Gal Talk

Rest in piss, you genocidal maniac. We could've had a very shitty Harris presidency, where everything got much worse and she does nothing to quell our concerns but ultimately doesn't make headlines hardly ever. But no, instead we have to have a recession and a war with China because you couldn't help yourself from killing babies. Enjoy the last two months of your garbage life eating puree baby formula while wearing an ice cushion for your tumorous buttcheeks.

Oh you wanna stream a four hour movie about poverty in mainland China, directed by a brilliant fascist who's now in prison for speaking out against the security state, or dead after sixty decades of chain smoking those really long white cigarettes? Do you want to watch the Criterion edition with bonus content where the director and actors explain in subtitles what it was like working in such an intense environment, where there likely wasn't standards and practices overseeing any of the production because it was the 1970's and we hadn't even invented consent yet, let alone rules for how to treat women in film? Well too bad bucko. Daddy Trump said you gotta pay a... a tariff? On the movie? I don't know, something like that. Something bad, probably.

We should all aspire to be so brave, so beautiful, so articulate with our comments about airlines making the seatbelts too short for the average American. Twitter, man... I mean I know we all know that Twitter ruined everything for everyone, but fat people in particular... that really gave voice to some of the greasiest takes in the world. Those takes are so moist from butter they slip right down your throat like cough syrup

It's 2006. You're eight years old lying in a Spiderman themed bed, surrounded by action figures and half finished lego sets. Your mom is making a crockpot meal downstairs, and the smell rising to your bedroom, making you feel a little sick. You've got a CD player and headphones turned all the way up, playing a Limewire rip of music from the Top Charts. The Fray's simple piano music drifts into your ears, causing you to cry even though you have no life experience to connect with the content of the song. It doesn't matter, because you know what this means. One day, when you're almost 30, you'll realize you've been depressed for a very, very long time.

I've decided after a hundred episodes that it's entirely unnecessary to continue doing the cute lower case internet trend from forty years ago. I'm dying. Time is passing me by at a rapid clip, and so I have no choice but to use proper capitalization. What's this episode about? Who cares, fuck you. We probably talked about sex or government stuff. The kind of thing I hear young people are intensely opposed to nowadays.

what if like computers are bad and when they're doing bad... well bad things happen! what if like it's your phone but they make your phone so that it only has pictures of your penis... so when, so when you try to text your mom it's just your penis. but, but just to be clear you don't send that to your mom, it's like instead of texting at all it's just this picture of your penis. and then when the episode ends someone dies because they, because it's too much.

i mean... i guess... you know it's not like... there's a way that... if we could all come together and just agree... i don't know, man. it seems bad. i'm not a smart guy, but i learned how to read pretty recently and the words coming out of the news box are telling quite a dark story about the world we all live in. maybe i'm wrong, but i think if that was true then almost everyone around the globe would also have to be wrong. the only person being right would then be trump. and based on what we all know, what we've seen, does that feel true?

but mostly anti-hillary clinton. yes, we have the controversial political view that we shouldn't be doing a genocide because life is already a hellscape for people with houses and running water, so why would you want to add relentless genocidal violence on top of that? doesn't seem fair. but mostly this is a podcast about hating hillary clinton, and we should never lose sight of that. sometimes we forget our roots and talk about other pointless political drama, and for that we sincerely apologize. we will return to regular programming from here on out. fuck hillary clinton, and also fuck you too.

i like to cozy up next to a fire, crack open my favorite fantasy novel, and get to jerking my little wiener. y'all know what i'm saying?? i like to get under the blankets, get a nice cup of coco, turn to my favorite page, and start beating on my little pecker! i don't think y'all know what i'm talking about. i personally love going to my local coffee shop, getting a hot oat milk latte, opening a new fantasy book on a beaten leather couch, and instantly start stimulating my three inch penis and balls!!

not only do eggs cost a damn whopping $100, but also the movies aren't good anymore. maybe they were never good, you might say, but i'll have you know... was Call Me by Your Name the last oscar movie that was actually pretty good? that might've been the last one. i can't think of another one, and i won't be listening to anyone who makes a suggestion. that director took a real nosedive immediately after that. it wasn't even his idea, it was already a successful book. damn, someone should make a movie that isn't just like, graduate level okay