Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Today’s episode is about how to make friends – namely, the REALITY we find ourselves in when seeking friendship as grown-ups. How we do it now is going to be different from how we did it as children, teenagers, and young adults – but in a GOOD way.

A friend recently said to me, “The way you talk about making friends sounds kind of like dating.” And, well, that’s because it kind of is.

But it doesn’t need to be that way. There’s value in even our simplest connections, so let’s get rid of that pressure and just enjoy meeting new people, trying new things, and connecting in new ways.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The amount of pressure we put on romantic partners vs. friendships – and why, when making friends in real life, it’s better to expect less
• How friendship in media (movies, social media, books, TV) is curated to create drama or dream situations – this is often not real life!
• The realities behind the “pick-up-where-we-left-off friends” and the “friends that will always be there for us” 
• How making friends and maintaining friendships requires staying curious, taking small risks, paying attention, showing up, and using our time, energy, and resources
• Spending time thinking about the kinds of new friends you want to make – i.e., what do you want to do with your friends? What do you want to connect over?
• How to get unstuck with “defined friends” by letting them into other parts of our lives and creating new shared experience routes

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out! 

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Full disclosure: I am a “set-your-goals” kind of person.

I used to get a little out of control with goal setting each year, thinking everything was going to be different overnight. But of course, real life isn’t like that!

In this episode, I want to talk about friendship communities and how to improve them in small, sustainable ways this year. What are the ways we can check in with ourselves? What are the factors – actions, habits, everyday changes – we can alter to improve our relationships in 2023?

You’ll also get a sneak peek of my new book (well … an abbreviated version, anyway!) and I hope that once you employ the advice in this episode, you feel like you’re on your way to impact change in your life and become the person you want to be.

Thank you so much for being here on this adventure with me. I’m really excited about 2023 and all that’s ahead of us.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Using a “word of the year” to set goals and create a friendship vision for the new year 
• Three check-ins to find those small, everyday habits that will get you closer to your new year vision
• Focusing in on time, including habits and boundaries; what can you add/trade/cut? 
• Different ways you can show up for friends this year (running errands, answering questions, making introductions, cooking, etc.)
• How to cut out the “admin time” in terms of get-togethers and be more present 
• Simplifying and auditing communication so it actually works for you and your people

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

I used to be a bit of a Grinch around the holidays. My family of origin story is not the best – and in fact, this season used to give me panic attacks.

Luckily, I’m well past those days, and part of the reason is I began spending the holidays with friends! For a long time, I tried to be subtle about my lack of holiday plans, casually asking friends what they were doing, seeing if they’d invite me.

But once I was finally HONEST about my situation – saying something along the lines of, “I don’t want to go home for the holidays. Can I go with you instead?” – it completely changed the holidays for me.

This is typically a family-forward season, which is great, but you probably have other people in your life who you’d like to make memories with during the holidays. So, for today’s episode, I’ve compiled a list of tips for how to make time with friends this time of year.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Five ways to connect with your friends this holiday season
• Ways to “opt out” of the things you’re not interested in or would feel burdened by  
• How traditions can actually save time and help you feel like you belong
• Three different formats to create a tradition (pick it all, pick a date, create a series)
• Doing “the necessary” to-do list items with friends (for example, holiday shopping, wrapping presents) instead of going at it alone
• How to make sure you or your friends have a place to go for the holidays 

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

If this episode has a theme, it’s this: the adults in the room need to put on their air masks first.

Today I’m talking with my friend Adrienne, who I meet with every week to chat about business. Adrienne is married and the mom of two children, one in preschool, one in elementary school.

Adrienne is in the thick of trying to build a friendship community for her family. Here, she shares what’s working and what’s not. In my mind, what she’s doing is advanced community building, in part because it’s in her own needs. She wants people around she can depend on so she doesn’t feel alone raising her kids.

A lot of people tell me they never saw their parents have friends. Maybe they were part of a local group or a place of worship, but their parents never took those relationships outside of that one place.

My thoughts? Even if you live near family, you still might benefit from community support.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How finding adult friends with shared interests is more sustainable than letting kids run the show, as kids’ interests are more malleable
• Shared experience roots – and how this can make entering into a friendship community that already exists difficult
• How offering small intimacies – inviting someone to your unclean house, for example – shows you’re human and offers the other person the opportunity to do the same
• An overview of the “community conversation” Adrienne had with the families in her neighborhood
• Investing in your own friendships, and why this models to children how to navigate and maintain friendships for themselves
• How being part of a family’s community doesn’t always mean watching kids; it can involve taking apart a swing set or being an emergency contact, etc.

