A few years ago, five sets of my friends moved away within a six-month period. These people were my emergency contacts, the people I did Sunday dinners with. I was devastated.

This isn’t a unique experience; it often happens to people in their late 20s and early 30s, when life paths start to diverge. Friends get married and have kids. They travel the world and pursue their careers. The friendships start to feel different.

I call this phenomenon the great friendship shift, which I talk about today with Ericka Parker, founder and CEO of SILKENN (who is also host of the Boss Babe Reset podcast, which I was recently a guest on!). What do you do when your priorities have shifted so dramatically that your old ways of connecting don't work anymore?

When you look around and realize that your friendships feel different, it’s not a sign you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign that you’re growing. The key is to be intentional about the connections you want to nurture, and to create new patterns that actually work for this version of your life. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The emotional experience of dealing with changing friendships, and how Ericka’s busy life has affected hers
• What Ericka set up for her “pineapple friends” that has been a game-changer for staying in touch despite moves and life changes
• Proximity friendships vs. intentional friendships, and the benefits of having different friends for different areas of life
• Being flexible and adaptable in friendships, and also, being respectful of each others’ seasons of life – plus, the amazing benefits of bragging about a friend

Resources & Links

Listen to the episode of Boss Babe Reset that I was a guest on! And see Blake Blankenbecler, a friendship therapist mentioned in this episode, and follow her on Instagram.

Listen to Episode 12 about the types of friendship roots, and listen to Episode 2, Episode 50, and Episode 63 about the value of having different friends in different areas of life. Plus, see Episode 20 and Episode 21 about navigating friendship shifts.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

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The other day I was telling a friend about my goal to be better about responding to text messages in a more timely manner. My friend agreed: this was something I needed to work on! And this was fair. Other friends have called me out on this, too. 

But after recent episodes about virtual communities, parasocial relationships, and online friendship, it hit me that I’m not actually bad at ALL digital connection; I’m just drawn to certain types.

In today’s episode, I delve into the spectrum of digital connection, which I’ve segmented into four levels: surface-level signals, active updates, intentional connection, and deeper dive connections. I cover the purpose and challenges of each and why they matter.

I hope this episode helps you find your “sweet spot” and figure out where you’d like to focus your digital attention, because here’s the thing about digital communication: it’s not just some optional add-on to friendship anymore. 

Whether our friends live across the world or ten minutes away, bumping into each other online is one of the primary ways we connect these days, so strengthening this skill will only help your friendships. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• My four levels of digital connection: surface-level signals, active updates, intentional connection, and deeper dive connections, and examples for each
• Understanding our own strengths and weaknesses in digital connection and the practice it takes to become skilled in each format
• The value and challenges for each form of communication; for example, surface-level signals and active updates are easy to implement but can sometimes feel one-sided
• Common struggles in digital connection, including mismatched expectations, overwhelm, and guilt about missing updates, and how to manage these struggles

Resources & Links

Listen to my recent episodes on digital connection, including Episode 129 and Episode 130, about making friends online, and Episode 128 about parasocial relationships.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

In the past few episodes, I’ve talked about keeping in touch with friends through the digital space. This episode goes a step further: how do you MAKE friends online?

Today’s guests are Claudia and Marcela, the mother-daughter duo behind the Minded Society, which offers a supportive virtual environment for women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, with monthly events, book clubs, and personalized connections, helping members find authentic friendships across distances. 

We dive into everything, from maintaining friendships across time zones to being intentional about using the digital world to form deep connections. If this sounds like something you’d enjoy, Minded Society is offering our listeners 50 percent off your first month, plus a free 14-day trial; use the code Friendship IRL on their website.

Technology isn't a barrier to deep friendship; if you use it right, it can be a bridge that leads you to the kind of people who make you feel less alone in the world.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The inception of Minded Society during the COVID-19 pandemic, driven by shared feelings of loneliness
• What Minded Society is: a community that helps women form authentic friendships despite living in different parts of the world
• The importance of effort in maintaining online friendships, regardless of proximity or technology, and how to channel that effort (voice notes, phone calls, FaceTime, etc.)
• Generational differences in communication preferences and balancing effort and respect for others' boundaries

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 127 about calling your friends and Episode 24 about using the Marco Polo app. In this episode I also mention my Roots framework.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Are online friends REAL friends? 

I’m not talking about parasocial relationships, which are one-sided relationships; I’m talking about people you’ve had conversations with, people who know things about you. My personal opinion is that they most certainly are.

