Gal Talk

if you're going to be a musician, and god help you, jesus christ, but if you are going to be a musician, then at the very least you should name yourself with some reference to your cock. at this point drake should rename himself "i have a big penis and you all saw it online".

who are you going to see tonight? i'm going to see I Have a Big Penis And You All Saw It Online.

IHBPYASO, for short.

maybe taylor swift could rename herself "penis swift". that would be cool. i think her fans would like that. they seem like pretty chill and understanding people with a good sense of humor.

i almost forgot to upload the show because i've been staying up too late rewatching Scenes From a Marriage. i don't know why, but it's a good watch, if you're interested in a very depressing perspective on marriage and love. do you guys... y'all ever get interested in acquiring yourself a marriage? what's the consensus on that, these days? it seems like everyone is continuing to pretend like nothing has changed in the world. marriage, kid, house: followed by some classic cheating, divorce, and now you're living in an apartment hanging out with your lame ass kid all by yourself once every two weeks. the man who finally invented bourbon was absolutely divorced, living in an apartment rewinding the Lion King while waiting for their son to fall asleep so he could finally, finally jerk off.

OSCAR BUZZ OSCAR BUZZ (i'm trying to trick the algorithm) OSCAR BUZZ sleeper cell OSCAR BUZZ genocide in gaza OSCAR BUZZ the dissolution of the united states for no apparent reason other than the natural evolution of exploitation creating generations of unskilled labor OSCAR BUZZ my penis hasn't gotten hard in months OSCAR BUZZ and i know i should go to a doctor, but what are they going to tell me OSCAR BUZZ other than recommend a psychiatrist that requires a therapist to prescribe me pills i didn't ask for that i don't need OSCAR BUZZ because life is a living nightmare in the era of death and destruction that is the modern world and so i guess i'll ignore all that and watch the f*cking OSCARS OSCARS OSCARS RED CARPET BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD (penis vagina penis)

it's 5am, and you simply haven't slept. it's not happening. you tried and failed. every time you check your phone it says a new horrifying time. 3am, 5am, 6am. the sun is almost coming up, you can see the way the darkness parts, splintering under the presence of tomorrows light, and what are you doing? after the hours spent thinking about your job, your relationship, your family, what are you doing at 6am after a sleepless night?

you know what you're doing.

you're looking at that phone, baby

we all do it. let's not, hey, stop it, don't lie to me like you lie to your mother. we all take our pants off and fire up the website, look for our preferred video- sometimes (often) for way too long - and get to wanking on our little junk pile we got stationed between our legs, at the ready, awaiting instructions. please, senior, drain me... make the discomfort go away, allow my sins to alleviate, to purge, to rectify the curse bestowed upon me to populate beyond my capacity, beyond my means, beyond the plan set forth by our lord and savior to bring all souls from heaven onto the earthly plains... sh*t, i didn't procure enough toilet paper to clean this up...

if i owe you $20, and six months goes by, are you the type of friend who earnestly tries to collect on that cash? with a slight interest of emotional damages you never tell me about but kind of hold in your heart as a judgement of me? or are you an adult, who decides, hey it's $20, let's just assume that money is gone forever.

don't keep tabs on people. this might be the only genuine thing written in the show notes description. just... we gotta stop with the money thing. you either have it or you don't. some people are evil and they have lots and lots of it. try to avoid them, and just remember that the rest of us look at those $40 fake asses at the sex shop and think "do i really need this? or can i just get by with what i have?"

hey man... you got the 'tism? are you tising right now man?

oh yeah, jacob over there working on his model trains, got that sweat dripping out his mouth cause he so excitable. my man over there dribbling like a rottweiler all cause he got the tracks aligned and the lighthouse working.

nah man, he cool. ain't going to make much of himself when he get older, but that'a alright.

what do you see when you close your eyes? is it a bunch of meshy black nothingness given definition by outside light? or is it a big sweaty hog looking down at you, begging you for relief, please, please, rock my world baby?

it'd be cool to f*ck someone who was into rocks. like a geological type of gal. saying things like "stalagmites". i'm going to suck you until your fossil comes out. i'm going to carbon date that pussy with my spectometer, if you know what i'm saying...

boom boom, ka-blow!

it'd be fun if bombs actually went off like that, like they made the "kablow" sound. i think israel would have a much easier time with their tiktok accounts if they started utilizing cartoon logic during their bombing campaigns. perhaps have a couple coyotes running off a cliff before looking down to see there's no road left with an "uh oh" facial expression. instead of this bullsh*t where they accidentally kill themselves demolishing someone's home, which, when i say it like that... pretty cartoonish already. so maybe just have coyotes doing it? rather than creepy psycho twenty year olds?

sorry it's late, i forgot to upload it last night because i was too busy watching "children of men" and thinking about how cool it would be if i had the last successful bust in a post-apocalypse london. can you imagine? you look around at all these infertile inbred pieces of sh*t (because it's london, not because of the apocalypse part) and you just know, i've got the last drop of magic sauce.

the guy who did the busting isn't even in the movie, that's how cool he was.