Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Everyone is talking about building a village right now. It’s on social media, in parenting forums, in wellness content, in the conversations we have when we’re exhausted and lonely and wondering why support feels so hard to find.

But how many of us have actually experienced a REAL village? Today’s guest, Tom Karrel, has spent a lot of time thinking about it.

Tom is the author of The Lost Art of Random Conversations, and he has more than 10,000 hours of group facilitation experience across 45 countries. He also spent years living and working in Uganda, including in rural village communities where the pace, expectations, and social fabric look very different from the way many of us live in the U.S.

In this episode, Tom and I talk about what it felt like to enter a 350-person Ugandan village as an outsider, how learning to greet people in the local language became a bridge, and why “going first” is often the only way into connection.

We also talk about time, uncertainty, social trust, Ring doorbells, random conversations, Seattle sidewalks, Mexican fishermen, and what it means to put your phone away long enough to notice the person standing in front of you.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How being visibly different forced Tom to practice vulnerability, humility, and going first over and over again
• What living in a 350-person village taught Tom about presence, schedules, and the way we prioritize tasks vs. people
• Why the interruptions we avoid might be the exact moments that make life feel more connected
• What the “Seattle Freeze” has to do with social trust, small risks, and choosing to smile at strangers anyway
• Why fumbling through a new language in a Ugandan village is not that different from trying to make friends at a gym

Resources & Links

Check out Tom’s book, The Lost Art of Random Conversations and learn more about him on his website.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Do you talk about money with your friends? Money can bring up jealousy, comparison, shame, judgment, and all kinds of feelings we may not want to bring into our friendships. 

But I also think there is so much power in these conversations.

You do not have to start by sharing your salary, your mortgage payment, or the amount in your savings account. Sometimes talking about money means sharing a budgeting app, a credit card strategy, a financial goal, a resource, a work benefit, a business decision, or the reason you are saying no to a trip this year.

In this episode, I’m walking through the five layers of talking about money with friends, the kinds of money conversations I’ve had recently, and why even the lower-pressure layers can give us more understanding, more grace, and more possibility in our friendships and our lives.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

•  Why a story shared at girls’ night changed the way I think about credit and financial independence
• Why benefits, PTO, 401k matches, and health insurance can be easier entry points than salary when talking about work and money
• How knowing a friend’s financial goals can help you understand their “no” without taking it personally
• Why talking about money can bring up jealousy, comparison, or feeling left behind
• Why even a “layer one” money conversation might open a door your friend did not know was available

Resources & Links

Episode 61: The Layers of Talking About Money With Friends

Episode 168: Jealous of a Friend? Here’s What That Feeling Is About

Episode 181: The Secrets We Keep (for Our Friends)

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

We have so many rituals for romantic love, between weddings, anniversaries, showers, and celebrations. But what do we have for friendship?

Today I’m talking with Jennifer Hobbs, owner of Rhinestone Wedding Chapel in Nashville and creator of Bestiemony, a friendship commitment ceremony she created after realizing that the vows she hears at weddings every day also sounded a lot like the promises her best friends had been keeping for years.

Jennifer shares what actually happens inside of one of these ceremonies, and why saying the thing out loud can change the way you see a friendship going forward. We talk about the friends who get us through the heartbreaks, hard seasons, and everyday emotional spirals — and how strange it is that these relationships often only get a few lines in someone else’s wedding speech or a heartfelt paragraph after they’re gone.

If these are some of the most important relationships in our lives, why wouldn’t we want to celebrate them while our friends are here to actually hear it? 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The matching outfits, friendship backstories, written vows, pinky promises that make up Jennifer’s tiny chapel
• Why filming the ceremony matters, and Jennifer’s dream to turn this into a traveling girl’s weekend
• How watching other best friends tell their stories could help someone understand what a “good” friendship can look like
• Why the uniqueness of a Bestiemony might feel uncomfortable or even awkward at first

Resources & Links

Learn more about Rhinestone Wedding Chapel and Bestiemony.

Episode 19: The One for Little Alex

Episode 188: Are Birthdays Doing Too Much Work In Our Friendships?

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Have you ever realized that every time you hang out with certain friends, you do the exact same thing?

That happened to me recently with a group of friends. We were all sitting around my living room when one friend named what I think a lot of us had been feeling: the hangout was still good, but it had started to feel stale.

