🏆 Prepare for a dopamine dump of disbelief as we count down the planet's most gloriously unhinged attempts at fame, fortune, and feats of questionable sanity!

Welcome back to GO FACT YOURSELF, the podcast that fearlessly dives headfirst into the internet's deepest rabbit holes and emerges with a Top 10 list so mind-blowing, it'll make your brain do the Macarena! 🕺 This week, we're strapping ourselves into the chaos machine for a wild ride through the “Top 10 Guinness World Records So Deranged, They Should Be Illegal (But Aren’t)”! 🚫 From self-stapling savants to fingernail nightmares and enough bees to trigger a global allergy alert, we're ranking the records that make you question humanity's life choices (and Guinness's approval process!). 🤔 Get ready for jaw-dropping facts, cringe-worthy commentary, and the burning question: WHO. HURT. THESE. PEOPLE?! 🤕 This isn't your grandma's fact show; it's a glorious celebration of the spectacularly strange, the wonderfully weird, and the "did-that-really-happen?!" moments that prove the human spirit is alive and…well, definitely something. 🚀 Join us as we count down the definitive list of record-breaking ridiculousness:

* #10: The Man Who Stapled Himself into History! 🧷 Meet Joel Miggler, "The Human Pincushion," who earned his spot in the Guinness World Records by embedding a staggering 4,745 staples into his own body in just 60 minutes!. That's roughly one staple every 0.76 seconds!. Sources include the official Guinness World Records site, a Vice Germany interview, and Ripley’s Believe It or Not. Skills on the resume: "Advanced office supply proficiency"?.

* #9: Longest Fingernails — A Horror Story in Keratin! 💅 Brace yourselves for Lee Redmond, the woman whose fingernails grew to a combined length of over 28 feet!. She started this thirty-year journey in 1979. Imagine the logistical nightmares! 😨 This keratin catastrophe was documented by Guinness World Records, the Washington Post, and in a 2008 interview with Lee Redmond. Eating Cheetos? Apparently a war crime.

* #8: Fastest 100 Meters on All Fours! 🐒 Witness the pinnacle of…de-evolution? Japanese runner Kenichi Ito mastered primate mimicry to sprint 100 meters in a blistering 15.71 seconds…on all fours!. He spent years studying monkeys. Sources: Guinness World Records, BBC Earth, and the Japan Times. Charles Darwin is facepalming in his grave.

* #7: Heaviest Mantle of Bees! 🐝 Prepare for the buzzkill! Ruan Liangming of China set the record by letting 637,000 bees crawl over his body, resulting in a "bee suit" weighing over 135 pounds. He endured over 2,000 stings. Documented by Guinness World Records, The Guardian, and CCTV footage. Honey-flavored violence, indeed.

* #6: Longest Plank Ever Held! 💪 Your gym selfies just became irrelevant. George Hood, a 62-year-old former Marine, held a plank for an unbelievable 8 hours, 15 minutes, and 15 seconds. He burned an estimated 4,252 calories in the process. Sources: CNN, Guinness World Records, and a Men’s Health interview. We can't even hold a conversation that long.

* #5: Largest Gathering of People Dressed as Smurfs! 💙 In 2019, a German town turned into a blue lagoon with 2,762 people dressed as Smurfs. Guinness strictly enforced the no non-Smurf colors rule. Reported by BBC News, Guinness World Records, and Euronews. Papa Smurf was probably ecstatic, neighboring towns? Less so.

* #4: Largest Collection of Traffic Cones! 🚧 Meet David Morgan from the UK, the ultimate cone-isseur, owning over 137 different traffic cones. His collection has even been featured in museums. Sources: Guinness World Records, The Telegraph, and a David Morgan collector profile. Single-handedly disrupting global road safety inventory.

* #3: Most Big Macs Eaten in a Lifetime! 🍔 Prepare for a cholesterol conundrum! Donald Gorske has consumed over 34,000 Big Macs since 1972 and is still kicking (and apparently has normal cholesterol!). He keeps every receipt and box as proof. Documented by Guinness World Records, Inside Edition, and the documentary "Super Size Me 2". Ronald McDonald is shedding a single tear of pride.

* #2: Fastest Time to Eat a Bowl of Pasta! 🍝 Blink and you'll miss it! Michelle Lesco from the U.S. slurped down a full bowl of pasta in a mere 26.69 seconds. She also holds other competitive eating records. Sources: Guinness World Records, Major League Eating, and a Vice interview. Somewhere, an Italian nonna just spontaneously combusted.

