Ninety-four percent of people have experienced more than one friendship break-up.

Let that sink in. Nearly EVERYONE listening has been through this heartbreak multiple times – and yet, we barely even talk about it as a society! 

This statistic comes from a survey conducted by today’s guest, Meenadchi, a somatic healing practitioner, communications expert, author of Decolonization Non-Violent Communication, and TEDx Talk presenter about her own friendship break-up.

This is a conversation about the losses we don't have scripts for and why that makes the healing so much harder. We share deeply about our own experiences, we talk about Meenadchi’s research, and we dive into the grief of friendship break-ups.

I hope this conversation gives you some of what I felt during this conversation – that you are not alone in this experience. The pain of friendship break-ups is real. Give yourself the space you need to grieve.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Meenadchi’s upbringing in a Sri Lankan immigrant community, where friendships are highly valued
• Her long-term friendship that ended at age 36 and her subsequent fascination with friendship breakups
• The vulnerability and intimacy shared in childhood friendships and the impact of losing such relationships
• The concept of a "line in the sand" for setting boundaries and moving forward in relationships; when do boundaries work, and when can friendships be repaired?
• The importance of community interconnectedness in healing from friendship breakups (plus, healing strategies, from letter-writing to the internet)

Resources & Links

Visit Meenadchi’s website, see her TEDx Talk, and follow her on Instagram.

In this episode I mentioned All About Love by Bell Hooks.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

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There is a message I keep getting in my DMs, and it breaks my heart every single time. 

It’s too late for me to make friends. I’m too old. I’ve messed up. I missed the boat.

I get why people feel this way. Societel messages lead us to believe there is a point in our lives when, if we don’t have the community connections we want, then we will never have them.

But if you’re on the shore, watching your boat cruise away, I want to share with you a little secret: there is always another boat. The key is to stop thinking of friendship and community as something “happening” to you and instead as something you are actively building.

One of the joys of being an adult is that you get to CHOOSE who you are surrounded by. How to start? Literally, from any place, under any circumstances.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The challenges of transitioning from surface-level friendships to deeper, more meaningful connections
• My tackling the limiting belief that there isn’t enough time to build friendships, even if you’re only living in a place temporarily
• Why it’s never too late to change patterns and grow new roots with new or old friendships
• When social anxiety, a major life shift, or feeling “out of practice” makes social situations feel awkward – and my advice for this

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 12 about emotional intimacy roots, Episode 69 about learned loneliness, and Episode 49 about navigating small talk.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Lots of people tell me they want couple friendships – you know, those picture-perfect foursomes you see in movies, where everybody gets along effortlessly.

Here’s the truth: couple friendships are complex! Why? Because you’re not just making friends couple-to-couple. You’re actually building FOUR SEPARATE FRIENDSHIPS at the same time. 

My husband and I have lots of couple friendships – probably more than 20 – and they range from old friends to new friends, close friends to casual friends. Some we might have over for dinner, some we travel and spend holidays with.

This episode covers the real dynamics of couple friendships: what makes them work, what complicates them, and how to strengthen them over time. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The different dynamics to manage in couple friendships, including individual friendships in the couple and the dynamics when all four are together
• Being aware and respectful of the different levels of closeness within the group; it might be a combination of present friends, historic friends, familiar friends, etc.
• How to find couple friends, from leaning into existing friendships to meeting new people in your community
• Navigating complications with couple friendships, from life changes (a move or the introduction of kids) to divorce

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 28 about adult slumber parties with Dr. Erika Michalski. 

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Calling someone you haven’t spoken to in two years isn’t weird; it’s just being human.

Today’s guest is Jacob Marquez, also known as J. Henry, a Seattle-based tech entrepreneur and musical artist whose approach to relationships challenges a lot of conventional friendship wisdom.

Jacob is the founder of Seattle’s Best Brunch, bringing creatives together to collaborate and spotlight each other’s work, and he’s developing an app that helps people nurture their relationships. 

