Guy Friends Podcast

In this episode:

A listener ponders that ancient riddle: is the act of scarfing hotwings an inherently unattractive act? Though basic politeness is the tangiest addition to any date night, the Guy Friends are not food-ist!

Is it possible that an innocent joke about communicable disease resulted in a gross miscommunication? Our friend razzes a date about the strep throat he gave her, and he disappears. Was her good-natured ribbing a dating Kiss of Death?

URGENT GUY FRIENDS ALERT: We’re throwing a two year anniversary party and hosting a live taping in the same awesome event! If you live in or near Chicago, or are independently wealthy, you should come out — we’d love to meet you!

Beyoncé - Drunk In Love (Lemi Vice x Action Jackson Remix (DJActionJackson) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

A listener used to hookup with a literal cowboy who moved off to Nashville and got married with someone he met that week. Yes, that’s right — that isn’t a country song, or a horrible joke. Two years later, he’s liking her selfies on Instagram. Is he trying to rustle up some lovin’ from another ranch?

Is sixty-nining two nights in a row enough to constitute one (1) sex? Does it matter? Fed up with the metric, U.S. customary, apothecary, and avoirdupois systems of measuring sexual units, the Guy Friends help you recalibrate your sex meters right down to the nanoflirt.

One Direction - Best song ever ( The Dam remix ) (Dam on Mars) CC BY 3.0

What's the deal with serial daters? A listener wonders whether those always-attached people seem justifiably creepy for a reason. The Guy Friends try to unpack the various dating styles that might make someone go straight for the soulmate.

We have feedback! Our friend writing in from the heart of Eastern Deciduousness has pulled the trigger on her nature preserve workplace romance, and needs a few more pointers.

And finally: buttholes. We've all noticed them. Some of us have even glanced at them. But are we glancing enough?

Night Drive (Skrillex & Ellie Goulding x Coyote Kisses) (DJ Topsider) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

A well-aliased listener bemoans her general lack of time and skill when it comes to dating. Overworked and unenthused, should she give up and lock herself away into academic hermitage forever? The Guy Friends insist that you don’t have to go deep undercover to enjoy even just the simpler positives of casual dating.

And a listener just started fanning the campfire with her workcrush… during their months-long posting at a nature preserve. Given that these lovers ain’t nothin’ but mammals, is there a particular way they should go about their business? While the situation calls for a little polite camouflage, the Guy Friends advise that she assert her dominance as leader of the pack.

Justin Timberlake, Ciara - Love Sex Magic - Bodhi Bootleg (Dance Rebels) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

A listener doesn’t know how to handle a smallish-crush-who-just-broke-up-with-someone-and-was-super-conversational-about-it-and-they-were-flirting-a-lot-but-then-at-a-party-her-friend-madeout-with-him-a-little-bit-and-now-he’s-texting-her-weirdly — one of those situations. How does one navigate out of the dreaded Weird Middle Area with workplace suitors? The Guy Friends suggest a map for avoiding it in the first place.

And when and how ought we be deploying the L word with our significant others? Tune in for a concise treatise on how this antiquated vestige of The Dark Ages offers nothing but turmoil. SHATTER YOUR CHAINS. UNYOLK THYSELF FROM THIS GESTURAL SLAVERY.

Kelly Clarkson - Catch My Breath (J.M. Skillz Remix)(Radio Edit) (DJ Skillz aka J.M. Skillz) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

How do you flirt with a feminist? How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? A ~DIAMOND LEVEL CONTRIBUTOR~ asks the Guy Friends for their perspective... if there is one. Are there any meaningful differences between an outspoken gynocrat and and anyone else? Though there's not a firm distinction to work with, the Guy Friends do have advice for when the subject comes up.

And a listener has been hooking-up with a Tinder catch who has been texting her constantly, and is thus far unfazed by a dreaded lack of penetrative vaginal sex. What's this guy's angle, and should she feel bad about not being in the mood for a touch of the ole' in-and-out? Is it possible that in a heap of swipes, she discovered the undiscoverable: an OK dude?

Avicii - Wake Me Up (Moises Naves Edit Remake) (Moises Naves) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

A listener asks the Guy Friends to give their critical readings on the Modern Romantic Comedy. Are these tales of finding fulfillment through meeting Mr. Right inherently misogynistic? What would a more empowering ”take on the genre look like? Be warned: don’t ask questions of the Cosmos if you’re not prepared for the answers…

On a partially related note, a listener asks the Guy Friends for their opinion on gender swap roleplay in the bedroom. How ought you navigate making your man into your Pretty Woman for a night? It may surprise you to learn which roles the Guy Friends consider experimental, and which are just another day at the races.

Kylie Minogue - Put Your Hands Up (Brian Cua Extended Pride Mix) (djbriancua) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

A listener was recently released from years of captivity and is ready to conquer the dating wilds! The Hunt is already decent, but our spearsister nevertheless wants advice on the etiquette of casual dating. How does one play catch-and-release with a variety of prey without endangering any wildlife? The Guy Friends advise staying focused on that day’s target.

Conversely, a date-turned-"friend" has shockingly betrayed his true feelings — again. What should one do about a guy who can't quite grasp a fade-to-friendship, or worse — chooses not to? Sometimes you just have to make like a drunk carpenter and drop the hammer! [What is this. Are you drunk again? — Ed.]

John Legend ft. Ludacris - Tonight (Best You Ever Had) (silent murda reggae remix) (Silent Murda) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

When is it appropriate to openly discuss all your ~*~flirt buddies~*~ with the person you're dating? Certainly some people wouldn't want to know about it — or have it happen at all (Happy Thanksgiving, PURITANS). So how would you broach the topic, if at all? And how do you gently let your victims know that there's a Real Person in your life? The Guy Friends assure you that at least one of these things is easy!

And not to toot our own horn... but someone wants to know when it's OK to fart in front of someone, so we talk about that, too.

Whitney Houston - it's No Right But It's Ok (GianMarco Nieri 2013 Bootleg Rmx) (GianMarco Nieri) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

It can be difficult breaking up with someone and untangling yourself from a relationship together. But what about untangling your parents? After ending a three-year relationship of heavy interfamily mingling, a friend of the podcast is getting foolishly-optimistic texts from her exes’ Mom pushing a potential relationship Renaissance. As seasoned parent-wranglers, the Guy Friends are full of tips on how to handle parents who just can’t get the message.

And a listener wonders: why did her friend’s ex bounce back from their relationship like an international playboy, only to come crawling back as an unintentional killjoy? Is there a distinct difference between men and women when it comes to coping with breakups? Or does an easier transition lie with whoever breaks the bad news?

Fantasy (Jason Derulo x Bruno Mars) (DJ Topsider) CC BY 3.0