Discernment is defined as the ability to judge well. I had an insight about this during a coaching conversation recently. You see, all day every day, we are in the process of discerning; working out the quality of what passes through our heads and sussing out which thoughts to follow and which to ignore. But there is often something in the way and that is the meaning we give our feelings. If we think that our feelings are telling us about the outside world then it looks like the thoughts that we need to change the outside world are true. If we think our feelings are telling us about something which is wrong with us, it looks like we have to engage in tools and techniques to fix ourselves. But when we realise that feelings are only ever telling us about the quality of our thoughts in the moment, we can use that information to discern better.

Off feeling = off thinking. Quieter mind, better feeling = better thinking. I know you have seen this because you have not sent that angry text or left that cross email in drafts until you were in a better feeling (i.e. better thinking).  It's because there has always been a part of you which understands how the system works. And the more deeply we understand that system, the more discerning we can become.

My sleep is interesting right now. In fact it probably has been for a while. This morning I woke up at 3am which seems to be when the ideas emerge. I have no idea why and I care less and less. You see, I have realised something about sleep. Just like everything else in life, it is not sleep (or lack of it) which creates my experience, it is always my thinking about sleep. So when I wake up there is less of a story about how I will not cope with the day, feel grotty and that my sleep means there is something wrong. I am just awake, resting in bed and nothing else.

When I become aware of the stories, they make less sense than they used to and they seem less pressing. And then there is just me, doing life, moment to moment.

Resolutions will be on our minds in just 1 month's time. Have you started to consider yours or have you stopped making them because you have realised that they don't work? Have you ever wondered why? Behaviour change can be hard even with all that willpower and steely determination. But that's because they both run out very quickly. Willpower is a finite resource so it's a bit unreliable as a tool for behaviour change. 

The way we behave is based on one simple thing and that is thinking which looks real to us in the moment. For example, if we think the world works outside in, we will be doing things in that world to make ourselves feel better. Things to protect the self, make the self feel better or create pleasure for the self. But when we start to see that the world works inside out, behaviour change happens automatically. The most effective behaviour change comes from insight (seeing) not willpower (doing).

Containers come in all shapes and sizes and they are often made to for certain objects. Packaging is a great example. Pringles fit perfectly into their cylindrical container but if you tried to get square Jacob's cream crackers in there there will be broken crackers everywhere.

This is a beautiful metaphor for life because much of life is outside our control. If you didn't get this before March 2020, I suspect you get it now. We can moan, get upset and be furious but it will not change anything, E-V-E-R! Life will continue and you cannot control it but it turns out you don't need to. Because rallying against life comes from a place of innocent confusion that your feelings come from anywhere but thought in the moment. The mistaken idea that it is ever the outside world which is creating your feelings. It's just a misunderstanding but once you understand where your feelings are coming from, you really can be free.

Spinning plates and juggling balls is a great metaphor for life when you are stressed because that's what it feels like. It looks like stopping will mean it will all come crashing down, probably taking you with it. But what really are those balls and plates and o they all really need to be in the air right now? It might seem hard to put some of them down especially if it looks like keeping them all up there will lead you to the promised land. Time with your family, weekends off and financial stability. 

But imagine if you just focused on one ball or one plate. The most important one right now. That would bring calm, presence and action and you could enjoy the journey right now. Imagine that!

Have you ever had to navigate a crisis or a real life emergency. Did you notice how amazing you were? In the moment, step by step, solving the problem. As Michael Neill says, that's your 'real time responsive intelligence'. It has often has nothing to do with thought. Your body moves, things happen and it's as if you are unconscious. There is something guiding you when danger is really present.

Most of the crises we are addressing don't really exist other than in our heads but we cannot work out the future crises because they are made up. We don't work in the future because we can only respond to what really is. I guess what I am pointing to is, 'You got this!!' Well you've got whatever comes up anyway but maybe notice when you are trying to 'get it' before it is actually happening.

Have you noticed how many patterns we have? Patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviours. It can look like there is a lot to do to change them. Things like therapy, tools and techniques. Maybe it doesn't need to be that hard because have you noticed what happens when you notice a pattern without judgement, fear or a failure story? When we bring awareness to our patterns, they start to melt away like we have broken the spell. Like we have shone a light into a previously dark space. I needed some coaching to help me do this but once I started, so many of my patterns just melted away.

We are telling stories all day every day. Stories about ourselves, other people and the future. We often don't notice which is utterly human. But when we do notice the story falls away and we see it for what it is. Then there is space and lightness and freedom. Those stories were never really yours anyway. They are made of thought which isn't really yours.

Imagine if you could see through more of your stories? What would be possible then?

Wrongification is a word I made up. It came to me as I commented on a post recently about whether or not we work on Sundays. I sometimes do but I sometimes take a nap on a Monday afternoon too. It's all okay because there's no right way to do life and by default there is no wrong way. But how often do we wrongify our lives and how much stress does that add? 

We are doing life our way then we perceive there is a different/ better way and we think we are wrong. What follows is a lot of thinking and possibly overthinking. We might try to stop something or start something. It may feel forced and uncomfortable. It all creates stress. 

Imagine if you stopped wrongification!

Anger is a much maligned emotion. When we are young we might be discouraged from expressing it because it seems to be one of those 'wrong' feelings. Like anxiety, sadness and jealousy. Everyone seems happier when we express the 'right' emotions like happiness, love and gratitude. 

But anger is no different from any other emotion. It is an expression of the thinking which makes sense in the moment. In that way it is unavoidable. When we think that we are under attack or that our wellbeing is caught up in a situation or person, anger makes sense.

If that thing/ person just stopped that, I will be okay is an easy misunderstanding to get caught up in and in the moment we always operate from what makes sense. Later we might see something else and regret the angry outburst but it helps to remember that we didn't know any better. When we realise that, compassion can follow and then calm and clarity and the space to make peace!