What drew me to Jacob wasn’t what he was building but how he approaches connection. He’ll call someone out of the blue after years of silence, and he thinks that friendships can be reciprocal – even if one person talks about themself the whole time. 

Our conversation touches on everything including low-maintenance friendships, systems for connection, and the impact of redefining intimacy, and I think it will have us all thinking twice about our assumptions regarding how friendship should work. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Jacob’s work in community connection, including Seattle’s Best Brunch and his app, Connect, which provides systems for staying connected
• The different systems each of us uses to track and maintain friendships; plus, why it’s important to be open to change and growth in our friendships as time goes on
• Different ways friendships can actually be reciprocal – even if you don’t think they are at first glance!
• The entrances into different communities you could be finding just by being open and communicative about what you’re looking for

Resources & Links

On Instagram check out Jacob’s personal Instagram and his account for Seattle’s Best Brunch.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Cheer your friends on for hanging out with each other … even if it’s without you!

It might sound like counterintuitive friendship advice. But the truth is, when my friends have rich, full social lives, I actually benefit more than anyone. 

In this episode, I’m going to share some stories where I have either encouraged my friends to make other friends or actually cheered them on for hanging out without me. 

My friend who’s moved away and whose baby was in the NICU? I want her to have other mom friends! I want her to have friends who live CLOSE to her! Mostly, I want this for my friend’s well-being, but there are many benefits for me, too. 

When my friends have rich social lives, it also enriches my social capital and puts less pressure on me to be EVERYTHING for them – which honestly is a healthier situation for all of us.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The friendship trio dynamic: why I’m not offended when the others hang out without me and the importance of one-on-one time even in a group
• The value of friends having diverse social networks, including activity-specific friends, life stage friends, and work friends
• Social capital and why having friends with a robust web of connections makes me feel more supported and connected, too
• Benefits of encouraging friends to make other friends, including reducing pressure and providing more niche support

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 12 about my roots framework.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Imagine you’re an expat in Berlin in the early 2000s, with no smartphones, no social media, and barely any internet. You walk down the street and spot someone wearing a T-shirt made by a friend from your past life in Baltimore. Do you approach them? 

Well, that’s what today’s guest Amy Stafford did – and this moment led her to being part of the Lucky Trimmer, one of the most beloved dance festivals in Europe.

Amy isn’t even a dancer; she found her way into the community that builds this festival by offering what she was good at to something she was curious about. The festival has since grown into an international phenomenon and has guided Amy into her current design career as the founder of the Blixa 6 Studios.

In this episode, Amy and I talk about how small moments can lead to the most extraordinary ripple effects. Whether you're feeling stuck in your current social circles or wondering how to connect in a new city, Amy's story is going to show how the connections you're seeking might be closer than you think. You just have to say hello.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Amy’s initial encounter with a t-shirt in Berlin, which led to a friendship and eventually to her involvement with the Lucky Trimmer dance festival
• The importance of volunteering and contributing to a community to build social capital and create meaningful connections
• The power of small actions and moments of courage in creating significant changes and opportunities
• Saying yes to new experiences (!) and how it can lead to unexpected and fulfilling connections

Resources & Links

Check out Amy’s free coloring booklet and learn more about Lucky Trimmer.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

One of the best things about being part of a group – whether a book club, neighborhood, friend group, or formal community – is feeling like you belong to something.

But that feeling isn’t always instant; sometimes, if you’re new, you might wonder, at what point do I actually fit in? That’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode: what belonging to a group actually feels like vs. what we think it should feel like. 

I want to reframe how we think about belonging. A lot of us might think it’s all-or-nothing, but I think there’s a spectrum to it. In some groups, feelings of belonging might be stronger than in others, and that’s okay.

