, this is it. Exchange letters at your own pace, no small talk panic required. Download Slowly free and get 30% off Slowly Plus using my link: https://open.slowly.app/miXL/l8ei5iw6.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The 3 categories of information I refuse to share, even when friends never ask to keep it private
• Why carrying a friend's secret can sometimes be emotionally heavy, and why it's still worth it
• The surprising way trust spreads through friend groups when people realize you're someone who can keep a secret
• Why "my spouse knows everything" can unintentionally come at the expense of trust in your friendships
• The friendship philosophy that helps build strong individual relationships and a stronger marriage

Episode 2: How To Balance Friendship & Marriage Without Losing Yourself

Episode 12: Digging Into The 3 Kinds of Friendship Roots

Episode 100: How To Use the Wheel of Connection to Strengthen Your Support System

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Friendship apps have a reputation for being awkward. They're "not how real friendships happen.” But what if that's not true?

When Hayleigh Hayhurst moved to Seattle knowing almost no one, she found herself craving deeper connection and a stronger support system. Instead of waiting for friendships to happen organically, she decided to try Bumble BFF — and ended up meeting some of her closest friends!

Hayleigh talks about what it's like to go on friend dates, why friendship rejection can feel more personal than romantic rejection, and how to move conversations off the apps into real life.

If you’ve considered downloading a friendship app or simply want more meaningful friendships in your life, this episode is for you.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why adult friendships work better when you get to an in-person meetup as quickly as possible
• The surprisingly specific filters Hayleigh used when looking for friends, including relationship status and lifestyle
• How searching for a “neighborhood friend” changed Hayleigh's experience of living in a city far from family
• Why borrowing a partner's social circle isn't the same as building your own support system
• Why Hayleigh was more nervous to go on a friend date than a romantic date, and what convinced her to try anyway

Episode 52: How To Build Community When You Don’t Know Where to Start

Episode 162: Why Getting to Know Your Neighbors Matters Right Now

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.