From Surviving to Thriving: A No Tools, No Techniques Shift from Stress and Overwhelm to Fulfilment

Spinning plates and juggling balls is a great metaphor for life when you are stressed because that's what it feels like. It looks like stopping will mean it will all come crashing down, probably taking you with it. But what really are those balls and plates and o they all really need to be in the air right now? It might seem hard to put some of them down especially if it looks like keeping them all up there will lead you to the promised land. Time with your family, weekends off and financial stability. 

But imagine if you just focused on one ball or one plate. The most important one right now. That would bring calm, presence and action and you could enjoy the journey right now. Imagine that!

Have you ever had to navigate a crisis or a real life emergency. Did you notice how amazing you were? In the moment, step by step, solving the problem. As Michael Neill says, that's your 'real time responsive intelligence'. It has often has nothing to do with thought. Your body moves, things happen and it's as if you are unconscious. There is something guiding you when danger is really present.

Most of the crises we are addressing don't really exist other than in our heads but we cannot work out the future crises because they are made up. We don't work in the future because we can only respond to what really is. I guess what I am pointing to is, 'You got this!!' Well you've got whatever comes up anyway but maybe notice when you are trying to 'get it' before it is actually happening.

Have you noticed how many patterns we have? Patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviours. It can look like there is a lot to do to change them. Things like therapy, tools and techniques. Maybe it doesn't need to be that hard because have you noticed what happens when you notice a pattern without judgement, fear or a failure story? When we bring awareness to our patterns, they start to melt away like we have broken the spell. Like we have shone a light into a previously dark space. I needed some coaching to help me do this but once I started, so many of my patterns just melted away.

We are telling stories all day every day. Stories about ourselves, other people and the future. We often don't notice which is utterly human. But when we do notice the story falls away and we see it for what it is. Then there is space and lightness and freedom. Those stories were never really yours anyway. They are made of thought which isn't really yours.

Imagine if you could see through more of your stories? What would be possible then?

Wrongification is a word I made up. It came to me as I commented on a post recently about whether or not we work on Sundays. I sometimes do but I sometimes take a nap on a Monday afternoon too. It's all okay because there's no right way to do life and by default there is no wrong way. But how often do we wrongify our lives and how much stress does that add? 

We are doing life our way then we perceive there is a different/ better way and we think we are wrong. What follows is a lot of thinking and possibly overthinking. We might try to stop something or start something. It may feel forced and uncomfortable. It all creates stress. 

Imagine if you stopped wrongification!

Anger is a much maligned emotion. When we are young we might be discouraged from expressing it because it seems to be one of those 'wrong' feelings. Like anxiety, sadness and jealousy. Everyone seems happier when we express the 'right' emotions like happiness, love and gratitude. 

But anger is no different from any other emotion. It is an expression of the thinking which makes sense in the moment. In that way it is unavoidable. When we think that we are under attack or that our wellbeing is caught up in a situation or person, anger makes sense.

If that thing/ person just stopped that, I will be okay is an easy misunderstanding to get caught up in and in the moment we always operate from what makes sense. Later we might see something else and regret the angry outburst but it helps to remember that we didn't know any better. When we realise that, compassion can follow and then calm and clarity and the space to make peace!

There are a lot of opinions about but have you noticed how you feel when someone expresses one different to yours? Angry, upset or superior? I notice this in myself often. It can look like the feeling we have is coming from that other person and their opinion but the words of another person cannot do that, E-V-E-R! When we feel that feeling, we are feeling our thinking about the opinion.

That person is saying what makes sense to them which comes from their thinking and is unique to them. We have unique thinking too and do not see things the same. But your feeling is the guide. Off feeling = off thinking (yours not theirs). When we start to see this, we can have a different relationship with people and their opinions and there is more ease, calm and clarity.

You are the canvas not the paint is a  beautiful metaphor which explains so much. The canvas is white, clean and pure. It almost seems to emit light just like the light that we are. Then the paint is applied and a picture is created. That can be full of joy and happiness or could be dark and horrifying. But no matter what is painted, the canvas remains in tact underneath. 

If we don't like the painting, we might try to cover it up by adding glitter and sparkly gems but in trying to regain the light of the canvas, we actually add more layers. The paint is thought! The glitter and sparkly gems are the thoughts about thought. It's all thought but the canvas is who we really are underneath all that. It is always there and when we see that, there is relief and as the layers of paint melt away we connect to calm once more.

There seems to be a lot of fear about right now. When we say, "I am afraid of ...", it looks so real and once that fear is in place it looks like there are things to do. Actions to take in the present moment to stop the fearful thing happening. But fear is a thief. It's a thief of the present moment, joy and gratitude. What there is right now is the only truth but when we we are stuck in our fearful thinking we are missing out on what is. We are missing out on the thing we are fearing loosing in the future. 

Fearful thinking is no different to any other thinking and when we start to take it less seriously we find that calm and clarity are always available.

There's a difference between revealing and adding wellbeing which is clear when you take a moment to think about it. Here's a helpful metaphor. Your car windscreen is clear and lets in light and when is gets dirty, you clean it then it lets in light again. The clarity of the glass and its ability to let in light never goes away.

Imagine if we didn't remember that. We might try to bring the windscreen back to clarity by adding. Maybe another layer of glass, some shiny paper or some sparkly glitter. Whilst trying to get the sparkle back it would be getting further and further away.

Can you see how that is for us? We are born whole and well and we develop a sense of self made of thought. Then we want to change that self (thought) so we add and add and add ... and get further away from wellbeing.

All the resilience, confidence, calm, clarity and wisdom you ever need is inside you and always has been. It is only ever thought which stops you seeing that.