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

As adults, we often tell our friends we want to “catch up.”

People catch up over the phone. They catch up over dinner. But the thing about catching up is you’re telling someone about things that ALREADY happened to you. You’re updating them on your recent past instead of being in the present.

That’s why I’m such a big proponent of DOING things with people – running errands, hiking, paddleboarding, going on a trip, etc. Whenever you’re doing something together, you’re creating memories right now.

Today’s episode is Part 2 of my conversation with Connection Feast founder Alex Friedman. (If you haven’t checked out Part 1, do it now!) Alex and I love talking about friendship, and in this episode, we cover it all, from building friendships slowly to making the time you spend with your friends MEANINGFUL. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• A great formula for reaching out to people (hint – if you want to hang out with somebody, be specific!)
• Small intimacies, and how it’s sometimes easier for friendship to build on these instead of big intimacies (plus the dangers of sharing too early or too much at once)
• How to “create the container” for friendships to build, and then just allowing the connection to happen
• Relieving the pressure of “catching up” by instead DOING something together 
• The impact of specificity when making new friends; for example, “I’m looking for friends who are really into yoga” (or meditation, running, hiking, etc.)
• Friendships vs. relationships, and how both build slowly over time

Resources & Links

Follow Alex on Instagram. Be sure to check out her events if you’re local to Seattle; in this episode, she teased that her next feast is in January!

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

My secret to hosting and gathering people together? I don’t do it all. 

For a while I tried to “do it all” as a hostess, but it honestly was stressful and not very fun. There's a photo of me as a kid somewhere, wearing a cute apron and serving my grandma and her friends for a party. For 10 years, I was also a professional wedding and event planner.

Since it’s the holiday season, I want to share my insight on what matters and what doesn’t when it comes to gathering people together – and how doing LESS can ultimately help us spend more time with the people we care about. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The six jobs of hosting – the initiator, the organizer, the food role, the cleaner, the decorator, the day-of host
• How to not do it all (split out the roles, narrow down the event, meet somewhere in a public place, keep things more casual & set limits)
• How to do less when it comes to cleaning - i.e., you don’t have to scrub your baseboards, and you can just shut a door to a room
• How day-of hosting often gets ignored, but this is make-or-break
• Setting precedents for future events and turning things into traditions
• The business term MVP – minimally viable product – and how it relates to friendship gatherings

Resources & Links

One book I adore and strongly recommend about hosting: The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker, which helps us understand the purpose of gathering.

For a list of the roles and a bigger description of what each entails (and how to not do everything) visit my website.

Like what you hear? Leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Feeling lonely or disconnected? Learn how to make friends as an adult and build intentional friendships through Connection Feast with guest Alexandra Friedman.

In this episode, I’m joined by Alexandra Friedman, founder of Connection Feast, a community-building company that hosts intentional gatherings to spark real, lasting connection. What started as a personal response to loneliness after a breakup and move back to Seattle has now grown into a thriving event series helping people cultivate emotional intimacy in friendship and create community as adults.

We talk about how to make friends as an adult — including the role of vulnerability, the art of hosting themed dinner parties, and how small, consistent actions (à la Atomic Habits) lead to big connection over time. You’ll also hear why “structured play” helps adults feel safe opening up, and how letting go of expectations can shift how we experience the people in our lives.

Whether you're navigating loneliness after a move, craving more meaningful community, or want to start building intentional friendships, this is a conversation full of realness, hope, and practical takeaways. Tune in — and stay tuned for part two of this deep (and fun) chat!

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How Connection Feast helps adults make friends through structured, playful gatherings
• What it really means to build intentional friendships
• Why adult friendship requires emotional intimacy and vulnerability
• How to let go of unrealistic expectations in friendships
• The power of “social art” and themed dinner parties
• Creating connection even when life paths and schedules differ
• How to shift from loneliness to community, one small habit at a time

Guest: Alexandra Friedman

Alexandra is the founder of Connection Feast, a Seattle-based (and now global) community organization that creates intentional spaces for people to connect more deeply through in-person and virtual events. She has hosted over 100 events bringing together 1,000+ people. Follow Alex on Instagram at @connectionfeast

Key Quotes:

• "You never know who’s going to walk in. Let go of the timeline and follow the wave." — Alexandra Friedman, [22:42]
• "Building intentional friendships doesn’t mean forcing connection — it means creating space for it." — Alexandra Friedman, [8:15]

Mentioned in this episode:

• EP3: The 4 Types of Friends and Why They All Matter
• Book: Atomic Habits by James Clear (affiliate link)
• Learn more at Connection Feast

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

When big life changes happen, our closest people When life changes—pregnancy, a move, illness—our identity and relationships shift too. In this episode, we explore how life transitions affect friendships, support systems, and the people we lean on most.

