Gal Talk

aha ha.

get it?

because it's, because... you know, like the sex position. a position we're just supposed to pretend is a real thing that real people do. but honestly, i mean, they don't even, you don't even see it in porn.

that's how you know it ain't real. they can't even find a way to aesthetically film it, and we're talking about an industry that invented incest and anal sex.

i'm thinking of a number between one and pussy. what's your best guess? you're wrong, it's two, you f*cking pervert.

it's the new ass year bro, watchu gon do bout it? watchi go-ing dur boutit bruh? matcha boon gought ta brotha? snatch a groom doubt it mother, and various other examples.

it's the new year, so you know what that means, we're all hungover and one step closer to schizophrenic night terrors where goblins and ghosts try to steal our soul before we have the chance to swallow the sun!

thanks for listening in 2023, and also, hey, thanks for being you, whoever you are, i'm really glad you're still... you know... i guess you're still going to work? that's cool, good on you, congrats.

i bet the dreidel part is awesome, but i can't imagine any other aspect, like the candles or whatever, that all seems pretty boring. tradition, in general, by nature, is very boring.

i want a new holiday, something sexy, something with more cream based dishes involved, like a remembrance day that demands a fettuccine alfredo.

an olive garden style celebration. unlimited appetizers, or whatever the good people over there are doing.

the dark knight? tenet? atom bomb movie?

how about the shart night? i can't really think of a pun for tenet. i keep trying all the usual ones, like how can i work the word "penis" into it... penet? that's not obvious enough, it's not as clean as "shart night".

with "shart night" you know what you're getting into, you can picture exactly what i'm getting at.

bruce wayne having himself an embarrassing episode in that stupid custome, couldn't make it to the bathroom in time to take off all that garb, little prairie dog poking out, had too much sushi and saki the day before.

we've all been there.

what's the deal with customer service never providing adequate service? there always like "yeah let me check on my end."

what... what's going down on their end? huh? just a bunch of pictures of LeVar Burton, while they tell you "it'll be just one more minute." chamber music playing in the background.

here's another thing, another problem we all share, but how about we get some better jams to play during that waiting period? something a little more soothing than musak.

also, f*ck the people who make ambient music for elevators and waiting rooms. you're not an artist and we could live without you. i'd honestly rather sit in silence, collecting dust, questioning my humanity.

you guys ever watch that show Californication? that's sort of what i'm into right now...

television shows, what's that about? you're sitting at home watching nine hours of your third favorite show, rewatching for the fifth time? pouring another drink, neglecting how badly your dog needs to pee because it's too cold to go outside?

come on, pal, that ain't you.

i know you, you're better than that

what am i thankful for this year? ummm... easy answer, i'm grateful for pussy, and also, pirates of the carribean.

if i'm being completely honest... it's been a bleak year.

we were reminded of an ongoing genocide in gaza, and my d*ck never got bigger, despite what the witch doctor told me after i bought that special cream...

i wanna be a zookeeper. no, i have no interest in educating myself on the subject. no., i don't care that this is technically an animal prison. this kind of fact checking is honestly so offensive, and honestly, it's also racist. let me feed the monkeys! i wanna give those apes some chunky snacks! is that a crime now?? your honor....

i only fly away. i don't where why... does anyone know the next part of the song? i feel like that's a mumble part. you ever mumble your way through a popular song? like, you kinda get the melody, you know what's generally going on, but you just lack specific knowledge of the words? i feel that way during prayers. you know it's got to be about the lord, they love him, but you just don't get exactly how they love him, what metaphor they're using...