In this episode, I talk in-depth about the difference between my friends I met in person and the friends I met online. I combat some of the pushback people have against people you meet online and highlight some of the benefits of online friendship, from global perspectives to professional support.

At the end of the day, true connection isn't about where it started or how it's maintained. It's about how we are showing up for each other and supporting each other, whether that’s across the dinner table or across the world.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How many of my current friendships started online, including podcast guests like Alex Friedman and Wesley Stroupe
• Where online friendships can form (business groups, social media, virtual reality forums, etc.) and how to maintain them (Zoom, Facetime, Marco Polo, social media)
• Finding niche friends online – for example, many of my professional friendships were formed in the digital space – and gaining global perspectives from them
• Common concerns about online friendships: Will they fizzle out? Are they surface-level? Who actually IS this person from the internet?

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 25 with Patrice Poltzer, Episode 48 with Michelle Reichman, Episode 72 with Wesley Stroop, Episode 44 with Deasha Waddup, and Episodes 5 and 7 with Alex Friedman.

Also be sure to listen to Episode 128 about parasocial relationships!

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

The term ‘parasocial relationship’ was coined in the 1950s by American sociologists Donald Horton and Richard Wohl to describe how people connected with TV personalities at the time. 

Today, parasocial relationships have expanded to include celebrities, influencers, athletes – even podcast hosts! Social media in particular has taken parasocial relationships to a new level; it blows my mind how much I know about some people I’ve never met. 

In this episode, I talk all about the parasocial phenomenon: the positive and negative attributes to parasocial relationships, why we reach for them, and how they’re impacting our real (two-sided) connections.

Parasocial relationships aren't inherently good or bad. They're just part of modern reality. They’re not going anywhere. So instead of judging them, maybe it’s time we get intentional about them. How can we use parasocial connections as a bridge to community rather than replacement for it?

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Stats to consider: 51 percent of Americans have parasocial relationships but only 16 percent actually acknowledge they’re in one
• How social media changed parasocial relationships, giving us more behind-the-scene access and real-time updates about the people we follow
• The emotional energy we invest in parasocial relationships and how they can impact real-life friendships, causing relationship distortion
• How parasocial relationships can fill emotional needs, reduce stigma, provide behavioral modeling, and form communities in marginalized groups

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 104 with Sharon Walters about how to get less passive and more active on podcasts and social media; Episode 91, about how to stop dreading parties and take charge of your guest experience; Episode 38 and Episode 39, about third places; and Episode 127, which is about calling your friends.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

When was the last time you just called a friend because you wanted to talk?

We carry these super computers in our pockets, but sometimes, using them to stay in touch feels more complicated than ever. There are some people we can ring spontaneously. Others require multiple rounds of scheduling.

This episode is about the gap between wanting to stay connected and actually doing it. Today’s guest Mark Houghton, doesn’t just relate to this problem; he decided to solve it by creating the SoonCall app, which tracks connections and reminds you when it’s time to reach out. 

Here, Mark and I dive into the complexities of staying in touch. What I love most about our conversation? Mark has normalized something we’ve all been feeling guilty about: the mental load of maintaining modern friendships, and how some of us need a little extra help.

Intrigued by SoonCall? Mark has created a special offer for Friendship IRL listeners with six months of free access to SoonCall pro. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How the SoonCall app was created out of Mark’s own personal need to manage long-distance friendships
• Features of SoonCall, from tracking calls to reminding us of birthdays and important dates
• Having open conversations with our friends about how they feel about different kinds of connection, including spontaneous calls
• Using SoonCall and other tools as ways to support (not replace!) personal interactions
• The exclusive SoonCall offer for Friendship IRL listeners: six months of free access to SoonCall Pro

Resources & Links

More on friendship goals: listen to Episode 23, where I talked about my personal friendship goals, or Episode 60, where I dive into why friendship goals matter and how to make them.

Be sure to read Good Friends: Bonds That Change Us and the World by Priya Vulchi and her first book, Tell Me Who You Are: Sharing Our Stories of Race, Culture, and Identity, which she wrote with Winona Guo.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Sometimes friendship can be a powerful force for social and political change.

This is according to today’s guest, Priya Vulchi, author of the newly-released (and AMAZING!) Good Friends: Bonds That Change Us and the World, which offers a resounding cry that friendship is vital, not just for individual well-being, but for humanity itself.

Priya is the co-founder of the nonprofit, Choose; was the youngest TED resident ever; has been published in places like The New York Times and Time Magazine; and is pursuing her Ph.D. in African and African American Studies at Harvard as a presidential scholar.

