Having It A.L.L.

In today's episode I'm talking about the importance of keeping the promises you make to yourself. As with many things in life, our ability to keep promises to others is linked to our ability to keep promises to ourselves.  If we break internal promises we're more likely to break external promises, both big and small. The idea of integrity is at stake here -- doing what you say you will do. Each time you don't keep a promise to yourself, you let yourself down. Your confidence is shook. You don't believe you'll be able to do it next time. And at that point you're sunk. Failing to keep a promise communicates that you don't value the person you made the promise to, which in this case is YOU. Failing to keep promises erodes trust. It messes with your self esteem, confidence, our experience of life. In short, there are many crappy consequences to failing to keep promises to yourself. Yet we continue to do it. For me, it wasn't until I became aware of (A) just how frequently I was breaking promises to myself, and (B) the impact that breaking those promises was having on my ability to keep my word with other people, that I truly started understanding the significance of my actions, and started making a change.  Here's how to keep more of the promises you make to yourself (borrowed from this blog article):

• if you can do the small, you can do the big (opposite is also true: if you CANT do the small, how can you do the big?)

1. Do it no matter what

• you may make excuses, rationalize not doing it, have 100 great reasons why something else is more important -- do it anyway

1. Hold same standard for others

 Notes from this episode:

In this episode I'm talking about an aspect of health and wellness that I don't think gets a lot of attention, and that's your relationship towards money. For 18 years I've had an incredibly disempowering relationship with my personal finances. I went years without looking into the state of my personal finances, dodging creditor phone calls, never checking my credit score, and blowing all my cash as soon as it was payday. What that got me was massive anxiety around just about anything money related. 

But things changed for me 2 years ago when I became very intentional about shifting my relationship towards money. 

Now, I believe that a healthy relationship towards and knowledge of your personal finances is vital to feeling like you have it all. Remember, A.L.L. stands for "Abundant Loving Life", and Life can be broken down to the 6 F's of: Faith, Family, Friends, Fitness, FINANCE and Fun. How can you have an abundant and loving relationship with Finance if you're afraid of it?

I'm sharing with you some of the mindset shifts that have happened with me that has ushered me down a new path in how I experience my finances and with what I'm attracting. I'm also sharing with you the tool that Sarah and I use to get out household finances in order and finally feel like we're adults who are on top of things!

Notes from this episode:

• The 7 Baby Steps in Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace

I'm coming clean in this episode and am sharing something I've been feeling for a little while now: I'm tired of working on myself.

I'm tired of feeling like I need to constantly improve myself, fix things, heal wounds, grow and transform. At the moment - and I stress that I understand this to be a momentary feeling and not a permanent state, but nevertheless - I feel the desire to unplug, get out of my environment for a bit, and live on a beach. Yes, I want to spend my days in the sun and sand : )

I'm sharing this for a few reasons: First, it's my truth and this show is all about transparency. So there's that. Second, because I know other people out there are feeling similar. You are feeling totally inundated with "self help" stuff. You can't open up your social media without seeing inspirational quotes and videos with dramatic music. You can't walk through a bookstore without someones guide to improving everything that's wrong with you being broadcast from a shelf. You can't hop into a podcast without people giving you tips for how you can "level up" and "hack" your life. I'm probably guilty on that one myself.

But if you're feeling the way I have been feeling lately, then this episode is giving you permission to vent, let it out, confess the mortal sin of feeling fed up with self help, and be a real person. 

In this episode I'm giving two examples of how your thinking impacts your ability to perform. I talk about the consequences on your body of holding loving and empowering thoughts versus fearful and scarce thoughts. And I challenge you to become more aware of the individual thoughts you choose to hold and replay in your mind that are influencing how you feel about yourself, others and life. 

Your thoughts have a huge impact on how you show up in life physically, emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually. The conversations you have in your head, the beliefs you hold about yourself, others and life, all impact your ability to perform. 

My examples today both come from the local gym I'm a member of, and I think gyms are a great place to illustrate the power of your thinking. In a gym, when stress is being applied to our bodies, we are presented with fantastic circumstances to become aware of our thinking and to experience the consequences of those thoughts.

If you hold negative, disempowering thoughts while you're body is under physical stress, you will most likely break under the pressure. In a gym this looks like not making it through an exercise, dropping the weights, screaming breathlessly. But when we hold empowering, loving thoughts, we're able to more easily tap into flow and stay in our power. If you haven't experienced it yourself then simply walk into a gym and observe the people around you. You will see many examples of people's minds dictating their output. 

In today's episode I'm talking about how important it is that you periodically take time to acknowledge how far you've come in your personal growth journey. So frequently we are caught up in the pursuit of whatever it is that we're going after -- peace, joy, greatness, self mastery, personal development -- that we neglect to realize how far we've come. We spend our time thinking about how much further we have to go, and totally disregard the tremendous amount of healing and growing we had to do to get where we are today. 

I give you a couple of personal examples that I experienced very recently where I had an opportunity to recognize growth: one example with my wife and one example with both my wife and myself. 

If you're listening to this show then I can safely bet that you have been doing some sort of "work" on yourself. It will look different to different people, but I'm confident that one of your personal goals is to be a better person today (however you define better) than you were yesterday. I think that's great and love the fact that you're into self improvement. 

But I feel that self improvement needs to come with context and a point of reference in order to be truly appreciated, and to not simply become something that you're pursuing without knowing the end in mind. 

I share you with you stories and experiences in the hope that you will take something away from them that you can apply to your life. We're all connected, we all experience the same emotions with different catalysts, and in recording this episode I'm giving myself permission to stop and recognize my own healing and growth. 

