AN OPEN LETTER:
Dear Well Intentioned Loved One,
First of all I want to say that I know you love me, and I love you too.
I want to say that I know you truly have the purest of intentions. I really do.
I am grateful that you care so much for me that you want to help and offer me advice to clear my skin. I’m truly am lucky to have someone like you in my life who cares so much.
I do however want you to know that I’m aware of the state of my skin.
IN fact, not only am I aware of it, it consumes my mind daily.
I wake up and the first thing I do is look in the mirror to see how my skin looks so I can determine what’s in store for my day.
I’ve withdrawn from my relationships for fear of being rejected.
I’ve covered up with makeup to hide my shame from the world.
I’ve let it take control of my life. Or what’s left of my life anyway.
I’ve felt worthless. Ugly. Hopeless, everyday...
All because of my skin.
I don’t expect you to understand this, and I’m definitely not looking for pity or advice.
All I’m asking is that you continue to love me and treat me exactly as you did before I had acne.
I’m still the same person, I’ve just muted myself for fear of what others - like you - will think of me if they see what my skin truly looks like.
I’m ashamed.
Ashamed that despite my efforts my skin still looks like this.
Ashamed because acne is supposed to be a teenagers problem, not an adult.
Ashamed because I see the judgement in your eyes, and I see you noticing my skin.
In fact I’m sure it’s all you can see what you look at me.
That’s why I stay up late at night researching miracle cures and remedies.
That’s why I cry into my pillow wondering when this will end.
That’s why I scroll Instagram all day looking at all the people with beautiful skin and wishing that I had their life even for just a second.
That’s why I spend hours upon hours everyday looking in the mirror so I can see what you see.
That’s why I mask my insecurity with pessimism and humor.
To protect myself.
Because really all I want to be normal.
I want to be loved & to give love freely.
I just want to have clear skin.
I just want to be confident like everyone else.
I want to be able to go makeup free and not obsess the whole time over what everyone's thinking about my skin.
I want to see you without worrying what you’ll think or say about my skin. How you’ll judge me.
I want to wake up and splash my face with water then start my day without a care in the world.
Even now I worry what you’ll think of me as you read or hear this.
Because sometimes I care just a little TOO much what you think, and not enough about my own happiness.
I want to be comfortable in my own skin more than you could ever know.
I want to feel sexy in front of my partner without makeup or shame.
I want to be FREE from this burden.
I want to be FREE period.
I want to be unapologetically ME! The ME that I’m supposed to be - without acne.
And I’m working on it. I’m getting there. I’m doing my best!
So please…. I know you mean well, I know you love me and remember that I love you too.
But don’t mention my acne to me.
Because I’ve been working so hard to accept myself as I am. With acne.
Trust me…. I know it’s there, and I know you know it too.
So since we’re on the same page here please respect me and know that you bringing it up will only cause more pain even though I know you mean to help.
Can you do this for me?
Because you love me? Even though you want to help me SO badly, can you do that for me please?
Thank you for being you, and caring so much about me. I’m so lucky to have you in my life.
I can’t wait to grow into the person I’m meant to be & with your love and support I know I’ll get there.
Sincerely,
Your loved one.
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