In other words, she knows what she’s talking about. But here’s why I’m excited about this conversation: we talk about how real authentic friendship is actually RADICAL and can change the world, challenging the status quo and causing people to care about issues simply because they impact the people they love.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Aristotle's three types of friendship – utility, pleasure, and virtue – and how these definitions still apply today
• How friendship challenges capitalistic models of overconsumption and self-reliance by relying on friends for favors instead of Uber or Amazon 
• How friendship can be political, requiring people to challenge their self-interests and deepen relationships
• The concept of heteros, or political friendship, and how it is as important as philia, or friendship of virtue; plus, the importance of joy in friendships

Resources & Links

Be sure to read Good Friends: Bonds That Change Us and the World by Priya Vulchi and her first book, Tell Me Who You Are: Sharing Our Stories of Race, Culture, and Identity, which she wrote with Winona Guo.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Have you ever stopped to think about what connection actually IS? How do you define the multi-faceted thing that we talk about all the time on this podcast? 

That’s what our guest, Dr. Adam Dorsay, is tasked with in this episode. 

Dr. Dorsay is a licensed psychologist, executive coach to high-achieving adults in Silicon Valley, host of the award-winning podcast, Super Psyched, and presenter of two amazing TEDx Talks. Today he discusses his new book, Super Psyched: Unleash The Power of the Four Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love (which I highly recommend).

This interview was so inspiring to me; I think the two of us could have talked for days. One of my biggest personal takeaways is to pay attention to not just my connection with others, but also my connection to the world and to something greater.

Listen in as we discuss the four types of connection and how to find the right combination for ourselves. Spoiler alert – it’s not a one-size-fits-all.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• What connection is – Dr. Dorsay defines it as an emotional internal response – and the four different types
• Anecdotes and practical tips to enhance connection, such as using a "driveway test" to evaluate interactions and employing a "walk-on song" to boost confidence
• The importance of self-connection – including self-awareness and self-love – which is the foundation of all other connections
• Societal pressure to appear cool and how it can hinder genuine connection (and why we should allow ourselves to experience awe and excitement instead)
• Alexithymia, the spotlight effect, plus, how we psyche ourselves up for small talk

Resources & Links

Read Super Psyched by Adam Dorsay, listen to his TEDx Talks, and listen to his podcast, Super Psyched.

Check out Dr. Adam Dorsey's book "Super Psyched" and his TEDx talks for further insights on connection.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Who in your life are you most consistently connected to? Is it a partner? A roommate? A friend, sibling, or parent? 

Now tell me this: when was the last time you wanted to lean into an interest, and you automatically asked this particular person to join … even though it wasn’t their thing? 

I call this the “easy ask,” and I think it’s a universal experience. I came up with the term years ago when I asked my partner Michael to go shopping with me, even though he doesn’t enjoy shopping. (Spoiler alert: he didn’t want to go.) 

There are times when the easy ask is okay, and there are times when you should work a little harder to find a more suitable person to join – or just go about it alone. 

I hope this episode gets you thinking: Where in your life are you making the easy ask? And what is the impact of this in your experiences and your relationships?

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How the "easy ask" often stems from convenience and familiarity, rather than a genuine desire for the experience
• Times when the easy ask makes sense, like when you need help with certain tasks or when that person has expressed interest
• Hidden costs of the easy ask, from strained relationships to missing out on opportunities to connect with friends who’d actually enjoy this activity
• Why it benefits to choose the less convenient but more meaningful connection over the easy option

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

A few months ago, I made a professional connection, and the energy felt good. 

As we neared the end of our working relationship, I realized I didn’t want this connection to end – but there was no logical way for us to get together. We weren’t in the same industry. I didn’t know if we had overlapping hobbies.

The whole situation got me thinking about this weird gray zone we sometimes find ourselves in when we can’t rely on proximity to make friends. It can be awkward … almost like dating! But unlike dating, friendship expectations can be unclear. Will this be a close friend? Or an acquaintance? What do you actually want to come out of this connection?

There will probably always be uncomfortable moments in new friendships. But I believe that if we talk about it, then hopefully we can accept that this is a normal part of the process and keep pushing forward.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The gray zone of making new friends and the importance of proximity and consistency
• Vulnerabilities in starting new friendships, including admitting we want to hang out with this person again
• The tendency to overthink messages and interactions, and how sometimes making new friends is like starting a new exercise routine
• Pushing through the discomfort of “friend dating” and navigating things like health restrictions in social settings

Resources & Links:

Check out the roots framework as featured in Episode 12.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!