Would the anti shelter in place protesters be more inclined to stay at home if they had a nicer home? Tom and Scott propose that the government pay for an Instagram worthy home for every American so they’ll all stay home and flatten the curve more quickly and effectively.

On a very special Earth Day edition, the Green New Deal is already being implemented as few people are flying or driving. And Tom and Scott are doing their part by recording this podcast at home, instead of at the sprawling Podcast City complex where the world’s podcasts are normally produced.

Not since the Civil War, has it made such a difference which state we live in. Tom and Scott are happy to live in California and New York because of their respective governors, and have no desire to move to Georgia, even after they reopened tattoo parlors.

In normal times, a trip to Gelson’’s Supermarket and CVS can be a meandering and relaxing experience. But as Tom tells us in gripping detail, much like a Hitchcock film, it can sometimes feel like playing Russian Roulette, with no offense intended to actual Russians.

It’s Sunday in New York(and LA), but because of exorbitant royalty fees, Scott and Tom can’t sing the soundtrack to the 1963 film of the same name. But we can hold on to our Sunday traditions and rituals, like luxuriating(or wallowing) in a pile of the New York Times, and ordering delivery of bagels, cream cheese and lox. And watching the Sunday news shows to see Mike Pence avoid answering any questions.

Tom and Scott aren’t doctors, and they don’t play them on television. But we’re way more credible than the disgraced one name doctors, Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew, who have made ignorant and dangerous comments about the pandemic.

Tom and Scott aren’t wearing face masks, because they’re at home, and the CDC doesn’t require them while recording podcasts. But where can they find them online? And no, it’s not easy to make your own. Plus, how we can help Biden win in November.

As more states require us to wear masks, do you have to be a surgeon to know how to put them on and take them off properly? And now that retired doctors and nurses are being asked to return to work, let’s bring back talk show hosts who comforted us after 9-11, like Jon Stewart.

Tom reports from the frontline, Gelson’s Supermarket, where he only shops in the least crowded aisles. And Scott proposes stay at home regulations require people to wear work clothes during the week, except for high school football coaches who can continue to don baggy sweatpants.

Obama endorses Biden after giving it a great deal of thought. Trump claims the Governors regional cooperation is mutiny and he’s Captain Bligh.  And we shout out to listeners a thousand years from now.