Gender: A Wider Lens

Honesty and authenticity are critical when discussing identity issues. Rather than avoiding uncomfortable truths or pandering to claims that may oversimplify complex realities, fostering honest discussions can help adolescents build resilience and navigate complexities with greater confidence. Parents, educators, and professionals must strike a balance between compassion and clarity, empowering young people to understand and embrace the nuanced realities of identity.

Through informed, empathetic engagement, society can better support adolescents in exploring their identities while safeguarding their well-being and long-term health.

In this bonus episode for premium subscribers, Dr. Hakeem strongly advocates for transparency, critical thinking, and a commitment to ethical care in addressing gender dysphoria. His approach focuses on safeguarding the psychological and physical health of young people while fostering an environment where they can thoughtfully explore their identities without undue pressure.

Watch our full length episode with Dr. Az Hakeem: https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/episode-193

For instructions on setting up a private feed to listen to our premium content in your favorite podcast app, visit https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/how-to-listen-to-our-full-premium.

Stella & Sasha welcome author, psychiatrist, and psychotherapist Dr. Az Hakeem to the show, sharing his experience and insights from his extensive career spanning over two decades in the field of gender dysphoria. He reflects how he initially recognized the growing confusion around the issue and noted that the real "madness" was not in the individuals struggling with gender identity, but in society's response to them.

In this episode, not only does he revisit his poignant and popular “goth mock-5” analysis as referenced in his previous appearance on Gender: A Wider Lens, but Dr. Hakeem also outlines his four distinct categories of individuals within the broad trans identity label, offering insights into their psychological and sociological distinctions based on his extensive clinical experience with gender dysphoric individuals. He emphasizes that understanding these distinctions is crucial for addressing the needs and motivations of each group more accurately.

Other key ideas explored in this conversation include the intriguing intersection of autistic thinking and queer theory; Dr. Hakeem’s perspective as a UK clinician on the future of GIDS (the Gender Identity Development Service at the NHS Tavistock Clinic); as well as the concept of the “overvalued idea” and how understanding it can provide greater insight into gender dysphoria and trans ideation.

Additionally, Dr. Hakeem shares valuable advice for parents navigating conversations with their trans-identified children, emphasizing a curious, non-confrontational approach that encourages young people to reflect on how they arrived at their conclusions, rather than simply focusing on the conclusions themselves.

For links and resources relevant to this episode, access the full show notes at https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/episode-193 

Buy Our Book – When Kids Say They’re Trans: A Guide for Thoughtful Parents at https://whenkidssaytheyretrans.com/   

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For more information about Sasha’s & Stella’s parent coaching membership groups, visit:

Sasha Ayad: https://sashaayad.com/parenting-coaching   

Stella O’Malley: http://www.stellaomalley.com/parent-coaching  

To learn more about our sponsors, visit:

Therapy First at https://www.therapyfirst.org/  

Genspect at https://genspect.org/  

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe  

Dysphoria is not a one-size-fits-all experience but rather a complex phenomenon that varies significantly from person to person. Factors like personal history, family dynamics, societal expectations, and even localized community attitudes all influence how dysphoria is felt and interpreted. While some people may experience dysphoria as an intense discomfort with their physical body, others may feel it more as a social dissonance or a sense of incongruence with traditional gender roles. This variability suggests the need for a patient, individualized approach, allowing each person the space to explore their identity in context rather than rushing into interventions that might overlook these diverse influences. By approaching gender questions with an individualized, patient-centered perspective, this approach supports genuine self-alignment and nurtures well-rounded personal growth.

In this bonus episode for premium subscribers, Aaron Kimberly advocates for both individual autonomy in gender expression and the importance of responsible, informed guidance that encourages authenticity without immediate recourse to medicalization. By focusing on informed choices and gradual exploration, Aaron argues, individuals can find alignment within themselves, rooted in authenticity and supported by thoughtful, attentive care; seek to understand the underlying factors of gender identity and dysphoria; and ultimately foster a process that encourages self-discovery, resilience, and growth.

Watch our full length episode with Aaron Kimberly: https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/episode-192

For instructions on setting up a private feed to listen to our premium content in your favorite podcast app, visit https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/how-to-listen-to-our-full-premium.

Sasha and Stella welcome Aaron Kimberly back to the show, nearly a year after her first appearance on the podcast. Aaron has undergone a remarkable transformation, returning to her female identity and embracing a new understanding and acceptance of herself. This episode delves into Aaron’s complex journey of self-discovery, shaped by her unique experiences with a rare ovotesticular disorder of sex development (DSD), her longstanding identity as a butch lesbian, and the medical, professional, and social experiences that have shaped her path.

