april 28th: 12pm.

i'm writing this transcript in the dead of night, sipping on an herbal lemon tea i know, despite it's lack of caffeination, will get me too jazzed up before bedtime. outside my apartment i've just heard two friends parting ways (an obviously gay man and one of those women who has a very close relationship with gay men), and as a way of saying goodnight, they not only said they loved one another, but also sang a little song that i couldn't make out, but clearly it was some reference to their friendship from another time, presumably when they were younger and much happier.

when was the last time you were happy? was it when you were younger? if so, that's lame. there's nothing happy about being young. what you're experiencing is that your life now sucks, so you're looking for times when it didn't suck, and just by coincidence that was when you were younger, back whenever your mommy still made you lunches, or you hadn't yet realized the importance of washing your sheets every week. you still think your acne is caused by cheese.

bitch

dude, bro. i know it's no longer 420, that time has passed us by, just as all time passes us by, without warning, in a fast trickle of movements we can't explain, emotions we barely have the space to comprehend and properly categorize, but bro, dude, whenever it's 420 bro, whenever it's 420 i like to get so fucking high i can't stand up to go to the bathroom because it's like... what even is the bathroom? you know what i mean? it's just a room where you piss and shit? a poo poo room? that's gnarly bro. that's extra vivid gnarly ass shit bro. i wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy bro.

collective voice, what's the deal? i feel like, of all the voices you can have (and i'm including chinese) the collective one is probably the most effective. or maybe not. maybe collectively chattering about the things we want or need isn't working too good anymore. maybe we need a new voice. a deep sexy voice. we need a james earl jones style of voice. something dark and mystical. instead of all of us begging for a ceasefire, just imagine james earl jones asking israeal to stop doing genocide, using the darth vader voice, of course. even darth vader would look at the situation and be like, bro, maybe chill out? and that guy blows up planets!

we say we don't like colonization, but have we considered that actually it's actually good to kill thousands and millions of people? because i feel like that goes missing in the conversation. a lot of people will talk about colonialism being bad because of all the bad stuff it produced, but i'm here saying what if... but what if actually it's good to kill an entire nation of people? doesn't that sound like something you'd personally like to do and feel good about it? i'm talking emotionally, physically, wouldn't that be nice? forget all the woke police, all that censorship nonsense, and just focus on how you feel internally. can't we all agree that death and suffering are good things to give to people? i mean if we can't agree to that, what kind of country are we??

if you're going to be a musician, and god help you, jesus christ, but if you are going to be a musician, then at the very least you should name yourself with some reference to your cock. at this point drake should rename himself "i have a big penis and you all saw it online".

who are you going to see tonight? i'm going to see I Have a Big Penis And You All Saw It Online.

IHBPYASO, for short.

maybe taylor swift could rename herself "penis swift". that would be cool. i think her fans would like that. they seem like pretty chill and understanding people with a good sense of humor.

i almost forgot to upload the show because i've been staying up too late rewatching Scenes From a Marriage. i don't know why, but it's a good watch, if you're interested in a very depressing perspective on marriage and love. do you guys... y'all ever get interested in acquiring yourself a marriage? what's the consensus on that, these days? it seems like everyone is continuing to pretend like nothing has changed in the world. marriage, kid, house: followed by some classic cheating, divorce, and now you're living in an apartment hanging out with your lame ass kid all by yourself once every two weeks. the man who finally invented bourbon was absolutely divorced, living in an apartment rewinding the Lion King while waiting for their son to fall asleep so he could finally, finally jerk off.

OSCAR BUZZ OSCAR BUZZ (i'm trying to trick the algorithm) OSCAR BUZZ sleeper cell OSCAR BUZZ genocide in gaza OSCAR BUZZ the dissolution of the united states for no apparent reason other than the natural evolution of exploitation creating generations of unskilled labor OSCAR BUZZ my penis hasn't gotten hard in months OSCAR BUZZ and i know i should go to a doctor, but what are they going to tell me OSCAR BUZZ other than recommend a psychiatrist that requires a therapist to prescribe me pills i didn't ask for that i don't need OSCAR BUZZ because life is a living nightmare in the era of death and destruction that is the modern world and so i guess i'll ignore all that and watch the f*cking OSCARS OSCARS OSCARS RED CARPET BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD (penis vagina penis)

it's 5am, and you simply haven't slept. it's not happening. you tried and failed. every time you check your phone it says a new horrifying time. 3am, 5am, 6am. the sun is almost coming up, you can see the way the darkness parts, splintering under the presence of tomorrows light, and what are you doing? after the hours spent thinking about your job, your relationship, your family, what are you doing at 6am after a sleepless night?

you know what you're doing.

you're looking at that phone, baby

we all do it. let's not, hey, stop it, don't lie to me like you lie to your mother. we all take our pants off and fire up the website, look for our preferred video- sometimes (often) for way too long - and get to wanking on our little junk pile we got stationed between our legs, at the ready, awaiting instructions. please, senior, drain me... make the discomfort go away, allow my sins to alleviate, to purge, to rectify the curse bestowed upon me to populate beyond my capacity, beyond my means, beyond the plan set forth by our lord and savior to bring all souls from heaven onto the earthly plains... sh*t, i didn't procure enough toilet paper to clean this up...