* #1: The Man With the Most Body Modifications! 👽 Prepare to have your perception of "modified" redefined. Rolf Buchholz from Germany boasts a staggering 516 body modifications, including 453 piercings and numerous implants. He even has horn implants and magnetic fingertips and was banned from Dubai. Documented by Guinness World Records, BBC News, and Rolf Buchholz's official site. TSA screenings must be a joy.

Don't forget the Fact Blast Zone!: A mohawk over 42.5 inches tall [Guinness World Records], 46 toilet seats broken by the head in one minute [The Independent], over 9,000 rubber ducks in a collection [NPR], a marathon run in 2:59:33 dressed as a vegetable [Guinness World Records], keeping a football controlled with the soles for 7 hours and 19 minutes [Guinness World Records], a 76-year-old covered in ink [Guinness World Records], and dragging a table with someone on it for 38 feet…with teeth [Guinness World Records]!.

Tune in to GO FACT YOURSELF this week for an episode so unbelievably bizarre, it's practically a public service announcement for the wonderfully weird corners of human endeavor! 🎧➡️🔥

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gofactyourself.substack.com

Welcome back to GO FACT YOURSELF 🎙️, the podcast that fearlessly chronicles the Top 10 lists the world never asked for but desperately needs! This week, prepare for a deep dive into the annals of astonishingly poor decision-making with TOP 10 DARWIN AWARDS OF WEAPONIZED STUPIDITY 🏆🧠💥! Forget your doomscrolling, we're about to enter a whole new level of "oh no they didn't!" Join us as we celebrate (and slightly judge) those magnificent (and monumentally dense) individuals who made groundbreaking contributions to natural selection. Get ready for jaw-drops 😲, uncontrollable laughter 😂, and a creeping sense of existential dread 💀 as we explore the crème de la catastrophic – the moments so unbelievably idiotic they've become legend. This isn't just a list; it's a testament to the savage sense of humor of evolution itself.

Buckle up buttercups, because we're counting down the Top 10 People Who Proved Natural Selection Has a Savage Sense of Humor:

#10: The Guy Who Tried to Rob a Gun Shop… Armed with a Knife 🔪🔫. Spoiler alert: everyone in a gun store has guns! In 1990, a brave (read: misguided) soul thought a knife was sufficient weaponry to storm a Shreveport, Louisiana, gun shop demanding cash. The clerk, owner, and seemingly every customer present disagreed… vehemently. Local police described it as "the most lopsided firefight in history," with one knife versus at least six firearms. Commentary: This man learned the hard way that “bringing a knife to a gunfight” isn’t a metaphor — it’s an obituary.

#9: The Lawyer Who Proved Windows Aren’t Bulletproof… With His Face 🏢🤕. Gravity: undefeated since forever! In Toronto, lawyer Garry Hoy decided to impress some interns by demonstrating the "unbreakable" nature of his skyscraper office windows. His method? Hurling himself against the glass. Surprise! It popped out, and down he went 24 stories. Jaw-dropping fact: He had done this before, multiple times, and survived! It wasn’t the glass, but the frame that failed him. Commentary: "Your Honor, I rest my case... and myself, apparently".

#8: The Jet-Assisted Chevy Impala Rocket Car 🚀🚗💥. NASA, but make it NASCAR! An Arizona man with a need for extreme speed strapped a JATO (Jet-Assisted Take Off) unit to his '67 Impala to "see how fast it could go." He definitely found out… right before meeting the side of a cliff. Estimated final speed? Over 300 mph before transforming into a fireball of American ambition. Commentary: It’s like Wile E. Coyote wrote his own eulogy.

#7: Death by Vendetta Vending Machine 🍬<0xF0><0x9F><0xA7><0x8E>💀. The snack strikes back! In 1988, a frustrated teenager in California decided to take his anger out on a stubborn vending machine, shaking it for a candy bar. Turns out, gravity has a vendetta too. The 900-pound machine toppled, crushing him. Jaw-dropping fact: That’s about the same weight as a grizzly bear that’s been specifically trained to hate you. Commentary: Technically, this was the first recorded human defeat in the great Human vs. Vending Machine war.

#6: The Homemade Bungee Jump Without Actual Bungee Cord 🌉 रस्सी❌💀. Measure twice, tie once, plummet immediately! In 1997, a group of thrill-seekers in Virginia attempted DIY bungee jumping. The crucial step of measuring the rope? Overlooked. The rope's length equaled the height of the bridge. Ouch. Jaw-dropping fact: Their “safety system” was literally hardware store elastic rope. Commentary: Physics is not a suggestion, people.

#5: The Zoo Visitor Who Wanted a Selfie with a Tiger 🐅🤳🚫. Nature’s version of “read the room”! In 2014, a Delhi man hopped a zoo fence with the bright idea of "shaking hands" with a Bengal tiger for a selfie. The tiger obliged with the handshake… and then some. Jaw-dropping fact: Bystanders reported the man was "talking to the tiger like it was a friendly cat". Commentary: Plot twist: the tiger did not want to go viral.

