God's Huntress

There were times when I thought I was two people. One night, I might feel like a four-year-old-child, alone and desperate; the next day, I was a graduated women, full of strength and emotion.

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com/2020/09/15/dr-jekyll-mr-hyde/

I have endured too much abuse at the hands of others because of my dissociative behaviors. Let me explain.

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com/2020/09/14/disabled-by-my-abilities/

“Who are you to tell our story? Incest is a family secret. You have no right to share it.” These are the voices of the clowns that try to impede my path to healing.

“You’re fat and you should worry about that! You’re sick because of what you came from; that will never change.” On and on, the mocking voices attempt to derail me.

My mother looked me in the eyes and said, “Good thing God made you beautiful because after all you’ve gone through, nobody would want to love you.”

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com/2020/09/12/the-clowns-of-mockery/

As a child and then as an adult, aloneness was my best friend. The world around me was so terribly unsafe, what other conclusion could I draw? What other form of reprieve could I seek?

When I was about eight, I created a safe play area in my closet. I turned my shelf over to create a stable, flat drawing surface.

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com/2020/09/11/the-chill-of-isolation/

When I was three, I had an attack that left me paralyzed for days. When that memory returned to me as an adult, it almost paralyzed me again. My emotional brain overtook my rational brain.

That’s where the boxing match began.

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com/2020/09/10/boxing-with-my-fear/

Of people pleasing, that is. You think if I were raised by people who held nothing but disdain for me, I would hate people. To the contrary, I’ve all too often kissed everyone’s ass.

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com/2020/09/09/the-accidental-overdose/