Having It A.L.L.

This episode was inspired by a conversation I had with my father. Like many topics I cover in this podcast, my own life is the testing ground where I attempt to choose LOVE over FEAR, and share with you the things I've learned. 

Today I'm talking about the importance of knowing what your center is - the lens through which you see the world and relationship that shapes your values, thoughts and behaviors. 

There are many different centers you can have. You can be Spouse centered, Money centered, Family centered, Work centered, Possession centered, Pleasure centered, and more. 

Each of these centers has a consequence. The person who is Spouse centered, for example, feels secure when their spouse treats them well, and insecure when they don't. The person who is Money centered derives their sense of self worth from their net work. 

Each center carries with it a way of looking at and relating to the world. 

As you can see by now, these centers are incredibly important because they shape how we see the world.

Quick note: the centers I'm referring to come straight from Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People. 

In this podcast episode I share with you a consequence of being Family centered, and how relationships hinge on not only knowing your loved ones center, but also understanding how those centers shape how they perceive the world and how they prefer to be treated. 

What you'll hear in this episode:

The self improvement game is, many times, a public one. Spiritual, physical, mental and emotional self work can all be done in the open or with a group of people. And with group meditation and yoga and other similar things really taking off these days, one could buy into the idea that self improvement is a public act. 

But there's something so much more important than the things we're DOING to improve our relationship to our selves, others and life, and that's who we're BEING. 

I've talked about Doing vs Being on the podcast before, but today's topic takes it a degree further. Today I'm going in on the question: Who are you when no one is watching?

So, I ask YOU -- when you're alone, in your secrecy, with no one watching and no one holding you accountable except for yourself, who are you? How do you treat yourself? What allowances do you give yourself? What language do you use to describe yourself and those around you?

The way you answer those questions reveals more about your true state of being than other more outward displays of wellness. 

It's said that you have between 40,000 - 60,000 thoughts per day. If you were to categorize each as a LOVING thought or FEARFUL thought, what would your ratio be?

What you'll hear in this episode:

On today’s episode we explore another EPIC CHALLENGE!

This time I’m sitting down with my great friend Sandy Chambers as we explore her current challenge: Who do I need to be to feel powerful, healthy and light in my body, and graduate to the Intermediate playing field in the YourDay Balance Game*?

Sandy holds nothing back as she shares why she considers this challenge EPIC, the feedback she received about how she can power through her epic challenge, and the actions she has taken to heal and grow.

Some of the things we discuss in this episode may not be for young ears. We talk about some grown folks stuff here!

The YourDay Balance Game is a world class health and fitness game that is governed by balance and love. The YourDay Balance Game (YDBG) has three dimensions (Fitness, Lifestyle and Consciousness) and each of these three dimensions can be measured (through the Gameday, Balance Chart and COI respectively). The fitness assessment (Gameday) measures body composition, strength, endurance and flexibility. There are 5 levels in the Gameday (Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced, Pro and All Star) with the requirements and exercises in each growing in difficulty as you progress. Sandy is currently a Beginner player in her Gameday, and a major part of her current Epic Challenge is who she needs to be to graduate to the Intermediate level.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

There’s a fundamental belief that separates the people who feel like they have it all from the people who don’t, and that’s the belief that you have the power to CHOOSE.

It’s all about CHOICE. That’s the difference maker.

People who feel in their heart and soul that they have it all, have made a conscious choice to feel that way. They’ve literally decided that they can have it all in life, and subsequent choices aligned with the core belief.

My guest today is a powerful example and evangelist of that belief!

Heather Gray’s business name says it all: Choose To Have It All. Sounds sort of familiar, huh?

Heather is an executive coach, working with entrepreneurs and business leaders who have achieved that EXTERNAL success - you know, the great career, fat bank account, titles behind their name, but that success has come at the expense of their internal well being. What Heather does is she helps them have the lifestyle and wealth that they want, but also the personal fulfillment that they truly desire.

If you’ve read Stephen Covey’s landmark book The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People, then you may remember that Habit #1 is “Be Proactive”, and that the essence of that habit (the major takeaway) is CHOICE. Proactive people are aware of their ability to choose: choose their response to circumstances, choose their relationship to themselves, others and life, and choose their level of joy and peace in life.

That’s the recurring theme in my conversation with Heather.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

Today's podcast was inspired by an email I received from a listener.

Her situation is something that I think many of us can relate to, and it has to do with RELATIONSHIPS.

Situation: you're in a relationship, it ends for whatever reason, you feel hurt/betrayed/wronged, you do some soul searching, learn a few things about yourself, seek out and find a new relationship, get hurt/betrayed/wronged all over again, and wonder "Why this keeps on happening to me"

Sound familiar?