In this episode, Aaron examines the role of the butch lesbian community that once fostered a vital sense of belonging—a community that, as she remarks, has largely faded, leaving young butch lesbians with limited support. She suggests that this shift might be contributing to the increased rates of medical transition among younger lesbians today. Her deep commitment to understanding the diverse reasons for sex non-conformity, coupled with her involvement in lesbian communities, has cultivated her interest in the cultural contexts of gender and atypical bodies, often pathologized or medicalized in society.

This is an incredibly compelling conversation reflecting on the evolving relationship between lesbian identity, butch identity, and the implications of a medicalized appearance.

For links and resources relevant to this episode, access the full show notes at  https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/episode-192 

Buy Our Book – When Kids Say They’re Trans: A Guide for Thoughtful Parents at https://whenkidssaytheyretrans.com/   

Join Our Listener Community to Access Exclusive Content at https://www.widerlenspod.com/   

Support the Show at https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/support-the-show   

Join the conversation on YouTube at www.youtube.com/@widerlenspod  

For more information about Sasha’s & Stella’s parent coaching membership groups, visit:

Sasha Ayad: https://sashaayad.com/parenting-coaching   

Stella O’Malley: http://www.stellaomalley.com/parent-coaching  

To learn more about our sponsors, visit:

Therapy First at https://www.therapyfirst.org/  

Genspect at https://genspect.org/  

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe  

Encouraging workplace policies that support anti-discrimination without imposing specific beliefs allows employees from all backgrounds—whether critical social justice advocates, feminists, conservatives, minorities, LGBTQ individuals, or those who are religious or agnostic—to align with an organization’s commitment to fairness and inclusivity. This approach empowers individuals to clarify their own philosophical beliefs regarding race, gender, and identity, enabling them to advocate for anti-discrimination from their unique perspectives rather than imposing a culture of conformity to a single narrative or ideology.

Furthermore, this approach shifts the focus; rather than feeling isolated or viewed as the enemy for holding different perspectives and challenging authoritarian workplace policies, individuals are empowered to engage in open dialogue. This proactive engagement assists employers in designing inclusive, non-authoritarian frameworks that respect diverse viewpoints and promote equality.

In this bonus episode for premium subscribers, Helen Pluckrose and Carrie Clark discuss their work supporting various organizations navigating the obstacles posed by authoritarian practices in social justice initiatives. They share insights into the challenges of safeguarding free expression, tolerance, and reasoned debate in a climate that often prioritizes conformity over complexity.

Watch our full length episode with Helen Pluckrose and Carrie Clark: https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/episode-191 

For instructions on setting up a private feed to listen to our premium content in your favorite podcast app, visit https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/how-to-listen-to-our-full-premium.

Sasha and Stella welcome writers Carrie Clark and Helen Pluckrose to the show for thoughtful and provocative dialogue, critically examining the intersections of identity, sex-based rights, mental health, and societal influences. Drawing from both personal experiences and professional insights, they explore complex and sensitive ideas around self-expression, feminism, and gender, encouraging a nuanced and reflective perspective. The conversation also delves into the controversy following Genspect’s 2023 Bigger Picture Conference in Denver, known as "Blue Dress Gate," unpacking the cultural and social tensions surrounding the event.

For links and resources relevant to this episode, access the full show notes at https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/episode-191 

Buy Our Book – When Kids Say They’re Trans: A Guide for Thoughtful Parents at https://whenkidssaytheyretrans.com/ 

Join Our Listener Community to Access Exclusive Content at https://www.widerlenspod.com/   

Support the Show at https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/support-the-show   

Join the conversation on YouTube at www.youtube.com/@widerlenspod  

For more information about Sasha’s & Stella’s parent coaching membership groups, visit:

Sasha Ayad: https://sashaayad.com/parenting-coaching   

Stella O’Malley: http://www.stellaomalley.com/parent-coaching  

To learn more about our sponsors, visit:

Therapy First at https://www.therapyfirst.org/  

Genspect at https://genspect.org/  

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe  

Incorporating regular strength training can be profoundly beneficial, especially for women. Beyond the physical gains, such as improved bone density, hormonal balance, and overall health, strength training cultivates a unique sense of mental resilience and personal empowerment. Unlike purely aerobic exercise, lifting weights offers stability, balance, and structural protection that can prevent injury and promote functional longevity well into older age. Strength training doesn’t require lifting heavy from the beginning; rather, it encourages a personalized, steady approach that’s adaptable to one’s capabilities and fitness level, fostering both physical strength and self-confidence as goals are met and surpassed. The benefits extend far beyond muscle; weight training encourages inner strength, discipline, and the ability to handle life's challenges with resilience.

In this bonus episode for premium subscribers, April emphasizes that building physical strength contributes to psychological strength and that training is beneficial for long-term health and overall vitality. And in this special premium subscriber exclusive, our very own Sasha, a weightlifting enthusiast herself, invites April to evaluate her deadlift. April generously brings her own depth of experience and eye for detail, insightfully critiquing Sasha’s powerlifting form, sharing practical guidance and a few tips.

