Does choosing more wisely with a future partner require that we fully process why we chose poorly in the past?

Meet Esther Goldstein, a New York based LCSW and trauma therapist, or as I now see her, the trauma therapist’s therapist. Based on an article she wrote entitled The Allure Of The Dangerous Man, I reached out to ask Esther about healing after traumatic relationships, and whether forgiving oneself for accepting hurtful behavior is a requirement before we can trust ourselves to choose better next time. 

On this week's podcast, we explored how much of feeling safe is about the partner we choose, versus re-trusting ourselves. How does a trauma therapist differentiate between a person who has healed from, versus a person who has internalized, the abuse? Goldstein has thoughts on all of this and more….and it’s no surprise she is not the kind of therapist who will sit and nod at her clients. She dug deep into a childhood family tragedy and how it affected her willingness to face deep pain.

Many of her clients are the therapists themselves. And according to her philosophy, a therapist can only take their client….as far as she has been willing to travel herself.