In this episode:

Kickball league flirtations smoldered through the season, the playoffs, the pub, and on to… nothing. Now that the leaves are falling and the balls are all bundled up, is it too late to call this guy out of the dugout? The Guy Friends do what they can to help this listener kick it out of the park…

And a listener is concerned that she’s too chatty when she’s in bed with her Friend With Benefits. Is it bad that internal monologues (and fluids) are making their way out of the body unchecked? Or should our listener ease up on herself and open the verbal floodgates? The Guy Friends insist that, much like publicity, there’s no such thing as bad communication!

Body Party (Kiff Remix) (KiFF ) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

With Halloween closing in fast, The Guy Friends tackle the scariest, spookiest, creepiest subject of all: long term commitment. Spoooooooooooky!

How does a couple keep their Sex Life alive and throbbing after months — years even! — of monogamous sex-having? Despite a gentle paucity of firsthand experience, the Guy Friends do their best to provide a holistic model of sustainable sexin’.

And is it wrong to expect a long-term boyfriend follow you across the country in pursuit of your career? Should he jump on your wagon train, or is this relationship doomed to die of cholera? What is a reasonable expectation? What should you expect when you’re expecting to temper your expectations? The Guy Friends can’t have these conversations for you, but they can certainly provide a solid map for finding your way through the wildernesses of ~The Future~

Crime Side (Feat. Raekwon the Chef and MF DOOM) (LOWERCASE n) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

A very considerate listener wants to know about the proper etiquette when using that charm school staple: Tinder! Is it OK to be particularly picky? How high ought we be setting our expectations? Must we swipe our suitor with our pinkies up? PLEASE at least listen to the segment before you flick the Guy Friends to the left!

A new-ishly single listener has taken a liking to the clerk at her local fancy liquor store, but doesn’t know how to best…shake things up. Would pursuing the working man stir up trouble? Or should she order one straight up? Follow-up: will you ever respect us again after reading this blurb?

As always, let us know directly at (773) 234-BROS!

Britney Spears vs. Lady Gaga - If U Seek Me In Electric Chapel (mashandburn) CC BY 3.0

The Guy Friends were supposed to discuss how to gracefully cut a guy off after a date, but inevitably get bogged down in an ancient, already-answered question: is it better to send a break-off text, or send no text at all? Armed with updated points of view, the Guy Friends drunk text this question out of nowhere, at 2:27 AM, after 19 months of complete silence, are they kidding me right now?!

And a listener has been fooling around pretty consistently with a dude, yet he seems reluctant to dive into “P-in-V sex” (Note: “P” stands for “penis, and “V” stands for “vagina”). Why would he be hesitant in spite of her lustful encouragements? What could be the reason for his “Congressional staff” getting furloughed? [Guys, we need to talk. I can’t work like this -- Ed.]

Tiempo Remixes - Barry White - my first my last my everything (freestyleartistmanagement) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

A listener bemoans The Game. Vexed by texts. SMS stress. A reeeaaalll pain in the behind. Why won’t her booty call answer The Call of the Booty in a timely manner? The Guy Friends deliver a sobering lesson on paying your dues in the current sexual economy. Back in our day, you had to hike 10 miles just to see a broad’s ankle!

And how should we manage wealth disparities in our relationships? An enterprising listener is sick and tired of the unwashed masses, mewling and griping for handouts. She works for her money! Why should some freeloader get bailed out of a P.F. Chang’s check with her blood, sweat and tears?! Tune-in as the Guy Friends grow neckbeards to break their shackles.

Beyonce-Me Myself & I (Max Bateman Bootleg Remix) (Max Bateman) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

A listener wonders what a guy would do if she were to accidentally pee on him while orgasming. We... don't feel the need to embellish that any further. This isn't that kind of podcast.

And the Guy Friends address the oft-nebulous issue of first date apparel! It's no secret that Aaron has an eye for a more polished aesthetic, while Josh prefers to rely on his sense of humor and preternatural charm. But are there any common faux pas that the world needs to know about? Tune in to find the middle ground between hitting the runway, and your date running away [Clumsy. Is this the best we can do?? - Ed.].

Elvis Presley — Blue Suede Shoes (Dj Ons Bootleg)(Dj_Ons) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

How do you deal with a dude who lives with his Mom? How can a complete outsider best navigate this delicate ecosystem? Logic dictates staying at her place by default, but if one needed to take shelter in such an land, how would you avoid the dangers of separating a mother from her cub? The Guy Friends teach you to construct a crude hatchet out of your man’s childhood LEGOs.

And a dude is trying to rope a listener into a sneaky phone sex relationship via the time-honored Late-Nite Horny Facebook Message… or is he?

Big Pun - Not A Player (Mister Luke O'Hearn 'Sir Fuckalot' Edit) (Mister Luke O'Hearn) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

In the days of yore, we were taught of a sex act so amazing and hilarious that no other erotinumeric value could rival it. But do any Sexual Humans® actually practice the art of sixty-nine (69) in real-life? The Guy Friends contemplate the unsure future of this floundering institution and forge ahead to release version 69.2.0, codename "Sixty-Nine Siberian Tiger."

And a listener was offered an invitation to Iceland from a dude she's sort of seeing. Would a Yes necessarily imply a dip into the hotsprings of commitment? What if the invitation was originally meant for someone else? The Guy Friends ponder whether their relationship is becoming sweeter than snúður, or if it's as plain as cold hræringur…

Lorde - Tennis Court (Basscamp Remix) (Basscamp) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

The Guy Friends have to choose a male celebrity to bone, and do a miserable job at it! [I would like to take a moment to change my answers to Jon Snow, Ira Glass, and the food one from Queer Eye (he was always nice) -- Josh]

And when or how ought someone in an open, long-distance relationship reveal their status to potential suitors? Should they put it out there as early as possible, like in an online profile, or as conversation segues to an ask-out? Or should you wait as long as in-between your second and third children? How much need is needed to judge a need-to-know basis?

Katy Perry - Roar ( The Dam remix ) (Dam on fire) CC BY 3.0

In this episode:

We have questions about how to have sex in a loft bed, and luckily for basically no one, both of the Guy Friends are seasoned veterans and long-time members of the Six-Foot-High Club. Are there any pro tips before climbing the Stairway to Heaven™? Listen in for what to keep in mind during a rousing round of the ole' Sway N' Pray!

And a listener asks for advice on how to get invited to her Greek Orthodox boyfriend's Sunday dinners. Is it weird that she's never invited, even though they've been dating for five (sorta-dating for seven!) years? Should she perceive this as a snub, or is it just an ethno-religious institution that's not for outsiders, no matter how girlfriendly?

Usher-Throwback Bachata Remix (DJ RM) CC BY 3.0