Watch our full length episode with April Hutchinson: https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/episode-190

For instructions on setting up a private feed to listen to our premium content in your favorite podcast app, visit https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/how-to-listen-to-our-full-premium.

Sasha & Stella welcome April Hutchinson — former team Canada powerlifter, North American deadlift record holder, fairness for women in sports advocate and grateful recovering alcoholic — to discuss her incredible journey from battling alcohol addiction to becoming a world-class powerlifter. During COVID, she turned to powerlifting as part of her recovery, and within a short period, she achieved record-breaking lifts, catapulting her to elite status in the sport holding national records, an extraordinary feat given her short time in the sport. However, her career took a dramatic turn.

In this episode, April recounts the controversy she faced in the powerlifting world. After discovering that a male-to-female transgender athlete was competing against women, she felt compelled to speak out driven by her commitment to truth and fairness. What followed was a tumultuous battle with the Canadian Powerlifting Union that led to her suspension, highlighting the tension between truth-telling, fairness in sports, and the broader societal debates around gender.

April shares the personal and professional consequences she faced, the courage it took to stand by her convictions, and her fight for fairness in women’s sports. Her story is a powerful testament to resilience, truth-telling, and standing up for what’s right, no matter the cost.

For links and resources relevant to this episode, access the full show notes at https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/episode-190 

Buy Our Book – When Kids Say They’re Trans: A Guide for Thoughtful Parents at https://whenkidssaytheyretrans.com/   

Join Our Listener Community to Access Exclusive Content at https://www.widerlenspod.com/   

Support the Show at https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/support-the-show   

Join the conversation on YouTube at www.youtube.com/@widerlenspod  

For more information about Sasha’s & Stella’s parent coaching membership groups, visit:

Sasha Ayad: https://sashaayad.com/parenting-coaching   

Stella O’Malley: http://www.stellaomalley.com/parent-coaching  

To learn more about our sponsors, visit:

Therapy First at https://www.therapyfirst.org/  

Genspect at https://genspect.org/  

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe  

In this episode, Sasha and Stella reflect on the Bigger Picture Conference in Lisbon, discussing notable takeaways from various speakers. A key theme explored is how the gender debate has expanded into a multidisciplinary conversation, no longer just confined to therapists or concerned parents but drawing in academics, sociologists, and political thinkers worldwide.

Their discussion covers a range of topics, including institutional capture, mass formation theory, societal movements, the roles of parents—particularly mothers—in navigating gender questioning, the ethics within the field of gender medicine, and the power of truth in countering ideological extremism.

For links and resources relevant to this episode, access the full show notes at https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/episode-189 

Buy Our Book – When Kids Say They’re Trans: A Guide for Thoughtful Parents at https://whenkidssaytheyretrans.com/   

Join Our Listener Community to Access Exclusive Content at https://www.widerlenspod.com/   

Support the Show at https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/support-the-show   

Join the conversation on YouTube at www.youtube.com/@widerlenspod  

For more information about Sasha’s & Stella’s parent coaching membership groups, visit:

Sasha Ayad: https://sashaayad.com/parenting-coaching   

Stella O’Malley: http://www.stellaomalley.com/parent-coaching  

To learn more about our sponsors, visit:

Therapy First at https://www.therapyfirst.org/  

Genspect at https://genspect.org/  

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe  

The idea of doubling down despite evidence to the contrary being so prevalent, not only in individuals but in institutions as well, is a defense mechanism, rooted in fear. The fear is often tied to high stakes, like personal identity, reputation, physical/mental health, or even financial performance and career stakes. There is a self-deception and rigidity in beliefs to protect oneself from the fear. There is an enormous emotional and psychological toll that comes with realizing one may have been wrong, especially on critical issues like gender and parenting. The fear response, as well as the difficulty in processing contradictory information, often stems from a profound sense of self-preservation.

In this bonus episode for premium subscribers, Stella & Sasha discuss the power of exploring alternative perspectives with curiosity and openness, rather than reacting defensively to deeply held beliefs. They highlight how approaching self-awareness with interest instead of fear fosters a more compassionate and gentle path to personal growth. This method allows individuals to reflect without the pressure of feeling like their core identity is under threat.

When led by fear, people often double down to protect their identity or avoid discomfort. In contrast, approaching new ideas with interest encourages openness, making room for growth and deeper self-awareness. Stella and Sasha emphasize that the hardest part of evolving is often confronting the realization that we've misled ourselves or others, and that's where self-compassion becomes essential.

Watch our full length episode about the psychology of doubling down: https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/episode-188

For instructions on setting up a private feed to listen to our premium content in your favorite podcast app, visit https://www.widerlenspod.com/p/how-to-listen-to-our-full-premium.