When was the last time you just called a friend because you wanted to talk?

We carry these super computers in our pockets, but sometimes, using them to stay in touch feels more complicated than ever. There are some people we can ring spontaneously. Others require multiple rounds of scheduling.

This episode is about the gap between wanting to stay connected and actually doing it. Today’s guest Mark Houghton, doesn’t just relate to this problem; he decided to solve it by creating the SoonCall app, which tracks connections and reminds you when it’s time to reach out. 

Here, Mark and I dive into the complexities of staying in touch. What I love most about our conversation? Mark has normalized something we’ve all been feeling guilty about: the mental load of maintaining modern friendships, and how some of us need a little extra help.

Intrigued by SoonCall? Mark has created a special offer for Friendship IRL listeners with six months of free access to SoonCall pro. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How the SoonCall app was created out of Mark’s own personal need to manage long-distance friendships
• Features of SoonCall, from tracking calls to reminding us of birthdays and important dates
• Having open conversations with our friends about how they feel about different kinds of connection, including spontaneous calls
• Using SoonCall and other tools as ways to support (not replace!) personal interactions
• The exclusive SoonCall offer for Friendship IRL listeners: six months of free access to SoonCall Pro

Resources & Links

More on friendship goals: listen to Episode 23, where I talked about my personal friendship goals, or Episode 60, where I dive into why friendship goals matter and how to make them.

Be sure to read Good Friends: Bonds That Change Us and the World by Priya Vulchi and her first book, Tell Me Who You Are: Sharing Our Stories of Race, Culture, and Identity, which she wrote with Winona Guo.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Sometimes friendship can be a powerful force for social and political change.

This is according to today’s guest, Priya Vulchi, author of the newly-released (and AMAZING!) Good Friends: Bonds That Change Us and the World, which offers a resounding cry that friendship is vital, not just for individual well-being, but for humanity itself.

Priya is the co-founder of the nonprofit, Choose; was the youngest TED resident ever; has been published in places like The New York Times and Time Magazine; and is pursuing her Ph.D. in African and African American Studies at Harvard as a presidential scholar.

In other words, she knows what she’s talking about. But here’s why I’m excited about this conversation: we talk about how real authentic friendship is actually RADICAL and can change the world, challenging the status quo and causing people to care about issues simply because they impact the people they love.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Aristotle's three types of friendship – utility, pleasure, and virtue – and how these definitions still apply today
• How friendship challenges capitalistic models of overconsumption and self-reliance by relying on friends for favors instead of Uber or Amazon 
• How friendship can be political, requiring people to challenge their self-interests and deepen relationships
• The concept of heteros, or political friendship, and how it is as important as philia, or friendship of virtue; plus, the importance of joy in friendships

Resources & Links

Be sure to read Good Friends: Bonds That Change Us and the World by Priya Vulchi and her first book, Tell Me Who You Are: Sharing Our Stories of Race, Culture, and Identity, which she wrote with Winona Guo.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Have you ever stopped to think about what connection actually IS? How do you define the multi-faceted thing that we talk about all the time on this podcast? 

That’s what our guest, Dr. Adam Dorsay, is tasked with in this episode. 

Dr. Dorsay is a licensed psychologist, executive coach to high-achieving adults in Silicon Valley, host of the award-winning podcast, Super Psyched, and presenter of two amazing TEDx Talks. Today he discusses his new book, Super Psyched: Unleash The Power of the Four Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love (which I highly recommend).

This interview was so inspiring to me; I think the two of us could have talked for days. One of my biggest personal takeaways is to pay attention to not just my connection with others, but also my connection to the world and to something greater.

Listen in as we discuss the four types of connection and how to find the right combination for ourselves. Spoiler alert – it’s not a one-size-fits-all.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• What connection is – Dr. Dorsay defines it as an emotional internal response – and the four different types
• Anecdotes and practical tips to enhance connection, such as using a "driveway test" to evaluate interactions and employing a "walk-on song" to boost confidence
• The importance of self-connection – including self-awareness and self-love – which is the foundation of all other connections
• Societal pressure to appear cool and how it can hinder genuine connection (and why we should allow ourselves to experience awe and excitement instead)
• Alexithymia, the spotlight effect, plus, how we psyche ourselves up for small talk

Resources & Links

Read Super Psyched by Adam Dorsay, listen to his TEDx Talks, and listen to his podcast, Super Psyched.