#4: The Farmer Who Used His Beard as Rope 🧔🌾💀. Chin up. Or not! In 2010, Hans Steininger, holder of a Guinness-record-winning beard over 4.5 feet long, learned a hairy lesson. While leaning over a farm machine, his prized beard got caught. Jaw-dropping fact: He had reportedly refused to tie it up because it was "his pride". Commentary: It’s giving Cousin Itt... but fatal.

#3: Death by Grenade Selfie 💣🤳💥. “Say boom!” In 2017, two Russian men stumbled upon a live grenade and, in a stroke of genius, decided selfies were the priority over calling the authorities. They pulled the pin. Jaw-dropping fact: One of their final texts read: "Look, it’s going to explode in my hand!" (Spoiler: it did). Commentary: Darwin himself is doing backflips in his grave over this one.

#2: The Lava Tourist Who Wanted a Closer Look 🔥🚶‍♂️💀. Hot takes, taken too far! In 2018, a Hawaiian tourist ignored multiple warning signs and lava barriers because he needed that perfect Instagram shot of the Kilauea volcano flow. He slipped, fell in, and became one with the lava. Jaw-dropping fact: His last recorded words were, "It doesn’t look that hot". Commentary: Sir, it’s lava. It is literally the Earth’s death juice.

#1: The Explosive Funeral Pyre DIY Disaster 🔥🪵💀. Ashes to ashes… and a lot more ashes! In 2015, an Australian man decided to build his own Viking-style funeral pyre. His method involved dousing a woodpile in gasoline, lighting it, and standing way too close. Jaw-dropping fact: The initial explosion reportedly vaporized his eyebrows and launched him 30 feet — directly into the flaming wreckage. Commentary: To be fair, he did get a Viking funeral. Just... prematurely.

So there you have it, the TOP 10 DARWIN AWARDS OF WEAPONIZED STUPIDITY! Tune in next week for more mind-blowing lists and reality checks, only on GO FACT YOURSELF! Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and tell your friends (especially the ones who need to hear these stories)! We interrupt your regularly scheduled gene pool…. Remember, Darwin is watching!

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gofactyourself.substack.com

Prepare for a reality remix where sheer incompetence sculpted civilization! 🤯 Join the truth-bomb squad at GO FACT YOURSELF for a hilariously hazardous countdown of the Top 10 Times People Accidentally Changed History… Just by Being Absolute Morons! 🤣 We're not talking strategic genius; we're talking epic face-plants, monumental brain farts, and decisions so bad they looped back around to become… history! 🤦‍♀️ From pork-fueled international incidents 🐷 to fashion fails that froze an army solid 🥶, and mind-altering mishaps courtesy of Uncle Sam 🇺🇸🧪, get ready to question EVERYTHING you thought you knew! This isn't your grandma's dusty history lesson; this is the unvarnished, unbelievably idiotic truth that shaped our world! Perfect for trivia titans, history buffs with a sense of humour, and anyone who's ever sent an embarrassing text! 😂 #AccidentalHistoryMakers #HistoryOfStupidity #EpicFailsInHistory #MindBlowingFacts #FunnyHistoryPodcast #TopTenList #GOFACTYOURSELF #WTFHistory #HilariousFacts #PodcastRecommendations

Here's the unbelievably true and ridiculously consequential countdown:

* #10: The War That Started Over a Pig: 🥓 Did a rogue pig almost trigger a war between two global superpowers? Absolutely! In 1859, a British pig with a taste for American potatoes led to a 12-YEAR MILITARY STANDOFF between the U.S. and Britain on San Juan Island, featuring 461 American troops and five British warships… all because of one very delicious (and ill-fated) pig. Talk about a historical ham-fiasco! 🐷🇺🇸🇬🇧 (Sources: "The Pig War: Standoff at Griffin Bay" – San Juan Historical Society, National Park Service Records (nps.gov), “War Over a Pig” – BBC Archives (2001)).

* #9: The Man Who Saved the World by Ignoring His Job: ☢️ In 1983, Soviet Lt. Colonel Stanislav Petrov received an alert that the U.S. had launched FIVE NUCLEAR MISSILES. His orders were to retaliate. His reaction? “Nah.” Turns out, his gut feeling (and a glitchy Soviet early warning system misreading sunlight) prevented global nuclear war! He got a scolding for the paperwork though. 📝🤦‍♂️ (Sources: “The Man Who Saved the World” – RT Documentary, National Security Archive, George Washington University, The Guardian, Sept 2017 Obituary).