In today’s episode, I’m talking about what it can mean when a friendship starts to feel like it is maintaining instead of growing. Because I think there is a big difference between a friendship that is dying and a friendship that needs a refresh.

Sometimes you just need to ask different questions, change the container, or grow a few new roots in a friendship that has been relying on the same old ones for a while.

If you have a friendship that still matters to you, but the routine has started to feel a little too routine, this episode is for you.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How Alex’s friend group created a shared list of museum nights, supper clubs, rugby games, and weekend trip ideas
• Why a stale friendship might be one where you are watering the plant, but not seeing any new leaves
• How trying something you used to love together can bring back an earlier version of your friendship for one night
• The importance of changing one small variable, like the time of day, group size, location, or format

Resources & Links

Episode 12: Digging Into the 3 Types of Friendship Roots

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Today’s episode is for the parents who have messaged me over and over again asking, “How do I help my teen daughter through friendship drama?” But it’s also for the adults who are realizing that some of their current friendship patterns may have started in those very formative years.

Sheri Gazitt, founder of Teen Wise, helps teen girls and their parents understand what is really happening underneath their friendship struggles.

We talk about why “girl drama” is not usually random, why labels like “mean girl” or “toxic friend” can stick in harmful ways, and why friendship is a skill teens need to be taught, not something they should be expected to magically know how to do.

We also discuss the role parents play, including what to do when our first instinct is to dismiss, dramatize, or fix, and how to guide teens without taking over their friendships completely.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why teen friendship drama starts with insecurity, fear of being replaced, or not having the skills to handle conflict 
• How labels like “mean girl” and “toxic friend” can become identities teens carry into future friendships
• The 4 pillars Sheri uses with teen girls: identity, beliefs, emotional resilience, and interpersonal skills
• Why some girls feel safer in 1:1 friendships, and how bigger friend groups can create “floater friends” 
• How teens and adults can avoid taking sides when conflict spreads throughout a group

Resources & Links

• Learn more about Sheri’s company, Teen Wise.
• Episode 12: Digging Into the 3 Types of Friendship Roots
• Episode 15: Staying Curious & Managing Differences Within Friendships
• Episode 100: How To Use the Wheel of Connection to Strengthen Your Support System
• Episode 134: All About “Fringe Friends”
• Dive into the Wheel of Connection Guide

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Last week’s guest said something that really stuck with me: “The cost of community is disappointment.”

We feel disappointed when a friend cancels at the last minute, when someone doesn’t show up the way we hoped they would, when we feel left out, and when the birthday or baby shower or hard season does not look the way we imagined it would. 

And most of us do not really want to admit how much disappointment exists inside our friendships, because we want friendship to feel like joy, ease, fun, support, and belonging.

In today’s episode, I’m talking about the many ways disappointment appears in friendship, why the opposite of disappointment might be apathy, and how I try to sit with it when it stings.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How canceled plans, missed milestones, and feeling left out can all become different versions of the same feeling
• Why I encourage my friends to hang out without me, and still sometimes feel sad when they do
• What slow-burn disappointments can do to a friendship
• How to tell the difference between a disappointment worth reflecting on and a repeated pattern

Resources & Links

Episode 146: Moving Past Inconvenience and Into the Joy of Helping

Episode 191: How To Make Mom Friends When the Village Doesn’t Just Appear

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Making new mom friends sounds simple enough until you’re actually in the thick of it, and that’s where Molly Menning found herself after becoming a full-time stay-at-home mom of two. 

Many of her mom friends had gone back to work or had kids in different stages, and the daytime hours at home started to feel really isolating.

So she decided to try something simple: a weekly, drop-in playgroup at her house for local moms – and it worked!

In this episode, Molly talks about how she started the playgroup, the vulnerability of hosting, what happens when everyone cancels, and why the price of community might sometimes be disappointment.