Notes from this episode:

In today's quick fix I let you know why you need to learn to love and get excited about life's hardships

--- Rough episode transcript ---

If you’re listening to this podcast then I know that you’re into improving yourself and truly stepping into your badassness, and I can bet that you’ve been practicing. Maybe it’s meditating or journaling or being grateful or facing your fears or practicing humility. Whatever it is, this message for you.  WHEN SHIT HITS THE FAN IN LIFE, WHICH HAPPENS AND WILL NEVER STOP HAPPENING UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD, YOU NEED TO BE PSYCHED ABOUT IT! Hear me out. You’ve been doing all of these things to improve yourself. You’ve been finding your strength, uncovering your gifts, revealing your mission and purpose. You’ve been practicing getting organized and being compassionate and having courage. You’ve been listening to podcasts and reading books and attending retreats and buying courses. All of these things have been your training, and none of it matters when life is going smoothly. When life is great and everything is working out in your favor and the tides are rising, you’re not asked to be courageous and humble and intelligent and mature.  It’s only when shit goes south, when life smacks you in the face with circumstances, that your training is put to the test. So, you have to start relating to life’s circumstances as GAME TIME! Seriously. When you create a fender bender on the way to work, or your kitchen floods, or your kid does something dumb and gets arrested, or your baby won’t stop crying, or your partner is withholding love — THAT is when you will really get a chance to see how far you’ve come. It’s in those moments that all the reps you’ve put in reading and meditating and working on yourself matter.  Because when you’re able to respond differently to a situation that you’ve responded to the same way your whole life, you’ve just won and you’ve stepped your game up just a little bit. So get excited when things go south, because it’s in these moments when you actually have an opportunity to grow.  As I say all the time, HAVING IT ALL is about your relationship to life and what it serves up, so next time you’re presented with a circumstance that sucks, remember that’s it’s an opportunity to grow into a greater version of yourself.  That’s it for today. Check out the show notes for this episode for links to the music. You can find them at Fireside Network.com.  Keep the emails coming. I appreciate them. You can hit me up at [email protected]. If you got something from today’s episode then I’d really appreciate a review on iTunes. Just search “Having it all” and you’ll find it. And I’m out! 

I 100% believe that you are a winner!

I'm not talking about in the blow smoke up your ass self help type of way.

You are winning at the games you're choosing to play in life.

Some of us are playing the game of VICTIM, others are playing the game of being BROKE, others are playing the game of NOT VALUING THEMSELVES.

What games are you winning at in life?

---- Rough Transcript ----

 I watched the College Football National Championship game last night between Clemson and Alabama. Great game, had everything you want in sports: drama, great plays, last minute heroics. Half of the players and fans enjoyed the outcome of the game, half hated it. Reminded me that we are all winning at the games we're playing in life. Here are some common games that we play:

 I’ve certainly won at that game. In my past, I’ve won at the game of “Life doesn’t want me to experience massive joy” I’ve won at the game of “You’re not smart enough, strong enough, clever enough, sexy enough to have the life you want” I’ve won at the game of “You will never experience the abundance that you seek” I’ve certainly won those games. But you know what, someone else can keep those trophies because I’m through with that! These days I’m playing different games:

 SO what games are YOU winning at? And are you enjoying the spoils of your triumphs? If not, why the hell are you still playing them?

In today's episode I'm giving you two new beliefs to wear on for when the stuff hits the fan in your life. If you've ever felt like life keeps dealing you a raw hand, that you keep on being served up trial after trial, and that the next challenge seems bigger than the last, then you want to pay attention!

A while ago I was handed two new beliefs to try on for when circumstances arise. Beliefs are like t-shirts, you can try them on to see how they fit. Keep the ones that work for you and put them on again whenever you need them. Or discard them if they don't work for you. That's the great thing about beliefs, they are abundant!

The things I'm talking about today will help you remain in your power when adversity comes your way. 

--- Rough Transcript ---

This week I was presented with circumstances that trusted my Faith. Faith is TRUST + SURRENDER. My basement flooded, destroying some things I had stored down there, and knocking out my hot water. Not the worst situation in the world, but definitely something that I could at one time have made a big deal over. 2 beliefs I’ve adopted that help me deal with circumstances of all sizes:

The way I chose to relate to my circumstance absolutely impacted how it ended up. People went out of their way to fix our basement for us. They got us a hotel, came over after hours and stayed late into the night in the freezing temps to fix our issue. 

The situation was 100% impacted by how I chose to view and respond to the circumstance. 

It all comes down to your relationship to the circumstance and your response to the circumstance. 

Bonus episode today. This episode is all about being intentional on how you want to experience 2017. It's about mindset and creating the context for how you will approach circumstances that come at you in the next year. It's probably the easiest activity you can do to get clear on how you'll have it all next year.

I was getting my mind focused on 2017, who I wanted to be, what I wanted to experience, and what I wanted to create in the year, and it got me thinking about my word for the year.

Last year my word was "Creation" and I did a whole lot of that during the year. My wife and I created life and welcomed our daughter Maya in September. I created multiple businesses and products. I launched 2 podcasts - this show and Doing It At Home (my home birth podcast with my wife). I created new friends and created new experiences with old friends. I also created countless opportunities to practice humility, surrender, and patience.

This year my word -- well actually my phrase -- is BEAST MODE. To me that means being bold, courageous, fearless and loving. It's the mindset I will have as I step into the fire and uncomfortable circumstances. It's the person I will be in the most important roles in my life. It's how I'll approach business and creating new opportunities.

So what is your word for 2017?

Email me at [email protected] and tell me your word. Or use the contact form on www.MatthewBivens.com. 

The theme music from this episode is called Love by maxzwell - https://soundcloud.com/maxzwell/love