I'm proposing that you don't need to do more soul searching, meditating, or any of that stuff. What you need to do is develop relationship standards where you get crystal clear on the type of person you will ALLOW into your life (or your bed!) and stick to your damn standards!

The less than healthy relationships you have are due to a lack of accountability and STANDARDS around them.

What you'll hear in this episode:

This episode is all about FAITH, but not in the most widely used sense. I’m talking about having supreme confidence and trust in someone or something.

I look at faith like this: FAITH = TRUST + SURRENDER.

On Sunday September 11th, Sarah and I welcomed the birth of our daughter Maya. Through that experience I both witnessed and practiced the most humbling amount of trust and surrender that I have in my life thus far.

Sarah surrendered to her body, to the labor waves, to her coaches. I trusted in our preparation, in the team we assembled, and in my ability to support.

Witnessing what I can only describe as pure faith on the parts of everyone involved, I began to think about the other areas in my life where my personal faith is lacking. Where I’m failing to trust someone or something, and where I’m fighting for control rather than surrendering.

This episode is all about faith, trust and surrender. I briefly talk about Maya’s birth experience, but spend the bulk of the episode diving into what it looks and feels like when we lack faith in our lives.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

Since January 2014 my wife and I have been a part of a weekly accountability group called a Circle Of Influence (COI). A standard part of each COI meeting is to cover one person’s Epic Challenge.

Through sitting in dozens and dozens of Epic Challenges (some of them my own), over the past 2.5 years, I’ve experience just how transformational of a process it can be when a person is willing to explore a stuck area in their lives, open to receiving feedback that’s coming from a loving and honest place, and willing to act (or not) on the feedback to impact their growth.

I wanted to bring the power of the Epic Challenge to more people, and that inspired this brand new series in the podcast where we will be diving into people’s Epic Challenges!

First up is Larry Nichols. Larry is a great friend of mine and a true source of inspiration for me and many others. He has an incredibly big heart and does not hold back on pouring love into everyone he meets, from lifelong friends to strangers on an airplane. He’s just one of those people with an infectious smile that makes you think, “Why is this man so happy??”

In this episode Larry talks with me about his current Epic Challenge, which centers on two things: how his current work aligns with his passions, and his ability to maintain his personal integrity in everything he does.

Larry’s challenge is incredibly relatable to anyone who has questioned their job or the business they are in, and who has searched for meaning behind the work they do.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

You've probably heard sayings like"What you think you become." (Buddha) and "What you focus on expands." (T. Harv Eker).

They are great and make for awesome social media quotes and refrigerator magnets.

But I think the fact that they are used (perhaps overused today) so much has watered down the impact of the message.

The things that we choose to focus our time, energy, thoughts and resources on, grow and multiply and become more real for us.

We can all conjure up examples of this in our lives. It doesn't take much mental effort to do.

But I know that for at least myself, I don't take it to heart enough, and I wonder why it may be hard to shake feelings of frustration, sadness or resentment. 

It's because I'm focusing on them, instead of the amazing things in life!

This episode was inspired by an Epic Challenge that a friend of mine brought into our accountability group and received feedback on. Part of her feedback was that "the things you focus on expand", and it hit me in a powerful way because of the place that I was in at the time. 

In this episode I talk about the Epic Challenge feedback, discuss examples of things that I've been focusing on that have expanded in my world, and provide some solutions for creating and experiencing more great moments and less sad moments.

What you'll learn in this episode:

By now you might have heard of the Tony Robbins documentary “I am not your guru”. It’s been making its way around Netflix and the internet. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend you give it a watch!

Well, I checked it out the other day and can honestly say that few other documentaries have inspired me as much as this one.

It wasn’t Tony Robbins who inspired me. I love his approach to personal transformation. I love how raw and real he is. I love his boldness and that he’s not afraid to call people on their bullshit. All of that makes for some compelling tv!

But no, it wasn’t Tony who inspired me.

Instead, I was inspired by the people in the documentary who recognized their opportunity for breakthrough, and boldly stepped into it.

This happens a handful of times in the documentary, and each time it’s amazing to watch them process the situation, become aware of their breakthrough moment, analyze the risk/reward, confront the terror that comes up, and take ACTION!

This episode is about what it really takes to experience a breakthrough in your life. To get unstuck. To start experiencing things in a dramatically different way. It takes action. It takes movement. It takes getting out of your head and getting into your heart and doing something that you know to be the best move for you, but scares you shitless.