If you’ve been waiting for someone else to create the thing you wish existed, this might be your nudge to go first.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why loneliness hit Molly differently when she became a full-time stay-at-home mom
• How a Canva invite turned into a weekly “come as you are” drop-in playgroup with coffee and kid snacks
• Why two moms showing up is not a failure, and how small gatherings can become the beginning of real community
• The reframe we all need when people cancel, plans shift, or the turnout is smaller than we hoped
• Why hosting does not have to mean cleaning your house, throwing a party, or doing everything yourself

Resources & Links

Episode 6: The Secret to Hosting a Gathering (Hint: You’re Probably Doing Too Much)

Episode 155: How to Host on Any Budget (and Not Fall Into the Martha Stewart Trap)

Episode 171: Why (and How) You Should Start Initiating Recurring Social Gatherings

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Have you ever come home from hanging out with a new friend and you spiral, wondering if you shared too much or scared them off?

I call this a new friend hangover. And in today’s episode, I want to talk about what happens when we rush into new friendships, especially when we are really, really hungry for connection. 

So much of adult friendship advice tells us to open up, be vulnerable, share more, and let people in. I don’t think that advice is wrong, exactly. I just think it’s incomplete.

The coffee dates, the shared activities, the silly moments, the tiny details you notice about each other are all part of your friendship origin story, which is where a lot of roots start to grow.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How being hungry for connection can make us try to fast-forward a friendship before it has roots
• Why anxious “new friend hangovers” can show up after a hangout you were excited about
• Why taking pottery classes and sharing recipes can create small intimacies 
• How to think about sharing from a scar instead of a wound when a friendship is still new

Resources & Links

Episode 12: Digging Into the 3 Types of Friendship Roots

Episode 74: The Power of Vulnerability In Small Doses

Episode 100: How To Use the Wheel of Connection to Strengthen Your Support System

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

This episode will completely change how you show up for the people in your life when they are grieving or going through something.

Most of us have heard the advice about what to do when someone is grieving: bring the meal, send the gift card, walk the dog, take the kids, run the errand. And those things matter, but knowing what to say is where a lot of us panic.

Today I’m talking to Shelby Forsythia, a grief coach, author, and podcast host whose book, Of Course, I’m Here Right Now, gives us actual words to say when we don’t know what to say.

After years of working with grievers, Shelby started noticing that people were often telling themselves three stories: I’m crazy, I’m alone, and my life is going to feel like this forever. So she built three phrases to meet those stories.

In this episode, we talk about why hurtful words can fracture relationships after loss, why disappearing can be just as painful, and how the right words can help someone feel seen, believed, and less alone inside what they are carrying.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why Shelby believes words are one of the most accessible grief support tools we have
• The 3 phrases that don’t “fix”, bright-side, or rush someone through grief
• How someone can be physically present in a friendship but still emotionally vanish from the part of someone that is grieving
• The importance of sitting with someone in their “grief house” without trying to drag them into hope

Resources & Links

Learn more about Shelby on her website, and check out her book, Of Course, I’m Here Right Now.

Shelby also references the book, There Is No Good Card For This by Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell.

Episode 172: Unmuted Rooms and Judgment-Free Listening with Erin Snow

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Have you ever caught yourself on your birthday paying a little too much attention to your phone?

Noticing who texted, who posted, who sent a voice memo? What about who just “liked” your Instagram story but didn’t actually say anything? Who remembered, who didn’t, and what all of that might mean about how much they care about you.

For most of us, birthdays are one of the only times we explicitly tell our friends how much they mean to us. It’s the one day when all the evidence gets collected: did they remember, did they make an effort, did they show up in the way I hoped they would?

And if there aren’t many other moments throughout the year where we are saying these things out loud, then of course the birthday starts to feel loaded.

So in today’s episode, I’m talking about how we can build a culture inside our friendships where affirmation, appreciation, and “you matter to me” moments are not saved for one day a year. Your birthday can still be special, but it probably shouldn’t have to carry the full weight of proving where you stand in someone’s life.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why birthdays can start to feel like a friendship test, even when nobody wants them to be one
• Why a birthday text, card, party, or forgotten message can feel so loaded when there is not enough “you matter to me” evidence 
• What story roots have to do with birthday expectations, and why our brains write loud stories about it
• How voice memos, shared notes, and friendship check-ins can help build a culture of affirmation beyond birthdays

Resources & Links

Episode 12: Digging Into the 3 Types of Friendship Roots

Episode 37: You Don’t Need to Understand People to Accept Them

Episode 70: Separating Our Own Friendship Beliefs from Our Children’s with Pam Howard

Episode 179: What Is Friendship Culture? (And How to Shift it Without Blowing Everything Up)

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.