How can we cultivate our connections in these groups to increase feelings of belonging? I offer some of my thoughts, but I also want to say, it’s okay to not feel close with everyone in a group. What matters is to lean into what feels right to you.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The four signs of belonging and why we need to look at belonging as a spectrum and not a black-and-white concept
• The impact of belonging on mental and physical health and how to use small intimacies as a way to build connections in a group
• Why sometimes senses of belonging fluctuate over time; plus, giving and receiving genuine interest
• The value in focusing on individual relationships within a group rather than the group as a whole

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 100 about the Wheel of Connection; Episode 74 about small intimacies; Episode 37 about nurturing feelings of belonging; and Episode 14 about friend groups.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Lately I’ve been hearing about how the price of community is inconvenience.

You know what I’m talking about: those posts about how, if you want a village, you have to be a villager. You have to give the rides, buy the gifts, and drop off the meals. But I think these messages focusing on inconvenience are missing the point.

Yesterday, I was at a baby shower for a friend who has wanted to be a mom for so long that I could cry thinking about how excited I am for her. Sure, buying presents and wrapping gifts are not my favorite ways to support people. At the same time, I was so unbelievably happy to be part of this celebration for her. 

Isn’t helping your friends also, in some way, beneficial for YOU too? The inconvenient tasks on the surface level can be a burden, but I think the long-term payoffs are so worth it. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why I think these messages about the inconvenience of community is out there: we live in an individualistic society that focuses on self-improvement and achievement
• Finding ways to support your friends that are enjoyable but not burdensome; for me, this is cooking
• Why performing tasks to help our friends can be both burdensome AND joyful at the same time, and why I hate the idea of reciprocity

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 74 about small intimacies.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

When putting yourself out there, rejection is inevitable. But here’s a reframe you might need to hear: YOU are not being rejected. It’s only your OFFER that is being rejected.

Tanesha Moody was, at one point, drowning in rejection from every direction, from job applications to dating apps to her own friendships. Instead of retreating, she got curious and discovered the transformative power of separating rejection from yourself. 

Today, Tanesha is a speaker, writer, and founder of Full Out Coaching, and she’s got amazing insight about how this simple reframe can impact how you show up and live your life. 

Honestly, this conversation came at exactly the right moment for me. Sure, sometimes friends do reject core parts of who we are, but more often, they just reject a dinner invitation or don’t respond how we hoped they would in a text message. In some cases, rejection can bring people together and should be celebrated; after all, rejection is evidence that we tried.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Tanesha’s experience facing rejection from multiple aspects of her life, including job applications, dating apps, and friendships
• Reframing rejections as a step not a stop; a rejection is not necessarily to you but to the offer you made
• How Tanesha seeks rejection daily, plus, the benefits of rejection, including building resilience and fostering growth
• Using rejection parties as a way to celebrate and learn from rejection and build community 

Resources & Links

Learn more about Tanesha’s business, Full Out Coaching.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Have you ever felt like everyone but you received some kind of friend-making manual?

Today’s guest, Lee Hopkins, is a social connections and business culture coach and CEO of Patterns of Possibility – but his journey to this work started with his own decades-long struggle. 

In this episode, Lee shares about navigating friendship after recently learning that he has autism, and how this revelation has impacted his relationships with friends, family, and ultimately, his way of life. 

Lee says what’s made all the difference for him in this journey of self-discovery has been boundaries, conscious conversations, and knowing himself. Once he stopped trying to fit into relationships that required him to mask who he was, it opened him up to the kinds of connection that actually nourished him. 

If you're feeling stuck in surface level relationships or tired of feeling like you're always performing to be accepted, then maybe it's time to get curious about what authentic connection looks like for you. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Lee’s life-long struggle with making friends and how he discovered he had autism later in life through TikTok
• Common misconceptions about autism and how this diagnosis impacted how he communicated with the people around him
• The importance in understanding the communication gap between neurodivergent and neurotypical people
• Mentors, intentional conversations, and why we all need to stop comparing our relationships with other people’s

Resources & Links

Listen to other episodes about being a neurodivergent person looking for connection: Episode 40 and Episode 54. 

Follow Coach Lee on Instagram, on his website, listen to his podcast, and see his free resource.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!