* #8: Napoleon’s Army Was Destroyed… by Buttons: 🪡🇫🇷 You thought the Russian winter was brutal? Try fighting an invasion with your pants falling down! Napoleon’s Grand Armée of over 600,000 soldiers dwindled to less than 100,000 in part because their TIN BUTTONS DISINTEGRATED in the sub-zero temperatures due to “tin pest”! Imagine the logistical nightmare of a pants-optional invasion! 👖🥶 (Sources: “Napoleon’s Buttons: 17 Molecules That Changed History” – Le Couteur & Burreson, JSTOR: "The Tin Pest Phenomenon in Napoleonic Uniforms" (2003), The Chemical Heritage Foundation Archives).

* #7: The CIA Accidentally Gave LSD to an Entire French Town: 🤯🇫🇷 In 1951, the residents of Pont-Saint-Esprit went on a collective, unplanned acid trip courtesy of the CIA's MKULTRA PROJECT! People thought they were planes, bakers were jailed for murder, and it took decades for the town to recover from this “curious incident.” 🍞➡️😵‍💫 (Sources: “A Terrible Mistake” by Hank Albarelli, CIA Archives – Project MKULTRA Declassified Docs, Le Monde, “La ville folle,” 2002).

* #6: The Man Who Won the Nobel Prize for Creating the Deadliest Thing on Earth… By Accident: 💣 Alfred Nobel invented DYNAMITE while trying to stabilize nitroglycerin. Oops! Realizing his explosive blunder, he felt bad and used his fortune to create the Nobel Prizes. Talk about an expensive "my bad"! 💥➡️ Nobel 🥇 (Sources: "Alfred Nobel: The Man Who Invented Peace" – Swedish Academy Archives, "The Nobel Prize: A History of the Famous Prize" – Nobel Foundation, “The Accidental Merchant of Death” – History.com).

* #5: The Scientist Who Made the Best Invention Ever… By Getting His Own DNA Wrong: 🧪🦠 Dr. Alexander Fleming’s accidental discovery of PENICILLIN came from a petri dish left out and contaminated with mold in 1928. Millions of lives saved thanks to… scientific sloppiness! ⏳➡️💊 (Sources: “Penicillin: Triumph and Tragedy” – Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine, “Alexander Fleming: The Man Who Accidentally Changed Medicine” – The History Channel, Nature Archives: Fleming’s Nobel Award).

* #4: The Man Who Accidentally Invented the First Rocket Fuel… in His Backyard: 🚀💥 Robert H. Goddard, the father of modern rocketry, started his journey by BLOWING THINGS UP IN HIS BACKYARD with no idea he was paving the way for space exploration. His first rocket barely left the ground before exploding! 🔥➡️ 🌙 (Sources: “Goddard: Father of Modern Rocketry” – NASA History Collection, “The Rocket Men: Goddard’s Legacy” – Smithsonian Magazine, “Rocketry and the Road to the Moon” – NASA Oral History Project).

* #3: The Entire War That Was Caused By Someone Misunderstanding A Greeting Card: 💌💣 The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand sparked World War I, but the lead-up involved a POORLY TIMED LOVE LETTER AND ONE MAN’S BAD MOOD. Could one missed piece of mail have averted a global conflict? 🤔➡️🌍💥 (Sources: “The Origins of World War I” – Cambridge University Press, “The Assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand” – History Channel, "How Sarajevo Changed the World" – National Archives of Europe).

* #2: The Man Who Ended a Civil War With One Bad Joke: 😂🇺🇸 After the American Civil War, an unnamed Confederate soldier’s BAD JOKE about the war being technically over went viral (1865 style!) and helped bring the remaining resistance to an end. Sometimes, laughter is the deadliest weapon! 🤣➡️🤝 (Sources: “The End of the Civil War” – American Historical Society, “Humor and Reconciliation” – Journal of American History).

* #1: The Accidental Invention of the Internet, Courtesy of Some Guy's Insane Cold War Scheme: 💻🌐 The internet? Turns out it wasn't about global connectivity; it was about one guy, Paul Baran, at RAND Corporation in the 1960s, who was TOO LAZY TO FOLLOW THE RULES for creating a nuke-proof communication system and accidentally invented distributed data packets! Laziness truly is the mother of invention! 😴➡️📱 (Sources: “The Origins of the Internet” – History of Technology Journal, RAND Corporation Archives: “Distributed Communications Networks”, “From ARPANET to the Internet: A History of Digital Innovation” – Wired).

Don't forget to subscribe to GO FACT YOURSELF for more mind-blowing top 10 lists that prove history is way weirder (and funnier) than you ever imagined! 😉

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gofactyourself.substack.com