Gal Talk

i'm too young to die, but i'm also too old to be living this way. is that a country song? garth brooks, maybe. something about how i'm sitting on the horse backwards, staring at the butt-end, looking towards the horizon as the sun goes down and my majestic horse drops a fat load on the ground. hey pal, what the hell did you eat? that smells horrendous.

what's your favorite movie? is it the barbie movie? well it g*ddamn better be, pal. this ain't a democracy no more, pumpkin. we watching barbie movie and we drinking finnish long drink. that's right. no more voting, no more news, no more politics. from now on we are getting f*cked up and rewatching barbie movie. that's what everyone wants, right? baby movies and low calorie seltzer, every day. what's Pakistan? who is the Ukraine? no one cares anymore, sweetheart. gimme those toy movies, give me that citrus gin.

welcome to gal talk! yay! woo! we're all so happy, and barbie, and feminism!

look, it's basically the same show, we're just making some aesthetic changes, and trying to be more inclusive to women, because we love women, we love the way they... we love how... they're very good at things, and we encourage... we support... black lives matter

UPDATE: UPDATE: UPDATE:

starting next week, don't be scared, don't be alarmed, but we will be changing the name of the show - after much discussion, we realized that the '39th Parallel" isn't the most googlable name in the world - so we will soon become "Gal Talk", a hip new show that is exactly the same as the old show.

EPISODE NOTES:

we love the barbie, don't we folks? we love how it's a doll for children, and now, thankfully, it's also a movie for adults. that can only be perceived as a good thing, for everyone. what's next? am i right? transformers... wait, right, okay... what's next? g.i. joe... okay, you've made your point.

i would like to deliver a balls to my ass, if you know what i'm saying.

we're back, baby. the kind of content you're about to receive... oh my god, it's going to fill you up so good. so many carbs! so much red meat! hot red sweaty meat (like your father's balls) just hanging there... the most perfect of punching bags.

welcome to the schizophrenic hour. and look, i mean we've certainly done episodes to "fill the time", but this has got to be the peak example of "getting through the hour". we will return to regular programming next week, once my cohost unsucks himself from all the bare-back he so deviously enjoys.

sorry the episode was late, some scheduling issues arose. you see, i am on the international board of bustin, and this month we had A LOT of data to sort through, mostly from public contributions (thanks as always) but, as a side note, some of you guys need to get your sh*t checked out. it is not supposed to be green, grey, or black. after rigorous argument, mostly on my part, we do now accept dehydrated yellow.

well the cats outta the bag, and my balls are, subsequently, out of the cat's mouth. prerecorded episodes are done. my regular cohost, my main man, is out of the office this week. he told me he was traveling for work, but you and i both know the d*ck sucking convention rolled into town last week, and he couldn't keep his dirty mouth out of that tent for more than five minutes. i bet he's already eaten a sleeve of blue chews by now, like a dad in the middle of the night sneaking girl scout cookies while he watches mash. anyway, i've replaced him with a new guy.

nuclear war... we've all heard of it: boom boom, bang bang: the end of everything... but isn't that... now isn't that quite a lot like my penis and balls? a decimation of all life, if you will? a sterile cleansing? a lot of women... perhaps too many women, all of them doctors, have described my balls as a russian nuclear alliance with the chinese. what are we to make of that? perhaps more intelligence research should be done...