Check out Dr. Adam Dorsey's book "Super Psyched" and his TEDx talks for further insights on connection.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Who in your life are you most consistently connected to? Is it a partner? A roommate? A friend, sibling, or parent? 

Now tell me this: when was the last time you wanted to lean into an interest, and you automatically asked this particular person to join … even though it wasn’t their thing? 

I call this the “easy ask,” and I think it’s a universal experience. I came up with the term years ago when I asked my partner Michael to go shopping with me, even though he doesn’t enjoy shopping. (Spoiler alert: he didn’t want to go.) 

There are times when the easy ask is okay, and there are times when you should work a little harder to find a more suitable person to join – or just go about it alone. 

I hope this episode gets you thinking: Where in your life are you making the easy ask? And what is the impact of this in your experiences and your relationships?

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How the "easy ask" often stems from convenience and familiarity, rather than a genuine desire for the experience
• Times when the easy ask makes sense, like when you need help with certain tasks or when that person has expressed interest
• Hidden costs of the easy ask, from strained relationships to missing out on opportunities to connect with friends who’d actually enjoy this activity
• Why it benefits to choose the less convenient but more meaningful connection over the easy option

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

A few months ago, I made a professional connection, and the energy felt good. 

As we neared the end of our working relationship, I realized I didn’t want this connection to end – but there was no logical way for us to get together. We weren’t in the same industry. I didn’t know if we had overlapping hobbies.

The whole situation got me thinking about this weird gray zone we sometimes find ourselves in when we can’t rely on proximity to make friends. It can be awkward … almost like dating! But unlike dating, friendship expectations can be unclear. Will this be a close friend? Or an acquaintance? What do you actually want to come out of this connection?

There will probably always be uncomfortable moments in new friendships. But I believe that if we talk about it, then hopefully we can accept that this is a normal part of the process and keep pushing forward.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The gray zone of making new friends and the importance of proximity and consistency
• Vulnerabilities in starting new friendships, including admitting we want to hang out with this person again
• The tendency to overthink messages and interactions, and how sometimes making new friends is like starting a new exercise routine
• Pushing through the discomfort of “friend dating” and navigating things like health restrictions in social settings

Resources & Links:

Check out the roots framework as featured in Episode 12.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Do you ever think about how one small act of kindness can literally change the direction of someone's life? What if YOU could cause that turning point?

Today I’m sitting with Bryan Driscoll, author of The Goodness Game, who took an act of kindness he received 20 years ago in Orlando and, with the help of a Craigslist ad, paid it forward in a way that made national headlines and enormous ripple effects.

What I love most about this conversation? He shows it’s not about trying to change the world overnight. It's about the small choices we make every day, and the consequent ripples that touch not just the people we help, but also their friends, and their friends of friends.

If you've ever wondered if those small acts of kindness really matter, or if you're feeling a little bit overwhelmed by all the negativity in the world, this episode is for you. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Bryan’s journey on a Greyhound bus to Florida and the kindness of several strangers who helped him find a place to stay (and one woman who let him stay in her house!)
• Social trust: what it is (essentially, our faith in strangers), its historical significance, and its decline in modern society
• The importance of curiosity and discomfort in driving positive change and the potential for small acts to create significant ripples
• How to use concepts from The Goodness Game, including “giving without remembering,” honing in on your helper style, and making acts of kindness enjoyable

Resources & Links:

Buy The Goodness Game by Bryan Driscoll and visit goodnessgame.com. 

And here’s some more information about the study on social trust that was mentioned in this episode.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

There are endless ways to make friends as an adult, and today we’re diving into one I have never covered before: speed friending.

To some of you, this will sound terrifying at first, but stick with me, because it’s actually pretty brilliant! Today’s guest is Georgia Huntley, founder of Friends of Friends, who  is doing something really special in the friendship space.