I’m joined by my friend Sarah Blackledge, who’s expecting her first child. While we talk about pregnancy and friendship dynamics, this conversation applies to any big life shift. We discuss how identity changes can impact even our closest relationships—and how communication can bridge the gap.

We cover letting go of friendship hierarchies, navigating grief and fear as people grow, and building a sustainable support system after big life changes. From reconnecting with old friends to showing up in the mundane moments, this episode is a reminder that friendship can evolve—and even deepen—through change.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How life transitions reshape friendships
• Letting go of friendship hierarchies
• Fear, ego, and grief in evolving relationships
• Pregnancy and changing friendship dynamics
• Reconnecting with old friends in new ways
• The power of simple, situational friends
• Letting people help before you “need” them
• Communicating needs in adult friendships

Key Quotes:
“I’m not just looking for one person to do it all—I want the right people in the right moments.” — Sarah Blackledge, 7:30

“Grief and change in relationships happen when our closest people can’t catch up to who we’ve become.” — Alex Alexander, 23:55

Reflection Question: 
What has worked for you in the past when navigating big life transitions and their impact on your friendships?

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

What if friendship isn’t all or nothing? 

In this episode, we’re redefining adult friendship and exploring the 4 types of friends that bring connection, belonging, and everyday value into our lives. 

What actually makes someone a friend? Is it shared history, emotional intimacy, or how often you talk? In this solo episode, Alex Alexander unpacks the friendship spectrum — from casual “familiar friends” to deeply rooted “present friends” — and shows why every type of friendship matters. 

By letting go of the pressure to define friendships in black-and-white terms, we open ourselves up to more connection, more support, and more opportunities to show up for one another. Whether you're navigating adult friendship challenges, feeling the grief of changing relationships, or just wondering how to know if someone is your friend — this episode will shift your perspective in the best way. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The trap of “friendship markers” — and why they’re holding us back
• How to redefine friendship using the 4 types: Familiar, Defined, Present, and Historic
• Why emotional intimacy is built through repeated, small actions over time
• Ways to connect and appreciate your friendships, even if they’ve changed
• Letting go of the pressure to "be everything" in every relationship

Reflection Question:

Which type of friend do you have the most of right now? Is there a small action you can take today to make that person feel appreciated?

Key Quotes:

"Sometimes I think we forget our closest friends were once just people we said hi to." — Alex Alexander, 20:00

"Redefining adult friendship means valuing what’s there, not what’s missing." — Alex Alexander, 17:31

Resources & Links

Learn more about emotional intimacy roots on my blog.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

What happens when you stop expecting your partner to be your everything?

In this episode, Alex and her husband Michael dive into how balancing friendship and marriage creates stronger, more connected relationships. They share why seeking emotional support outside your relationship isn't just okay—it’s essential.

You’ll hear real-life stories, how they navigate couple and individual friendship dynamics, and why friendship is one of their most powerful forms of self-care. You'll learn practical strategies for setting healthy boundaries with your partner, how to communicate your friendship needs, and simple ways to maintain connections even during busy seasons of life. Whether you're feeling overburdened in your partnership or craving more connection outside it, this conversation will leave you feeling seen, empowered, and inspired to build your own support system.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Seeking a variety of support outside of your marriage/relationship 
• How it’s unfair to burden one person (our partners) to support all parts of us
• How to call out and say, “I am not the right person for this” – for example, I am not the right person for Michael to go to about anything regarding football!
• Having separate friendships with your friends, even if you’re in a couple
• The incredible dynamics it takes to have “couple friends”
  
  

Reflection Question:

How do you and your partner support each other’s friendships?

Guest: Michael Alexander

Michael is Alex’s husband—and he’s been hearing her talk about friendship, community, and connection for years (and yes, it’s rubbed off). Friendship has always mattered to him, even back in his childhood and college days. These days, he and Alex make friendship and community a shared priority in their relationship and daily life. Michael loves a good heart-to-heart with his friends, and some of his favorite connection points include sports, his fantasy football league, and movie nights.

Key Quotes:

"No one person can hold all the parts of who you are." — Alex Alexander, [07:04]

"Friendship isn’t a threat to your relationship—it’s part of how you care for yourself and each other." — Michael Alexander, [22:27]


Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.