Georgia hosts speed friending events that are designed to make meeting new people feel fun and effortless. In today's episode, we’ll cover what actually happens at these events and what to do if you're sitting there thinking this sounds terrifying. 

Her advice if you ever attend an event like this? Take some pressure off and practice the art of being both interested and interesting. Have a little fun, learn something new, and approach your experience with curiosity. (Which is also great advice for making friends in general!)

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The origin of Friends of Friends, which started as an online community and evolved into in-person events (its third iteration had 85 people!)
• The bar that asked Georgia to host a speed-friending event because staff noticed people weren’t socializing inside like they used to
• Third places, how they’re disappearing, and what impact this has on making friendships as an adult
• The setup of a typical speed friending event, why they have been so effective, and how you might mimic something similar where you are
• Advice on how to attend an event like this, from being curious to taking pressure off

Resources & Links

Follow Georgia on Instagram!. 

Listen to Episodes 38 and 39, which go deep into third places.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

During the pandemic, like many others, I felt politically charged, and I channeled this energy into being an online warrior.

On social media, I reposted it all, making it clear where I stood – only to realize this wasn’t my highest use. I wasn’t actually reading the books or taking the actions. I wondered: what could I do instead? That’s how I ended up here. 

Real community requires something most Americans are terrified of, which is compromise. It requires letting go of the “all-or-nothing” mindset and finding common ground. It means being willing to give up some of our freedoms for real security and support. 

Today I share some of my political beliefs and what I’ve been doing instead of being an “online warrior.” I’m not saying this is how you should show up. It’s just how I do. At the core of it all, my fundamental belief is this: as humans, we need to care more about each other. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• My own political beliefs regarding religion, gun reform, human rights, climate change, marriage equality, church-state separation, human services programs, etc.
• Pitfalls of simply reposting political content without taking action and the importance of having meaningful conversations
• The danger of polarization and the “all-or-nothing” mindset and the importance of finding common ground to foster understanding and connection
• The power of small shifts, plus three things I’m doing in my everyday life instead of being the online warrior

Resources & Links

Read the book I quote in this episode, Democracy in Retrograde by Sami Sage and Emily Amick.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Are you enjoying your friendships? Are you able to be present with your people and soak up your time together?

So often, people focus on what’s missing in their friendships. They have this idea of what “peak” friendship might look like, which gets in the way of being grateful for what is there. 

I’m here to remind you that there is a stark contrast between HAVING connections and ENJOYING them. And this isn’t just regarding our closest friends: how grateful are you for the acquaintance at the coffee shop? For your child’s teacher, your hair stylist, or the people you work with?

Today I talk about what might be getting in the way of your enjoyment, and I offer tips on how to be more present and happy while with friends.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Mental chatter and the fear of being “too much” or “not worthy,” and how this limits enjoyment in our friendships
• Friendship baggage, anxiety about the future, and working on receiving connection, even just small gestures from community members
• The present distractions that get in the way of enjoying friendships (mostly, it’s the phones)
• The idea of “storing up connection for later” and multitasking during friend time – and why this doesn’t always work

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

One of you asked me an amazing question the other day: 

If you could tell your younger self one thing about friendship, what would you tell her?

I spend so much time thinking about community and connection – probably much more than the average person – and I have learned a lot since my youth. Some realizations I’m having at 35 are realizations a lot of people might not have until they’re middle aged.

No matter your age, there are likely things you wish you could go back and tell younger you. We are always growing and changing as friends. We are always learning.

In today's episode, I’ll cover what I've learned about choosing friends, being a friend, and friendship transitions – plus some final advice I would give younger me.

Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, tell me: what would you tell your younger self? Send me a message on Instagram!

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• What I did a good job with in my younger friendships, including building community, choosing friends well, and not letting status quo drive friendships
• The constant need I had to be worthy of friendships and how this affected my behavior and relationships
• The inevitable heartbreak in friendships (especially one-sided friendships) and the importance of feeling that heartbreak and moving past it
• The value of working on communication skills to improve friendships and learning from every interaction
• How what a “good friend” is changes through every life transition, from middle school to college and beyond

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!